Author's Note: This is my take on Edward's version of the some of the events that take place in Stephenie Meyer's New Moon. It is a retelling of large portions of the book, albeit from Edward's POV. Due to this, all dialogue and conversations from New Moon for which Edward and Bella are present together, have been faithfully incorporated exactly the way they appear in Stephenie Meyer's brilliant work of fiction. Please see my disclaimer below.
By the way, I truly appreciate the feedback I have received so far. Please keep it up. I especially do want to know if you read anything in my chapters that is out of character. I'm trying to get into Edward's head, and live his emotions, understand what makes him tick.
This 6th Chapter is called "Proposed". It's again pretty long. This was once again done out of necessity. Unlike chapter 5, I did not follow the chapter naming convention from "New Moon" where it is called "Vote". I did this for the following reason: While the actual vote matters most to Bella, and therefore the name of the chapter makes perfect sense from her POV, what I think matters more to Edward is the marriage proposal he extends to her. In my imagination, after the vote at his house, he slowly comes to terms with the fact that he won't be able to change Bella's mind. She is determined to join his family, to be changed into a vampire herself. Edward is looking for time. And then, though his reason for proposing comes out of his own, purely selfish, desire to secure her hand, he hits on the one thing that delays her. I had fun putting myself in his shoes, fleshing out how I thought he would react. I also thoroughly enjoyed myself writing the confrontation between Bella and her father, for which Edward is eavesdropping from the closet.
As before, this chapter is still based as closely as possible (I hope) on emotions, scenes and information gleaned from Stephenie's novels, her website, and other information readily available on many sites dedicated to the Twilight series.
Disclaimer: Please, let's all be very clear on this: This story is simply fan fiction. All rights to the Twilight series, the books, the characters, and anything related to Twilight, are exclusively owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I have nothing but the utmost respect for this undeniably brilliant writer, whose amazing stories have completely and irrevocably sucked me into the Twilight Universe. I cannot even hope to come anywhere near her incomparable talent for story writing.
Thank you for your interest. For those of you who have been following this story, I am working on the final chapter, the epilogue. It will be much shorter (I think), and will be called "Warned".
6. Proposed
I was seething with disapproval, but there really was no further point to arguing with her. I took Bella into my arms, and sprang from her window, carefully landing on the ground, in order not to jostle her.
"All right, then," I said, displeasure coloring my voice, as I helped her onto my back. "Up you go." As soon as her arms and legs were securely locked around me, I took off towards home. Bella's chin rested on my shoulder, her cheek against my neck. I was momentarily distracted again by the feeling of her skin against mine.
While I ran through the nighttime forest, I was plotting, guessing at how she would present her case to my family, and what their response would be.
I was fairly sure that Alice would agree with Bella, and Jasper would follow Alice's lead, as he always did. I also had a pretty good idea how Rosalie would vote. She absolutely hated this life, her immortality, and clung with obstinacy to her human memories. Her jealousy of Bella, and her petty irritation with me for choosing Bella over her, would also be a factor in my favor. Emmett was much easier to please. He'd had no problem adjusting to the new life he had woken up to, and liked having Bella around. He would probably vote for her. So would Esme, most likely. She looked at us as her children, and loved us all fiercely. She'd been ecstatic when I fell in love with Bella.
That left Carlisle. His abhorrence to violence, and his reluctance to condemn anyone else to this half-life, someone who had another choice, was a huge factor in my favor. But he also loved Bella, and knew how much I needed her. I didn't know how he would decide.
The threat from the Volturi certainly wasn't what Bella thought it to be. If she had pinned her hopes on that alone, I had a good argument to sway the vote towards my side. Her silent mind would prevent Demetri from tracking her, like it had protected her from Aro and Jane.
But either way, it should be my decision whether Bella would join the family as one of us, and I was strongly opposed to it. Even if Carlisle were right; but I had no proof of that, and her soul was far too important to me to risk on faith alone.
Out of the blue, Bella pressed her soft lips on my neck. "Thank you," I said, thrilled that she had initiated the kiss, perfectly aware that it was for the first time since our reunion. "Does this mean you've decided that you're awake?" I teased her.
Bella laughed, and the sound of her laughter was a symphony in my ears. "Not really," she said. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."
"I will earn your trust back somehow," I muttered. "If it's my final act."
"I trust you," she replied. "It's me I don't trust."
"Explain that, please," I said, confused. She didn't trust herself? What did that mean?
We were almost at the house, so I slowed down and started walking.
"Well," she said slowly, "I don't trust myself to be... enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."
She really didn't see herself clearly at all. The ties with which she had unwittingly bound me to herself would never resolve on their own. I stopped walking and gently pulled her off my back to face me. I hugged her tightly to my chest. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I said softly. "Never doubt that."
Before she could contradict my statement, I tried to distract her with a question she hadn't answered yet. "You never did tell me...," I murmured in her ear.
"What?"
"What your greatest problem is," I finished
"I'll give you one guess." She sighed, and touched the tip of my nose with her finger.
I hadn't thought of that, but I nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I said bleakly. "I guess I've earned that."
She rolled her eyes at me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."
What could be worse than that? I waited anxiously for her to continue, staring into her eyes.
"You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria... they're nothing compared to that."
Fresh anguish flooded my frozen heart, my face distorting in pain at her words. I had hurt her so deeply, so completely. Had lost her trust, to the extent that she didn't believe me at all anymore; her already low self-esteem in tatters on the ground. She still thought I would leave her again.
"Don't," she whispered, touching her fingers to my face. "Don't be sad."
But how could I not be? I intensely regretted all the pain I had put her through, regretted it like nothing else I had ever done. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you," I whispered fervently, silently willing her to really hear the truthfulness of my words. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."
"Okay," she replied. How much time would need to pass before she truly realized that I couldn't live without her?
"So – since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" Bella asked lightly.
I laughed, though I was still wrestling with the guilt and shame. "Your things were never gone," I said. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."
"Really?" Bella said, sounding very pleased.
I nodded, cheered by her reaction to this revelation, half a smile on my face, my mind still struggling to come to terms with the extent of the pain I had caused her.
"I think," she slowly said, "I'm not sure, but I wonder... I think maybe I knew it the whole time."
"What did you know?" I asked her, slightly confused.
"Some part of me, my subconscious, maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."
I was stunned. "Voices?" I asked, my tone flat, trying to figure out what she was talking about.
"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story."
Her tone made me instantly wary. This was not something I had gotten a glimpse of from Alice, which made me believe Bella hadn't shared this particular experience with my sister. And if Bella had kept this to herself, it probably wasn't anything I would approve of or appreciate. "I've got time," I said, making my voice as even as possible.
"It's pretty pathetic," she said. I couldn't imagine so, but waited silently.
"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked.
Her little stunt at the beach. She'd almost drowned. "You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said, my voice without inflection.
"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle..."
"Motorcycle?" I fought to keep my voice calm, seething underneath the surface at this new revelation. What else had she kept from Alice?
"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."
"No." I could hardly wait to find out. Hadn't she promised to do nothing stupid or reckless?
"Well, about that... See, I found that....when I was doing something dangerous or stupid...I could remember you more clearly," she admitted. I listened, too shocked to say anything.
"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly, I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – I twas like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt. And well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."
If my heart hadn't already been dead and frozen, it would have stopped right there, as I listened to her explanation. I could barely get the words out of my mouth. "You... were...risking your life...to hear..."
"Shh," she interrupted. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."
I was still too anxious to move. She had put herself in danger to imagine she was hearing my voice? Of all the foolish, ridiculous reasons, this was why she had done all those stupid things? Nearly drowned in the ocean, just to hear my voice in her head? A very small, but entirely insensible part of me was rejoicing, just to think that the sound of my voice was that important to her. That she loved me that much. I banished the thought.
"Oh," she said.
"Bella?" I prompted, wishing for the umpteenth time that I were able to read her mind.
"Oh. Okay. I see."
"Your epiphany?" I couldn't take the suspense any longer.
"You love me," she said, with conviction in her voice.
Oh. She finally understood. Finally believed. "Truly, I do," I smiled at her, relieved that, at last, she had figured it out. Yes, I loved her. Always. Forever.
And then I reached for her face, and kissed her with all the passion and love I felt for her. When her heartbeat became too rapid, I pulled away and leaned my forehead against her, breathing harder than usual myself.
There was one more illustration I thought she needed, though telling her made me feel a little awkward. "You were better at it than I was, you know," I started by giving her credit.
"Better at what?"
"Surviving," I explained. "You at least made an effort. You got up in the morning , tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was... totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I grinned at her self-consciously, letting my love for her shine out of my eyes. Would she think me insane? "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that too," I teased.
"I only heard one voice," she corrected me. I laughed, and pulled her against me.
We were almost at the house. I refocused on why we were here to begin with. I wanted to get this family meeting over with and get her back home. "I'm just humoring you with this." I motioned towards the house, determined to make it clear that it was my vote that counted. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."
"This affects them now, too," Bella replied. I just shrugged, unconcerned.
We entered the house through the open front door. I turned on the lights so Bella would be able to see. My family was upstairs. I called them down. Carlisle, having heard us enter, rushed down the stairs.
"Welcome back, Bella," he greeted her, smiling. "What can we do for you this morning. I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"
Bella nodded at him. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."
"What's this about, Edward? Alice already told us about the commitment she gave the Volturi. Is that why you're here?" I looked at him, my face passive, and nodded once.
"Of course," Carlisle replied to Bella. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"
The rest of my family was coming downstairs as well, as Carlisle led Bella into the dining room, turning the lights on in there as well. He held out a chair for her at the head of the table. His usual spot.
Esme entered the room, followed by the others. Carlisle had sat down on Bella's right, so I took the chair to her left. If I was reading her face correctly, she was nervous, and I wanted to be able to hold her hand, while she presented her case. Not that it mattered what she would tell them to convince them to agree with her. This was not something in which they would have a say.
They all sat down, Alice grinning at Bella. I saw that she already knew what Bella was there for, having seen it as soon as Bella had made her decision to come here. Annoying.
Emmett and Jasper were curious, as was Rosalie. She actually smiled at Bella, timidly, still grateful to have gained forgiveness for her petty actions. I wondered how long that would last.
"The floor is yours," Carlisle nodded at Bella. I took her hand in mine, and lightly squeezed to calm her nerves, while looking fiercely at the members of my family. This was not their decision. Besides, I had an ace up my sleeve Alice knew nothing about.
"Well," Bella began, "I'm hoping that Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"
"Everything," Alice confirmed Bella's question.
"And on the way?" Bella continued. I knew the meaning behind the look she threw at Alice.
"That, too," Alice nodded.
"Good," Bella said. "Then we're all on the same page."
Silence. They all looked at Bella expectantly.
"So, I have a problem," Bella began her explanation. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.
She looked at everyone around the table, starting with Carlisle, ending with me. "And so, now this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." I grimaced. Rosalie was already furiously trying to catch my eye, yelling pleasantries at me in her head. I tuned her out for the moment, paying attention to what Bella was saying, waiting for my chance to refute her argument.
"But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."
"Of course, we want you." Esme opened her mouth to speak the words, but Bella noticed and stopped her. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then... I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."
I looked at her in disbelief. Was she deranged? Did she really think I would let her go back to Volterra? I felt a growl building in my chest, but I choked it back. It sounded like she was almost done. And then it would be my chance to set the record straight.
"Taking into account, then," Bella continued, "that I won't be put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." Having laid the issue on the table, figuratively, she gestured to Carlisle.
My turn. "Just a minute," I injected quickly. Bella glared at me. I raised my eyebrows and squeezed her hand again. "I have something to add before we vote." Bella sighed. I suppressed a grin. "About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued, "I don't think we need to be overly anxious. You see," I said, enthusiastic now, looking around the table at the expectant faces, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I grinned at my family. Alice was skeptical. "Which was?"
"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason," I continued. "When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. You remember Demetri?" I glanced at Bella. She shuddered in response.
"He finds people – that's his talent, that's why they keep him," I explained. "Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the... flavor? I don't know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiment, well..." I shrugged.
"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella finished my sentence. I was feeling very smug. "I'm sure of it," I said. "He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."
"And how does that solve anything?" Bella asked, petulantly.
"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and then I'll hide you," I replied a little arrogantly. I had to admit to myself that I was really enjoying this, in a self-satisfied way. Bella's little plan wasn't going to work. I would make sure of that. "They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack."
"Awesome!" Emmett grinned at me. I glanced at him and grinned back.
"But they can find you," Bella tried again. I had an answer for that, too.
"And I can take care of myself." I was grinning openly now. Emmett laughed.
"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with his usual enthusiasm. He was already looking forward to the possibility of a fight. I smacked his fist with my own.
Pessimistic as usual, Rosalie hissed. "No." "That's not an option. I won't let you risk Emmett's life on your asinine plan."
Bella agreed. "Absolutely not."
Jasper was appreciative, primarily due to the military precision with which I had thought out my counter plan. Jasper looked at a lot of things from that perspective. "Nice," he nodded.
"Idiots," Alice muttered. "Edward, you are insane. By the way, your little plan doesn't change anything. See?"
That sobered me. Her vision hadn't changed. In her mind, Bella was still very pale, hard as stone, her fiery-red eyes shining. Why wasn't it changing? Damn it! It had to change!
Esme glared at me. "Edward – please? Haven't I worried enough about you?"
Bella composed herself, straightening up in her chair. "All right, then," she said, pretending to be nonchalant. I suppressed another grin. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."
She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"
My eyes were hard, because I knew my response would hurt her. I tried to soften the blow. "Not that way. You're staying human." Of course I wanted her. I wanted this beautiful girl forever, with every fiber of my being. But not at this cost. Not if destroying her soul was the price I had to pay to keep her. It just wasn't an option.
Bella nodded once, her face unreadable. I didn't think she was surprised to my answer, but I couldn't tell. She moved on to my sister. I tensed, though I knew what Alice would say.
"Alice?"
"Sorry, Edward. I know you don't agree. But I love her and I want her around. And I did promise. I can't go back on my word."
"Yes," Alice replied, with a glance at me.
"Jasper?" Bella asked.
"Edward, I have to go with Alice on this. I'm sorry." He felt my anger, my anxiety, and he knew my reasons, but he chose to follow Alice's lead. I had known he would.
"Yes," Jasper said. Bella looked surprised for a second. I realized she didn't know that Jasper was with my family only for Alice. Wherever she went, he would follow.
"Rosalie?"
Rosalie bit down on her lip, hesitating. "I hate this life. How can she want this?"
"No," she answered. "I wish I'd have had this choice. She's choosing wrong."
Bella's face was calm; she was already moving on. For once, Rosalie put her usual egotism aside and considered Bella's feelings."Let me explain," Rosalie pleaded with Bella. "I don't mean that I have an aversion to you as a sister. It's just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."
Bella nodded slowly, and turned to Emmett. My brother didn't look at me, but I knew his answer. He wasn't bothered by the limitations of our existence, and he really liked Bella.
"Hell, yes!" he grinned, in his straight-forward way. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."
Bella grimaced and looked at Esme.
"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of the family." I had expected this, too. Esme was extremely pleased with my relationship with Bella. She loved Bella for loving me.
This was it. Bella turned to Carlisle.
"Edward...," he thought. "There's no other practical solution. I'm sorry, my son." He looked at me with concern.
No! I had been counting on Carlisle to refuse her, sure that his aversion to changing anyone who had another choice, would prevail. I'd been wrong before. His was the vote that was going to count more than the others. A growl built in my chest before he even spoke.
"Edward," he said. "No," I growled, my lips instinctively curling back over my teeth. No. No. Damn it, no!
"It's the only way that makes sense," he insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."
No. NO! I let go of Bella's hand, and jumped up from my chair, marching into the living room. I was snarling under my breath, completely irritated at having failed with my brilliant plan, and enraged with what I perceived to be a betrayal at Carlisle's hands. I was so furious I wasn't thinking straight. The vicious need to destroy something was overwhelming.
"I guess you know my vote," I heard Carlisle tell Bella with a sigh.
"Thanks," she mumbled. I saw her staring after me in Carlisle's head.
Damn it, damn it, damn it all. I needed an outlet for the violent forces that were coursing through me. I ripped the brand-new flat screen off the wall and tore it in half. Emmett would be pissed. I didn't care. Destroying the damn thing didn't make me feel any better, though.
"Well, Alice," Bella said. "Where do you want to do this?"
"She wants me to do this now? I can't..." Alice was panicking. She'd never bit a human. I saw the picture in her head. Bella, white, lifeless, drained of blood. "Edward, help me..."
This was downright insanity. Bella had completely lost it. "No! No! NO!" I charged back into the dining room, roaring with outrage. "Are you insane?" I yelled in her face, my expression ferocious. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"
Bella cringed away from my fury.
"Um, Bella," Alice piped up, her anxiety evident in her voice. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare..."
"You promised," Bella glared at her. "I know, but … Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how not to kill you."
"You can do it," Bella retorted, always so unconcerned with own safety. "I trust you."
I snarled furiously. Bella's trust was completely misplaced. I had seen the vision in Alice's mind. She would kill her.
Alice shook her head, her thoughts wild. "I can't, I can't..."
Bella looked at my father. "Carlisle?"
Would the insanity never end? I grabbed Bella's face by the jaw, and forced her to look at me, holding up my other hand at Carlisle in a feeble attempt to stop him from giving Bella what she wanted. He ignored me.
"I'm able to it," he answered her. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."
"Sounds good," Bella mumbled through my grip.
The vision in Alice's head instantly changed with this new decision. Bella was once more exquisite. And immortal.
Frantically, I thought of anything else I could do to prevent this from happening. "Delay her," shot through my mind. I went with that.
"Hold on," I said through my teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."
"There's no reason for it not to be now," Bella immediately retorted. Such reckless obstinacy. Ugh!
"Delay!" I thought again. "I can think of a few," I told her.
"Of course you can," she retorted, her voice sarcastic. "Now let go of me." I released her face, and folded my arms.
"In about three hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police." Ha! Let her argue with that!
"All three of them." Bella frowned. She was silent for a moment, looking deep in thought. I wished again that for just once I would be able to hear what she was thinking. What was she plotting now? What else would she come up with to reach her goal?
I pressed on with my point. "In the name of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house." This would give me a few extra months during which I would work to get her to change her mind. "Or come to terms with her choice," said a small voice in the back of my mind. I ignored it.
This time, Carlisle backed me up. "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he told her.
She pursed her lips, and I was momentarily distracted at the sight of her puckered mouth. "I'll consider it."
Having gained her agreement, I was able to relax, and I unclenched my teeth. My fury slowly faded. "I should probably take you home," I said, thinking of the time. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."
She looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?" she asked.
"You have my word," Carlisle replied. I choked back a sigh, grimacing.
"Okay," Bella said, and with a deep breath, turned back to me. "You can take me home."
I wanted to get Bella out of my house before she could gain any further concessions from anyone else, but thought sheepishly of the demolished TV in the front room, and decided to take her out the back door instead.
As we walked out the door, I could hear Emmett moving to the front room to turn on the TV. "What the hell...?
Time to start running. I would deal with the fallout from my earlier rage later. Emmett didn't really need the TV, did he? I was still upset enough to feel a little spiteful.
I secured Bella on my back again, and made the short trip to her house, all the while plotting my next steps. Bella was quiet while I ran.
Delaying her conversion had worked so far, and still seemed like a good idea. I wished that she would change her mind, but I wasn't very hopeful. Her stubbornness made that unlikely. What other incentives to wait could I give her?
I dashed up the front of her house, through the window, and put Bella on her bed. Charlie was still snoring in his room.
Pacing across her room, I considered my current dilemma. Alice's visions had been very consistent, always returning to an immortal future for Bella. Could I accept this future that Alice kept seeing? Could I allow Bella to risk her soul, fueled by my own selfish yearning to keep her forever, if that is what she truly wanted? What could motivate Bella to delay, to give herself time, to change her mind?
If I gave her something in return, perhaps. I could her ask if there was something else she truly wanted, something for which she would delay changing into a vampire. That might be worth a try. But what if she asked for something I wouldn't want to give her? Couldn't give her, for one reason or another? Risky, very risky. Then again, was there really something I wouldn't want to give her? I couldn't think of anything.
Bella had been watching my pacing silently, suspicion more and more evident on her face. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she said.
"Shh," I told her. "I'm thinking."
"Ugh," she groaned and threw herself back on her bed, pulling the quilt over her face. I was having none of that, and flashed to her side, lying down beside her. I pulled the cover back and gazed into he eyes, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face," I said with a smile. "I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." I had missed her terribly in the last seven months, and suddenly my desire to truly keep her forever overrode any other emotion. I would let Carlisle change her. But I still wanted her to wait.
She stared back at me, and I decided to go ahead. "Now... tell me something," I said.
"What?" she asked, still looking very suspicious.
"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?" I asked her, watching her face carefully for any emotion that might give me any kind of hint as to what she was thinking.
"You," she answered, skepticism evident on her face.
But she had me for as long as she wanted, so I shook my head quickly. "Something you don't already have."
She thought for a moment. "I would want … Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."
I hadn't thought of that. I kept my face composed, my mind already running through the ramifications of her answer. Could I do that? I had drank her blood once, during my desperate attempt to save her last year, sucking out James' venom after he bit her. I had somewhere deep inside me found the strength to overcome the urgent, irrepressible need the taste had invoked, had been able to stop myself. So, yes – I was certain that I would be able to control myself again, especially considering the most recent change; the scent of her blood no longer made my throat burst into flames, having instead been reduced to a muted burn. If this was what she truly wanted – me changing her – how could I deny her?
Maybe it would buy me some time. I decided to take a gamble. "What would you be willing to trade for that?" I asked her.
Her answer was instant. "Anything."
I smiled a little at her answer, satisfied that I had discovered something I could use to achieve a delay. "Five years?"
Her face became a mixture of horror and chagrin. I could guess at a reason for either. "You said anything," I reminded her.
"Yes, but... you'll use the time to find a way out of it." She knew me well. "I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but that."
I frowned. Maybe I had asked for too much time. I made her another offer. "Three years?"
"No!" Her answer was quick and decisive.
"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I asked, wondering if I had been wrong about how much she wanted this, after all.
"Six months?"
Not likely. I rolled my eyes. She would have to do better than that. "Not good enough."
"One year, then," she relented. "That's my limit."
I tried again. "At least give me two."
"No way," she protested. "Nineteen, I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."
It seemed like asking for time wasn't going to work. Hmm. What else, then?
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Alice's vision of Bella, in a long, white dress, walking towards me on her father's arm, floated in front of me. The instantaneous yearning to have this vision come true was intense, overwhelming, all-encompassing. I loved her. I wanted to marry Bella, wanted to secure her hand, have her belong to me forever. The feeling was so consuming, so overpowering, I no longer had a choice. I would give in. I would give her what she had asked for. Allowing Bella's change, risking her soul in the process, would be the most selfish act I would ever commit. I would have to live with that, but it would be easier to endure than living without her.
But would she want to marry me, too? Would she agree, if I promised to give her what she wanted in return? No time like the present to find out. I swallowed my fears and put my silent heart on the line.
"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition," I told her.
"Condition?" Bella asked, her voice without inflection. "What condition?"
Watching her carefully, I spoke very slowly. "Marry me first."
She stared at me, seemingly frozen. I couldn't breathe. What would her answer be? "Say yes, please say yes," I chanted in my head.
"Okay. What's the punchline?" she finally said. I was instantly hurt. She thought I was joking?
I exhaled. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."
"Edward, please be serious," she said. But I was. I had never been so serious about anything in my life – my entire existence. I wanted to marry this beautiful girl, who had captured my heart so thoroughly.
"I'm one hundred percent serious," I replied, gazing into her eyes.
"Oh, c'mon," she said, her voice high. "I'm only eighteen."
"Well, I'm a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down," I retorted. Bella looked out the window, avoiding my eyes. "Look," she said. "Marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."
"Interesting choice of words," I mocked her. Kiss of death, indeed. Bite, more appropriate, for our situation.
"You know what I mean," Bella replied.
Did she truly think that marriage was a worse option than giving up her soul to become one of us? That marriage, something that people dissolved daily all over the world, required a larger commitment than an eternity as a vampire? I suppressed a snort, and took a deep breath instead. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," I said, bitingly.
"That's not it exactly," she dodged the question. "I'm... afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."
I'd only Bella's mother once before, but I couldn't imagine she would prefer the other choice. "Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married," I said with a mocking laugh. Was Bella serious?
"You think you're joking," she retorted.
I realized that I had stumbled, without meaning to, on the one condition that would slow Bella down. Delay her. As long as she didn't decide to run off to Carlisle, and I was pretty sure I'd be able to prevent that.
"Bella, if you compare the commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your sould in exchange for an eternity as a vampire..." I was shaking my head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then..."
"Well," she interrupted me. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"
I knew she was bluffing. "Sure," I said. "I'll get my car."
"Damn it," she muttered. "I'll give you eighteen month."
"No deal," I grinned at her. "I like this condition." And that was an understatement.
"Fine. I'll have Carlisle to it when I graduate."
"If that's what you really want," I shrugged, my smile huge.
"You're impossible," she groaned. "A monster."
I chuckled. "Is this why you won't marry me?" She groaned again in response.
I was shameless at this point, and tried persuasion. It had worked in the past. I leaned forward and stared deeply into the melted chocolate of her eyes, letting my breath fan across her face. "Please, Bella?" I whispered. Please, please, please say yes. Say you will marry me.
She shook her head quickly. I suddenly realized I had gone about my proposal in a very untraditional way. I didn't even have a ring for her. With me.
"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked her, chagrined at this inexcusable oversight.
"No! No rings!" she almost shouted.
Across the hall, Charlie stirred, waking up. "Now you've done it," I said quietly. Bella understood instantly. "Oops."
"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I said, resigned. I didn't want to leave. She hadn't accepted my proposal yet.
I could no longer hear Bella's heartbeat. Her face was horrified. I guessed the reason immediately. She didn't want me to leave, either. The idea terrified her.
I was terrified that her heart had stopped. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I asked her.
Bella's heart restarted with a loud thump. I choked back a sigh of relief. "No," she whispered. "Stay. Please." I smiled at her, went into her closet, and settled in to watch.
It took a minute or so for Charlie to open Bella's door. "Morning, Dad."
"Oh, hey, Bella," he replied. "I didn't know you were awake."
"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I was watching her through Charlie's eyes, so I saw her trying to get out of bed.
"Not so fast."
"Hold on," Charlie said. I heard him flip on the light. "Let's talk for a minute first."
Bella grimaced. I wished I could sit beside her and help her face Charlie's anger. Justified anger, of course, but it made me anxious that she had to do this alone. Like I wasn't protecting her. And then I silently laughed at myself. This was Bella's father. He loved her almost as much as I did. He wasn't going to hurt her. I was such an overprotective fool.
"You know you're in trouble," Charlie said.
"Yeah, I know."
"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how... how...." Charlie was choking on the words. He had imagined all kinds of horrifying scenarios while Bella was gone.
Charlie sucked in a breath, and continued. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"
Bella sat up, glaring at Charlie. "Because I won't go."
Charlie's face was turning red. I couldn't see it, but I could feel the heat radiating into the room. "Now just one minute, young lady..."
Bella interrupted him. "Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."
Charlie's anger flared higher. He took a few deep breaths. "Would you like to explain where you've been?" I realized we had forgotten to ask Alice how to explain the Italy excursion, what with all the earlier mayhem. I should have remembered that, but I had been a little eager to get Bella out of my house at the time.
"There was... an emergency." I supposed you could call it that. Bella took a deep breath, and exhaled with force. Charlie waited silently.
"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff..."
Charlie's heart stopped and restarted. The heat had left his face instantly. I was sure he was white as a ghost. I took this reaction as an indication that he wasn't aware of Bella's little stunt on the cliffs at First Beach. She probably shouldn't have mentioned that to him.
"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Bella said, sounding like she was choking on the words. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset." That was a somewhat inaccurate way of phrasing it. Upset wasn't quite the word I would have used to describe the insane grief, anguish and guilt I had been feeling.
"She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to... L.A., to explain in person." Bella shrugged.
I was a little awed by how closely she was staying to the truth. Not that there was anything "accidental" about Rosalie's call.
Charlie was not moving. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" He thought of her numbness, her disinterest in anything and everything during my absence, and the guilt at having caused this heartache rushed through me again.
"No, of course not," Bella assured him. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."
Charlie's face was heating up again, the fury radiating from every pore. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway," he barked at Bella. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word..." He was right, of course. I had done that. I felt ashamed at all the damage I had done.
Bella interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding." Not quite, but my silent heart swelled with gratitude at being forgiven by this wonderful girl.
Charlie was still angry. "So is he back then?" Yes, I was. And I wouldn't leave again. Ever.
"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are." My family had moved back to Forks in record time, and everything was the way it had been. Carlisle had already called the hospital and was starting back on Thursday. Everyone there had been very pleased that he was coming back. He'd told them some story about Esme not liking noisy, smoggy L.A., and that she's been missing the small town life. Alice and I were going to resume our classes from last year. We'd have to forge our transcripts, but that was already in the works. Jasper had a very good contact for these kinds of things in Seattle.
Charlie shook his head. I could hear the blood in his neck pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."
"Fine," Bella said curtly.
What? What did she mean, fine? Was she agreeing with him? Stay away from me? But... All my dreams, all my hopes crumpled in front of me. Pain shot through my frozen heart, and I could already begin to feel the return of the hole in my chest.
"Oh," Charlie said, sounding surprised. "I thought you were going to be difficult."
"I am," Bella was staring right into his face. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"
Oh. That's what she meant. The pain dissipated. It seemed I had overreacted just a bit – again.
"Dad, I don't want to move out," Bella continued, her tone much softer. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"
"That's not fair, Bella," Charlie relented. "You know I want you to stay." For as long as I could drag out the time until her conversion. I silently sighed. Bella wouldn't be able to see Charlie again afterwards. Or any of her friends. How would she cope with that? Had she even considered it? I really didn't want her to spend her remaining time with him in discord. I didn't want her fighting with her father.
"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am," Bella said, with confidence. My throat tightened at her words, and I was rejoicing. She loved me. She wanted me. And she knew I loved her, too. I would be by her side, no matter where she went.
"Not under my roof," Charlie shouted. It was probably a very good thing he didn't know I was in the closet, eavesdropping on this conversation. But I deserved his anger. I absolutely did. What I had done to Bella, and to Charlie by extension, was unforgivable, indefensible, and I was a very lucky man to have gained her forgiveness and retained her love.
Bella sighed. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."
Charlie was not placated. "Bella..."
"Think it over," she insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."
He wasn't happy, but he left, slamming her bedroom door and stomping down the stairs. I got out the closet and sat down in her rocking chair. Bella threw off her quilt.
"Sorry about that," she whispered.
"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."
"Don't worry about it," she assured me. She was gathering up her bathroom supplies and looking for clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" Her eyes widened in false alarm, mocking me.
I was surprised. "You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"
"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides...," she grinned at me. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"
My jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered. Though I would give her what she had asked for, I was still hoping for time. And she hadn't accepted my proposal. Yet.
"You know you don't really believe that," she said. I was stunned. What? Of course I believed that. That had been my main reason for not wanting to change her, for keeping her human. "Oh, I don't?" I retorted sarcastically. "No, you don't," she said, sounding absolutely convinced. I glowered at her. Perhaps she had lost her mind, after all. I was going to inform her of her error, but she cut me off.
"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead. But you didn't – you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right'." Her voice was exultant. "There's hope in you, after all."
I was speechless. Stunned. I didn't know what to say. I had said that when I had opened my eyes to see her in my arms, her beautiful face looking at me. When I'd thought I was dead. Did I have hope? That I had another shot at heaven, after all? That my soul had not been lost in the searing pain of my transformation?
"So, let's both be hopeful, all right?" Bella said. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."
Still dazed by her words, I slowly got out of the rocking chair, and walked over to her. I gently put my hands on both sides of her face and stared deeply into her eyes. It seemed I could see all the way to her ethereal soul. The love I felt for this incomparable girl, the only girl I would ever love, radiated through every pore in my stone body. "Forever,"I vowed. I would love her forever.
"That's all I'm asking for," Bella said. She stretched up on her toes, and pressed her lips to mine. I felt like the luckiest man alive.
