Chapter Four: Changes?

Today was utter hell.

During our work time, Scorpius refused to look at me, while I had children clamouring on to my lap when I sat down, demanding to know why my eyes were rimmed with red, though they had been accepting with my excuse of hay fever. It was a good thing that they had no idea what hay fever was, and that it was much too cold in the year to actually get it.

I was rather surprised at myself for being able to keep together for the next three hours. I had shut my mind from repeating the scene at the corridors, using all my focus into playing with the children and reading their stories extra enthusiastically. After they were in the Napping Room, fast asleep in their own little world, I had gone out of my way to avoid him. My Gryffindor courage had left me as soon as I had graduated out of Hogwarts.

Needless to say, I was drained by the time our shift was over. Emily was tactful enough to leave the questions at bay when I had tossed her my card with as much energy as the dead. Actually, the dead might've had more spirit in them than I had that moment.

I didn't bother to see if Scorpius was already gone- I figured, a bit too late, that it was better for me to stop involving myself in his business.

A sigh escaped my lips as I slipped further into the steaming bathtub, letting the hot water swirl around my aching body. What happened to my nice, normal life two days ago? Even on their worst days, I had always managed to come out in one piece. Now I was just frazzled. Frazzled and fried.

Scorpius. How could one guy make my world spiral out of control by merely entering it? When we had first met on the Hogwarts train, he had made a mark in my life. The shy little blonde boy had wanted to know some people before the Sorting happened, thus becoming friends with my cousin Albus and me. The three of us clicked immediately, despite the fact that he was a Malfoy and that he and Albus were Sorted into Slytherin while I was the oddball in Gryffindor.

Then when he left me in my fourth year, that's when my life went haywire for the first time- a foreign feeling at that moment, for I was so used to everything being so neat and predictable. I should've known that nothing in Hogwarts was routine; just about the whole school witnessed our horrid fight, all of them shocked that we could spew words so swiftly with venom dripping at every word. At last, he had told me that he wanted nothing to do with me. In my wrath of fury and anger, I had agreed immediately, turning away from him and stalking off back to the Common Room.

The next few months had been the hardest months in my whole Hogwarts life. A trio was now a duo, and I missed him terribly. At first, it was denial; who needed him? I could be strong without him… or that's what I had thought until denial was replaced with deep despair. The gaping hole in my heart grew bigger instead of healing, and I began to apologize. The apologies were brushed off with a cold shoulder in public, which had scarred me from humiliation and even deeper hurt, if that was possible.

Poor Albus was stuck in the middle, though eventually he chose to stick by me. I was awfully sorry for that, as he gave up on Scorpius' company to comfort me and stay by my side as much as possible.

Now Scorpius made another impact on me just by taking the same job as I did. I was really, really pathetic.

The same thing that I had called myself five years ago.

My head sank into the water completely, the sounds muffled and dulled. Maybe it was time that I changed. It meant throwing away who I was, but changes didn't necessarily have to be bad. I would lose a sense of security about myself, and I would be questioning myself and my new behaviour, but a little change never hurt anyone.

I splashed my face with the near-scalding water. I didn't want to think or feel for now. I just needed to lose myself for a moment. My mind was incoherent as my eyes started to close…

I was all too aware of the curious eyes that were feasting on our every movement, but I couldn't have cared less. I didn't care that Albus was trying to pacify us, I didn't care that Lily was look at us with wide eyes and a trembling mouth, I didn't care that even James was trying to restrain the both of us from jumping at each other; usually, he didn't care much for Scorpius. But something in our posture or voice must have seemed threatening towards each other.

"What the hell did you say?!" I yelled, furious at his remark. All the Weasleys, or people related to the Weasleys, were shooting Scorpius dangerous glares, but I knew that they wouldn't have done anything until the whole scene was over.

"All of you Weasleys are all alike!" He shouted back, his grey eyes steely as he met mine. Both of us had the same fire that was burning deep within ourselves. "Stuck-up and arrogant, idiotic and rash, not even realizing their stupidity!"

That was low. I felt a growl emit from me. I pushed James away from me roughly, catching him off his guard that he skittered to my right, dumbfounded. I didn't pay any attention him, my footsteps getting nearer to Scorpius. He didn't flinch away; in fact, he seemed to get closer to me too, his knuckles white from the pressure he was exerting on it.

"That's really strange," I said mockingly, refusing to drop our eye contact. Neither of us was going to stop this anytime soon. "I swear that that's what Dad told us about you Malfoys; vain and materialistic, selfish and prejudiced. Just like your father."

His mouth stiffened with rage, and I had to remind myself that he was taller and stronger than me. A low growl rumbled deep in his chest, and his eyes were rock hard, glaring at me. "Don't you dare talk about my father like that."

It wasn't smart to provoke him, but it was too hard to resist; it was my irrational, temperamental side taking over my brain, controlling every word I said to make them sting.

I ignored the sudden stab at my heart, glaring back at him. "I can talk about whoever I want, however I want." I retorted, snappy and irritated. He made a sound that sounded like disgust, turning away from me. His posture was still tense, close to losing his self control of hurting anybody.

"Starting from now, I'm going to pretend that we never knew each other." His voice was icy cool, enunciating every word. I felt my temper flare up again.

"Fine."

And before I knew it, both of us were stalking away to our respective Common Rooms. And when I had finally reached the Fat Lady, I realized that I was crying.

I woke up with a sob, startled at the sudden hit of the memory. The water around me was lukewarm, uncomfortable to soak in, and tears rolled down my cheeks in waterfalls. I tried to get a grip on myself. It's just a memory, I reminded myself, getting out of the tub. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around myself as I unplugged the bathtub, hearing the gurgling of the water going down.

My mind wasn't exactly… into anything as I walked out of the bathroom and got changed. It was still stuck in the past, reliving everything that I had fought to keep down. Every laughter, every glare, every uttered word of hatred… every single thought with Scorpius reopened healed wounds.

By the time I lay on the bed, holding Caddie close in my arms while breathing in her comforting scent, I had made my decision: I was going to change.

Somehow, that prospect didn't make me feel better.

------------------------------------

"Hi Ems," I said casually. She looked startled to see me; her mouth opened slightly, and her eyes grew wide as she eyed me carefully. I frowned- did I have something on me? I gave myself a brief once over, and realized that I was clean and spotless. She handed me my card, and I smiled in response.

"Why are you here?" She asked. She never meant it to be insulting, she was just merely curious. I made a face at her.

"I work here, remember?" I replied, leaning against her counter. She rolled her light brown eyes at me, fingers drumming against the counter top as she amended her question.

"I meant, why are you here early?"

I sighed. "I decided to take your advice and actually start waking up so that I can get to work on time."

She was gaping at me again. "But you're always on time!"

"Just barely," I argued, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ears. My hands found their way to my waist, and rested there. "Shouldn't this be the other way around? I usually say that I'm always on time." I grinned at her warily. She didn't look too happy.

"And what's with the blouse and long pants?"

I struggled to put an innocent act, though I was pretty sure that Emily would see through it. Her disbelieving eyes proved my thoughts right. Yet, I still went along with my facade. "I thought that wearing a blouse rather than a normal t-shirt would suit this job better, and right now, it's autumn. I can't wear shorts, unless I want to freeze my legs off."

I heard her mutter something like "Hasn't stopped you before", but I wasn't paying attention, so I wasn't so sure. There was a moment of silence between the two of us, which was rare, as we generally never stopped talking. I checked the clock behind her; I still had fifteen minutes left until it was time for my shift. I looked around the empty place- was it always this empty?

I started counting the random dots on the wall that seemed to be made by the children, my head throbbing slightly from all the focusing. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…

After one hundred and fifty three spots later, I gave up. There were too many every where, and I was bored. Emily was silently typing away at the key board on the desk. I didn't get why she needed the thing; magic usually fixed everything up in a jiffy without having technical problems. I glanced at the clock again- only five minutes had passed.

Before I could think of something to bug Emily with, the door opened, and the bell tinkled. We both looked up to see who interrupted our silence. Emily scoffed silently after seeing who it was, and I looked down again, trying to look disinterested, though another wound opened inside of me.

Scorpius strolled over to us, and I internally panicked. Why was he here so early? Did everyone come to work with plenty of time to spare, instead of being sane and sleeping until the last minute? He walked and halted next to me, waiting for Emily to stop staring at her computer to give him his card. He looked faintly surprised to see me, wearing the same expression as Emily did for a second, until his expression flickered back into the stoic mask.

After a whole round of throat-clearing on Scorpius' part, Emily finally stood up and tossed him his card. What does she have against him? I wondered, taking the scene in quietly. He also looked briefly annoyed at her treatment, but he walked away to the other side of the wall, leaning against it with his hands in his pockets.

If I had thought the silence between Emily and I had been awkward, this was a hell of a lot worse. My feet tapped against the tile floor nervously, until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Ready or not, I'm getting in there," I audibly growled, ignoring the two figures in the same room. Knocking swiftly on the door, I entered, escaping the world of pregnant pauses and into the realm of chaos.

Well, it looked like a tornado hit, again, though Darcy and John didn't look so tired this time. John had a pink handprint on his shirt and Darcy had a streak of green on her cheek, but they didn't have the tormented look in their eyes like yesterday. That was good.

"Rose?" Darcy sounded pleasantly surprised. John put two thumbs up, and mouthing, "You're not late!" I tried not to feel sore about the fact that everyone seemed to notice I wasn't running around today. The children stopped playing with paint, and eyed all of us curiously.

"I can help you guys, if you want," I offered. Behind me, I heard another person, most likely Scorpius, come in. "I mean, you only have five minutes until your shift ends."

The both of them shrugged. "You helping too?" John asked genially, and I assumed that he was talking to Scorpius. I turned around, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Might as well make yourself useful," I commented lightly. In less than a minute, the children were spotlessly clean, and the art supplies were stacked neatly on the shelves. Stretching, Darcy thanked us both.

"Have fun!" She said, and exited the room. Giving me a hug, John trailed after her. Now I was stuck in a room with Scorpius. I sighed, cursing Merlin. Why did he have to work during my shift, out of all the time slots available?

Oh right. It's because the world hates me.

I turned politely to Scorpius. "So, what should we do?"

He shrugged at me. "I don't know, we're supposed to entertain the kids, so I suppose we should do something to capture their attention."

No shit, Sherlock. "Yeah, so what should we do?"

I think he must have heard the dry tone in my voice, for he looked irked before replying back, "I don't know."

Merlin! If I wasn't trying so hard not to be me, he would've been hit in the face right now. Turning away from him, I faced the eager looking children. "Today, we're going to, ah, learn a song!"

Beside me, I heard Scorpius groan.

"I cannot, and I repeat, cannot believe you taught them our Hogwarts song!"

I rolled my eyes for the umpteenth time that day. He was still complaining, and I thought it was very unlike him to complain, though what did I know about him now? Tired of his tantrum, I turned on him.

"Just quit whinging and shut your yap!" I yelled, frustrated. "At least I did something rather than to stand around looking like a moronic fool!"

He really wasn't going to cooperate. His arms folded across his chest, and he had a sort of pout playing on his lips. "Well, I'd rather stand around looking idiotic than teach them a freaking song out of nowhere!"

"Oh yeah?! How do you think we'll look to their parents when the kids go home and say, 'Mum! Guess what? We learned how to stand around looking like gormless gnomes instead of actually doing anything!'" I deliberately made my voice an octave higher, glowering at him angrily.

"Nice imitation," he said, and I wanted to scream at him. I almost did too, except that my phone started buzzing, and I couldn't refuse calls, no matter who it was. Sending him one last dirty look, I flipped it open.

"Hello? Oh, hey Darcy! Oh no, no worries, my shift is already over. Hmm? No, no, it's fine, what do you want to say? Huh? Is Scorpius near by?" I looked at him, sternly telling him to shut up without actually using words. I didn't stop to see if he understood. "Yep, why? Oh, a party? In a Muggle bar? Today? Seven o'clock sharp, got it. What's the occasion? No way! Okay, spill later, I'll tell Ems too! Congrats! Bye!"

I didn't bother looking back at him as I walked out of the room. He followed, looking put out that he didn't get to know anything. "What the hell was all that screaming about?" He asked. Pretending that I didn't hear him, I led him to the counter.

"Hey Ems, Darcy's having a party in a Muggle bar a few streets away from our flat, we'll have to be there at seven o'clock sharp," I informed my roommate. She nodded, her eyes lightening up at the sound of 'party'. Taking our cards, she placed them on the shelf. I finally turned to a very disgruntled Scorpius grudgingly.

"You too," I said.

"How am I supposed to know where to go?" I shot daggers at him. Trust him to find a problem.

"I don't know, find somebody to go with," I replied dismissively. Suddenly, Emily perked up again after listening to our conversation.

"You could come with us!"

…What?!

"What?!" I all but yelled incredulously, echoing my previous thought. And I thought she was going to do something smart! He seemed to ponder over the idea carefully, eying Emily, not me. Please say no, please say no, please say no…

"Alright," he finally said. My mouth dropped open, and he smiled at me, triumphant. Bah, humbug. "I'll be at your flat at six thirty then."

And with that, he left with a pop. Furious, I rounded on Emily. "Why?!" I demanded at her nonchalant figure. I thought she was plotting his death this morning!

"I don't know, spur of the moment," was her reply, before she waved me off. "Now go home and relax or something, I'll be back at around three o'clock, alright?"

My teeth audibly clenched together. I will not lose my temper, I chanted in my head as I Apparated to our flat. As soon as I landed, quite gracefully in fact, in the living room, I stormed off to my own room, slamming the door shut. I grabbed the nearest pillow and started screaming into it, the sound muffled by the feathers.

Cleopatra eyed me disapprovingly. Why was she in my room? Again? Was my room infested with rats?

I pulled myself away from the pillow to open my door for her again. She flicked her long tail once at me, then walked haughtily away. I sighed at my nonexistent willpower- I couldn't even resist ignoring cats. It was a pain to be a pushover, and I wanted my headstrongness back. I guess I couldn't like everything trying to change.

The long mirror caught my eye, and I stood in front of it hesitantly. My reflection stared back with a disapproving tug to my lips. My blouse, so different from my usual t-shirts that I wore, was slightly crinkled, and my white pants were inevitably stained. My mane of a hair was limp without any of its usual energy. My blue eyes were dull.

Was this really who I wanted to become?

By the time Emily came back from work and Scorpius arrived at six thirty, my mind was set.

------------------------------------------

I felt Emily's eyes drill holes into me, but I didn't care. "An apple martini, please!" I ordered. The bartender eyed me doubtfully.

"Another one, miss?" It sounded like he was objecting, but he was already making it. I smiled gratefully at him, winking.

"Yes, another one."

Somewhere in this bar, Darcy was making out with John, though I didn't think she was in the right state of mind. Emily was sitting down next to me, disapproving, while Scorpius looked bewildered.

"Do you think she knows how much she's drinking?" Scorpius whispered over to Emily. I didn't know what Emily's response was, but I heard his stage-whisper. I wasn't drinking a lot! Five apple martinis, two tequila shots, and three vodka limes were not a big deal!

I smacked my lips together in appreciation after I got the drink. "Thanks," I said, though I didn't think anyone heard over the throbbing music. Actually, the music was doing my head in a little. I gulped all of it down, tasting the sweet, tangy flavour of the alcoholic drink.

"Stop being a spoil sport," I said to Emily. Did I just slur? Maybe he was right, but the martinis were so good… Before I could order another one, Emily stood up hurriedly.

"Actually, I think Scorpius wants to dance with you!" She exclaimed, and I found myself being thrown into Scorpius' arms. He fumbled slightly, trying to balance out my weight before he toppled over. I saw him shoot a look at Emily before resignedly dragging me to the dance floor. I was aware that it was a slow song, and that he had to force my arms around his neck. My hands clasped each other, and he had to bend slightly due to the height difference.

"Since when did you get so tall?" I blubbered, squinting at him.

"You are so wasted" was all he said. I scoffed at his remark, leaning against his chest. I could hear the steady heartbeat, and briefly wondered if mine was the same pace. I could barely hear myself in this noisy atmosphere.

"I'm angry at you."

I could tell that I startled him, because we suddenly halted from our swaying. "You don't sound very angry," he commented easily, though his eyes were unreadable. I scoffed again.

"Well, I am very angry at you. Very, very mad."

"Will you explain why?"

I hopped out of his arms, and dragged him into a corner with much difficulty. The floor seemed to move with me, and I was starting to feel a mild case of nausea. Luckily, he let himself be pulled away. I steadied myself against the wall, pointing at him.

"You tried to make me change who I am," I began simply. When it looked like he wasn't going to interrupt any time soon, I continued. "You went on about crap like how I never changed and how the world changes and that's how life is. Well, guess what? I like who I am. This-," I motioned to my whole body shakily. "-is who I am. I like being almost late to work, I like being a rock-head, I like holding onto hope, and I like living in the past… sometimes. Maybe that's a huge flaw to you, but you already chose to walk out on me years ago. So that's too bad."

He was about to cut in, I could tell, but I sped up with my rant. Despite the fog in my brain, every word was coming out of my mouth fluently. I had been rehearsing this for too long to make a mistake. "But most of all, you know what's funny? I'm mad at myself. I'm mad that I let your stupid words get to me, and that I was stupid enough to try to change who I am. Rose Weasley doesn't change for anybody! Not even for ex-best friends. You don't see me try to change you, though I don't like how you act half the time. Yet you had problems with me. I'm sorry that seeing my immutable being bothers you, but you're going to have to learn how to deal with it."

A laugh escaped from my lips, full of relief. "Thank goodness that I've realized that I was being very foolish. I've been wanting to tell you this since this afternoon, but I waited. Maybe because I knew that my Gryffindor courage would escape me as soon as I lay my eyes on you again, but nonetheless, I'm getting this off my chest now. So what I'm trying to say is, too bad, I'm never going to change until I think that it's absolutely necessary. And right now, I don't think it's necessary at all."

He was silent for so long that he reminded me of a statue again. Perhaps I wasn't the only one who was slow today. "You know," he said finally, sitting down on the empty table. I followed the suit. "It would've been much more impressive if you said that while you were sober."

I giggled. I wanted to be mad, but I giggled. Okay, time to cut the drinks- I couldn't even stay boiling mad. "I know," I said wistfully. What am I saying?! My thoughts contradicted my words. "Oh well!"

A brilliant idea struck me. "Hey," I said, mockingly punching his shoulder. He eyed me warily. "Since you made me talk, it's only polite that you buy me a drink."

I grinned when I heard his exasperated splutter. One more drink wouldn't hurt. Especially if it was an apple martini.

--------------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, I just own the plot and a few characters of my own.

A/N: So, whadda think? Disappointing *gulp*? Okay? Great? I wanted Rose to vent herself, so she got her chance to vent. Please read and review!