Warning: Okay a bit of CloudxLeon pairing in this one; it's in a humorous context so if you don't like yaoi it's not really a big deal. Well I don't think it is, but my perception on such matters probably isn't very reliable.

Aprils Fools

Leon had a near-perfect work attendance, much like his attendance record from his own high school days. He didn't take days off often. That was probably why Ansem was always quick to grant what little time off he did request. But one day a year in particular tempted him to call in sick and take off for greener fields, just like his colleagues frequently did.

April First. April Fools.

In a normal school one would expect the students to be the problem. Leon, however, did not work in a normal school; he worked in a school full of the most fearfully controversial teachers the system had to offer. On April Fool's these teachers went crazy with pranks. Leon could remember his first year working with them; April Fools had been funny that year right up until Yuffie had half-filled his classroom with pudding. And he and his homeroom pupils still hadn't gotten the ink stains out of their shirts from last year. Larxene had been the prankster on that occasion; Leon had silently retaliated by hiding her pens and stapler, the woman went berserk on poor Axel convinced the redhead had done the deed. Leon was grateful he held the title of the Responsible One amongst the staff; it saved his hide whenever he felt the need to hit back as no one would dream of believing him capable of such things.

Leon could take the day off, he had more than enough paid leave stocked up for a good sabbatical. But Leon was the Responsible One; he didn't just abandon the poor unsuspecting students when they needed him most. By sophomore year they'd learnt to stay away from school should April 1st fall on a weekday. It was the freshmen that had Leon loyally maintaining his post. Those wide-eyed innocent little lambs that were unaware of the potential slaughter they faced. Thus, Leon's survival instincts were muted; preventing him from hearing the voice begging him to take him the sights a train ride away. It wasn't like he was alone; Ansem and Aerith were there to halt the worst of the faculty in their tracks. For example, Vexen's first year at the school had taught them to ban the blonde from the lab that final week of March; no one's quite sure what happened to animated mystery meat loaf he concocted. But Demyx swears it runs wild at the far end of the fields.

Well, damn.

At his usual chair in the staffroom, Leon sat dumbstruck. Aerith and Ansem were both absent. The only ones capable of controlling the staff were gone –though Ansem had this crazy idea Leon would do fine. No, no Leon wouldn't do fine thank you very much. He might be able to keep Sora, Roxas, and Marluxia from going overboard but every one else was going to run wild. He was now guarding a crumbling fortress with no way to protect his poor students. Some of the seniors had even shown up; they probably didn't check the calendar before leaving home. But one would think the ominous cackling echoing from Larxene's office would have them running for the hills; hell, Leon nearly bolted.

By the time the lunch break mercifully arrived, Leon was tempted to declare the school a war zone and call in the army. Vexen had spent the morning in his lab and at around eleven o'clock Zexion had stormed into Leon's classroom cursing the blonde scientist. This year Vexen had apparently created floating puffballs with razor sharp teeth that enjoyed the taste of the standard cotton uniform shirts the students wore. Vexen had yelled April Fools before unleashing the monstrosities on Zexion's students. Over the delighted yells of Vexen, Leon had used the intercom to warn everyone away from the science block.

Sora had brought Stitch to school again. Leon normally loved the odd blue furball but today Stitch had a taste for hair. Leon had spent his interval standing in the middle of the staffroom so the dog couldn't reach his hair. Tifa hadn't been so lucky. Leon had turned red at the curses the girl's P.E. teacher spat out as Stitch happily chewed on her hair, swinging from the woman's attempt's to get him off.

Third period hadn't been much better. The students had been tense, startling at any sudden noise. Leon had tried to keep things normal but that went out the window when a student from Axel's class arrived covered in soot. Axel had started a bonfire in his classroom again. Since Demyx was flooding the music block, Leon had directed the Music teacher over to Axel's room with a stern reminder that once the fire was out, Leon didn't want a single drop of water in the building. In hindsight that had been stupid on his part. Ten minutes later, Leon looked out his window to see the social sciences block flooded, water pouring out of the windows on the first, second and third floors.

However, he had to give Demyx points for creativity. He couldn't figure out how the blonde had managed to flood the building like that in so short a time span.

As he sat at his desk, enjoying the brief silence of his free period, Leon sighed and went over the other pranks the teachers' had pulled off. Lexeaus had filled the pool with rocks. Zexion rearranged the library books which had the students in a panic trying to find much needed books for their assignments. Kairi and Naminé had doused the chairs of their classrooms with glue. Their first period students were either walking around in their gym shorts or scooting along on the chairs. Tifa had relabelled all the weights on the gym's weight machines and promptly laughed her head off at the weight-lifting team when they failed to lift the 'ten kilogram' weight. Larxene had traumatised the student body by the Barney song on repeat and sneak attacking them with the staple-gun. Marluxia covered the cafeteria in pollen-rich flowers and deposited a beehive there. Roxas settled for stink-bombs in the boys toilets. Riku switched the labels of the boys and girls' locker room in the gym after a few students had gone in. Leon spent the second period dealing with the reactions to that one. One boy had been given a rather impressive black eye and bloodied nose for accidentally walking into the girls' locker room.

Yuffie had made clear gelatine and covered most of the hallways in it. Anytime someone stepped out of a classroom they went for a surprise skate before crashing into the wall or falling over. Cid had his first class convinced that the odd box on his desk was a cannon and wouldn't hesitate to fire it if anyone failed to correctly answer his questions. These questions ranged from 'why are you so damn short' to 'what the hell is nuclear fission and why don't the fuck don't we got it yet?" When a student had finally answered a question incorrectly, the poor boy had been so sure he was going to die; he promptly fainted when all Cid's 'cannon' fired was a stream of confetti. Xigbar and Xaldin had taken a hypnotism course over the previous summer and their students subsequently imitated farm animals whenever they heard the bell.

Thankfully Xemnas was in a mellow mood and sticking to his personal favourite; jumping out at students and screaming 'Kingdom Hearts! Submit to Darkness!'

Sighing again, Leon stood up and decided to head to the gym. Cloud was one of the few teachers inconsistent with April Fools. Sometimes he went all out, other times he merely brooded in a corner. The gym looked normal enough when he arrived; Cloud was at the far end setting up the balance beams.

"Leon. Perfect timing."

Leon instantly decided he didn't like the sound of that almost perky tone.

As Leon's expression grew apprehensive, Cloud nodded and offered a small smirk. "I'm not targeting the students."

Leon's mood perked up a little.

Cloud's smile widened and Leon felt that spark of hope start to teeter on a cliff-edge. "I'm targeting Vexen."

Leon's hope promptly fell off the cliff and onto the sharp, jagged rocks waiting below with only the tiniest of whimpers. That was not good. Leon backed away slowly under an amused blue-eyed gaze. Messing with Vexen was never a good thing. There were so few ways to get under the scientist's skin. Smashing his lab equipment for one…but Cloud was here and decidedly not breaking any beakers so that left…Leon's' eyes narrowed, his pride smarting at the mere implication and determined to reassert itself. The problem with Cloud was that when he decided to indulge in April Fools, nothing stopped him. But Leon sure as hell wasn't taking this sitting down.

"Absolutely not."

Smirk vanishing, the blonde took a step forward. Leon decided to hell to pride; he spun on his heel and shot out the gym with a yell. "This better be an April Fools on me, Strife!"

Rapid footfalls behind him alerted him that the blonde was giving chase. "Nope!"

Leon responded with something one should never say in a school full of impressionable teenagers as he dashed past the soccer team and threw one boy behind him in attempt to slow Cloud down. In hindsight he should have known better than to attempt to outrun a gym teacher who actually exercised alongside his students, even showing the star athletes up. Cloud tackled him just outside the staffroom. Leon landed painfully on his side with a loud thud to the astonishment of the awed students.

"Back to class." The P.E. teacher directed curious students with a dark look. "Or I'll put you on weights in the gym." The concerned students promptly scattered.

"Mr. Strife; get off of Mr. Leonhart."

Vexen. Of course. Leon thought sardonically with a roll of his eyes. This day absolutely hated him.

"You're right Vexen." Cloud granted the man a respectful look. The elder blonde did a comical double take. The Chemistry teacher rarely garnered respect from his younger colleagues. For Cloud, it was that time Vexen had tried to make his own sugar alternative and left it in the staffroom where Cloud mistook for the glass of juice Yuffie was meant to have poured him. It turned his skin orange. Cloud had hatefully declared a quiet war on Vexen in that moment. Leon just snickered whenever Vexen's experiments went weird. The man unnerved him but the brunet was never in the line of fire.

…until now. Leon watched on horrified as Cloud turned him on his back. Vexen had a full beaker in his hands which the brunet now eyed with trepidation. He could only hope the contents didn't end up on him. "Cloud." He growled out warningly.

"CPR!" The blonde declared with an unholy light in his eyes. A moment later Vexen's beaker smashed on the floor as he shrieked like a teen unfortunate enough to walk in on their parents enjoying intimacy on the dining table. Cloud had ducked down and kissed Leon. Vexen wailed about his eyes bleeding when Cloud gave a loud fake moan and melodramatically rocked his hips into Leon's. Too mortified to actually do anything Leon simply made a mental note to mock Cloud for this later while hanging the blonde from the gym's climbing ropes. As Cloud pulled back, Vexen ran off sobbing for Aerith, forgetting or unaware that the motherly nurse was absent that day.

Vexen had issues with homosexuality. Leon thought weakly as he stumbled to his feet, pride sorely bruised. No one knew the details but the man was traumatised by any image of two men involved in that way.

"April Fools, Vexen." Cloud murmured smugly, patting Leon's shoulder with a patronising hand. The bell rang loudly at that moment, snapping Leon out his daze. Elbowing the blonde sharply in the solar plexus, the brunet stormed off to his classroom. A warning look was all it took to silence any questions concerning his dishevelled state.

Next year Leon was going to phone in sick. To hell with protecting the innocent. They were on the own.

And Leon was going to take a leaf out of Yuffie's book and fill the gym with pudding after everyone had gone home that night.

End