A Song and A Minigame
(Coz let's face it, who else doesn't think that they're just an excuse for showmakers to brainwash small children and make less show?)

Song: Being Really Useful

On an island quite like Sodor
Where you do the deeds you're given
Being really useful
Is the only reason for living
When everything looks down and out
And you're lost and all alone
Being really useful
Will help us get you home

But though you're really useful
Just remember this one thing
You can never be as useful as Thomas
Our #1 engine
Bow down to Thomas
Our ruler and our friend
When you submit to his golden rule
The good times never end!

We might not believe in the bad stuff
Like fortune, fame and soy
But does it really matter when you've
Got all our playsets and toys?
The Take-Along series, that's our favorite
Or the Wooden series of joys
That's being really useful
(So buy all our playsets and toys)

But though you're really useful
Just remember this one thing
You can never be as useful as Thomas
Our #1 engine
Bow down to Thomas
Our ruler and our friend
When you submit to his golden rule
The good times never end!

(Insufferably long Casio keyboard solo)

Bow down to Thomas
Our ruler and our friend
When you submit to his golden rule
The good times never end!


Minigame: Is Size Really Relevant to Usefulness?

Percy is a green engine, and a Really Useful one. In order to be Really Useful, he has to take a job that will best show his Really Usefulness. But Percy is not as strong as the other engines. Which job will give Percy the best chance to be Really Useful?
"Personally, I think--"
Quiet, Percy. The nice children are deciding your job.

At Brendam Docks--
"Um, we don't really call them Brendam Docks anymore. They're just 'The Docks' to us now."
OK, who let in the free thinker with the nice children?
"I'm not The Free Thinker, I'm a boy."

Fine.

At The Docks, The Eiffel Tower has somehow made it into a series of trucks whilst remaining intact. It is very heav--
"Mr Narrator?"
Yes, nice child?
"What's a truck?"

It is very heavy, and it will take a long time to get to the center of Sodor where it will be demolished and sold for cameo engines.
"Please, Sir, you weren't supposed to sa--" Quiet, Percy.

Do you think that this is the best chance for Percy to be Really Useful?

"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Christopher Columbus."

That's right. The Eiffel Tower is too heavy for Percy.
"I thought it was more to do with the fact that the Eiffel Tower is not suppo--" Be quiet Percy. He will have to go somewhere else.

In the deep dark forest where everything is scary, there is a Tall Pine Tree on a flatbed waiting to be delivered to the--
"Please, Sir, I really must object to this."

What is it now, Percy?
"This is Henry's favorite Tall Pine Tree. He wouldn't be very ha--"
Come on, be serious. Everybody's forgotten about that episode by now. Just like they forgot about Neville, Salty, Whiff and Percy.

"Mr Narrator? What's a Neville?"
Hush, nice child. I'll tell you when you're older.

"But Sir, Henry wouldn't be very ha--"
There is a Tall Pine Tree on a flatbed waiting to be delivered to the coalmine to be used as firewood.

Do you think that this is the best chance for Percy to be Really Useful?

"No."
"No."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"He's over there."

That's right. The Tall Pine Tree is too heavy for Percy.
"And if I took it away, Henry wouldn't be very HA--" Don't you have anything more original to say, Percy?
He will have to go somewhere else.

Near Tidmouth Sheds, there is a large golden statue of Diesel 10. It is to be taken to the giftshops of all good railway stations near you to be sold as a collector's item.

"Please Sir--" No, Percy. I'm not interested.
"But Sir, does anyone remember who Dies--" Of course they do. He's the flagstone villain of the whole Diesels vs Steamies debate. (Whisperingly, Percy, we're planning to launch it as a campaign for our upcoming big screen movie. We'll make millions!)
"But do they even WANT to rem--"
The large golden statue of Diesel 10 is also very heavy, and will take a longer time than the Eiffel Tower.
"I wish they'd let me fini--"

Do you think that this is the best chance for Percy to be Really Useful?

"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"What's a Percy?"

That's right, nice children! This is the best chance for Percy to be Really Useful.

"No it's not--"
Yes, Percy, it is.
"B-but I--"
Percy, this is the third item. The third item is always the winning item. You should've learnt that from all the minigames you've been in.
"But I'd much rather be delivering the mai--"

SHUT UP, Percy. I've heard enough of your pathetic girl's voice to last me a lifetime.

...

Ahem.
Basically what we're saying, nice children with an annoying tendency to sing songs, is that regardless of what Percy wants, he will do the job he's given. In this case, the Diesel 10 silver bronze whatever thingy.
"But it's too HEAVY."
I know, Percy. But regardless of how big something is, you can still take it and be a Really Useful Engine.
Well done, Percy.
Well done, Thoma--

"Please, Sir. What does Thomas have to do with it?"

Well, I--

"And if nothing's too big for me, how come they didn't let me take the Eiffel Tower? And what will happen to the pine tree? And how come you let Rosie get away with not delivering something heavy? And how come you always interrupt me? Do you know, Sir? Huh? Huh?! Do ya?! Huh?!DO YA?!"

I…
Actually, I'm running a little late here. See you in the next minigame, kids.

(Yes, even the narrator for a minigame knows when to throw in the towel.)