a/n: The title for this chapter, Raison D'étre (reason for living or being), was chosen for several reasons: 1. The main characters, Brooke, Rachel and Sam have all gone through traumatic events in their lives and have found their way to each other in order to heal and move forward. And 2. Well, I just like the way it rolls off the tongue.
I Am Much Too Alone In This World, Yet Not Alone
Disclaimer: Brachel and friends are the property of the CW and Schwahn
Chapter 5: Raison D'étre
Five and a half years ago when he discovered that he had inherited the heart condition from his biological father, Lucas saw his dreams of basketball glory as well as a long healthy life wash down the drain. It's been years since he had taken that life altering test and as he passes the marker on his six mile run without so much as a twinge in his chest, Lucas smiles, mentally patting himself on the back and heads home.
"Hey babe, you want to grab lunch this afternoon?" Lucas asks his fiancee as he enters their tiny kitchen.
"Can't sweetie, I'm meeting Brooke to pick out a reception hall for the wedding ." pouring her herbal decaf tea into a travel mug she begins to gather her things to head out.
"I thought that was the reason you went to her house so early yesterday?" he frowns
"I did, but when I got there she was um…indisposed, if you know what I mean?" chuckling again at what she interrupted yesterday when she stupidly barged into Brooke and Rachel's bedroom, Peyton doesn't notice Lucas' frown deepen.
"Typical," his voice dripping with disdain, causing his fiancee to glance at him quizzically "you know, you'd think Brooke would be a little more considerate, her best friend is getting married after all."
"Brooke's had a lot going on lately and she was really doing me a favor by trying to squeeze me in before picking up Sam from the clinic. Besides, she and Rachel are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, I should've known what they were up to when they didn't answer the door." taking a closer look at her husband to be and his disapproving facial expressions whenever the Brachel ship is mentioned, Peyton's beginning to think he is having second thoughts concerning their pending marriage. "You know, Luke you've been acting weird whenever the topic of Brooke and her family comes up…is their something you want to tell me?" broaching the subject cautiously.
"Look, my mom raised me a certain way." Lucas grumbles, not really wanting to start his day off with a fight about someone else's 'relationship.'
"And what's that suppose to mean? Are you seriously being homophobic?"
"I don't know, I've never really had to deal with something like that before."
"You've never met a lesbian?" she asks sardonically
"Trust me, Brooke is not a lesbian." he smirks remembering all of the times he'd taken the brunette in question, then quickly wipes it off of his face as Peyton narrows her eyes at him.
"Call it whatever you want, but the fact still remains that Brooke and Rachel are very much in love with one another and from the looks of it, will most likely be making it legal very soon. So no more digs at my best friend or Rachel and for heavens sake stop treating Sam like she's some sort of delinquent."
"She is a delinquent! A fact you all seem so eager to ignore because of her sob story but she did steal from Brooke's store and it was her friend that attacked Brooke," throwing his hands up in frustration, "why am I the bad guy for wanting to report her to the cops?"
"You can't be serious, Sam didn't send that creep over to C/B to attack Brooke, his twisted mind came up with that all on his own as well as all of the other crimes he's currently being charged with. If Brooke and Rachel have forgiven her and are still going forward with the adoption what right do you have to hold anything against Sam?" Peyton questions, genuinely confused.
"A kid like that is nothing but trouble but if Brooke want's to invite that into her home then be my guest. Just don't expect me to come running to her rescue when it all blows up in her face, again." seeing that this argument was headed straight for several cold, uncomfortable nights alone on the couch, Lucas wisely changes the subject. "Look I don't want to fight about this Peyton, you and I are happy and right now that is my main focus."
"I'm pretty sure those documents still say the same thing, no matter how many times you read them." Rachel smirks as Sam tries to hide her adoption papers underneath her back pack on the kitchen counter and act cool.
"Something struck me as weird when I skimmed through it last night and I was just checking to make sure I read it right." she shrugs
" Alright, then shoot." the older girl grants permission. She pours herself a cup of coffee and leans against the counter
"O.k. under adoptive parents Brooke is the only one listed…and I just thought that after what you said about us, all of us being a family that…"
"Hey," Rachel's tone is soft as she cuts off the worried teen, "I meant every last word of it, Brooke and I both want nothing more than to legally become your parents. We're a family, you, me, Brooke and however many other kids we decide to have or adopt, but a few weeks ago we were doing research on making this thing legit and we kind of hit a snag in our plans. Adoption agencies in many states, while they rarely come right out and object to it, tends to frown upon same sex adoptive parents and since Brooke has already gone through the preliminary interview process and was approved we just figured that it would be best for now that she be named your legal guardian. We're just keeping our relationship quiet for now."
"How exactly do you figure you and Brooke are gonna pull off not being a couple?" Sam snorts in disbelief, "Every time you're in a room together you two are climbing all over each other like ferromagnetic materials. Hell I febreezed the couch before I sat down in the living room, what with all of the noise you guys kept after I went to bed last night."
"If that's the case then you might want to spritz a little Clorox Clean-up on this countertop here as well." Rachel grins over the rim of her coffee-mug as Sam jerks her bowl of cereal away from the offending granite surface top.
"Dude, not cool!" the young girl grumbles, moving her breakfast over to the table.
"Oh relax, we just made out a little before heading upstairs."
"Yeah, well judging from all her moaning one would think you were rounding second base and sliding into third."
"Just be grateful I got her upstairs before I hit a grand slam." Rachel laughs, sipping her coffee and reminiscing about last night's pleasurable activities.
"Morning all." Brooke bounces through the back door into the kitchen. Placing a kiss to the top of Sam's head she steals a strawberry from the cereal bowl, popping the fruit in her mouth and winking at Sam's protests.
"Do you want a ride to school, Avril?"
"No thanks, I'm planning on showing off my new wheels."
"Are you sure you're well enough to be riding that scooter by yourself? Maybe we should take you for another checkup just to be sure." Brooke asks, becoming increasingly worried about her daughters health.
"Chillax mom, I had my appendix removed not my frontal lobe, schools only a ten minute drive away I'll be fine." the teenager rolls her eyes, while secretly loving that someone cares so much about her safety.
"Fine," Brooke reluctantly agrees "but at least wear the helmet Jaime got you for your birthday."
"Oh yeah, the hot-ass old school Harley Davidson one with the picture of an eagle?" Sam exclaims
"Jaime conned Nathan into buying one for each of you under the pretense that his is for when you take him skateboarding." Brooke snorts at Nate's inability to say no to the adorable kid.
"Smooth."
"Hey P. Sawyer soon to be Scott, give me one second to finish going over this quarterly report then I am all yours." Brooke announces as Peyton enters her office. Typing out the last lines furiously then hitting spellcheck she motions for her friend to take a seat.
"All mine huh?" Peyton laughs, "You might wanna run that one by Gattina first, wouldn't want Rainbow Bright leaping out of the shadows and bashing my skull in for touching her woman."
"Funny, Rach is doing a conference call organizing for the Red Hot Charity Ball that's coming up." Brooke deadpans, turning in her chair to face the blond "Thanks for coming down here so early, I know I haven't been the most consistent Maid of Honor/dress maker/wedding planner but I have cleared my schedule for this morning so we can hit the wedding preparations hard. For the next three hours you have my undivided attention."
"Yeah right, like we're going to get any real work done until you explain what's behind that mega watt smile. So spill already B. Davis." putting her wedding binder on the chair beside her Peyton makes herself comfortable and as an afterthought adds, "the PG-13 version, walking in on the NC-17 version yesterday was enough."
"Sorry about that,'" Brooke blushes, "but really you should know better than to just come marching into my bedroom like that and while what you caught a glimpse of yesterday is more than enough to put a little pep in my step, what's actually got me so giddy is my other girl. Sam called me mom this morning, granted she was whining about me being overzealous about her safety, but still it came out so natural."
"Brooke that's awesome."
"Yeah." Brooke's smile slowly drops and she looks increasingly sad.
"Wha…it's not awesome?"
"No, no it is, it's really awesome but it's just." exhaling deeply Brooke pushes her bangs out of her eyes, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. " I told you that we're signing Sam's adoption papers today right?" Peyton nods "And we've been super excited about starting a family, I've wanted to be a mom for so long and now that I am…I can't stop thinking about my own mother."
"Oh Brooke, you need to stop, Victoria is not worth even one second of your time." Peyton says extending her sympathies.
"When Sam called me mom, it was the greatest feeling in the world, you know. She's gonna look to me and Rachel for love and support for the rest of her life…and I can't help but wonder why couldn't Victoria do that for me? Why wasn't I enough for her?"
Peyton stands up, rounding Brooke's desk and engulfs the vulnerable brunette in her arms.
"Brooke, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Victoria's psychosis. I wish I could give you an answer other than 'you're moms a bitch', but that's all that I can come up with." laughing softy, she pushes the bangs once again out of her friends teary golden eyes. "You are going to be the most kickass mom on the playground, just you wait."
"Thanks, P. Sawyer."
"Anytime, B. Davis soon to be Gattina."
a/n: I've been reading spoilers stating that OTH will be back for another season but I'm having mixed feelings here. Sources report that CMM and HB have not and probably will not renew their contracts and that Naley will be moving to like Boston so Nathan can play ball, while Brooke may get more air time without having to prop up the whole Pucas=TLA junk, I'm afraid that Mark will just stick her in another deadbeat relationship that somehow has ties to Peyton's ex love's. As it stands I'm only watching the show out of habit nowadays and because I can set my DVR to record The Closer and Heroes, lol. If they bring Rachel back with a decent s/l then maybe I'll stick around otherwise I'm switching to NBC Monday nights.
