DA here. Um... I just want to apologize to everyone that this took so long in uploading. it wasn't Xeno's fault; This has been sitting there for over two weeks in one of my spare accounts. SO I just want to apologize.
*scuttles off before she can be attacked with torches and pitchforks*
Battleon High: Roadtrip
"Son of a beach chair!" Xenolord shouted, shaking his head, his hands still gripping the wheel of his car. Letting go, he looked over at Flame and DA. Both girls were unconcious, the car's engine smoking. "Man... I just had this thing tuned up..." He struggled to get his phone out and dialed the Battleon Automotive Association. "Hello... yea... Yea, it's Xenolord. Yea... I crashed again... Yea... okay... I'll be here..." He closed his phone and gave Flame a little shake. "Come on, Flame, wake up."
"Ugh... Ai ya... what happened?" She asked, the engine of the car wrapped around a sapling. "Great. You broke the car."
"You're fault."
"Was not." Flame retorted.
"Totally was! You told me to swerve and you..."
"You didn't have to over correct! You could have..."Flame shouted, hands above her head.
"Why did I wake you up first? Hell, why did I wake you up at all! I should just leave you here. The car's probably gonna explode in a few minutes and..." Xenolord stopped, looked at Flame, and the pair unbuckled their seatbelts quickly and got out of the car.
As they stood outside the smoking vehicle, arms crossed against the cold, they thought about what happened.
"Think it's gonna explode?" Flame asked, watching the vehicle. Xeno shrugged some.
"Dunno. If my car's gonna die, that would be the way I'd want it to." The pair paused for a few more minutes.
"Think we should get DA outta the car now?"
"Yea, I guess it's not gonna blow." The pair nodded and helped the unconscious girl out of the back seat. Jamming his elbows under her arms, he pulled Dark Angel from the car and drug her several feet away.
"Why am I always doing all the work?" Xenolord asked, grunting some.
"Because I'm a little girl. You expect me to be able to pull a human body from a car?" Xenolord paused where he was.
"I watched you heave a fat kid over a balcony yelling 'this is Sparta'! Don't give me that 'frail little girl' spiel."
"Okay, first off, he was not fat. He had pillows under his shirt. And second off I didn't yell 'this is Sparta', I called out heroically. Just like Leonidas." She corrected him.
"Same difference." He muttered. "You could help. Like... grab her legs, or something. Don't just stand there in the moonlight like a nymph, give me a hand." She started clapping excitedly. "Not like that, you nitwit, you know what I mean!" Flame laughed to herself and walked around, grabbing DA's ankles. "That's not really helping. Could you move up? Take the slack outta her butt?"
"What?!"
"Her butt! It's slacking, move up some!"
"Why me?!" Flame shouted.
"'Cause you're her friend. It'll look less weird if you do it." Flame rolled her eyes, set her feet down and shuffled up some. Her face flushed beet red as she grabbed around her upper thighs, DA's hips riding uncomfortable close to Flame's.
"I'm gonna kill you if she wakes up like this. Where are we taking her?"
"Roadside. Wait for BAA." He replied. "Ready?" Flame nodded. "One... two..."
"Is this a gang rape?" DA's voice came from between them. Xeno and Flame looked down, to see DA wide awake, her head looking around, still delirious from her sleep. From his complaints, Xenolord's hands had migrated to cupping her chest, and Flame's position only made things worse. "Should I start screaming now?"
"No... er... no..." Xenolord muttered. "This is a horrible... horrible dream... You're having a horrible nightmare... and if you just close your eyes, you'll wake up right outside the car where you fell asleep. Okay? Can you do that for me?"
"Okay..." She replied lully, closing her eyes one last time. Xenolord looked at Flame and gave her the 'get back to the car' motion with his head. She nodded, and they trudged back, placing her outside the car on her back softly. Xenolord quickly ran over to a pile of branches and muttered a fire spell, lighting the branches into a small fire. Flame ran over and opened the car, throwing things out, making it look like she was salvaging things. DA moaned some, sitting up. "Wow... it was just a dream."
"Hey, look who's awake." Xenolord muttered, walking over to the still groggy Dark Angel. He offered her his hand to help her up.
"Is this a horrible nightmare, too?"
"No..." Xenolord chuckled some. "Why do you ask?" DA swore a little and put her head down.
"Because my last horrible nightmare was so nice... I dreamt you two tried to gang rape me." Both Flame and Xeno's faces lit up some, Flame's going red. Xenolord laughed uneasily.
"I think someone's still a little groggy from the crash. Sit up and waken up some. You... you need to get that thought out of your mind." He helped her up and she started to walk around a bit.
"So, what happened?" DA asked, looking at the wrecked car.
"We crashed because Flame made me swerve..."
"You over corrected. It's your fault."
"Whatever..." Xenolord muttered. "BAA is on it's way. We should probably head to the roadside to flag 'em down."
-Roadside-
The Battleon Automotive Association tow truck pulled up around twenty minutes later. Xenolord helped the man hook his car up to the truck.
"Where are you three headed?" He asked as they piled into the truck.
"Falconreach out of the question?" Xenolord asked, climbing into the truck's cab.
"Sorry... I can take you as far as Osternia. There's a good mechanic there I know. He can take care of your car for a good price, too."
"Osternia it is, then." Xenolord agreed. Flame climbed in right next to Xenolord.
"Where am I gonna sit?" DA asked, staring at the full truck. Xenolord looked around, his eyes resting on Flame, a sick, perverse smile crossing his lips.
-Later-
"Note to self." Flame muttered to herself. "Kill Xenolord." She continued, as DA hung on, sitting on Flame's lap, her arms around Flame's neck.
"I feel unclean... and slightly turned on..." DA muttered, more to herself.
"Are these two... eh... you know... a couple?" The driver asked Xenolord.
"Nope. Friends. Fellow teachers. I just love torturing them." He smiled.
"You're a sick man, you know that? But I like it."
"Thank you."
-Osternia-
The tow truck stopped by the mechanic who took the car into his shop without haste.
"Yea, I'll have her fixed in no time. Come back and talk to me in like... two days. She'll be good as new."
"Two days!? That's almost forty-eight hours!" Xenolord shouted.
"Well... we can get you a rental. That should get you where you need to go."
"How much is the rental?"
"Two hundred dollar flat charge. Up to six weeks."
"Take it." Flame muttered into his ear.
"I'll take the car!" He shouted pointing up. Flame slapped her forehead with her palm.
"Dork..." She muttered.
"Here... lemme show you what we have..." He lead the three to his stash of rental cars. Xenolord and the girls perused the models until they found one.
"An El Camino?" DA asked, staring at the two door, two seat car.
"An El Camino."
"Why?" Flame asked as she studied the incredibly tiny car.
"Because it has four wheels, and gets us where we need to go."
"It's got two seats. There's three of us."
"Eh. You two can always sit on each other's lap again. I'll let you fight for who's on top."
"What happens when you get tired, Xeno?" Flame questioned, dreading the answer.
"Oh, that's easy. We switch. The person who's not driving sits on my lap." Both girls face palmed. "So, who's hungry?" He asked. Both girls raised their hands.
-Osternia Streets-
The trio trekked through the streets of Osternia, taking in the sights and, mainly, waiting for the rental car papers to be drawn up. Xenolord, in his metallic silver and gold coat, was refracting all sources of light which the coat came in contact with, and his matching pants only added to the refracting.
"I just noticed something..." Xeno muttered, hands in his pocket. The girls piqued up.
"What's that?"
"Osternia is well-known as the prostitution capital of Battleon... and I look like a pimp..." He muttered. As if on cue, a middle-aged balding man walked up, looking about rather sketchily. He tapped Xenolord on the shoulder.
"Uh... excuse me..." He asked. "How much for a party with your girls?"
"What?" Xeno asked, raising an eyebrow. "I think you-"
"Hands up!" A voice called, red and blue lights filling the night air.
"OH COME ON! What IS it with me and cops today!?" One of the cops dropped Xeno to the ground and put handcuffs on him.
"You're under arrest for solicitation of prostitution!" He bellowed.
"Dammit! I didn't do anything!"
"You too, missy!" He echoed as another cop cuffed DA and Flame.
"Xeno, you're gonna BURN for this!"
"I was gonna say no! This is false arrest with no basis! I was going to turn that man down when you jumped me! No judge in his right MIND would hear this case!"
"I wouldn't be so sure! Book 'em, boys!"
"This is rediculous!" Xenolord muttered, as he was stuffed into the back of the police car. "You better bet your ass when I get out, I'm gonna sue you and this city for every damn penny they have!" He skulked in the back of the police car as Flame was placed in, and DA was shoved onto Flame's lap.
"No comment, Xeno?" Flame asked.
"Can't think. Too mad."
-Osternia Police Department-
Xenolord, Dark Angel and Flame stood before a judge as he heard the case.
"...So that's what happened, Your Honor." Xenolord spoke. The judge nodded.
"I see how this could be a misunderstanding. Very well, your two female friends are free to go. You, however, Mr. Xenolord, are going to have to stay for a while."
"Wait, what?!" he blurted. The judge shrugged.
"We can't get ahold of your criminal record. We'll have to get it before we can release you. You're not even registered to anything. I can't find a birth certificate, so, we're gonna have to hold you under suspicion of false identity. You'll stay in prison until we can ascertain your identity. Court ajourned."
"OH COME ON! EVERYONE HATES ME!" He bellowed as he was lead out of the courtroom, to a nice, cozy prison cell somewhere.
-Osternia.-
DA and Flame were returned to the mechanic where they retrieved their car and gear, re aquired the signal of the kids, and followed it out.
"Dammit... they're in Falconreach already... we'll have to hurry..." Flame muttered, starting the tiny El Camino.
"What about Xenolord?" DA asked, buckling in.
"He'll be fine."
"But... he's in Prison, Flame... you've heard the same stories I've heard about... you know... guys in prison."
"Xeno's a fire mage. He can hold of some bubba who wants to call him wifey, okay." Pulling out of the parking lot, the two girls drove towards Falconreach. Oddly enough, nothing interesting happened on the trip. Because I'm too lazy to write every turn they take.
-Falconreach-
"Okay... so they're all in this hotel... so I figure if we can check in, we have a better chance of seeing them." Flame muttered. DA stared at the mirror.
"That's okay, but..." She frowned, adjusting the dorky mustache she had on. "Why do I have to be the one with a mustache...?" She put her hands over her now flattened chest. "And why did I have to be the one to get her chest bound... I don't wanna be a guy..."
"Because they only had one, and it matches your hair color. Besides. Two grown women getting a room together is wierd. Besides, you're hair's shorter, and can pass easier. Now stop yer griping and let's check in."
"Maria! Wait up!" Flame's eyes widened.
"Besides, I dyed my hair." She added in quickly, turning to the man at the front desk. "Hi." Her voice changed to the stereotypical blond; think Paris Hilton. "Yea, hi, we're... like... looking to get a room for a few weeks... we're, like, on our honeymoon..." She pulled DA into a side hug. "And would like a nice room."
"Oh, of course!" He smiled, completely fooled by DA's disguise. "Here you are. Our Honeymooner's Suite. Have it as long as you need it." DA watched the figures of Rayne, Lizzie, Maria and Safiria pass behind them in a mirror.
"Uh..." DA began, her voice the same. Clearing her throat she tried to sound as manly as possible. "Thank you, my good man." Taking the key she grinned. "Do you have a Do Not Disturb sign, by any chance?"
"Why, yes, right..." Spontaneously, DA let out a roar and leapt onto Maria, pinning her to the ground.
"Who the hell!?" Maria shouted as she was tackled from behind.
"Oh. My. Gawd!" Flame shouted, pulling DA from Maria. "Honey, she's, like, a kid... not a grenade..." She smiled to Maria. "He, like, just got back from the war... he's seeing things that are, like, not there." Grinning wildly, Flame tried to pull DA away. Taking the Do Not Disturb sign, they walked to their room.
"What the HELL was that?! You looked like a pedo back there!"
"I thought I could just tie her down... I was wrong... so horribly wrong..."
"We're not gonna be able to capture them by brute force. This requires some thought..."
"You're right..." DA agreed. After a few seconds of Flame thinking, DA spoke again. "Bet know you're wishin' Xeno was here..."
"Shut it. I can think THIS much out... I hope..."
Ending Author's(Xenolord's) Note: I know it's not much, yo, but that's the sixth chapter of Battleon High.
