Chapter Two

Run-A-Way

The days seemed endless as they crept slowly by and I thought I was going to go out of my mind. The walls of my room began to close in on me and I felt like a caged animal.

Dr. Cullen came by every day to check on me and give me more medication. He said the progress I was making was amazing. He'd never seen anything like it before, but somehow, it didn't help. I just had to get up and get outside for some fresh air.

Finally, after eight days of being cooped up in my room, he said I could start moving around, as long as I kept the braces on for a few more days. I didn't care. I'd drag them anywhere, as long as I could get out of there for a while.

I was still very weak, when I got up for the first time. Much to my surprise, I had eaten very little over the past few days. That was a first for me, but food just didn't appeal to me right now. I had too much to think about.

Clumsily, I hobbled outside onto the front porch of our small house. Steading myself on my crutches, and letting my eyes adjust to the bright light, I took in my first full gulp of fresh salty air. It stung my throat a bit, but it didn't matter, it felt good.

As I made my way, ever so slowly, down to the beach I thought, 'funny how a person can go to the same place all their life and see the same things every day, but then when it's almost taken away from them, they see things from a totally different perspective.'

The sky was bluer than I'd ever seen it before. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks, as I got nearer to the water, was so like the roar of a steam engine. The call of the gulls above me, sounded sharp and clear, and the taste of the salt in the air was refreshing. I made it down to the shore and managed to maneuver myself down onto the sand. I lay back and started soaking up the warm rays of sunshine that I had been missing.

Missing. I'd put the thought of Bella as far back in the corners of my mind as I could, for the past few days, but now they came flooding back to me. She hadn't called, or been back to see me since the day she left, without saying goodbye.

I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with her right now. Was she happy with herself? Was he making her happy, like she had wanted, when he had left? Had she even been thinking about me? I didn't know and had a feeling that I might not ever know.

My thoughts were abruptly disturbed by the huff of a body as it plopped down beside me.

"So. You finally broke out of your jail cell, did you," Leah asked, in a weird sort of way?

"Yeah. I was ready to tear down the walls with my bare hands. A person can only stand something so long and then....," I trailed off, not sure what I might have said next, but knowing that it was probably leading to Bella.

"So, how do you feel?"

"I'm better. It's not so bad now."

"No. Jake. I know you're healing from the injuries. I mean how are you really feeling?"

"Leah. I don't want to talk about that right now. I just got outside for the first time in days and I'd like to be alone. If you don't mind?"

"It doesn't stop hurting, you know. It just scabs over, but you occasionally rub the scab off, sometimes by accident, sometimes on purpose, to see what's underneath. But it's still there, hurting all the same."

"Thanks for the pep talk. It really cheered me up. Now can you leave. Please?"

Having Leah here, with her cynical remarks was not what I needed, or wanted. I didn't care how much she thought she was helping.

Seeing that she had not intentions of leaving, I got to my feet, pulled my crutches up under my arms and slowly worked my way back home.

"You got some mail today," my dad called, as I came into the house.

I wondered why he had that strange look on his face, as he handed me the stark white pearl textured envelope.

"Since when did you start opening my mail," I said, pulling my eyebrows down in a scowl?

"Well. This is my house and what comes and goes here is my business."

I didn't like where this conversation was heading. I didn't want to blow up at my dad, but he was getting on my nerves today.

I looked down at the fancy envelope and slid the insert out. As I did, the heavy cardstock cut into my finger and drops of blood oozed onto the paper. The dark red color of my blood, mixed with the stark white of the cardstock, made my heart stop.

I knew what this was the moment I saw it in his hand. So why was I opening it like an idiot? I wiped my blood, the best I could, from the face of the invitation and it smeared across the name Isabella Marie Swan. I let out a dry chuckle, as I thought, 'how fitting. Now I'm even bleeding for her.'

I glanced over the all to formal invitation, knowing that Bella had nothing to do with this, but the sheet of linen-like paper that fell out from between the folded cardstock, was what caught my eye.

The handwriting was almost a cross between calligraphy and script and I knew it was Edward's.

Jacob,

I am writing this to thank you for all you have done for Bella. Please know that she is unaware of this invitation being sent to you, but I know that she would want you have the opportunity to come. You mean more to her than I care to admit.

Edward

I crumpled the note from him up in my hand and thought about burning it, but my dad was staring at me, with a look of sheer concern. I hadn't noticed that my hands were shaking, until the phone rang. My dad answered the phone with a weary voice, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Hello. Yes he's here. I'm not sure he want's to speak to you, but I'll ask. Jake. Do you want to speak with Bella?"

Closing my eyes, trying to control the heat that was threatening to overtake me, I took a deep breath, then another, and another. Reaching out, I took the receiver into my hand and tentatively moved it to my ear.

"Yes," was the only word I could muster.

Then I listened, with my eyes closed, as she fumbled for what to say. I didn't understand why she was calling. Hadn't the invitation been enough? Oh, but I forgot, he said in the note that she didn't know it was being sent. 'Right,' I thought, sarcastically.

"Fine. What do you mean, 'why am I being so cold?' Don't you get it Bella? Don't you understand? Why won't you just listen to your heart for once? I love you Bella and that's not going to change," I screamed into the receiver.

I didn't even care that my dad was there, watching me, listening to my outburst of anger. I didn't care about any of it anymore. Slamming the phone against the wall, I felt the heat and rage consuming me. I was going to run now, as far away from here, from her, as I could.

"Jake. Jake. Calm down. I know you're hurting, but we can talk about this. Jake! Where are you going? I can see the look in your eyes, that your leaving. Don't Jake. Jake! Well, before you go, at least listen to me. If your grandfather were here, he would have said, 'when you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists–as it surely will. Then act with courage.' I love you son."

Those were last words I heard, as I pulled off the braces, throwing them across the room, and stumbled out the door. I made it to the tree line, before I let it take me. My clothes lay behind me in shreds and my body ached from the stress on my healing bones, but I was free now.

What was it my dad said, about grandfather, 'when you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists – as it surely will. Then act with courage.'

Doubt, mist, what the hell did all that crap mean? Old men and their so-called wisdom. I don't need them. I don't need anyone. It's just me now. I am the wolf.

I ran until the last rays of sun faded into the shadows of the trees. I was tired and needed some sleep, so I found a nice, soft mound of tall green grass, and curled up for the night. Wolves are mostly nocturnal by nature, but I needed to rest for now. My injuries were still tender and my body ached, but this was a good thing, because it kept my heart from aching quite as much.

I had just settled down, trying to lose myself in sleep, when their thoughts invaded my solitude.

Leave me alone! I shouted, in my mind.

Then I tried, as hard as I could, to shut my mind, so I wouldn't have to listen to them. But they wouldn't go away. Their voices swirled around me like the ghosts of my ancestors, howling and barking their concern in my mind.

Jake, are you okay, Leah asked?

Jake. Man come back home. Everyone is really worried about you. We can help you through this, Embry said.

We need you here Jake. Your father needs you. Sam spoke, with a tone of authority.

On and on they continued until well into the night, but I refused to budge. I wouldn't answer them, nor would I think about anything, except the darkness around me, until finally I succumbed to much needed sleep.

This routine went on for several days and I had remained successful in keeping them all out of my head, but things started to change. They were now telling me what was happening back home, but not asking me to come back.

I made a habit of listening, now and then, but still didn't want to respond. When I wanted time to reflect, I would phase, then, alone there in the forest, my only companions the small animals scurrying to and fro, I'd think about her.

Sometimes I'd find myself laughing, as I remembered our jokes about who was oldest, because of some deed we'd accomplished, or how funny she looked sometimes when she tried to figure out which part went where on whatever contraption I was building or repairing at the time. We'd had it all together. Laughter, happiness, warmth, and the kind of love the only comes along once in a life time. It was just too bad that she didn't take notice, when it would have mattered.

Then there were days that I felt more mature than others, and I would reflect on the last words of wisdom my dad had given me. Yeah, I know. I know, I said I didn't need that crap, but it doesn't hurt to think about things, when you're alone.

So I tried to digest what he had said. 'When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists– as it surely will. Then act with courage.'

I understood the 'doubts' part now a little better. That is why I ran. I doubted everything from Bella, to myself, to who I was. 'Be still and wait', that is what I was doing now. I had to get to a point where I knew where I was going with things. I had to find the courage to either remain the wolf, forever, or go back and face life as it was dealt.

'The mists, the mists,' hum. This must be the heaviness I feel in my heart. The feeling of loss, of regret, of need. Would I ever reach the point there would be sunshine in my life again that would dispel the mists? He said, 'be still and wait.' I could do that, for now, I had no where else to go.

Days passed and my periods of contemplation continued. This is how I held onto my humanity because, deep down, I wasn't entirely ready to give it up, yet.

Morning had broken, and the day was particularly beautiful. I noticed, as I lay down, that the sun beamed through the trees like a shiny new sword, reaching straight down to the ground. The dew sparkled like jewels on the leaves all around me. This put me in a better mood than most days, so I decided to listen and see if anyone was out running today.

Jake. I know you can hear me, if you will. It's been days now, since we heard from you and things, well things are changing around here. I'm not sure exactly what is going on, but I will tell you what I do know.

There was a pause as Embry ran into the forest near La Push. I saw the familiar flashes of scenery as he moved swiftly to a quiet spot, then stopped.

After you left, Bella came down here. She was so torn up Jake. I think she was worse than she ever was when the bloodsucker left her. You know before, she sort of suffered silently, but when she found out you had gone, and that he had sent the invitation to you... Man, she fell apart. I was there when Billy told her and it hurt me, to see her like that. She screamed and cried for hours. Jake, I thought she was dying. Billy put his arms around her, trying to talk to her, but nothing worked.

My heart was racing now. I wasn't sure how I felt about this new information, but I wasn't getting my hopes up, I knew where that could lead me. So I just waited, to see if he continued, but I refused to respond.

I tried talking to her, and we finally got her to settle down, she went into your room and closed the door. Jake. She spent the night in your bed. Billy called Charlie and tried to fill him in, the best he could, without the wolf details, and told him she would be fine staying there for the night, that he didn't want her driving in that condition. Oh. I gotta go for now Jake. I hope you were listening. I'll try to fill you in more tomorrow.

What? Wait? No. Don't think, don't think. I gotta phase. I didn't want to process this while there was a chance that someone else would hear me.