Chapter Three
Going Back
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I realize that this is a short story, but I wanted to write something that dealt with some of the emotions Jake felt in a spot where the book left us wondering.
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The brightness of the day enveloped me, as I phased and sat down to think about what Embry had shared. It hurt to think that Bella was so upset because of me, but on the other hand, it made me feel good that she cared that much.
I wondered how my dad had handled Bella's emotional breakdown, when he was probably a basket case already not knowing if I was coming back. He's strong though, I was sure he could handle whatever came his way.
After a day with not much sleep, I hunted, ate what I could, then I roamed the forest, trying to keep the thoughts from forming in my mind.
The next morning I was surprised to hear Embry again.
Jake. I hope you're listening. I wanted to pick up where I left off yesterday. Bella got up the next morning and talked with Billy for a while. He said she shared many things with him, and that now he understood what she was going through, but he hasn't elaborated on what she said. He told her she was welcome to stay as long as she liked, and even talked with Charlie.
Embry paused, again running to the same spot as yesterday, then continued with his thoughts.
So for the next few days, Bella spent most of her time down here. Every day she would come down, talk with Billy for a while, maybe cook him a bite to eat, then she would go to your room and close the door. Billy says he finds her curled up in your bed, asleep. He figures this is her way of dealing with you being gone. We have all tried to talk to her, but she's not ready to talk yet.
He was silent for a while and I thought I could sense someone else just briefly, but then they faded back out again.
Yesterday...yesterday I think I made some progress with her though. She had just pulled up when I got to your house. I asked if she would walk down to the beach with me. She looked longingly toward the beach, then finally agreed to go for a few minutes. As we walked, I told her she might feel better if she would talk about things.
I noticed Embry seemed to hesitate, like he was rearranging things in his head before he continued.
I watched her as she walked. Her features were so sad, her eyes lonely and lost, like there was something missing. I wanted to help her, no, I want to help her. We talked in general about a few things, then she asked if we had heard from you. Jake. I know now why you loved her so much. She's a really good person. I'll be honest, even though I probably shouldn't, I wanted to hold her and make her pain go away. I guess she sort of has that affect on you.
He waited a few minutes, I guess to see if I would respond, but I clamped my teeth together and baulked.
I'm gonna keep trying to help her Jake. I know she needs someone. Oh, there's something else. She seems to be spending all this time here, I know part of it is because it makes her feel closer to you, but I think she's also trying to get away from him. You know the bloodsucker. I haven't asked what's going on yet, but I think something is up. Hope you caught all of this. I'll try to check back in tomorrow. We miss you Jake. Take care.
I phased. I had to think about what he'd told me again. She missed me. She was lonely. Yeah, I felt it too. I missed our time together talking about things and growing closer. Then I thought about his speculations with the bloodsucker and couldn't help but wonder what was going on, but I tried not to get worked up about that, because I was very concerned with Embry's tone, just how close was he to this whole situation anyway?
I paced back and forth for a long time, trying to put all the pieces together, then I left it at that, found a place to rest, phased again, and tried to get some sleep.
That night, I went about my new routine, hunting, eating, and trying not to think, but I was anxious to see what Embry had to say the next morning. But, morning came and went with nothing.
The next couple of days were the same and still no word on what was going on back home. Should I care? It seemed to me that Bella had made her choice and so had I, but then my dad's words kept haunting me have courage, have courage.
Three days had passed with no word from Embry, so on the fourth, I waited with bated breath. Just around sunrise, I heard him phasing, then saw the familiar flashes as he ran to his spot to try and reach me.
Jake. Um. I'm sorry I haven't...you know, tried to reach you for a few days, but things are... Well, let me start here. After the day I asked Bella to go to the beach with me, I guess she figured it would hurt the same, whether she was at your house or at the beach, so when I went to check on her day before yesterday, she was at the beach, sitting on a blanket in the sand, reading a book.
He didn't think anything for a long while. I could tell he was struggling with something, but didn't quite know what.
Jake. She was so absorbed in her reading that she didn't hear me approach. I startled her as I sat down beside her, then she turned back to the pages and began reading aloud. 'My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be: and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.' It was Wuthering Heights, you know.
He was silent for a few minutes and I could feel his inner turmoil and knew this was hard for him.
When she started sobbing and told me that you were her Heathcliff and that she couldn't exist without you, I held her Jake. I took her in my arms and held her, letting her sob on my chest, until she cried herself to sleep. I gently took the book from her hands and read the passage again. I have to say that it fits the two of you perfectly. She's torn between you and Edward, torn between the strange sort of love, or should I say hold he has over her, and torn between you, her soul mate, the one she is a part of.
It was I who broke the silence. My chest heaved and my mind was ragged with these revelations.
Embry. I just....
Jake. Are you okay? Man it's so good to hear you.
I didn't know what to say, but I knew that I was getting closer to going back, but to what? Back to the way things were before? Back to open old wounds or face new ones?
Jake. I hate to bring this up, but you know the date of the wedding is coming up in a week? Well. I have been trying to put all of this together and did some checking, on my own. I thought, how can Bella be getting ready for a wedding if she is in La Push every day? So, I dropped down by the Cullens house, unofficially of course, and it looks like they're moving out. I'm not sure, but I think the wedding may be off. I'll see what else I can dig up and let you know.
Thanks Embry, was all I could come up with, then I phased and started walking.
What was going on? Were the Cullens leaving? Had Bella called off the wedding? If only I had the answers. And Embry. I know he was trying to help, but holding Bella? I wasn't sure I could take much more. My decision, the one that would inevitably affect the rest of my life, was nearer with every word from Embry.
I couldn't sleep with all that was going on in my mind, so I walked to the nearby creek and sat down to listen to the water running over the rocks and try to collect my thoughts. Hours passed, and I found my mind traveling in circles. Every thought always brought me back to her.
Later that afternoon, I was able to take a nap for a few hours, then I hunted during the night and trying to tell myself that I was hungry. I knew I had to eat to keep up my strength, but knowing that didn't help very much.
When morning finally came creeping in, I was wearing a path where I walked the forest floor, pacing back and forth, waiting for news, any news.
Jake, I hope your listening this morning. Yesterday I went and talked with Bella. I told her we needed to know what was going on, not just for your sake, but for the packs as well. I thought if I put it that way, she might be more compelled to tell us what happened. So, tonight she has wants to meet with the pack. I have a feeling she's going to give us some much needed answers. Oh, and Jake. I'm...I'm not sure how much more I can take. This is so hard, seeing her like this, and feeling so helpless. She needs you and I know you need her too. You belong together, don't forget that. Listen tonight just before sundown.
I didn't bother phasing, he hadn't given me much to go on, but I found myself starting to wander, strangely enough, back toward home, not at a fast pace, just a mindless motion, that was leading me back in that direction.
I stopped short, just a few miles outside of La Push and tried to get some rest. It was hardly any use, however, I was too restless, so I waited. The day stretched on and on and I thought the sun would never fade.
I must have dozed off, and thought that I was dreaming, when I suddenly saw her face in my mind. As I focused, I realized it wasn't a dream, it was real. Then I picked up on the fact that Bella was with the pack and they were circled around her in a clearing, near First Beach.
I saw her clearly through each pair of eyes. Seeing her from their prospective, made me realize just how beautiful she was. It had been over a month since we had last seen each other and my heart ached as I watched them watching her.
When she began to speak, I sat up and realized that I had been holding my breath. I was panting now, trying to gather a few gasps of much needed oxygen, as I listened intently to what she was saying.
"You've all been such good friends to me during the past few weeks. I'll never be able to thank you for all you've done, especially you, Embry. I know at first it was hard for you to understand what was going on knowing that it was my fault that Jake left. But I never told him goodbye and I had no idea that they were sending out the invitations."
I could see that Bella had shifted her attention mostly to Embry, and seemed to be speaking directly to him. My guess is that she was trying to communicate directly with me, through him.
"When I left that day, while Jake was still recovering from his injuries, I knew I had found my place and it was with him. But, I didn't know exactly how to get out of the mess I had gotten into."
I saw the tears trickle down her pale cheeks in the light from a nearby fire that they probably built to help keep her warm. But the tears didn't stop her.
"I did love Edward once, before he left, but when he came back, I couldn't stop thinking about Jake. Jake had become the center of my life, of my world, and when he was almost killed, I knew I couldn't be without him. I finally told Edward that I belonged with Jake and that I had found my other half, the person who completed me. He never told me about the invitations. He told me I deserved to be happy and that he might check in some day to see how I was. Then, when I got to La Push, I found out that Jake was gone."
She sniffled a few times, then wiped the tears from her face still staring into Embry's eyes. I could see him move closer to her, and lay his head on her lap. She stroked his long brown fur, and rubbed her hand over his ears. That's all it took. I was running toward home within minutes.
"Jake. I hope you can hear me. I want you to know that I'm lost without you. My world is so dark without the sun, my sun to light my way."
I hadn't realized how close I was, so it only took me about fifteen minutes to reach them. I phased when I got closer, and walked into the circle they had formed around Bella.
There she was warm, alive, and with a heart that was beating. Neither of us said a word, as we wrapped our arms around the other. When we finally broke apart, I looked at my friends, my family, my pack, and thanked them for keeping an eye on her. Embry nudged me with his head and looked into my eyes.
"Thanks Embry. I might not have come back if it hadn't been for you."
He barked a laugh then they were all gone, disappearing into the shadows of the night. Bella and I stayed by the fire and she spread a blanket out on the ground. She sat down and motioned for me to join her.
Once on the blanket, we lay back and she snuggled into my arms. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else, didn't want to be anywhere else, than right here, with her in my arms.
"Jake. Let me lie in the curve of your body tonight. I want to hear you tumble into sleep. I want to watch you heal, I'll watch you heal with me. Then tomorrow I will sing you morning lullabies."
I didn't know quite what to say. She had me choked up with what she had just said to me. I looked down at her and pulled her even closer. So, that night we held each other, as we began to heal together.
We've never been apart, from that day forward, and we were married a year after I came back. Things couldn't have worked out better, not just for us, but for everyone in the pack. With the threat of vampires out of the way, things had settled down for us all.
Sam and Emily got married, shortly after I came back and have one little boy, and are expecting another baby soon. Sam stopped phasing after his son was born and I became the alpha leader of the pack.
Just before Bella and I got married, Embry met the girl of his dreams, Maria. They've been a steady item, and if I know Embry, he's probably going to ask her to marry him any day now.
Quil hasn't found the girl of his dreams yet, but he's looking high and low for her. I don't think he's had a weekend off from dating in months. That's Quil for you.
As for the others, they've all gone on with their lives. Leah stopped phasing and went off to college. Seth is getting ready to graduate from high school and has a steady girl friend. Paul and my sister hit it off when she came home for a summer break from college, so it looks like I may have another brother-in-law someday. And Jared works at the store on the rez and has worked his way up to assistant manager. He has high hopes of someday owning the little store.
That brings us up to date with everyone, except Bella. She's doing great even though she's seven months pregnant with our baby. Our baby, I still can't get used to that. Yes and every morning she still sings me morning lullabies, just like she promised that night by the fire and I hope that never changes.
So I guess that my grandfather's words of wisdom did some good after all.
"When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage. So long as mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists– as it surely will. Then act with courage."
I'm glad now that I listened to those words so long ago and that I found the courage to go back and face my life. When I came back, I found the sunlight. It's funny how Bella has always said I was her sun, her own personal sun, when in fact we make the sunlight when we are together.
THE END.
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I felt that it was only appropriate to give credit where credit was due for the inspirations that helped me write this fanfiction. First there was my mom who used to put my tears in her pocket when I was a little girl to save them for another day, secondly the words of wisdom from Jake's grandfather were actual written by Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's to 1914), it's amazing what you can find on the internet, thirdly Emily Bronte for "Wuthering Heights," need I say more, and lastly I love the song "Morning Lullabies" by Ingrid Michaelson and felt that they added a nice touch to Jake and Bell's reunion. I hope you enjoyed this bitter sweet story as much as I did. Thanks for reading.
