Hate is a four-letter word
Disclaimer: Nope still nothing but my fevered imagination working overtime as per usual. So Eric Kripke has the honour of owning Supernatural and the characters we all love to hurt.
Disclaimer Number 2 Very important, this story is going to contain hate crime I just want to say that I do not advocate any kind of hate crime ever, in fact it goes against all of my principles but it will be a very important part of the story. I am hoping that the ending will resolve issues brought up throughout the plotline.
Warning: Graphic violence and sexual assault if you are squeamish about these things then please go read one of my tamer stories.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Sam blinked and stared at his brother and friend, confusion written across his face, his body hurt so much he couldn't bear to move. But, but there was something else, he didn't know who these people were or where he was. Their faces so familiar, but hidden in his jumbled mind.
If he shut his eyes he saw the men in uniform shooting another familiar face and he could smell the stench of gunpowder and blood mingled together. Gagging, he opened his eyes and stared up at those eyes, the green eyes watching him so closely. His brow creased with concentration as he studied the face that went with those eyes.
'Dean?' the name whispered so hoarsely and so softly that it was almost inaudible. 'Dean?' He tried the name again, it felt right rolling off his tongue like it had so many times in the past.
'Sammy what is it?'
'Sammy?' Sam repeated his own name and tried to own it as his, 'Sam.' He said sounding slightly more confident.
'Can hear gunfire Dean they're not far away.' Caleb announced running back into the cave, Sam turned his attention to the other familiar face and concentrated on him. A face from his childhood laughing and playing with him when he was little, the jokes with Dean. Dean his brother.
Brother? That felt right but only one brother, the other is a friend ... more than just a friend but a friend. 'Caleb?'
'Dude you okay?'
'Feel strange.' Sam blinked and turned his attention to his internal musings, categorising his injuries in a clinical manner, the poison spreading through his system slowly, deliberately making him sluggish and confused. Check.
Internal bleeding. Check. Internal bruising. Check. Broken ribs. Check. External damage to wrists, back, chest, neck and shoulder. Check. Dislocation of his right shoulder and knee. Check.
'Sammy?' Dean's voice filtered through his thoughts and made Sam look at his brother, 'Sammy you still with me dude?'
Mutely Sam stared and nodded slowly, as he went back to cataloguing his injuries. The whip marks were healing but still infected, his lower back hurt and he couldn't detect the source which worried him.
'Sammy?' Dean sat back on his haunches and tried to regain Sam's attention, his brother was spaced out completely now, and Dean didn't mind admitting to the fact that he was freaking out himself. Sam had a vision and now he's almost catatonic. He glanced down at the dart lying on the ground next to Sam, what the fuck did they tip it with? 'Sammy? Come on dude please snap out of it for me.'
'Dean?' Sam slit his eyes open and tried to focus on Dean, he needed the anchor to keep him still and solid. 'Dean?' He reached out and gripped Dean's hand tightly, relishing in the feel of skin on skin, this was real, Dean was real.
'Sammy what's going on in that freaky head of yours?'
'Poison ... Dean sorry dude, so sorry for what I did.'
'Sammy hey you did nothing look at me Sam you didn't do anything.'
'Uhhuh I took your favourite knife and hid it, I promise I didn't mean for it to get lost.'
'Dude what the hell you talking about?'
'And when Dad got really mad with me, for losing it ... I'm so sorry Dean, I tried to explain it to him but he wouldn't listen.'
'Sammy?'
'Even when I found it and gave it back, I'm sorry I didn't mean. Dad was so mad but I deserved it.'
'Deserved what Sammy?' Dean's voice sounded thick, choked with pent up emotion.
'The punishment, Dad said I had to be punished and I did coz it was my fault.'
'Sammy you were only eight years old.' Dean's face lost all colour when he remembered the incident. The uncharacteristic silence from Sam for a week, the anger radiating from their father towards Sammy. All because of a petty argument and a small hunting knife. 'Sammy what did ... what was the punishment?'
'I deserved it Dean, I always did, coz I'm not like you, I'm a bad boy and need to be punished.'
'Sammy hey dude look at me, what are you talking about?'
'The first time it hurt but then ... I deserved it Dad said it was the only way to make me more like you. To toughen me up. I had to toughen up and be a good soldier.'
'Sam ... what ... did ... Dad ... do?'
Sam clutched his left hand unconsciously to his chest and tried to turn his face away, 'no Sam no you don't talk to me dude.' Dean hated having to take advantage of Sam's confusion, but he had to know. 'I remember Dad made you apologise to me and then he said he was taking you with him to get dinner.'
Sam nodded and kept his eyes lowered unable to meet Dean's steady gaze, the humiliation burning so deep it was strangling him.
'What did Dad do Sam?'
'He hit my hand,' Sam mumbled flexing his left hand as he spoke, 'I dunno how many times...'
'What with?'
'Huh? Oh uh he used a switch.' Sam blinked and stared down at the fine white scars lining his left palm.
'Those scars Sam ... Sam are they ... are they from that day?'
Sam nodded his head and sniffled, 'said I wasn't to talk for a week, an' if I said anything to you then I would get the same on my right hand. Said that ... that it might make me think twice bout stealing and telling lies.'
'Oh God Sammy.'
'It's kay coz I deserved it Dean, don't you see. He was right all I do is screw up, I am so sorry I didn't ... my fault you got hurt and broke your leg, my fault when you got hurt and got cut badly. All my fault Dean I am so sorry ... I just screw up all the time.'
'No Sam that is so not true.' Dean fumed silently at their father, he knew that things weren't the best with Sam and their dad but this went past that. 'Sam did Dad punish you often?'
'When I needed to be punished.' Sam mumbled his words slurring slightly as the numbness started to encroach on his upper body and throat. 'Didn't want you to know what a screw up I was.'
'Sammy ... Sammy did Dad hurt you or just do stuff like ground you?' Dean didn't know why the distinction was so important, he knew that Sam often got groundings for the slightest infraction but physical punishment.
'Dad wanted me to be like you, be strong and not a weakling.' Sam giggled and let his head roll lazily around to look at Dean, 'take it like a man Samuel.'
'Damn Sam why didn't you tell me?'
'No, no I deserved it, he was right. I was a screw up, now look at us Dean.' Sam giggled again, 'I screwed up again, was too weak to fight em, and had to be punished.'
'No, no Sam please you can't think like that.'
'Bobby's gonna die ... you're already dead, Caleb's gonna die and it's all my fault.' Sam laughed harshly, 'don't worry Dean soon, I won't be such a screw up.'
'Sam?' Dean watched as Sam struggled to stay conscious, 'Damn it Sam look at me, I'm not dead, Bobby aint dead and Caleb is right here with us, we're gonna get outta here Sammy you just have to hang on.'
'Dean?' Caleb skidded to a halt next to the Winchester brothers, unable to ignore the tragic looks on their faces and Sam's laboured breathing, the effort it was for him just to maintain a steady even breath. 'Dude we're in trouble, I just did some recon and they're closing in.'
'Fuck, we can't move Sammy, that dart ... he's confused, hallucinating I think and it is shutting him down Caleb.'
'Sam?' Caleb dropped to his knees and ran a hand over the younger man's brow, noticing how cold he was to the touch. 'Hey dude you with us?'
'Caleb?' Sam blinked at their friend and smiled slightly, 'hey am I dead yet? Ya know you and Dean don't have ta wait for me.'
'No one's waiting for ya on the other side Sam, we're right here.' Caleb shot a worried look at Dean, 'we're all still alive and kicking Sam.'
'Sorry Caleb, sorry for what I did.'
'Sam?' Caleb glanced back at Dean.
'Sam's on a roll he thinks that everything is his fault, all the bad stuff he did the lot.' Dean said angrily, his harsh tone made Sam flinch and he immediately regretted it.
'Sorry Caleb, my fault they got you ... I was ... too weak ... always too weak. Shape up Sammy, toughen up Sammy, when you gonna be like your brother Sammy. Stop snivelling, Winchesters don't cry.' Sam hiccuped a giggle and squinted at the space between Caleb and Dean, 'geeze Dad's mad again, guess even in death I'm a screw up.'
'There's no one there Sam.' Dean said his gaze following the same direction as Sam's.
'Uhhuh Dad's there waiting for me, guess it's time for another punishment, sorry Dean I really tried.'
'Sam, Sam listen to me Dad is not mad with you.' Dean cried out as he watched Sam's eyes roll back, his eyelids sliding shut.
'Dean ... we have to get out of here now.' Caleb grabbed Dean's arm and made him look up at him, 'I'll carry Sammy.'
'I can't lose him Caleb ... please I can't lose him.'
'No one's dying not on my watch.' Caleb said sliding his arms under Sam's limp body he winced at feeling the dampness on his shirt, Sam's back was bleeding again. Taking a deep breath he lifted him into a fireman's carry, staggered slightly until he managed to get a good balance, 'there's another tunnel, branches off from the entrance goes further into the mountain.'
'Kay.' Dean stood up swayed and paled even more but swallowed it down and forced himself to start walking. 'You want me to take him?'
'Yeah right dude just keep walking.' Caleb managed a small grin and a light shove.
------------------------
Bobby led his small group deep into the forest, knowing that Dean would go as deep as possible before making a run for it. His thoughts fixed on Sam's condition, he was in no fit state to be traipsing around the woods or anywhere for that matter, he should be in hospital.
A loud whoop went up startling Bobby out of his thoughts and he sprinted over to where the commotion started. 'What the fuck? Do you want the prey to find out where you are? Way to go on giving away your position.'
'Sorry Sir, but we tipped one.' The sheriff's son Dick smirked, 'got the kid with one of these.' Dick held out the steel dart to show Bobby, 'tipped with a concoction straight from the big guy himself.'
Bobby had never felt so close to throttling a kid in his life as what he did just then, 'the kid? You said you hit the kid?'
'Yeah got him good.'
'So where is he? You eedjit don't you think afore you use that space in ya head. He's not here and he's also not alone, how the hell do ya think he walked away?'
'Who the hell do you think ... my daddy ...'
'Your daddy asked me to make sure you don't do anything so danged stupid.'
'So whatcha gonna do bout it old man?'
'Your lucky that your daddy is who he is, I really want to kick ya ass from 'ere to kingdom come but for now git, git tracking and just hope that we haven't lost em.'
Dick and his cohorts snarled at Bobby but scared of the repercussions if they didn't, took off, shoving and laughing at the thought of shooting Sam with a dart. Grumbling under his breath, Bobby followed them his eyes tracking the area for any signs of the boys. Praying that they found a safe place to hole up. Surreptitiously he slipped the dart in his pocket determined to get it tested when they got out of this mess.
A short whistle gave Bobby another reason to panic when he saw the trail of blood spatters, the fools trampled over most of it but there were a few in this troupe who were very good at what they do, very good indeed.
'What is it?' he asked in a loud whisper, crouching down next to the prone young man taking point.
'Blood trail finishes here Sir, looks like they have moved up into the cliffs, there's caves up there Sir, a whole mess of em.'
'Where's Dick and the others?'
'Hopefully down a deep hole ... Sorry Sir.' The young man grinned, 'they're over there.' He nodded to his right, 'down the river.'
'Good and don't you apologise ya hear,' Bobby couldn't help grinning at him, 'what's ya name agin?'
'Clarence Sir,' the young man coughed embarrassed, 'but get called Clay.'
'Very good Clay, take one of that lot and do some recon up the cliffs, those danged idiots can keep following the river. If ya find anything don't move in but get me understood?' Bobby stared hard at the young man, 'we do this, we do it right.'
'Yes Sir.' Clay said excited that he was singled out for such an important task, 'I'll take Will with me Sir.'
'Fine, but remember we want a surprise attack don't go stampeding in there, we don't know what's in the caves. Recon and report.'
'Yes Sir.'
'I better go and see if those eedjits have drowned 'emselves yet.' Bobby shoved his cap back a little and scrubbed at his eyes.
'You alright Sir?'
'Yeah, yeah just got a headache ... danged idiot kids, danged runners, just get me results Clay.'
-------------------
Caleb stumbled and landed heavily on one knee, carefully he shifted Sam's dead weight and managed to stand up again, he could feel the blood trickling down his leg and cursed himself again for his clumsiness.
'Cal you okay?' Dean called from the murky darkness ahead of him, he could hear the soft footfall of Dean coming back to find him.
'Yeah, yeah we're getting there.' Caleb mumbled, 'you lucked out Sammy, at least you don't feel anything at the moment.'
'Caleb?' Dean panted skidding to a stop he took in Caleb's bleeding knee and the awkward hold he had on Sammy. 'Damn Cal we can't keep going.'
'What do you suggest then Dean? Surrender and let em shoot us?'
'No, no but we need somewhere to hole up, get a defensive going.'
'Okay what's ahead?' Caleb asked shifting Sam's weight slightly eliciting a moan of pain from the youngest hunter.
'There's a corner that should be good we can see from both directions.' Dean mused aloud 'should be suitable but ...'
'Sam's stirring it'll have to be.' Caleb said as he followed Dean down the last few metres down the tunnel. Carefully they laid Sam on the ground close to the far wall, using their own jackets, covering him with one and the other as a pillow. Lying him on his side Dean was able to check Sam's back and sides a small snarl ripped from his throat.
'Fuck ... I'm gonna kill those bastards slowly, bring em back and kill em again.' Dean vowed, 'Caleb his back, it's infected but...'
'But what Dean what is it?' Caleb asked swallowing hard when he saw the look on Dean's face. 'Dude what is it?'
'There's bruising ... bad bruising.' Dean gently pulled at the waist band of Sam's pants, sliding them over his hips, 'fucking bastards.'
'Dean? Please don't ... they didn't ...' Caleb looked from Sam to Dean and then back to Sam, 'ah that's just not fair Dean.'
'Dean? Cal?' Sam's eyes flickered open and he tried to focus but it was too much effort, 'Dean?'
'Right here bro.' Dean moved until he was directly in front of Sam, 'how you feeling?'
'M'kay.' Sam licked his dry lips and settled back down, 'what 'appened?'
'S'lright Sammy just rest,' Dean said brushing Sam's fringe from his eyes, 'just rest bro and we'll be outta here in a flash.'
'Dean no you ... you okay?' Sam forced himself to stay awake, his worry for Dean spiking an adrenaline push through him. 'You ... you're hurt.'
'Ah Sammy I'll be fine.' Dean looked down at his baby brother in amazement, 'listen we've found a spot that we should be able to defend until the morning, so I just want you to rest and not worry kay.'
'Not worry? Yeah sure Dean.' Sam snorted a ghost of a smile playing on his lips, 'argh so ah whatcha want me ... ah.'
'Sam?'
'Nah it's okay Dean please just let me do something.' Sam gazed up at Dean pulling the kicked puppy look, 'I don't want ... want to be victim.'
'Sam can you stand?' Dean asked harsher than he wanted to but he didn't have time for Sam's martyr complex, 'can you even sit?'
Glaring at his brother, Sam took a deep breath and slowly pulled himself upright, letting the breath go when he felt almost steady. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment until the dizziness eased and then he opened them to stare at his brother a look of pure defiance on his face. 'I'm no victim Dean.'
'Ah Sammy.' Dean grinned and swiped his brother's face affectionately. 'Cal?'
'Okay I have set up a bit of a defence but it aint much.' Caleb grinned at Sam, 'hey Sam shouldn't you be resting.'
'Don't you start Cal.' Sam growled, 'so what now?'
'We try to keep em at bay until morning and then we'll be able to move again.' Caleb said fidgeting.
'Dude what you got ants in ya pants?' Dean chuckled.
'Gotta go ... listen I'll see if I can round up some weapons.' Caleb said, 'do what I gotta and get some firepower in the process.'
'No Cal what if they find you?' Sam cried out panicking at the thought, 'it's too dangerous.'
'Sam I gotta go pee bad, if it looks too bad then I'll come back but if I get the chance.' Caleb winked at the brothers and then disappeared into the darkness of the cave before they could protest.
'Dean go after him please.' Sam said his breathing hitching as he felt helpless to help.
'Sam calm down please Caleb knows what he's doing.' Dean said his gaze fixed on where he last saw Caleb, 'anyway if Bobby was able to leave a few weapons lying around for us, he'll find em.'
'Dean I'm worried, my vision ...'
'I know dude we just have to watch out and make sure that Bobby is safe too.'
'This is so fucked Dean.'
'Yeah I know Sam,' Dean cringed when he heard the tone of Sam's voice, 'hey don't you give up just yet okay.'
'I won't ... promise Dean.' Sam sighed and rested his head back against the cool of the rock. 'Dean?'
'Yeah Sammy? Hey come on settle down and rest for a while huh?'
'Dean do you remember when we were kids an' Dad decided to settle for a while. He was gonna cook us a roast ...'
'Yeah it was more like burnt offerings.' Dean chuckled at the memory.
'He stayed there coz of you Dean.' Sam whispered the statement, exhaustion setting in mixing with the effects of the infection and poison still in his sluggish system.
'Nah Sammy, we stayed coz you were doing well in school and it was too late in the school year for you to shift schools.'
'That's what he told you,' Sam shook his head and moved until he could rest his head on Dean's lap, needing the comfort of his brother's touch.
'Whatcha talking about Sammy?' Dean asked hating to keep his brother awake but his curiosity got the better of him.
'Dad wanted to stay for you to finish school, to graduate coz then he thought that I might take ... take after you and give school up.'
'Sammy no, no you were doing so well ...'
'He told me that I had to drop out when I turned sixteen.'
'Wha?'
'Don't need schoolin' he wanted ... wanted you to finish coz you're the eldest. He wanted me to be more like you.'
'I am sorry Sammy.'
'Why?' Sam blinked and turned his head so he could look up at his brother, 'why Dad wanted two hunters for sons that's all. It was my fault for being too soft.'
'Sammy.'
'No Dean I understand it all now. He did it all for you ... I 'member when he gave you the 'pala. You so happy.'
'Oh God Sammy, he didn't mean to make it ...' As the realisation hit him Dean sat back floored, his father did nothing but play favourite with Dean as the boys got older. Sam got more argumentative and Dean got to be the golden child. It never registered in him how hurt Sam was when his father never even remembered his eighteenth birthday but Dean got the car for his.
'Tis okay ... all 'kay Dean coz you deserved it, I was a screw up but you ... you were the better hunter, so happy for you Deanie.'
'Sammy please look at me.' Dean tried to get Sam to acknowledge him but his brother was lost in memories, and slowly started slipping back into unconsciousness.
Dean's eyes burnt with unshed tears of anger, how could his Dad wear Sammy down like that, now it all slid into place, why Sam wanted so desperately to get away, to prove himself in something he knew he was good at. Why he was so desperate to have John's approval. 'Damn you Dad.' Dean whispered, how could he have been so blind to Sam's pain especially that night?
A gunshot broke Dean out of his reverie and he tightened his grip on Sam, clutching him tightly, 'hang in there Sammy, for me please.' He whispered as he stared into the inky blackness and listened for any signs of Caleb, hell for any signs of life.
TBC
