Zane
Two days have passed since Rikki woke up, but things are not going too good, she has been sedated so many times because every time she wakes up she starts to panic; screaming and kicking and the only way to calm her down is to sedate her.
It is hard to see her like this, she is not Rikki anymore, she is not the happy, sarcastic girl that I used to know and love, she makes me cry every time she wakes up, she starts to scream pleading for them to just let her die, that the only thing she wants is to die. I don't want to hear her say that again, I need her alive with me I couldn't live without her.
Please Rikki make it through this.
Emma
I feel horrible every time I hear Rikki scream it must be hard for her, sometimes I prefer to stay at home with mom, she says that she is not ready
to visit Rikki, she thinks that she couldn't stand if she sees Rikki like this.
Mom has started to have a soft spot for Rikki, almost love her as a daughter,
since Rikki started so spend more time in my house.
She used to enjoy Rikki's company, and I think Rikki has taken some affection towards my mom too, Rikki trusts her. Today mom took me to the hospital she finally decided to go visit Rikki, maybe mom can help her in some way.
As we entered the hospital, Rikki woke up and like every time she wakes up she started to scream but this time mom was with us and as soon as she heard Rikki , she ran into the room and started to talk to her.
"I'm here Rikki, It's Lisa Honey"
With that mom tried to hug her but Rikki pushed her away, I saw the tears in my mom's eyes, in that moment I thought she was going to run out of the room, but no, she tried again and this time Rikki didn't move she just let my mom hug her.
"Be quiet Rikki I'm here with you, I'm sorry for not coming before but I promise you that I won't leave you alone again."
Tears started rolling down from eyes, as I watched Rikki hugging my mom and crying with her.
Terry
'Go away,'
'Leave me alone,'
'Get off of me,' and
'Don't touch me.'
That's all I've heard since Rikki woke up two days ago, Rikki doesn't let anyone get close to her, she doesn't let anyone touch her and it is all my fault. I hit her, I offended her and I'm sorry for what I did, but that doesn't change anything I should have heard her out before I hit her, I should have asked her why did she do that. I should have listened to her.
Today when Lisa finally calmed Rikki I felt good and bad at the same time, good because Rikki calmed down but bad because Lisa did what I couldn't do, every time Rikki wakes up I just watch her, I don't move, I completely freeze. I would Like to have the guts that Lisa had.
Rikki
I was so scared, sad and angry at the same time, it was the same if i had my eyes closed or opened because anyway everything was dark. I didn't want to eat because I was so useless. I was afraid to drop water on me, I was afraid that someone could hurt me or that I could hurt someone, so every time that I felt someone get close I started, kicking and screaming, pushing everyone away from me. They could make me sleep so easily, and I don't blame them.
Today as soon as felt Lisa near I pushed her away but she tried again, at the beginning I tried to push her away from me again but she didn't let go, so I didn't move I just hugged her and started to cry telling her everything that I was feeling right then.
"I hate my life, I hate being blind, I hate me, I hate everything, Why me?
What did I do wrong? I wanted to die, I want die, I don't want to be in pain
anymore, I don't want to be afraid all the time, I don't want to feel useless, help me please."
Telling her all of this made me feel better, she made me feel comfortable but while I was crying I started to feel bad it was hard to breath I started to feel dizzy, I tried to breath to calm down but nothing worked. I felt something in my mouth, a tube passed down my throat, I think it's going to
help me breath. I can feel a small amount of pain, and then I am unconscious again.
