Hate is a four-letter word
Disclaimer: Nope still nothing but my fevered imagination working overtime as per usual. So Eric Kripke has the honour of owning Supernatural and the characters we all love to hurt.
Disclaimer Number 2: Very important, this story is going to contain hate crime I just want to say that I do not advocate any kind of hate crime ever, in fact it goes against all of my principles but it will be a very important part of the story. I am hoping that the ending will resolve issues brought up throughout the plotline.
Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to 1pagan3 coz I am using unabashed bribery!!
Warning: Graphic violence and sexual assault if you are squeamish about these things then please go read one of my tamer stories.
Chapter nineteen
Dean sat watching his brother as he sat on the floor and drew happily on the stack of spare paper. They had returned to Bobby's after more than a month in hospital all of the tests results on Sam resulted in the same prognosis, the doctors could not say when he would snap back, it looked like little Sammy was there to say. The so-called experts were all convinced that the trauma Sam had suffered was literally too much for him to handle so he had regressed back to a time less painful and more joyous to him. His infant years with Dean.
Dean and Bobby knew that it was not the case; that Sam was there lost in the darkness and that they would find him again, all they had to do was find the way. Dean scowled and scrubbed at his face again wearily, he loved little Sammy and would never abandon him but he missed Sam, the talks, the fights, the banter, the hunting together he missed it all, he wanted his brother back.
'Sammy whatcha doin?' Dean asked with a frown when he saw Sam start to scribble on the wall, 'hey little man uncle Bobby will be mad with you for writing on the walls.' He crouched down next to Sammy and stared at the symbols drawn with a childish scrawl. 'What? Sammy?'
'D-Dean?'
'Sam? Ah man it's good to hear your voice.'
'N-not much time ... trap.'
'What ... Sam please talk to me?'
'S-Sammy ... s-s-symbols ... d-d-demon t-t-trap,' Sam forced the words out as he stared at the haggard look on his sibling's face, 'y-you l-l-look like sh-sh-shit.'
'Thanks back at ya.' Dean breathed, 'what trap? God Sammy no.'
'P-please c-c-can't d-d-d-do this.'
'No, Sam I am not going to do it. It'll kill you.'
'M'dy-dying now De.'
'No, Sam I will not sacrifice you ... never me and Bobby will find a way Sam you just have to hang on a little longer.'
'T-tired De.'
I know ... how bout we get you back to bed.' Dean helped his brother up and guided him over to the ready-made bed and laid him back down. 'Sam you still with me dude?'
'Yeah ... yeah I'm still with ya.' Sam gave him a tired smile and grabbed his hand, 'wish I got ...'
'Got what Sam?'
'A chance to see dad the way you did.' Sam blurted out, 'you remember dad so differently to me.'
'Ah Sammy.'
'Nah I mean it's okay Dean ... I understand dad now.'
'Well that makes one of us.'
'Funny.' Dean smirked, 'what do you mean Sam?'
'I-I don't r-remember anything b-b-but dad's obsession ... I know I didn't m-m-measure up and well when I was younger I got so mad at him, but, but now. N-Now I understand I – I just w-wish I d-d-did sooner.'
'Not making much sense here Sam.'
'I r-remember dad yellin' and, and the punishments more th-than th-the re-rewards.' Sam got out his voice fading slightly towards the end, 'b-but you, you De.'
'Sam please...'
'N-no D-Dean please I need ... I j-just want to l-let you ... wh-when I l-left it was c-coz of dad ...never you D-Dean never you.' Sam wept as he felt himself pulled back into the darkness. 'L-love you De.'
'No Sam please we can work ...'
'C-can't hold ... th-the t-trap Dean.' Sam's eyes slid shut and his breathing evened out as exhaustion overrode every thing and every thought.
'Dammit Sam.' Dean rubbed at his eyes and refused to let any tears flow, he was past the tears and the despair, now he fed off his own anger; slowly he pulled himself up and went to the wall where Sam had scrawled on the wall.
'Dean?' Bobby came in carrying a tray with sandwiches and coffee, 'what is it?'
'Sammy drew them Bobby, little Sammy.'
As he put the tray on the bedside table, Bobby glanced at the sleeping Sam before he went to crouch next to Dean and inspect the sigils. 'Dang it all Dean do you know what he has drawn?'
'Yeah, it's what we need to destroy the demon holding Sam hostage.'
'I hear a but coming.'
'We use it then Sam dies too.' Dean said dispassionately.
'Then we'll find something else, we will Dean I promise.' Bobby said gruffly as he squeezed Dean's shoulder, 'I'm gonna go get the camera to take some pictures of these ya just never know.'
'Gee Bobby I didn't think that the Box Brownie still worked.' Dean managed to quip glancing over at Sam when he heard a small whimper coming from the other side of the room. 'Sammy?'
'Hurts, hurts Sam,' the infantile voice came from his adult brother, 'stop ... stop it.'
'Sammy?' Dean hurried over to the bed instantly forgetting about the symbols on the wall.
'Hurt Sam, he hurt Sam.' Sammy wept as he writhed on the bed, squeezing his eyes shut, 'hurt Sam coz he ... no – no – no.' Sammy screamed as his eyes snapped open and his back arched off the bed, blood ran freely from his nose and ears as he fell back on the bed and turned pain-filled eyes to his brother, 'Deanie?'
'Hold on little man okay.'
'S-S-Sammy t-t-tired.' Sam whispered as his head lolled to one side and he stared unblinkingly at the wall drawings.
'Sam?' Dean gave his brother a small shake and then reached over to cup Sam's face in his hands, 'oh God Sammy, please come back to me.'
'Dean?' Bobby appeared at his side with a bowl of water and soft cloths, 'Dean?'
'He's gone Bobby,' Dean whispered, 'I've lost both of them.'
'He's still alive Dean and while he's breathing he's still in there.' Bobby said as he put the bowl on the floor and handed Dean the cloth, 'clean him up son.'
'How ... how can ... what if I have lost them Bobby? Lost them for good?'
Bobby stared at Dean in shock, the brokenness of the younger man was one thing but the way he asked about both little Sammy and Sam and spoke of them as separate persons made his heart shatter. 'Dang it all, Dean we haven't lost Sam we're gonna get him back.'
'You're right Bobby,' Dean sniffed and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, 'I'll get him cleaned up.' With a shaking hand, Dean gently cleaned the blood away from Sam's upper lip and neck where it dribbled from his nose and ears. Unnerved by the blank look on Sam's face and his open glassy eyes, his stare fixed on the ceiling, 'damn it Sammy come back to me please.'
S—D
Bobby rubbed his eyes tiredly and sat back from studying the images on his computer, the symbols so obviously drawn with a child's hand were so sophisticated and detailed he knew that Sam was controlling the images somehow. He heaved a heavy sigh and picked up his phone he needed help to decipher them.
'Hey Bobby you in here?' Caleb called from the front door letting himself, Clay and Will into the older hunter's house.
'Den.' Came Bobby's terse reply as he listened to the phone ringing in his ear, 'come on pick up.' He waved at the others and finally growled into the phone when the call was answered.
Caleb left Will and Clay with Bobby while he went in search of Dean and Sam; he paused inside the door as he watched Dean give his brother a bed bath. Sam lay pliantly in the bed as Dean chatted and wiped the scarred skin with a soft sponge.
'Hey Cal.' Dean smirked slightly, 'Sam we got company.'
'Dean.' Caleb stepped into the room and glanced down at Sam's blank face, 'how's he doing?'
'He's doing great aren't ya Sammy.' Dean finished the washing and with practiced ease slipped a clean T-shirt onto Sam and covered him with the blankets. 'That's better.'
'Dean...'
'Gonna be okay aren't ya Sammy, so Cal what can I do for ya?' Dean wiped his hands dry and stared up at the new arrival.
'Just got in with Will and Clay wanted to see if there's anything we can do ... and ah we got a lead on Rogers.'
'Sammy I'll be right back.' Dean said as he nodded at Cal and then the door, he bent down and brushed a wayward hair from Sam's brow and then strode out of the room.
'Well?' He demanded when he met up with the others, 'what's so fucking important?'
'We found Rogers, he's started up another supremacist group, this time they're calling themselves the Puritans.' Clay said as he looked up at Dean, casting an appraising eye over his friend, 'you look like shit.'
'Thanks you're such a gorgeous looker too.' Dean shot back, 'where are they?'
'About a three hour drive north from here.' Will said he glanced down at Bobby, 'we wondered if Bobby would like to join us?'
'Only Bobby?' Dean asked his voice low and well-controlled.
'You need to stay with Sam ... Dean you know it yourself he won't stay with anyone else and if he wakes and finds you gone ...'
'I hate this.' Dean ground out as the nerve in his eye started to throb again, 'I fucking hate this.'
'What is it Dean?' Caleb turned to his friend and stared at him intently, 'we can do this.'
'I ah fuck it, I gotta get back to Sammy, and you all can do what you like.' Dean raged internally, with the very fibre of his being he wanted to be there to 'gank' the bastard Rogers but he had to stay with his brother, his catatonic brother. He stood in the doorway of the bedroom and stared at Sam with a blank face, anger burned in his soul threatening to implode him, he wanted to strike out at someone or something and yet all he could do was still on his ass and watch his brother.
Dean jumped when he saw Sam's head roll to the side and his blank eyes fix on his face, 'Sammy?' he whispered when he saw the tears fall from Sam's glazed over eyes, 'oh God Sammy.'
S—D
Sam curled into a tight ball and hummed softly to himself; he could feel the presence of the demon in his mind but forced it away from his thoughts. The bubble around himself cocooned him and kept him from further internal attacks.
He could hear little Sammy crying and hugged himself tighter trying to comfort his child within, he whispered softly and hummed a lullaby he could vaguely remember hearing once. A long, long time ago.
'You can't hide from me forever.' The demon raged against the bubble, exhausting his own power to try and penetrate Sam's but to no avail.
Sam felt Dean leave his side and immediately felt the loss but he couldn't lose control now, then suddenly as quickly as the pressure in his mind started it was gone. For the first time in months, Sam was alone in his own mind.
With immense effort, he turned his head and from the depths of his mind, he registered Dean watching him. 'Oh God Sammy.' His brother's voice penetrated the bubble as easily as a hot blade through ice, the scent of lilacs filled the air and a tiny white light tried to glow in the black depths.
TBC
