Ok, so I got the script off the net, but I have been listening to my soundtrack cd for the musical cues etc.

It should fit with the movie, but I can't make any promises...

I'll probably do this over two or three chapters - you have been warned :)

Chapter Five: Performance

The day of the Opening Matinée dawned to find Harry curled up on the couch, miserable. He'd hardly gotten any sleep, having stayed up worrying until 2.00am and waking with the sun through the windows. He rolled over, falling off onto the floor and groaning in disgust at his own idiocy. Sleeping on the couch was not going to help his playing one bit, and since they had two performances that day everyone was bound to be highly strung (including Harry himself).

Sulking throughout his morning routine Harry managed to get to breakfast on time, but this did nothing to help his mood – the Malfoys looked decidedly well-rested, making Harry loathe them even more than usual in his stressed state.

Really, it was hardly surprising that the first performance turned out the way it did...

The opening went without a hitch. 'Science Fiction Double Feature' ran through smoothly as the lights dimmed and the audience settled.

The curtains were open, and the wedding scene mimed – Luna played Betty Monroe and threw Lavender the bouquet (and she even caught it). But something in Harry's gut told him it wouldn't last, and he was right.

JANET/Lavender: Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful. Didn't Betty look radiantly beautiful. Just an hour ago she was plain old Betty Monroe. Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

BRAD/Ethan: Er...yes, Janet.......Ralph's a lucky guy.

(They both moved slowly towards down-stage, as called for in the script)

JANET: Yes.

(Lavender started to play with her hair, left out around her shoulders)

BRAD: Everyone knows Betty's a wonderful little cook.

JANET: Yes.

(Lavender began to look quite distracted and vacant, and Ethan was clearly starting to notice)

BRAD: And Ralph himself will be in line for promotion in a year or so.

JANET: Yes.

(Ethan decisively turned to Lavender, trying subtley to stand on her toe and get her to snap out of her daze)

BRAD: Hey Janet.

(Lavender scowled at him for a moment before realising where she was)

JANET: Yes Eth-Brad.

BRAD: I've got something to say.

(After quickly composing herself, she managed to indicate to Ethan that it was ok to continue. His sigh of relief could practically be felt in the orchestra pit, and Harry could feel those around him getting even more nervous as they started the next song)

JANET: Uh huh.

BRAD: I really loved the skilful way You beat the other girls To the bride's bouquet.

JANET: Oh Brad.

(The singing began. Thankfully for Ethan, he had a strong voice, but Lavender was clearly nervous. Natalya Marius would be singing with her from backstage, but that meant that Lavender needed all of her lines to be perfect – she would look foolish if she forgot a line and Natalya didn't)

BRAD: The river was deep but I swam it.

RIFFRAFF&MAGENTA as FAMILY/Blaise & Bellatrix: Janet.

BRAD: The future is ours so let's plan it.

(Ron slipped out of time, but quickly recovered)

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: So please don't tell me to can it.

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet. I love you.
(Ethan almost missed his next line, but recovered...)
The road was long but I ran it.
(...running backwards towards church doors and singing at the same time, instead of after)

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: There's a fire in my heart And you fan it.

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: If there's one fool for you Then I am it.

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: I've one thing to say and that's, Dammit, Janet. I love you.

(Lavender almost ran into Ethan, just managing to stop for him to 'propose' – he got down on his knees and produced a clunky plastic ring clearly visible to the audience)

BRAD: Here's a ring to prove that I'm not joker. There's three ways that love can grow. That's good bad or mediocre.

(Parvati accidentally missed a cue, and Draco's glare could've butchered her. Lavender grabbed the ring, and flung herself at Ethan – who luckily had managed to stand just in time to support her. The bouquet was abandoned mid-stage)

BRAD: Oh - J - A - N - E - T I love you so.

(Lavender gazed at the ring, trying in vain to make it appear as though she liked it)

JANET: Oh!......It's nicer than Betty Munroe had

MAGENTA: (Peering up from behind a bush) Oh Brad.

JANET: Now we're engaged and I'm so glad.
(Although Lavender certainly didn't look it)

MAGENTA&COLUMBIA/Lily: Oh Brad. (Both peer up and disappear)

JANET: That you met Mom And you know Dad.

FAMILY inc. COLOMBIA: Oh Brad. (peering up together)

JANET: (Taking his arm) I've one thing to say And that's, Brad I'm mad, For you too.

(Both Lavender and Ethan sat down on the church steps)

JANET: (Laying head on Brad's shoulder) Oh, Brad.

BRAD: Oh Dammit.

JANET: (Caresses his cheek) I'm mad.....

BRAD: Oh Janet
(Ethan looked rather uncomfortable at Lavender's slighlty over-the-top flirting)

JANET: For you.

(Lavender cracked slightly on the high note, but luckily Natalya covered her, singing out over it)

BRAD: (very briefly kisses her) I love you too-oo-oo.

BRAD&JANET: There's one thing left to do-ah-ooh
(They sprang apart in relief, jumping up for their cue)

BRAD: And that's go see the man Who began it

FAMILY: (backstage) Janet.

BRAD: When we met in his science exam It -

FAMILY: Janet.

BRAD: Made me give you the eye And then panic,

FAMILY: Janet

BRAD: I've got one thing to say, and that's Dammit, Janet. I love you.

(Ron accidentally dropped a stick, throwing the music out momentarily and earning himself a Snape Death-Glare™. Lavender and Ethan began to dance; badly)

BRAD: (Circling Janet) Dammit, Janet.

JANET: (Circles BRAD twice, admiring her ring on the way.) Oh Brad, I'm mad.

BRAD: Dammit, Janet.

BRAD, JANET, FAMILY: (Brad & Janet kneel together with each following word until they are kneeling on the floor)
I love you.

(Lavender and Ethan almost forgot to kiss (deliberately in Harry's opinion) before the lights go down and they all hurry off for a scene change) A smaller platform had been set up next to the stage, laid out as a study. As the students changed the main stage, Fred brought the lights up on to this smaller one to show Seamus in the office chair0

NARRATOR/Seamus: I would like if I may to take you on a strange journey.
(Seamus put on a pair of glasses with the lenses knocked out and picked up a folder that had been placed on the desk in front of him)
It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancee Janet Weiss (two young ordinary healthy kids) left Denton that late November evening to visit Dr Everett Scott, ex. tutor and now friend of both of them. It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black and pendulous, toward which they were driving. It's true also that the spare tyre they were carrying was badly in need of some air. But they being normal kids and on a night out, well they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening.
(Seamus paused as one of the sound technicians played a 'thunder' track for slightly too long – it was fun to play with, ok?)
It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time.

(The techie then played a lightening crack slightly too quickly, and Fred had to hurry to turn the lights from Seamus to the main stage. It was set up to appear as a stormy night, with Lavender and Ethan sitting in a small 'car'. Dean tore across the stage on a bicycle made to look like a motorbike (and looked mightily pleased with himself, as it was his only part on stage))

JANET: Gosh. That's the third motorcyclist that's passed us. They certainly take their lives in their hands. What with the weather and all.

BRAD: Yes, Janet. Life's pretty cheap to that type.

(The 'car' appears to stop, as the sign is brought closer to them more slowly from the opposite side of the stage and eventually stops. This is Ginny's only on-stage job, and she hates it)

JANET: What's the matter Brad, darling?

(George turns the 'headlights' up so that the sign can be read: "DEAD END")

BRAD: I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back.

JANET: Oh dear! But then where did the motorcyclists come from?

BRAD: Hmmm ... Well, I guess we will have to turn back.

(As the sign moved back slightly a techie played a loud bang – making the entire audience jump even higher than Ethan and Lavender)

JANET: What was that bang?

BRAD: We must have a blow-out.

JANET: Oh...

BRAD: You'd better sit here and keep warm while I go for help.

JANET: But where will you go? We're in the middle of nowhere.

BRAD: Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
(Ethan made to get out of the 'car', but Lavender pulled him back so violently that he almost fell on top of her)

JANET: I'm coming with you.

BRAD: There's no point both of us getting wet.

JANET: I'm coming with you.
(she gets out with him)
Besides, darling, the owner of the phone might be a beautiful woman and you may never come back.

BRAD: laughs.

(They both pretend to walk across the stage as the 'car' and sign are moved away from them. Armand deVere, the piano tutor, began to play the first few notes of 'Over at the Frankenstein Place', and there was a great scrambling in the pit to find music – much to Harry's annoyance the Malfoys were the only ones who'd been paying attention to where they were up to)

JANET: In the velvet darkness
Of the blackest night
Burning bright.

(As they walked and sang the castle silhouette backdrop slowly moved across toward them)

JANET: There's a guiding star
No matter what or who you are.

(Once the castle was centre-stage they stopped walking and looked towards it – George turned on a back-light, so that it looked like a light had turned on inside the castle)

BRAD & JANET: There's a light

PHANTOM VOICES/backstage chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.

BRAD:There's a light.

PHANTOM VOICES: Burning in the fireplace.

JANET: There's a light, a light In the darkness of everybody's life

(Cedric Diggory slipped on the guitar chords, and Harry saw Draco roll his eyes in disgust)

BRAD: I can see the flag fly
I can see the rain
Just the same
There has got to be
Something better here
For you and me.

BRAD & JANET: There's a light.

(The castle was moved forward)

PHANTOM VOICES: Burning in the fireplace.

BRAD: There's a light.

(Fred and George turned all lights off before remembering to put a spotlight on Lavender and Ethan. Stage crew darted around changing the background, and the side curtains were pulled to create a 'front door')

BRAD: A light in the darkness of everybody's life.

RIFF RAFF(off stage): The darkness must go
Down the river of nights dreaming
Flow morphia slow
Let the sun and light come streaming
Into my life.

(As Lavender shivered (and Ethan forgot to) in the light, the sound techies went a bit crazy with the lightening and thunder effects; and Harry had to watch Snape sneering up the sound booth as he tried to focus on the music and Snape's half-hearted conducting)

RIFF RAFF: Into my life.

(Lavender and Ethan began walking downstage toward the 'door')

BRAD & JANET: There's a light.

PHANTOM VOICES: Over at the Frankenstein place.

BRAD & JANET: There's a light.

PHANTOM VOICES: Burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light.

(They made it to the curtain and stopped, waiting – Ethan finally remembered to shiver)

BRAD & JANET: In the darkness of everybody's life.

(The spotlight was switched off, and Fred brought up Seamus' light again)

NARRATOR: And so it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required - or had they?

(The light switched back after an awkward moment where Fred wasn't paying attention. The techies played some more of their thunder concerto before creating a doorbell ring – before Ethan had a chance to mime ringing it)

JANET: Oh, Brad. Let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened.

BRAD: Just a moment, Janet. They may have a telephone.

(Blaise appeared in the 'doorway' dressed as the hunchbacked butler and the techies played dance music softly)

RIFF RAFF/Blaise: Hello.

BRAD: Uh - oh - Hi! My name is Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. I - ah - wondered if you could help us. Our car has broken down about two miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use?

RIFF RAFF: You're wet.

JANET: Yes, the rain has been very heavy.

BRAD: Yes.

RIFF RAFF: Yes.
I think you had better both come inside.

JANET: You're too kind.

(The music was turned up slightly too much as the curtains were drawn back to reveal the main castle set)

JANET: (sotto voce) Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of place is this?

BRAD: (sotto voce) Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

RIFF RAFF: This way.

(Bellatrix tripped on the stairs and scowled as Blaise showed Lavender and Ethan around the elaborate set)

JANET: Are you - giving a party?

RIFF RAFF: No. You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs.

JANET: Oh, lucky him.

(All three of them jumped as Bellatrix spoke from the staircase)
MAGENTA/Bellatrix: You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky.

(Cedric and Ron quickly leapt into action, and Harry let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding – they hadn't had great organisational record so far...)

RIFF RAFF: It's astounding
Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely

MAGENTA: Not for very much longer

RIFF RAFF: I've got to keep control.
I remember doing the Time Warp.
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me.

(Blaise and Bellatrix began to dance, and Harry was proud to see that it was his sister's choreography – the screen put up to help with timing clearly showed every move, even if it was in black and white)

RIFF RAFF&MAGENTA And the void would be calling.

(Blaise opened a set of double doors marked BALLROOM. The doors were pulled away by black-clad stage crew and the rest of the set revealed. Dean's 'Annual Transylvanian Convention' banner was draped across a wall. The Transylvanian dancers stepped forward and began to dance as well)

GUESTS/backstage chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Lavender pretended to faint and Ethan almost failed to catch her – so she scowled at him as she 'revived')

GUESTS: Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Fred brought the light up on Seamus again, so that everyone had to freeze as each scene took its turn with the lines of the song; a chart was revealed behind Seamus, which he used to 'direct' the dancers)

NARRATOR: It's just a jump to the left.

GUESTS: And a step to the right - right - right - right - right.

NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips.

GUESTS: You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust.
They really drive you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Lavender and Ethan 'tried to leave', but Bellatrix stopped them with a glare)

MAGENTA: It's so dreamy
Oh, fantasy free me
So you can't see me
No not at all.
In another dimension.
With voyeuristic intention.
Well secluded I see all

RIFF RAFF: With a bit of a mind flip

MAGENTA: You're into the time slip

RIFF RAFF: Nothing will ever seem the same.

MAGENTA: You're spaced out on sensation.

RIFF RAFF: Like you're under sedation.

GUESTS: Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(Lily slid down the banister for her solo... in the tiniest dress Harry'd ever seen)
COLUMBIA: Well I was walking down the street
Just having a think
When a snake of a guy
Gave me an evil wink.
Well it shook me up
It took me by surprise
He had a pick-up truck
And the devil's eyes
He stared at me
And I felt a change
Time meant nothing
Never would again.

GUESTS: Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

NARRATOR: It's just a jump to the left.

GUESTS: And then a step to the right.

NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips.

GUESTS: You bring your knees in tight.
But it's the pelvic thrust.
That really drives you insane.
Let's do the Time Warp again.
Let's do the Time Warp again.

(They all fell down, and Harry winced as he heard someone audibly growl at whoever had fallen on them)

JANET: Oh....Say something.

BRAD: Say! Do any of you guys know the Madison?

(It's deathly quiet except for the beat that Snape keeps going – they have to segue into 'Sweet Transvestite', and Harry's heart hammers in anticipation of Sirius' arrival. The lift must've cost a small fortune...)

Hope this is ok, but it'd be great if you could let me know what you think! Thanks :)