A/n: So, here's a fun writer's tidbit. I wanted to use the f-word twice in this chapter but reigned myself so that I wouldn't raise the rating. I find that hilarious.

Anyway, a major chapter is coming your way (sorry for taking so long, but the holidays have actually slowed my speed instead of increasing it). Also, the angst alert is on high.


The credits started rolling on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Haley found herself wiping tears from her face. She felt so silly crying duringRudolph, but this was Jamie's favorite Christmas movie (and subsequently, Nathan's).

It was nine o'clock on Christmas Eve and Haley was curled up on the floor of her and Lucas' apartment. She wasn't positive if she had ever felt this lonely in her entire life. She wished she could just stop thinking. Stop thinking about her little boy with Christmas lights twinkling in his dark blue eyes. Looking into his father's same blue eyes. Imagining putting out the gifts for Jamie later. They were so happy before…before the accident. Before Nathan had begun to pull away from their family.

Haley was startled out of her reverie by her phone going off next to her head. She sat up and grabbed it, smiling when she saw the name on front.

She wiped away at her tears, even though he couldn't see them, and answered as cheerfully as possible. "You better be desperately missing me!"

"I am, I am!" Lucas promised back through the phone.

"Good to know," she replied, smiling for probably the first time all day.

"I was just sitting here worrying about you."

"Aw, Luke, I'm sorry. You don't have to worry about me. How's the family?"

"Great. Keith's here."

"Keith?" Haley asked, her heart speeding up a little.

"Yeah, Keith Scott."

"Of course," Haley replied.

"Anyway, you have to promise me you'll come back to Tree Hill for New Year's."

"Luke…"HHH

"Haley, please. I already miss my buddy. Come on, don't you remember when we used to tear this town up?"

Haley burst out laughing. "And when did we do that?"

She could hear his smile through the phone. "You know what I mean, Hales."

"I know-" Haley was interrupted by her phone beeping in her ear. "Hang on a sec, Luke, I have a beep." Haley pressed the send button on her phone, switching over to the other line.

"Hello?"

"Haley?"

She sighed. "Nathan, what- hang on a second."

Haley switched back over to her other line, trying hard not to roll her eyes. "Lucas, can I call you back? I have a problem to deal with."

"What is it? Hales, are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle. Once again, Lucas, I am a big girl."

He sighed. "I know. Doesn't mean I don't want to protect you."

"I know."

"Promise you'll be here for New Year's."

She knew she had to give in. "I promise."

"All right. Love you, little buddy."

"Bye, Luke." She switched back over to the other line, bracing herself for another confrontation with Nathan.

"So, Nate, looking to yell at me some more?"

"About time."

"Oh, why don't you just kiss my-"

"Haley, look, I didn't call to argue with you."

She gave a humorless laugh so that he would know she didn't believe him.

"I just remembered what you said you were doing on Christmas Eve and I thought-"

"I said I was probably going to Lucas'."

"Yeah, but you were lying," he said instantly.

"How would you know?"

"Believe me, I've lied enough to know when somebody's lying."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Listen, Haley. I was just here by myself and I figured you could use some company."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"Come on, Haley. This isn't about you and me. I just think…" He blew out a frustrated breath into the phone. "I don't know."

Haley sat silently, wondering what had gotten into him. Whatever it was, she was not going to let him out of it. She waited until he finally got to his point.

"No one should be alone on Christmas, Haley."

His words tugged at her heartstrings. It was something so Nathan to say. God, she missed that. "Where are you?"

------------

Haley pulled her car up right next to Nathan's in front of the door he had said would be unlocked. She slammed her car door, shoving her hands into the front of the overlarge UNC sweatshirt she had smuggled out of Lucas' room. The door was a hidden side door and she felt very shady sneaking into it. The second door on the left instantly opened, just as Nathan said it would. Haley slipped in and listened to the lock click behind her.

She had walked into a dark storage room. She followed the miniscule bit of light she could see coming through a small glass pane in the door. As she walked through the door into a long hallway, another lock clicked. She knew she was now utterly trapped and was starting to wonder if this was a good idea

She made her way down a dimly lit hallway that eventually led to a pair of double doors. She walked through and found herself staring at the gym of Cameron Indoor Stadium. She looked around and saw the bleachers surrounding her on all sides. At the top of the gym was the four-sided scoreboard she had had to watch Nathan's giant face on during the game the night before.

Her eyes traced back through the darkened gym and she finally spotted him. He was lying on the floor under one of the baskets, tossing a basketball into the air. He always had said during high school that he was 'practicing his spin.' She allowed herself a little smile and quickly wiped it away as she approached him.

"Breaking and entering."

He caught the ball and looked toward her. "Merry Christmas to you too."

"How'd you get this place opened?" she questioned.

He smirked. "I know people….like the janitor."

She put her hands out by her side. "You got me here. I guess the real question is what are you going to do with my body when you get done?"

Nathan threw his head back and could not even prevent the laughter. "I've been scoping out the bleachers, but I'm thinking you'd somehow get out of it."

"Probably," she agreed, stepping right over him.

His eyes roamed over her outfit. Sweatpants and Lucas' aforementioned sweatshirt. He smirked. "If anyone catches you in this stadium with that sweatshirt, I won't even have to bother."

She looked down at the baby blue letters and rolled her eyes. "Is it really that big of a deal?"

He sat up, staring at her. "What planet did you drop in off of?"

"Funny," she deadpanned. "So what's the real reason you wanted me to come here?"

He shrugged, not really meeting her eye. "What I said. It's Christmas. I was here. By myself."

Haley sat down on the floor in front of him and crossed her legs Indian-style. "And your first instinct was to call me? Because we get along so well?"

"Because I knew you were alone too. And I was just here. And it's Christmas. And I didn't really think you'd come," he rushed out quickly. Haley hated herself because she was endeared to him all over again. How flustered he looked. Not at all with his usual cocky smirk. She remembered how unsure he had often seemed when they had first started dating. She realized that for the first time she was seeing this new Nathan with his guard down.

"Yeah, I didn't think so either," she admitted, showing him a small smile in return for his seemingly thoughtful gesture.

"Then why did you?"

She sighed. "Nathan…I can't really tell you."

"Why?"

"It's personal. It's just- you wouldn't understand."

He turned away and she almost could see his walls going up again. "Whatever."

"I miss you, all right!" she blurted out.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Me?"

"Dammit, not you! But Nathan, my Nathan! I miss him and I miss our Christmas and I just want to go home!" She could feel tears streaming down her face and she wiped at them, angry she had let herself cry in front of him.

"You can't just expect me to believe that, Haley!" he finally said.

"I don't expect you to believe anything!" she shot back, trying to overpower sadness with anger.

"Then why do you keep telling me this stuff!"

"Because I don't know who else to tell! I have no one else."

"You're lying! You have to be."

"P-please…just-" She was choking on her words now and she knew she couldn't muster any more. She stood up and walked away from him. She took a seat in the bleachers and turned away, finally letting herself break down. She had been hiding it from every one, crying silently and holding it all in. but now, she let everything out. She sobbed, loud cries that wracked her entire body, that seemed to tear from her very soul.

She felt him behind her. She could sense him anywhere. He sat down on the bleacher next to her, facing the opposite direction. His hand went up, unsure, reaching out to touch her, but she scooted away before he got the chance. She tried to quiet her tears, reigning in her emotions. She already couldn't believe she had let him see her so vulnerable.

"What's he like?"

A sob caught in her throat and she turned to look at him.

"What?"

"Your Nathan? What's he like?"

She looked hard at him, big brown eyes filled with unshed tears. She began to speak in a choked voice that sounded foreign even to her own ears. "He's the most loyal person I've ever met. He'd give up anything so that those around him would be happy." She wiped away a tear, feeling a calm sweep over her talking about the man she loved. "He loves me so much and so hard, sometimes even I can't comprehend it. He always says the right thing." She closed her eyes and a small laugh escaped her lips. "He's way too trusting. Always giving everyone a second chance." She opened her eyes with a small smile and abruptly found a pair of eyes, his eyes, staring intently at her. She straightened her face and stared at him coldly. "And the only people he loves more in the world than his brother are his wife and his son."

Nathan opened his mouth, but no words came out.

"It's Christmas. I just want to hold Jamie in my arms. Is that so much to ask?" Haley questioned desperately.

"Jamie?" he whispered.

"Our son. Mine and Nathan's, that is. Nathan was going to put up his first goal for him. Well, he was." Before the accident, she thought to herself.

"We have a son?" He spoke softly again.

She shook her head. "We don't have anything."

"I'm Nathan, Haley. You know that. That's why you came tonight," he informed her.

She threw up her heads in frustration. "Of course it is!" She made to leave, but he pulled her arm, forcing her to stay down. "Let me go!" she said angrily.

"Please don't leave. Not yet. I want to know about this."

"Nathan-"

"You said we were married. Where's your ring?" he asked, staring inquisitorially at her left hand.

She showed him her right hand. She pulled her ring off of the second finger and slid it on to her wedding finger on her left hand. "People kept asking about it."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" she asked, staring at her ring back in its proper position.

"It's Christmas and you're stuck her with me. I'm such terrible company, my family didn't even want me home for Christmas." He let a humorless laugh escape him. "You have a family that you can't be with. You should be with your son on Christmas. You should be with your family on Christmas," he stated, his head downcast.

"Oh, Nathan!" She threw her arms around him without thinking, tugging at his shirt and burying her head in his chest in their natural position. He shifted uncomfortably for a moment, not sure what to do with his arms, and then ceremoniously pulled her closer so she could cling to him and even cry some more, if that was what she needed.

He felt so comfortable with her small frame against his body like this. In this moment, it felt so intimate, more so than any way he'd ever felt with Peyton.

Haley knew the moment she had done it that launching herself at Nathan was a bad idea. But she couldn't pull away. She couldn't turn down the comfort he was giving her right now. She just couldn't turn down the chance to be this close to Nathan Scott. Not when she needed someone so badly.

She had felt all his muscles stiffen when she had initially grabbed him. But gradually, he had relaxed. Now, one of his hands was resting on the small of her back and he was tracing small patterns there. She involuntarily shuddered. This was not a situation or a feeling she had anticipated.

All right, Hales. You have to pull back on the count of three, she told herself.One, two…THREE.

As quickly as it had happened, she was out of his arms. Nathan felt suddenly very empty without her there. She scooted even farther away from him than she had initially been and wrapped her arms around herself. He understood that she had probably not wanted him to see her break down and was trying to build an even bigger distance to him than before. He couldn't blame her. He was thinking right now, it might be better if she scooted even farther down the bleachers.

He tilted his head and looked down at her awkwardly. "You can stay. If you want."

She nodded.

"I may be a jackass, but I generally don't bite," he said with a smirk.

She smiled back, forced he could tell, but scooted closer to him. He felt instantly better.

"Thank you," she said suddenly, turning to look at him. "For whatever this was. I was sitting in my apartment crying when you called. I needed this."

"You still cried," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she agreed. "But it's better when you have someone's shoulder to cry on. Even if he is a monumental bastard."

He joined in her laughter. He loved the sound of it.

Wait, did you really just think that, you jackass? he scolded himself. You like the sound of some chick's laughter?

She looked up at him and bit her lip. He instantly wished she hadn't. It made him stare.

Seriously, are you wondering what kind of chap stick she uses? himself asked.Snap out of it.

Their eyes met and he saw the looked of realization on her face that he had been staring at her lips.

Look at those eyes. How can someone look that innocent?

Stop being a girl! his mind bit back.

Believe me, if I'm being a girl, I'm the biggest lesbian in the entire world.

It's just a girl!

Look at this girl. This is not just a girl.

You couldn't even stand her a few hours ago.

I'm an idiot.

You and you finally agree on something.

Screw this!

Nathan leaned forward and captured Haley's lips with his own. She sank in as his arms reached out to pull her body into his.

Haley opened her eyes abruptly and realized what was happening. She was kissing Nathan. She pulled back instantly.

She stood up and looked down at him angrily. "This isn't happening."

"Haley."

"Nathan, you can't stand me. You said so yourself. So, either one of two things is happening. You feel like you owe me something because I told you about my family or you think that you can say a couple of nice things and seduce me, which is ridiculous."

"I didn't mean anything by it," he said, his voice revealing that he was angry at her insinuations.

"Whatever." She stomped angrily down the bleachers and back onto the hardwood floor.

"I knew you were crazy!" he yelled after her as she headed towards the double doors that led back into the hallway.

"And I knew you were full of shit!" she yelled back, pulling the door open violently.

"Merry freaking Christmas!" was the last thing she heard as the door closed behind her.

Safely out of the gym, she stopped to lean against the cool brick wall, her eyes closed. She had almost given in to Nathan. She had wanted so badly to be in his arms again, kissing him, feeling him. Feeling them. She couldn't believe she had almost let him trick her into something.

She heard the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the other side of the door and blew out a long suffering breath.

Stuffing her hands back into her pockets, she made her way back out to her car and far far away from Nathan Scott.


A/N: I don't think it's normal to have author's notes before and after chapters but I like it so I do. Plus, I have a lot to say. Ok mainly just that I worked really hard on this chapter because besides the original scene where Haley tells Nathan about her world, this is the scene that's been planned the longest. Originally, it was going to take place at the docks, but when I moved them into college, it changed to Cameron Indoor. So, that's another fun little tidbit that doesn't matter. Please, just let me know what you think. Thanks so much to all my AMAZING reviews. Love you guys to pieces.