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Part ten

When Meredith eventually made her way home that night, Derek and Addison had already left for New York. Allie asked once or twice if something had happened and why she'd ran away, but she wouldn't talk about it. It made it a lot easier to pretend that nothing had happened when nobody knew about it.

She and Finn soon became good friends and it stayed that way for the weeks that were left of their summer stay. She hadn't told him about Derek either, and he hadn't asked. She enjoyed the summer she spent with Allie. She and Steve had become pretty much inseparable. She was happy for her friend, and though Liam and Mike didn't hang out with them as much since that night, Finn used to string along with them making Meredith feel less as a third wheel.

Eventually the summer came to an end, though and after a tearful goodbye Meredith went on the airplane back to Boston to her busy student life. The busy life made it easier not to think of Derek, or at least that was what she told herself. But the truth was that every time she saw a head of raven curls her heart would beat faster, and every time a boy kissed her all she could think about was his tongue in her mouth, his touch on her skin. Quickly she gave up on men, since it always just seemed to make her depressed, thinking about what she didn't have. So she focused on her studies. She was smart, at the top of her class, and even her mother had called just to tell her how proud she was of her.

It was in February that she received that letter. It was in a pale pink envelope with a fancy writing. She knew what it was, but refused to open it. It wasn't until Mrs. Shepherd called her insisting that she'd attend her only son's wedding in May that she was forced to face the reality. Mrs. Shepherd had told her that she was family and that they'd want her there. And as much as her heart was telling her not to go, to avoid, that this would only break the last piece of her heart, there was no way she could say no to the closest thing she'd ever had to a real mother. Especially when she was pleading with her, telling her she loved her and missed her and wanted to see her.

So she flew to New York in early May. She stayed at the Shepherd brownstone sharing a bedroom with Allie. And as miserable as she was feeling, it felt pretty great to be close to Allie and her sisters again. Steve hadn't been able to make it seeing as his cousin was getting married that same weekend, but him and Allie were still going strong.

At the rehearsal she had tried to avoid greeting the happy couple, but it seemed unavoidable. They stood by the entrance; him dressed in a dark suit, painfully handsome, and her in a dark green satin dress, hair and makeup impeccably elegant. Addison was happy in an obvious way. She nearly jumped Meredith when she saw her, starting to gush about her final decision of bridesmaids' dresses. Derek seemed to be happy too. Or content at least. He smiled politely at every guest, welcoming them. Except for her. Her, he just stared at.

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Coming back to the summer house after seeing her in Finn's arms Derek made a decision. He decided to face reality. That realistically he could never have her. That realistically Addison would make a good wife. That realistically he didn't mean anything to her, and he couldn't spend his life chasing a dream that would never be more than just that. A dream. So he wiped away the tears that had managed to make their way down his cheeks. He kissed his fiancée on the cheek, and they set the date. Not wanting to face Meredith he made up an excuse to rush back to New York with Addie, much to his mother's dislike.

But the thing with dreams though, is that even if they don't come true they stay with us. There's always that tiny little bit of hope of someday and somehow. And the thing with memories; they haunt us. Some things hurt so much to remember, but yet the heart doesn't seem to able to let go. And every time he closed his eyes he could see her. Feel her there. He wanted to forget, but somehow the idea of letting her go completely wasn't something he could face.

When Addison had tried to get him into bed, he'd said that they should wait till their wedding night to make it more special. She hadn't been happy, especially since their wedding day was almost nine months away at the time, but had reluctantly accepted Derek's suggestion knowing him to be a hopeless romantic.

But in reality there was nothing romantic about it. He soon realized that from that day forward the only person he'd think about during sex would be Meredith. She haunted his every dirty thought, every fantasy. And even though he couldn't avoid sex with Addison indefinitely, at least this way he had nine months for mental preparation. And praying to god he wouldn't yell out the wrong girl's name on his wedding night.

The winter passed and May came quickly. He'd avoided at the most to participate in the preparation so it was only at the day of their rehearsal dinner that he found out Meredith would be attending. The day before his wedding he found out that the girl that haunted his dreams would be sitting in the audience when he'd vow to love Addison till death to their part.

And now she was in front of him. In a beautiful dark blue dress with her hair slightly curled falling on her shoulders. And he couldn't breath. He couldn't take his eyes away from her. He swallowed hard as his eyes fell down her body, the silk of the dress hugging her every curve. And then she was gone as Allie pulled her with her into the ballroom and an old aunt came to give him a big hug. His heart was beating out of his chest as he stood there, greeting family and friends. It was cruel, really, how she could affect him.

She avoided him all evening, though he managed to sneak a few glances at her, his heart aching every time. She was sitting across the room, like a painful reminder of the fact that she wasn't his and never would be. And then she left. Without saying goodbye. Just like he had last summer.

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She sat in the second row. She sat among relatives and friends of the happy couple, everyone excited about the union. Everyone gushing about how they were meant to be, how great it was that they'd found each other, how great of a marriage they'd have. And it hurt. Surprisingly much. Every kind word spoken about the soon to be man and wife cut through her like a knife. She couldn't smile. Fighting away the tears was a challenge enough.

And she did it. That was something she'd pride herself in in the years to come. She sat in a second row of an overly decorated church filled with happy people and watched the man she loved marry someone else, and she didn't cry. To her it was like a test of strength, like a proof that she wasn't dependent on anyone and never would be. She didn't feel sad when she heard him say 'I do'. In stead she felt nothing. She was numb.

Of course that only lasted so long. That night, when everyone had gone to bed she'd snug into Allie's bed and literally broken down. Telling her everything. Sobbing and letting out every tear she'd held in that weekend. She wouldn't stop crying. So she fell asleep in Allie's with her soothing words comforting her. Allie hadn't asked for details, she had just held her. Making her feel like she wasn't alone in the world.

That summer she spent with Allie, Steve and Finn in the Shepherd's summerhouse. Deciding it was time to move on she accepted a date with Finn. He was a good guy. He was kind and genuine and he seemed to know how to handle her. She knew he'd never hurt her. Not intentionally anyway, not the way Derek had, and at the end of the day that was enough. The following year they spent apart while he finished his veteran studies in California, but the year after he moved to Boston to be with her and he did his internship there.

Allie moved back to New York after she finished her studies in photography. She and Steve married in a small ceremony at her parents' house, and a little less than a year later, a week after her 22nd birthday in August she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy they named Benjamin. They were happy.

That Christmas Meredith spent with the Dandridge family in California. They were kind people, and very welcoming of her. Since Derek' wedding she had completely avoided the Shepherd brownstone in New York, so for the first time in what seemed like forever she felt as if she belonged somewhere. Like she had a family of her own. So when on Christmas day morning Finn got down on one knee and asked her to be his forever, she said yes.