I think I should just crawl into a hole and die. But once again, I decided to share this idea with Jacob and screwed myself because now he's hovering over me and wont leave me alone. Now he didn't actually decide to start hovering because of what I said, but the not leaving me alone is probably my doing. He's pretty dedicated, I have to hand him that. He officially moved into our house, no I'm not kidding he stopped at his house on our way home from the vamp cave to get his stuff so he could be with me at all times.
Stupid Edward, and his stupid mind reading powers got Jake all worried about me. So what if I was thinking about suicide after that doctor told me I'm prego with a rape baby. I would think that would be a normal response. Damn all those fucking Cullens.
So now I wake up screaming for over half the days of the week because an overprotective Alpha is standing right over me when I wake up. "What the fuck Black?!" That stupid boy, I swear I'm gonna kill him.
"Look, I was just checking up on you. You just seem to wake up whenever I do. Sorry." Jacob shrugged and scratched the back of his head before letting his arms flop down. He was wearing the same gray shirt that he had on yesterday I noticed, but at least he was wearing one, most of the guys just roamed around half naked.
"I've decided suicide is overrated, so you don't have to worry." I said as I sat up in bed too quickly, giving myself a headache. "Damn!" I said clutching at my head in anguish, which sent Jacob to come scurrying to my side.
"What? Are you okay? What's wrong?" He asked as his hands found their way to mine. My skin did the funniest thing then, it tingled, at the exact moment and spot that his fingertips were touching. It freaked me out a little, so I shook his touch away, trying to make it stop.
"God, Black! You sure you ain't got ovaries? Cause your acting like a mother. God, it's just a headache." I yelled at him. "Don't you have school or something to be at?" I added, trying to find a way to get rid of him.
"It's a Saturday. And besides I don't need school, I'm gonna be a mechanic remember? You don't need school to do that."
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There is no good reason not to get at least your GED."
"Well excuse me miss college girl." He pouted. "Hey, remember you have a checkup today."
Shit and double shit.
"Well everything looks great Leah, You're taking great care of this little one, I can tell." The Cullen doc told me as he took the freezing stethoscope from my stomach. Jacob was sitting in a chair across from me and looked at the doc like his life depended on what he said. "I'm going to ask you to start taking some vitamins and I want you to stop phasing, Leah."
I narrowed my eyes at him. Is he serious? Phasing just happens, I'm past controlling my anger enough to stop. However, Jacob spoke up before I could verbally abuse the doc.
"That's not exactly an easy feat Carlisle. Especially since Leah is already prone to anger, and well..." He looked over at me, obviously trying to tiptoe around the situation.
"The fact that I was raped? Yeah that angers me a little Jake." I spewed at both of them. I hadn't phased since that day when I had shown Jake what had happened, because I didn't want the entire pack having all that in their heads, but I couldn't tell someone, especially a fucking bloodsucker that I wouldn't do it anymore and to give up that freedom.
The vamp gave me that pathetic look again and I sprang off the hospital bed I was sitting on, going for the vamp. I sank my nails into his skin and clenched his shoulders before I leaned over to whisper in his ear. "Give me that look again and I won't just leave a mark," I said as I dug my nails further into his skin. "There won't be any of you left." I threatened as I flung him away from me, and raced out the door and through the hallway of the hospital to the edge of the woods and then stopped.
I was going to phase, but a little voice in my head told me not to. I don't know why I actually listened to that voice but I did. You could hurt it.
Why should I care about that stupid spawn? It came from whoever that bastard is who raped me. I don't want this stupid thing anyway, why not just 'accidentally' kill it? It's not all about you anymore Leah.
I have to admit, that got to me. This, thing, was trusting in me to take care of it. I had gotten one of those awful chain e-mails back in high school about that baby that was talking to it's mother and then she got an abortion and killed it. That had me bawling my eyes out, and had me vowing never, no matter what to never ever have an abortion.
But this is different. I mean, I never thought in a million years that I would get raped. Besides, I'm not really going to 'mean' to kill it. I'm not gonna go to a fucking clinic or anything. And I don't even know if phasing would even kill it. How much could that hurt anything?
"Leah!" I heard Jacob yell at me, and I was jolted from my thoughts. Great, he was probably gonna yell at me for hurting his precious vamp.
"Just leave me the fuck alone Black! I don't wanna deal with you right now." I yelled ahead of me not bothering to turn around to talk to him as I walked ahead of him.
"Leah, I did some research. Did you know right now that baby has a heartbeat? It has fingers and it can see light in there." He told me as he gestured to my stomach.
"Shouldn't you be scolding me for attacking your precious bloodsucker?" I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest. I was trying to put on the tough act, but failing miserably.
"Leah, I know you don't like them, but I also know your hurt." I started to protest, but he interrupted me. "Even if your not going to admit it."
"Hey! I'm taking a shower, and this time Seth, do not pick the lock to get in so you can take a shit! Your a werewolf, you can squat outside." I turned the knob turning on the shower. I started to take off my clothes, carefully folding each of them and placing them on the sink counter when the mirror caught my eye. I looked at my naked body, realizing in less than a month or two I would look completely different. On closer examination I realized that there was the tiniest bump there. And while I was in the shower, just letting the water roll off my body warming it, I knew what I was doing. I knew what my plan was.
And I did need help.
I needed Jacob Black's help.
I just want to note that I don't support abortion, and seccondly...
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