Part thirteen

He woke first. He didn't move. He didn't want to wake her. He just lied there enjoying the feeling of her naked body tangled up in his. Her head was buried in his neck and he felt her warm breath on his skin. He knew he'd have to wake her up eventually, they were expected to be at the local church at nine. But he couldn't let go of this moment just yet. He let his hand run down her side, over her amazing curves, enjoying the feeling of her butter soft skin underneath his fingertips. She let out a small moan in her sleep as his fingers lightly grazed her butt.

As he lay there with her in his arms, he purposely made sure his mind didn't wander to Addison or Finn. He didn't let it wander to his sister's death. The only thing on his mind was that scent of lavender that was filling his senses. The feel of her honey blonde hair spread across his chest. And the cute little noises she made in her sleep.

He knew, though. He knew it would soon end. He knew she was very likely to run away from him as soon as she would wake up and begin to think clearly. He'd taken advantage of her while she was vulnerable and broken. It was a thing she did to him, making him take whatever he could from her. No matter how immoral, how adulterous or how wrong.

It didn't feel wrong. It felt more right than anything else. It felt like he belonged. Like for the first time in his life, he could breath. Be himself. Which in itself was a little absurd, seeing how little time he'd actually spent with her. But she affected him all the same. Making him need her on an almost primal level.

"Meredith," he whispered softly in her ear, his hands coming to rest possessively on her waist.

"Hmmm..." she mumbled, burying her face deeper into the pillow his head rested on.

"We have to get up soon," he said, his voice still low and caring as he placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck.

"Sleeping."

"I know," he chuckled. "But you're going to have to get up eventually."

"I don't want to," she said in a voice so low he almost didn't hear it.

He sighed as he rolled them over and on top of her, pinning her beneath him and forcing her to open her eyes to the bright morning light. There was that look in his eyes as he looked down into hers. She couldn't pinpoint what it was, but there was just something that told her that possibly maybe last night had been more than a distraction from the pain of losing something you loved. That maybe it had meant something.

Without words or a warning his lips were on hers, though, and in that second all coherent thought went out the window. All she could do was feel. Feel the way he tugged at her lips and coaxed her to open them. Feel the way his tongue invaded her mouth. Feel the his hands made their way from where they'd been firmly on her waist, up her sides and lightly grazing the sides of her breasts.

She was once again lost in him. Her fingers automatically went to tug lightly on the raven curls on the back of his head. She moved to wrap her legs tightly around his waist, as if to hold on to him and to that moment. Because deep down she knew that all they had and ever would have was this short escape from reality, these stolen moments where they'd pretend things were different.

He made love to her slowly, with the passion only they had. He brought her to her peak, screaming his name as she came violently, her tiny form shook and trembled beneath him as he followed her over the edge.

They stayed that way for while, tangled up in each other. He held her tight as their breathing slowed, his lips tugging lightly on the exposed skin on her neck.

The clock kept ticking though, and soon the moment of completeness, that little escape from the cruelty of life, ended. The feeling of warmth turned to cold, the completeness turned into emptiness as they untangled themselves and moved to dress silently.

He meant to say something, while they ate their cereal or while he drove them to the church. Anything that would express what she meant to him, because he honestly had no idea what was running through her mind. But the words escaped him and he found that the words they'd left unsaid, both now and four years ago, were slowly piling up leaving a huge mess between them.

As he pulled up to the church he saw Addison standing on the front steps waiting for him. Meredith didn't say anything as she exited the vehicle. She politely smiled at Addison as she walked passed her and entered the ancient building, leaving Derek behind to greet his wife.

He felt like a cowered as he greeted his wife with a peck on the cheek. Why couldn't he just tell her how he felt? Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Maybe he felt that the timing was wrong. Maybe because of the simple fact that he felt it was too late. He was married to someone else. She was engaged.

He didn't take marriage lightly, yet his marriage to Addison seemed to pale in comparison to every moment spent with Meredith. And the face he saw when he closed his eyes at night wasn't Addison's. It was Meredith's. Even though he hadn't seen her in years, she was constantly in his mind. His heart would begin to beat faster every time he smelled someone who used that same lavender-scented conditioner, or when he saw a head of long, slightly curled, honey blonde hair. Every dream and every fantasy was about her. She haunted him.

He didn't know why he didn't tell her. All he knew was that in that moment, nothing made sense.

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The ceremony was beautiful, but sad and emotionally draining. Meredith felt like she'd been thrown harshly off of the cloud she'd been floating on that night and onto the cold ground. She felt lonely. She'd lost her best friend, and on top of all of that it felt a little like she'd lost Derek all over again even though he hadn't really ever been hers. He'd just been this boy she kind of knew, and she had a tendency of being there when he got horny. And this mess made her miss and need Allie even more.

She refused Mrs. Shepherd's offer of staying another night with them. Seeing Holly crying on the living room couch and Addison clutch on Derek's arm just made it all that harder.

So she left on the next plane out to Boston. Finn picked her up at the airport, waited for her with open arms. He would never use her. Never hurt her. Never break her. And she loved him. She wasn't sure if she was in love with him, but she loved him. He was a wonderful man. Any girl would be lucky to have him. And all he wanted was her.

So, as she walked towards his awaiting figure she decided to pretend that the only thing devastating about her trip to New York was the death of her best friend. Pretend that Derek Shepherd meant nothing to her. Pretend that he hadn't broken her heart. Because, damn it, she deserved to be happy. She was going to be happy.

Okay... part 14 will be on a more positive note. Just you wait =)