A/n: REVISED. I apologize for any grammatical errors and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 6

~1 month later~

It was a beautiful day, and for the first time since she had escaped Haruhi actually took notice of it. She hadn't yet taken the time to appreciate her freedom—she hadn't even thought to enjoy herself until Kaede asked her what she did for fun. She used to take walks in the park, sometimes she would sit in the cute café a block from her home and listen to the poetry of strangers that were brave enough to share. She missed it; she missed not being scared to live her life. Kaede told her that baby steps were what she needed and Haruhi decided that she was ready to take her first step.

She picked up her cellphone and dialed the twin's number. It barely reached its second ring when Hikaru's voice came through, anxiety lacing his tone. "Haruhi? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay…I was just wondering if you and the others were busy today?"

Hikaru hesitated before answering, "I'm pretty sure we're all free. Why?"

"I want to go to the park, but umm…I don't want to go alone. I was wondering if maybe we could make a day out of it you know. I could even make lunch, we could have a picnic."

Both boys excitedly agreed, "We'll call the others."

Haruhi sighed and finished up her call. She was determined to have a good day.

~oOo~

"My dad is going back to work—I think he's worried about leaving me alone."

Tamaki turned towards Haruhi and asked quietly, "Are you worried about being alone?"

She looked down and sighed, "I am, but he has been out of work for too long. I have to be practical about this; there are bills that need to be paid and groceries to be bought. I know he doesn't want to leave me and even though I don't want to be alone, we can't stay frozen while the world moves on around us."

They understood and though they hated the thought of her being alone, it was Haruhi's choice whether or not she wanted one or all of them to stay with her. It was important for them to stand by her, but also equally important that they not become her crutch. It became quiet again as they tried to enjoy the rest of their day, the sounds of children playing soothing somehow. They ate and spoke about random things for nearly a half hour when their little bubble was invaded by a barely three-foot cherub with a smudge of dirt across her nose. She stumbled near their picnic blanket and Mori instinctively reached out to steady her. She looked up at him with big brown eyes full of awe as she took in the group around her.

She smiled shyly and clasped her hands in front of her before turning her head to the side and whispering "Hewwo."

Haruhi watched as Mori bent his head down to smile gently at the little girl, "Hello."

She peeked at him through her messy hair, her cheeks pinkened as she timidly apologized, "I sowwy I bwoke you pwicnic."

Mori playfully reached out and pinched her nose, "Does it look broken to you?"

She turned towards the half-eaten items, her eyes drawn immediately to one of Hani's many small cakes. "Da cake is no bwoke."

The sound of Haruhi giggling turned all of their heads; it was so natural, almost like it hadn't hidden itself away beneath all her fear and pain. It was amazing to see the fire that had been snuffed out so brutally inside of her show signs of life—those tiny embers may as well have been a raging inferno to the boys. Tamaki immediately reached out and pushed the plate with the cake towards Mori and the child.

"Would you like some?"

Her innocent eyes widened, looking at him as if he had offered her some grand treasure. She whispered, "Weally?"

Before he could answer Haruhi leaned forward and gently admonished the little girl, "What's your name sweetie?"

"Nanami."

"Nanami is a very pretty name. Do you know where your mama is Nanami?"

"I wan fwom hur."

"Okay—you can have a piece of cake if you promise never to run from your mama again. It would probably make her very scared and sad if you got hurt. Can you promise me that?"

Nanami looked down before nodding, "Yes. I pwomise."

"Thank you Nanami. You go ahead and pick whichever cake you want while we try to find your mama."

Hani stayed behind with Haruhi and the child while the boys went in search of Nanami's mother. Haruhi watched in silence as Hani scooped a chocolate covered strawberry from a container and set it on Nanami's plate. The little girl was almost finished with the cake when Kyoya returned with a woman who looked as if she had been crying.

"Nanami!"

Nanami turned towards her mother, chocolate smeared across her lips as she smiled, "Hi mama!"

The woman reached down and hugged Nanami to her as she whispered, "Don't ever do that to me again! You can't run away like that Nanami—God, what would I do if something happened to you?"

Nanami's mother looked at both Hani and Haruhi over her daughter's shoulder, "Thank you so much."

Haruhi offered the woman a tiny smile and a nod, "It was no problem."

They shared a few words and before both mother and daughter walked away Haruhi reminded Nanami of her promise, "Don't forget your promise okay?"

Nanami smiled, proudly showing off the few teeth she had, "Kay."

They all watched as the two disappeared past the trees. Nanami would never know that she had reminded them of something that had been stripped away from them—their innocence. They had taken it for granted, but to see proof of its continued existence in the little girl was a gift that they didn't know they needed. They spent another hour snacking and enjoying one another's company before walking Haruhi home. It had been a perfect day and it would have continued to be so if not for the feeling of being followed. They all shared a look before Hani turned to Mori and subtly nodded so as not to alarm Haruhi.

Mori slowed down and waited for them all to pass him up before turning to look over the crowd. He knew that there was someone watching them; that there was someone watching Haruhi and whoever it was better pray to whatever higher power they believed in that he didn't find them. His intense gray eyes took in everything, but found nothing. He let out an angry sigh when he realized the feeling of being watched was gone.

"Mori?"

He turned towards Haruhi, his eyes softening under her curious gaze, "Is everything okay Mori?"

He caught up to them and smiled down at the pretty girl who he wouldn't allow to get hurt again, before placing a hand on her head, "Everything's fine."

Haruhi had learned long ago with Mori that when he spoke it was best to look in his eyes, because it was in his eyes that she could see the things that he didn't say. As she looked into his eyes when he assured her everything was fine, Haruhi could see quite clearly that he was lying to her despite the smile on his face. It was only her belief that they would do everything in their power to keep her safe that stilled her anger, even as her heart pounded in fear.

~oOo~

"I went to the park yesterday."

Kaede smiled, "Really? Did you enjoy yourself?"

Haruhi turned to look out the window that overlooked the city with a rare smile on her face, "I did. We met a little girl there, when Tamaki offered her a piece of cake she smiled like he had offered her the world. It made me think, that it takes such simple things to make us happy when we are young, but as we get older we demand so much more. We set impossible standards for our own happiness and we always seem to put it out of our reach."

Kaede studied her, her smile disappearing for a moment as she considered Haruhi's words. "This is true, but not for everyone and it doesn't have to be true for you. For a little girl, a piece of cake was happiness. So, tell me Haruhi—what is happiness for you?"

Haruhi turned back to Kaede, her brow furrowed as she considered Kaede's question. It was a difficult question to answer, especially since she had never really thought about it before. "The thought of following in my mom's footsteps made me happy—my dad and my friends made me happy. Now when I think about my happiness, all I can think of is how the memory of being happy is being suffocated by the memory of him. He follows me in my memories and he haunts my nightmares. There is hardly a night that I don't wake up terrified and screaming and in those few minutes, sometimes hours—it's like I never escaped."

She looked down and whispered, "I'm so tired. I just want to sleep—I try to tell myself that he can't hurt me anymore, but then I realize that even though he is gone he has control over me still. I struggle with that and it makes me angry that all the time that my dad and my friends and even you put in to help me seems wasted. How much more time will it take for me to be able to live? To get a single night of sleep? To remember what it even felt like to be happy?"

Kaede sighed, worried she was unable to hide the sadness she felt, "Time is such a painful thing to consider sometimes, especially when you're told that it heals. I won't lie to you Haruhi; time can't heal without help. You opened up today even though I know you were afraid to—you shared your fears and your pain with me because even though you feel as if you are being held back by your abductor, you don't know how not to fight. You show me how strong you are every time you walk through that door and one day you will see that it was because you are so strong, that you were able to find your happiness again. You are the key and time can only help you if you use it in a way that will allow you to walk forward instead of back."

For the first time while speaking to Kaede, tears filled Haruhi's eyes, "I don't see the strength that you do…on the day we escaped I had given up. Four months seems like such a short time to give up hope, but those days had led into weeks and then months and I decided that fighting to live became too much when all I really wanted to do was die."

"Yet still, when the opportunity presented itself you fought? That hardly sounds like a person who had given up. If there is one thing that I can be certain of Haruhi, it is that hope does not easily die nor does the will to live."

Haruhi sniffed and swiped at her cheek with the back of her hand, "I just don't understand why I can't put this behind me? He's gone and I am still so afraid of him."

"Haruhi, you suffered from a prolonged traumatic experience. These experiences have side effects, like your nightmares. Your fear, your feelings of vulnerability and helplessness…it's like an open wound. Without treatment, the pain will only grow and begin to fester, it needs help so that it can heal properly. There will be a scar, and when you look at it you may remember just how painful that wound was, but you must also remember that to have that memory means you survived it. You get to live your life despite that scar, but it's up to you how you want to live it."

"It doesn't feel like a wound…it feels like a gaping hole. He took something from me Kaede—yesterday when I met that little girl I finally realized what it was that was missing. I didn't even realize how important it was until it was gone and I just want it back."

Kaede was a professional, but it was hard to contain herself when she heard the tremble in Haruhi's voice as she seemed to plea for her innocence to be returned to her. She reached out and tentatively took Haruhi's hand, "He took many things from you Haruhi; he took things that weren't his to take. I know you feel like he left you in ruins, but if you look past all that he took you might see that there is still enough of you left to build back up. You can still salvage what he tried to destroy and you might find that as you rise above what was done to you, that gaping hole is being filled up. That something that he took will come back to you and it may be different than it was before, but that won't make it any less important."

For a long while Haruhi sat in silence, lost in thought as she considered Kaede's words of hope. She finally wiped away her last tear and grabbed a tissue from the coffee table before whispering, "I will set goals and each time I reach it I will think of it as finding a piece of happiness—my goal is to sleep through the night. That is what will make me happy for now."

Kaede felt pride burst in her chest. She was left in awe of Haruhi sometimes and she knew that even when Haruhi didn't need her anymore, she would try to remain a friend to the young girl.

A/n: I admittedly have to put myself in a dark place so that I don't cheapen Haruhi's struggles, but then I have to sit back and sometimes it takes hours to come up with a response to her pain that is worthy of her. The concept of time and healing and her feelings being compared to an open wound are difficult to write because I have to dig deep for not just Haruhi, but for anyone who can relate in some way that might be reading this. I hope I did okay and please leave me a review.

Thank you.

~Inari