A/n: REVISED. 1.) I don't usually do time skips, but for this story I think its necessary. 2.) There is a recounting of Haruhi's experience, not graphic but I just wanted to warn readers.

I apologize for any grammatical errors and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 10

~1 month later~

"We should reopen the Host club."

Tamaki looked away from the poet on the small stage in Haruhi's favorite café, his surprise and excitement obvious by the sudden spark in his violet eyes. "Really?"

Haruhi nodded, her face serious as she continued looking at the young poet, "Yes really. As odd as it sounds, the host's club's antics were normal for me and Kaede suggested a bit of normalcy. I think it is a good idea and honestly I kind of miss it."

Tamaki turned to Kyoya and nodded, "How quickly can we arrange it?"

Kyoya snorted at the ridiculous question, "Give me two days, but only if you're sure Haruhi. Even though everyone knows you are a girl now, I can promise you that you will still have quite a few customers."

Haruhi finally turned away from the poet and nodded, "I know. I want to do this Kyoya sempai."

Tamaki grinned, "Well then, I guess we will be open for business soon." His grin slowly faded as he watched Hani grab a bagel and spread some butter on it before handing it to Haruhi and whispering, "Eat."

Haruhi didn't hesitate to take a bite of the bagel while pushing her nibbled on blueberry muffin towards the older blond. Tamaki could see a closeness that none of the boys had ever achieved with Haruhi even before she had been abducted, and he wasn't really sure what to think about it. In the month since Akira had attacked her Haruhi had noticeably been favoring Hani's company. He wanted to be upset, but he could see that even though Haruhi was still withdrawn, she spoke more. She had even spoke about her future, being a lawyer like her mother had been. He didn't want to ruin that because he was jealous, and he had to admit that he was indeed very jealous.

He wasn't use to the feeling, but he knew exactly what it was and he didn't like it at all. He knew jealousy could very well tear people apart and Tamaki cherished his little family too much to let that happen. Still, seeing Hani lean over to whisper in Haruhi's ear and then to see her give him a tiny smile felt like a knife in his gut.

When he forced himself to turn away from the two, he noticed that he wasn't the only one who had seen what he had. He caught Kyoya's hard gaze and narrowed his eyes, silently asking his friend to leave it be. After Kyoya gave a small nod Tamaki took in a deep breath and turned back to Haruhi, but not before he caught Hani staring at them.

He knew—Tamaki could see in his rarely expressive eyes that Hani knew exactly what they were feeling and he had no regrets. There was no apology in his gaze and Tamaki really didn't expect one. Hani was never one to be apologetic for anything, he made no excuses for who he was or for the decisions he made. He didn't used to be that person, but they all had changed, some more than others.

~oOo~

Hani opened his eyes at the sound of a soft, barely audible sob. He focused on the plastic stars on the ceiling and fought off the confusion that clouded his mind. When he finally registered where he was he turned to Haruhi, her face inches away from his and tears leaving a glistening trail down the bridge of her nose and disappearing down her cheek and into her hair.

Haruhi's nights were still filled with nightmares; she would sometimes wake screaming, but more often than not she cried. Hani would wait for her to calm down before pulling her into his arms and talking to her until she fell back to sleep. For weeks now, he had come to her when Ranka left and in that time, there had been a shift in their relationship. They had become something more than friends, but neither of them knew what that something was.

He whispered her name once, twice and on the third time her lashes fluttered and slowly parted revealing tired and incredibly sad chocolate eyes. They shimmered as a fine layer of tears fought to escape and eventually won. He let her cry, not willing to stop her because he knew it was what she needed. All he did was pull her close to him and try to lend her his warmth and hopefully his strength.

Her tears didn't last long but in truth, the tears she shed in the last month were enough to fill a river bed. When she quieted down he expected her to drift off to sleep once again like she usually did but instead, she took in a deep breath and began to speak.

"I have tried to describe it to Kaede and even though I know she listens…I don't think she can ever really understand. It's like there is a gray film over my eyes. I can't see the colors anymore; I never knew how important color was to me until I couldn't see it. I feel like I am walking in a fog, a thick fog that suffocates and blinds me…it is so thick that I can barely move at all. Do you understand Hani?"

He did understand, she had described perfectly what he struggled with every day, so when he nodded and whispered, "I do," it wasn't to appease her in any way. It was simply the truth.

She looked up at him, her cheeks still wet from her tears, "How do you not cry then? How do you hold it back? I have seen you cry before, I know you know how…why don't you then?"

Hani closed his eyes and admitted, "It's the fog Haruhi—I can't seem to find my way out."

Haruhi stared up at him and whispered, "I guess I will cry for the both of us then, until you can cry for yourself again."

Hani wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him, touching his forehead to hers. She held her breath as his eyes opened, the hazel depths flecked with gold and green were absolutely breathtaking. Haruhi couldn't help but wonder how she had managed to not get lost in his eyes before. She bent her head, trying to hide her tears. He made her cry all the time…because she didn't want to feel for him like she did with the constant fear and damage in her heart tainting it. She was so unsure of everything; the ground was unsteady and felt as if it was going to crumble beneath her feet…except for one thing. There was one thing she was sure of and she wanted Hani to know; something she needed for him to understand.

With her eyes still closed she whispered, "I know it may not seem like it right now Hani, but you are not my crutch. I don't want you to think I'm weak when I am trying so hard to be strong. I don't want you to feel like I am using you to keep me standing. Yes…I want you here but if I was alone…if I woke up from a nightmare and you weren't here, I would be fine. I promise Hani…I would be just fine. I'm going to be okay."

It was quiet for what felt to Haruhi like an eternity and she was sure she had hurt her best friend. When she tried to pull away she felt his rough fingers ghost over her face before gently cradling her jaw.

"Haruhi, look at me."

She gave a small shake of her head but Hani urged her face up and breathed, "Look at me, please."

She found she was unable to deny his whispered plea as her lashes parted to look up into his vulnerable eyes that though didn't shed tears, could never hide from her what he was feeling. His gaze was intense, but she didn't look away, not even as he lowered his face to hers. Her breath caught, so sure that he was about to kiss her, but instead he slowly ran his cheek along hers, her tears dampening his jaw. He may not be able to cry, but he shared in her sorrow the only way he knew how; it was so very intimate and in that moment, she fell in love with him. He gave her a little bit of peace and beauty even as she fought blindly through the dark and for that she adored him.

"I never once looked at you and saw someone who was weak, because you amaze me every day with your strength. I admit to being scared that I was weakening you somehow, that I was keeping you from getting better…but that was weakness on my part. I know you. I know you would never use me and I know that you will be okay."

Haruhi buried her face in Hani's neck and whispered, "Thank you."

They both fell into a long silence and when Hani thought that Haruhi had fallen back to sleep she asked, "I can be strong on my own…but do you think you can help me be strong like you?"

"Like me?"

"The world is filled with monsters Hani, terrible horrible monsters and I want a fighting chance if one of them ever comes for me again. Please…can you help me?"

He buried his nose in her jasmine scented hair and whispered, "Of course."

~oOo~

"I want to teach Haruhi self-defense."

Tamaki raised his head from his bowl with a frown on his face, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

Hani leaned back in his chair and lazily perused the cafeteria, "Why wouldn't it be?"

The younger blond put down his spoon and thought about what he was going to say before he answered. "She barely lets us hug her anymore and self-defense isn't exactly a hands-off activity. Do you think she can handle it?"

Mori chewed thoughtfully, swallowing before answering for his cousin. "She can handle it, if Hani is the one to teach her. She is most comfortable with him, then with any one of us."

Kyoya pushed his tray of food away, folding his arms in front of him on the table, "Wouldn't she be more comfortable with the twins since she spends most of her time with them? And shouldn't it be her decision whether or not she wants to learn how to fight?"

Tamaki tensed, he had been waiting for this moment. He supposed he should be grateful Kyoya waited as long as he had and though a part of him wanted to stop any confrontation before it happened, the other part of him wanted answers too. So, instead of redirecting the conversation he simply sat in silence and turned to Hani, waiting to see what the older boy had to say.

Hani turned his attention away from the people clambering about the lunch room and focused on Kyoya, his hazel eyes darkening as he calmly asked, "What are you really asking me Kyoya?"

Kyoya shook his head, "I'm not looking to argue Hani sempai, and I'm not making accusations either. I just want to know…we all want to know why she prefers you. What is she to you? What are you to her?"

"You are asking me questions that only Haruhi has the answers to, and I don't suggest you put her on the spot like you just did to me. As for what she is to me…I am whatever she wants me to be to her. I love her."

Tamaki took in a deep breath and turned to look at Kyoya whose hands clenched into fists. "Kyoya, you asked him…you knew how he would answer. Calm down."

Kyoya narrowed his eyes, "I love her too."

Hani tilted his head to the side and studied Kyoya before sighing. "Tamaki has a point, you shouldn't have asked if you really didn't want to know the answer." He took his fork and used the edge to slice off a piece of strawberry cake, "I know you love her Kyoya, just like I know Tamaki, Mori and the twins love her. We all love her."

Kyoya let out a slow bated sigh, "She is vulnerable, too vulnerable to be making any romantic decisions."

Hani's eyes hardened but he remained calm as he answered in a clipped tone, "Do you want to know the difference between us Kyoya? I see her strengths rather than focusing on her weaknesses. I don't see a vulnerable, hurt girl. I see Haruhi, who despite all the shit she has gone through knows her own mind. If she decides she wants more with me then it will be her decision, and whatever follows will be completely up to her. As for me teaching her self-defense; she asked me to help her. It was a decision she made all on her own and none of you will take that from her because you don't know how to handle your jealousy."

The table grew silent as Hani finished off his cake, the fork occasionally clinking against the expensive dessert plate. Before he finished Tamaki cleared his throat and carefully asked, "How long have you known you loved her?"

Hani didn't look up when he answered, "After the Ouran fair."

Tamaki whispered, "That was so long ago. Why didn't you ever approach her?"

Hani sighed and raised his head, "I barely reached her chin and I was certain she saw me as nothing more than a brother. I walked around with a stuffed rabbit and acted like a five-year-old who cried and threw tantrums."

Tamaki shook his head, "But that's who you are Hani…you shouldn't be someone else just for her to love you."

Hani laughed humorlessly, the sound so somber and hollow. "Tamaki, we all have our childhood hang ups, mine just so happened to result in my rebelling against everything I knew my family would outright despise. It was fun…I admit it was freeing for a while and I am grateful for you giving me a chance to be someone completely different than who I really am. I'm not a child though Tamaki, I like cake and I'm not an early riser, but my stuffed rabbit is put away. I've forgotten how to cry and I don't want Haruhi to ever see me as a brother."

Tamaki frowned, "Even before the host club, you weren't like how you are now."

"You're right, I wasn't. We all changed after what happened to Haruhi, some more than others."

No one had anything to say to that.

"Don't hurt her."

Hani stared at Tamaki and leaned back in his chair once more, "Never. I would never hurt her."

That was all Tamaki needed to hear.

~oOo~

Haruhi knew Kaede expected her to talk about Hani or one of the other boys…she avoided Kimura at all cost usually. Today though, she wanted to take another step.

"It isn't fair."

Kaede nodded, "No it's not."

"I want to talk about it…I just don't know how. I want to try though."

Kaede was silent, perhaps she was surprised, but Haruhi was grateful for the chance to let out a bit of her anger.

"I ran out of words you know. I ran out of prayers and then I realized that when I prayed it sounded more like begging. I begged God to save me…I wonder every day if those small mistakes that man made that day were His doing. Kimura had never made mistakes like that before."

Haruhi sat still on the couch, her head bent as if she was praying at that very moment. Kaede reached out and carefully grabbed hold of Haruhi's little hand, "That day that you escaped, the day you said that you lost hope…tell me how you managed to overpower Kimura."

Haruhi was quiet for a very long time, she hadn't yet given Kaede specific details and Kaede had never pushed for them. When her lips parted to share a bit of that day with her she began to tremble, but she pressed on. Kaede told her that speaking about the day would take away Kimura's power over her and every time she spoke about it she would strip away another bit of his hold on her life. She wanted that…she wanted to burn him off of her like the leech he was.

"He came into our cell…Satori cried for me when he dragged me away by my hair. The stairs slammed against my back and when we were upstairs the carpet burned me. The house smelled so clean it burned my nose and everything was so white…so very sterile. He would usually handcuff us to the bed…he…he would gag us. The first time…the first…I threw up. He made me keep the gag in my mouth for days."

Kaede squeezed Haruhi's hand gently, "Haruhi, you can stop now. You don't have to say anymore today."

Haruhi shook her head, "No. I want to."

Kaede searched Haruhi's face and whispered, "If it becomes too much I want you to stop. Promise me."

Haruhi just nodded and took in a deep breath before continuing, "On that day, he didn't tighten the handcuff enough—and then the phone rang. I don't know how he didn't notice when he was always so meticulous about everything...I've wondered if he may have had OCD. When I was free I grabbed the syringe on the dresser; it was what he would use on us after...after he was done. I waited for him; I remember everything being louder. I think I could hear my heartbeat—I held my only chance of freedom in my hand and I was terrified something would go wrong. When he came through the door and saw me missing I wanted to mock him, instead I stabbed him in the neck. I wanted to pull it out and for a second I almost did...I wanted to pull it out and stab him with it over and over again, but he had already taken so much from me—I just didn't him to take anything more. So, instead I handcuffed him to the bed and called Hani..."

Kaede was quiet for a bit and then said, "A man who did in fact have a severe case of OCD, a man who was in fact meticulous in every facet of his life…didn't notice an extra click of a handcuff. It wouldn't matter the circumstances, a person with OCD like him would not overlook such a thing. Then you Haruhi; a tiny, starving, weak and battered girl dragged a 6'2 and 220 something man onto a bed and handcuffed him. I think it's okay to believe that something more was at play that day, but you mustn't discredit your own strength. You beat him and with every breath you take you continue to win."

Haruhi wiped away a stray tear and though the smile she gave Kaede was small and trembling, it was real.

A/n: I want to thank reviewer Caysun for the self-defense idea, I think that every girl should have at least some basic knowledge of self-defense and I think it could help a person who has gone through trauma rebuild their confidence. The OCD thing…I have been watching a lot of Criminal Minds and it played in well to the story. Feel free to critique, no flames though. Review please!

Thank you.

~Inari