When I awoke next, I found to my disappointment that Glorfy wasn't anywhere near by.  But, I figured that this might be a good thing, since I needed some time to write and think.  Especially think.  In fact, enough had happened yesterday that I had a feeling that I was going to be doing more thinking than writing. 

            I rose stiffly from my bed of cushions and stretched as much as my horribly stiff muscles would allow.  It hurt, but I managed.  My legs felt like jelly from staying in bed for so long, and, not only that, but despite expectations, they weren't hairy.  At all.  After a quick check, I realized that my armpits weren't either. 

            This provided a great deal of wonder for me, and a lot more food for thought, which I started in on first, finding the thoughts about Glorfindel to be serious enough that I was going to have to leave them until I was done with the frivolous.

Anyhoo…Yesterday when I'd had my bath I hadn't thought much of whether or not my legs were horribly hairy.  I was just happy to be able to soak in hot water for a time to get the dirt and stiffness out.  But now…does this mean that Elf-maidens' aren't hairy?  For eternity?  Sweet!  This is almost as good as the thought that menstruation only happens once every nineteen years!  Or maybe the hair does grow, only very slowly so instead of taking a day to grow, it takes a week, or even longer!  Still, that's a hell of a lot better than having five o'clock leg shadow to worry about, or whether or not your legs are silky smooth. 

Little details like these are something that I have to worry about, of course.  Especially now that I'm immortal.  I don't want to have to shave every day for the rest of eternity, thank you very much.   

I wanted to do a little dance, but found I couldn't, so I just settled for a maniacal giggle.  Of course, this would cut my excuse for remaining in the bath down a lot, but there was nothing to be helped by that.  Now I only had to worry about washing my hair, which I have a lot of.  And which needed brushing. 

            I located a brush with ease – there was one sitting on Glorfy's desk.  Next to it were clean clothes that fit, as I was still wearing Glorfy's somewhat damp robe.  I shivered when I realized this, and quickly changed, finding with some satisfaction that my shiny, teal underwire bra was still alive and kicking, and not even stained. 

            Fiona came in as I was finishing up with changing, a slow process.  I still hadn't made it to my hair and it was tangled in odd clumps on the back of my neck, which felt cool against the bruising.  She was grinning from ear to ear, but to herself, quite obviously lost in thought since she gave a little start when she realized I wasn't sleeping still.

            I grinned at her and started in on my hair.  "What's up with you?" I asked.  She blushed and heaved a contented sigh that gradually faded into a giggle.

            "Oh, not much," she said, and twirled.  I raised an eyebrow.  "Just that I have the heart of an Elvish king."  She noticed my difficulty with the brush (bruises make for less freedom of movement) and took over, resisting the temptation to be gentle.

            I giggled myself.  "Me too!  Only, mine's not a king."

            We shared a moment of combined squeals.  "Oooo!  Details!" she cried.  I think it was payback for my squealing of the day before.

            "Not before you tell me about you and Gilly-boy," I replied.  "You still owe me details from yesterday."  At least, I was hoping it was yesterday.  If I'd slept for several more days, I'd be worried.

            I knew her face had gone beet red.  I grinned at her discomfort.  After all…that's what sisters are for: teasing the living crap out of our siblings, even if we aren't actually physically related.  Adopted sisters are still sisters.

            "Well…" she began.  "After Elrond sewed me back up, and I punched his lights out, Ereinion yelled at me and all that, and I left and then he followed, and well…we argued and then…"  She trailed off her remarkably incoherent sentence. 

            "And then what?" I had to prompt her.

            "And then…well…we…" she giggled. 

            "He kissed you?"  I eventually supplied.  I turned to look at her.  When her answer was a huge grin and a giggle, I knew I had been right in my assessment.   "EEEEEEEE!  That's wonderful!"  I turned back around so she could finish my hair.

            "What about you?"

            My giggle abruptly stopped.  "Ummmm…well, just after I got out of the bath – shut up! – he brought me a towel…I mean, he brought me the towel so I could get out of the bath, and then…"  I trailed off and tried very hard not to turn the alarming shade of red I knew I was going.  "Then…I'm going to kill Elrond," I eventually managed.

            "Elrond interrupted?"  I nodded mutely.  "That bastard!"

            "It's not his fault," I said defensively, not quite knowing why I was defending him.  That had been a vicious prod to my back the other day.  Then again…I was still alive because of him…  "I don't think he realized what he'd find when he pulled back that tent flap."

            "Oh, he knew," Fiona said with feeling, leading me to believe that Elrond had pulled a similar stunt regarding her and Gilly.  I raised an eyebrow, but it was still my turn for details.

            "And then, well Elrond examined the bruise on my back, and then he left, and then I was talking to Glorfy for a little bit, and then he said something about having a cure for my aches that Elrond couldn't deliver and then the next thing I know, he's…" I trailed off my own remarkably incoherent ramblings and giggled.  Fiona squealed again, spun me around and gave me a hug, which hurt the bruise, but I didn't care.

            "Sorry," she said.  I said I didn't care about the pain, but I still flinched.  "I'm just so happy!"

            "Don't worry about it!  I'm happy too!"

"How 'bout some celebratory chocolate?" 

            I grinned, remembering suddenly that we actually had quite a lot of it.  I squealed (there was a lot of squealing…my fan-girl proclivities, which had largely been dormant since we'd last written fanfiction, were waking up), and thought vaguely that I really didn't need the sugar, but…hell…it'd been a while since we'd last sat and giggled over chocolate, and so much had happened.  Dying, being reborn, meeting damn bloody hot Elves, joining a battle, nearly dying again, blathering through the night…I think chocolate is a good thing for a celebratory moment.  I wonder if the Elves have anything like this…if they don't, they're going to have to learn how…damn…I wish we had a recipe.

            "Where's your bag?" Fiona asked. 

            I looked around the tent.  "Dunno," I replied.  "Should be around here somewhere."

            Fiona stuck her head through the partition and looked around.  "Not out here," she called back.  She pulled her head back through and spotted it under Glorfy's desk, dragging it out.  "Found it!" she exclaimed and passed it over.  I dug through its contents, looking for the chocolate.

            After a moment or two, I got fed up with the searching, carried the bag over to the bed/pile of cushions and dumped the whole thing out onto the ground. 

            Of course, the condoms had to land on the top of the pile.  Just as Glorfy and Gilly decided that a visit would be a good thing.

            I don't think they ever got around to telling us why they had come, although I know Gil-galad has a purpose for everything he does, even if that purpose is not apparent to start with and he gets side tracked by the sort of occasion that is about to follow.  But they were unannounced and just waltzed right in, stopping just inside the inner partition.  I suppose this was Glorfy's tent, but, for all they knew, I could have been changing. 

Unless…no, Glorfy doesn't have that much of a dirty mind.  Hell…he's convinced that women shouldn't know about any pleasurable bodily functions!  And the way he's always reacted to my…forward behavior…  I suppose it should be pointed out that if he does have a dirty mind he hides it extremely well under that gorgeous, gentlemanly and well-muscled exterior.  I suppose I have all the time in the universe to find out whether or not he does…I like that thought.

Fe and I must have given them the We're Not Doing Anything innocent look because Gilly and Glorfy immediately looked suspicious.  Well, it could have been the large pile of unidentified things lying in the middle of the tent. 

            "Greetings, Ladies.  May I ask what it is that you are doing?" Gilly asked.  Okay, so they were suspicious of us.  I noticed Fiona was oogling the king again so I nudged her hard.  In an effort to keep from being slightly hypocritical, I looked back down at the pile of Twentieth Century goodies that had migrated across the ages with us.  The point of this was to keep my eyes off Glorfy – if I'd looked at him, I'd be lost…

            "Oh," I answered, looking back up at the bloody hot Elf king.  I can stand to look at him without going into girly fits, but Glorfy… "Not much.  We were just going to have some celebratory chocolate."  I shrugged.  "You two want any?"

            "What is 'chocolate'?" Glorfy asked.  I finally had to look at him.  "And why must it be 'celebratory'?" 

            I wasn't totally lost, but Fiona did have to answer. 

            "It's…a confectionary…rarity, my lords," she began, "made by…err…master craftsmen of our time."  I gave her a weird look, to which she shrugged.  "I don't know…you try explaining to two Elves about corporate entities," she added in a mutter.

I shrugged myself and did my best to ignore the confused and penetrating stares of the two Elves.  I'd forgotten about their hearing.  I just hoped they didn't ask anything about 'corporate entities' because there wouldn't be a chance in hell that I'd be able to explain them.  So I didn't blame Fiona one bit for trying to fob off an explanation about craftsmen.  Besides…master craftsmen had made this chocolate.  These were Belgian chocolate covered truffles.  Just one whiff sends me on an endorphin rush like no other.

I started digging through the pile in front of me, silly grin on my face, wondering just how Elves would react to such a sugar intake.  I pulled the box of addictive confectionary items from the mess of apparently useless stuff (I still don't know what the hell that damn dog whistle is for!) but before I could open it, there was a rustle of cloth and the slight clinking of armor and then Glorfy was picking up…

The silly grin vanished.  Oh mother in heaven, help me!  He's got the condoms!  Bloody HELL!

"Minaimîr," he began.  I was dreading the question I knew to be coming next.  Already my face was going red.  The two Elves looked even more suspicious than before.  "What are these?"

I couldn't help it.  One look at Fe and we were both giggling again. 

"What is meant by 'maximum lubrication'?"

"I do not understand what it is you find so amusing," Gilly interjected when all Glorfy got for an answer was full out laughter.  Fiona and I were rolling on the ground.  We couldn't have responded if we'd wanted to. 

All of this was hurting my back quite the bit, but I ignored the pain.  I was laughing too hard, and knew that I was going to have to pay for this later, but…damn…you've got to admit that this was very funny…and not really a sight that comes along very often, Glorfy standing there, holding a box of condoms, Gilly at his side and the pair of them looking so very confused…

Eventually, Fe managed to calm down enough to get some comprehensible words out.  "They're for protection, my Lord," she giggled.  She went even redder when she met Gilly's eye.  "During…umm…"

I did my best and tried.  "They go on your…" I didn't get any further as my started explanation only induced another round of sniggers and giggles. 

Aren't there instructions on the damn box?  Mother knows I've never seen any of the damn things up close…despite my forwardness when it comes to hot guys, I'd never had occasion to use them.  Besides…do Elves even have the…umm…equipment…for…?  Well, I guess they did, because that would only make sense as to how Elrond and his descendants came about…  

"Ah," Gilly said after a moment.  "I do believe that I am beginning to understand.  These are devices to protect one's…" he trailed off and then raised his eyebrows.  I guess there are instructions on the back of the box.  He muttered something in Elvish. 

The look Glorfy gave me contained confusion, wonder, surprise, suspicion and…fear?  "Minaimîr, why do you have such items in your satchel?"

"It's a good question," I managed around the gasps of air I needed to breathe.  "Ask whoever brought us here."

"Maybe they can explain the dog whistle," Fiona added, clutching her belly.  "Or the pineapple."

"Or your odd undergarments, Anórmír," Gil-galad mused, half to himself.  I have a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't meant for that to be out loud.

The abrupt silence was…abrupt. I felt sure that either Fiona's jaw was about to fall off or the heat from her face would cause her to spontaneously combust into a pile of ashes.  Another bout of the giggles rapidly approached.

"Fe," I began, the giggles already starting.  She hadn't managed to say anything yet.  "I thought you said Gilly hadn't seen the lingerie."  She didn't say anything; she looked like she wanted to die.

I couldn't contain the giggles any longer.  The look on Fiona's face was too priceless.

"What?" she managed after a moment, staring at the Elf of her affection with a great deal of shock. 

Glorfy stepped in, changing the subject.  "But what would these," he began, waving the box of condoms around, "have to protect against?"  He apparently didn't get it.  I think he was just trying very hard to believe that such things wouldn't be necessary in my bag.  I suspect that, despite my behavior in the past, he still thought I was an innocent.  Well, technically, I was.  Although, my mum did teach me everything I needed to know about the birds and the bees at a young age…  "They are too small to shield from Orcs."

Elves are so cute when naïve!  And so bloody friggin' hilarious…

When I could breathe again, I spoke.  "Um, they're not for protection against Orcs," I said, trying very, very hard to keep from giggling like a maniac again.  "They're for protection against unwanted children."

"And nasty diseases," Fiona put in, finally managing to speak again, and quite obviously happy to be on a separate subject than the underclothes she had in the bottom of her bag, even if this separate topic involved Elves and condoms.

Her statement was met by a pair of blank stares.  "Diseases?"  Gil-galad asked, deadpan.

"Yeah.  Nasty ones too," I added.  "Horrible, horrible things that you don't want to know about."  I shook my head.  "Trust me.  You really don't."

"What sort of a world do you come from?" Gilly had to wonder.  Well, I suppose he had to…I mean, I would, if I were him.

"One you won't need to worry about," I said dismissively.  "It's a long, long way off."

Glorfy gave the condoms a distrustful look and tossed them back to the pile of various things before me.  "I am glad that we do not need such devices."

I think the looks on Fe and mine's faces were identical.  I know our eyebrows shot up to our hairlines and threatened to set up camp and not come back down.  We didn't have to say anything.  Glorfindel continued, somewhat embarrassed.

"You do not know of how children are conceived?"

Blank stares – we're getting good at those.  "No," we said slowly.  Speaking in unison again… 

"You don't have any sexually transmitted diseases?"  I threw that out, as Fiona wouldn't have said anything along those lines for a million dollars, not with Gilly present.  Especially after that burn about the lingerie… It took a moment for me to realize what I'd just said.  "I mean you as an entire culture," I elaborated.

"Your pardon?"  Glorfy apparently had some trouble talking…at least, he sounded choked. 

I took a deep breath, tired of flittering about the edges of this topic (although, it was still damn funny) and dove in headfirst.  "A sexually transmitted disease is a disease of the genitals generally obtained by having copious amounts of unprotected sex with multiple partners, not necessarily at the same time.  Condoms, when used in that respect, are not only for the protection of the woman against conception of a child, but also to protect against the diseases which result of promiscuous activity. 

"However," I continued, my 'lecture mode' in full swing, "if both partners are relatively clean in their habits, bathe regularly and aren't slutty whores, then condoms are a guard against children that would complicate matters, especially between two consenting adults who are only having sex for fun, rather than as an emotional bond.  Birth control is a good thing," I added at the two shocked stares I was getting from the Elves, "not only to protect against over population, but also because there are a lot of people out there who wouldn't know how to raise a kid if someone smacked them with a 'how-to' manual and who would probably be better off not having children, if only to save that child from the emotional damages that could result from having a set of parents – or parent, if the dad decides to shove off – who are grossly incompetent when it comes to child rearing, because their own parents were, and their grandparents, and on and on and on down the ancestral line.  Not only that, but preventing a pregnancy beats the bloody hell out of having an abortion."

Well, if Glorfy had any remaining delusions of my being an innocent, they had just been dashed upon some very sharp rocks.

"Abortion?" the Elf of my affection asked weakly.  He couldn't manage much else.  I noticed that Gil-galad didn't even try.

Fiona will tell you that getting me started on abortions is not worth it.  The intensity of my feelings on that topic could probably keep Mount Doom in operation for several hundred years even if the magma chambers it happens to be sitting on were to crystallize suddenly without any warning at all and trap Sauron in a solid prison of rhyolite and obsidian.

I took a deep breath and tried to keep the anger out of my voice.  "Yeah.  Killing the child before it's born to keep from having to live with it.  It's illegal after the fetus reaches a certain age, but…"  I closed my eyes a moment and tried very, very hard to stop the rush of anger that threatened to break out.  "Sometimes – and I've seen pictures – sometimes…the methods…"  I felt a distinct need to shred something. 

"It's alright, Minaimîr," Glorfy said gently, the tone of his voice enough to drown the anger that was threatening to explode.  "I understand what you speak of."

"How can you?" I wanted to know.  "You've never seen…you know what?  How 'bout we change topics?"  I looked around and gathered that there was a consensus among the others.  "Right.  Now.  The chocolate.  Do you two want to try some?"

I lifted the box, forgotten in my hands, and opened it, took a whiff, and offered it to the two Elves while trying to keep the sudden and hugely silly grin off my face.  It'd been a while since I'd smelled chocolate like this.

            Gilly, of course, being Mr. Diplomat, bent over and inhaled deeply, as I had done, Glorfy following suit immediately thereafter.  I looked at Fiona, and we shared a grin before turning back to the two Elves.

            They looked panicky.  Very panicky.  So panicky, in fact, that it was almost amusing.  Almost, but not quite.

            Oh, hell.  It was friggin' amusing!  The pair of them tried so very hard to hide the fact that the chocolate was having something of an 'unforeseen reaction'.  They both babbled something about a 'cold cup of water' before turning stiffly and heading for the tent flaps.

            I raised an eyebrow and met Fe's look. 

            "What the hell was that?"  I had to ask.  

            "I don't know," Fiona replied, shaking her head.  "Somehow, I think we probably just witnessed the first and only time that Ereinion and Glorfindel are going to be 'unruffled' in our presence."

            "'Unruffled?'  More like 'snorting the powdered rhino horn'.  And it better not be the only time either."

            We giggled.  I noticed that she seemed to be able to talk now and figured that she'd gotten over the lingerie comment.  I shrugged and offered her the box of addictive confectionary items, also known as Belgian chocolate covered truffles.  I made a promise to myself that I was definitely going to be hoarding these.   

              She took one and I followed suit.  "Cheers!" I said with a grin, inhaling deeply the toe-curling aroma of fine chocolate. 

            "To our Elves," Fiona added with a grin of her own.

            In unison, as we always seem to do, we popped the truffles into our mouths.  Mmmmm…orange cream…so wonderfully…oh bugger.

The grins vanished from our faces and we stared at each other in shock, and then at the tent flap, where just so recently the two Elves had practically ran through in an effort to cool their blood.  After a moment I swallowed, stood shakily, and spoke.

"Race you to the rain barrel."

In retrospect, I suppose we should have seen this coming.  I mean, more than just our ears changed when we became Elves – the metabolism that allows us to stay young and healthy, the loss of the gene that causes aging and so forth...all of our human physiology had gone bye-bye, and had been replaced with that of Elves.  Our physical appearance didn't change (have I mentioned that being this farking short in a camp full of tall people is very annoying?), but…damn it, we should have expected this! 

Logical question, answer needing deductive reasoning skills: If two Elves, encountering the scent of chocolate for the first time, find it to have the same result as the apparent use of a rhino horn does for humans, would not two newly Elvish females, having grown up with chocolate, not notice the effect until after ingestion? 

Unfortunately, though, hindsight is a total bitch, and I was too busy running for the nearest barrel of cold water to care.  And having one of the hardest times of my life keeping away from anything remotely male.  In the state I was in…

I'll tell 'ya, though…Fe and I were practically neck and neck the whole time, our dual predicament throwing all considerations of height, weight or leg length out the proverbial window and just giving us speed.  Which we needed.  Because Glorfindel and Gil-galad (sopping wet themselves) were coming up rapidly on the right, and if we were to keep away from them – and keep from doing something horribly stupid – we'd need all the speed we could get.

I didn't really start thinking again until after I pulled my head out of the horse trough.  Then I had chance to realize a few things:  One, I was panting and rather heavily due to the physical exertion of beating total ass across camp.  Two, so was Fiona.  Three, I felt a great deal better, and four…both of us were wearing white. 

Well, it had been white, the fabric of our shirts.  Now it was just translucent. 

Oh bloody hell.    

            I looked at Fiona.  Fiona looked back.  I don't know who started giggling first, but it didn't take long before we were both clutching our stomachs again, laughing manically, howling, practically.  There the two of us were, our shirts drenched, hair plastered to our heads and dripping down our backs, having narrowly escaped a very embarrassing situation…it was quite amusing.  There were amused grins on the faces of the Elves and Men who had gathered around to watch the spectacle.  Even on the faces of Glorfindel and Gil-galad…

            Our laughter dwindled away as we both laid eyes on the Elves of our affections.  Their own shirts clung to their bodies from their own escapades in the horse troughs, their hair slicked back and dripping…muscles…gleaming…so…beautiful… Gradually, the matched smiles on the faces of Gilly and Glorfy slipped.  Something was not quite right…because the cold water hadn't really helped after the initial shock of the temperature clearing our heads.  If anything…

            Oh bloody friggin' hell!

            We ended up in the tent that we'd been given.  It was the only place we could think of where we could go to panic without Glorfy or Gilly anywhere near by to…augment our…predicament. 

            Panicking involved a great deal of pacing and mutterings and taking turns at stopping one another from running out to find our Elves and then doing something entirely dumb. 

            "I can't take this any more!" I yelled, heading for the door after only ten minutes of pacing.

            "No!" Fiona grabbed hold and didn't let me go, despite my tugging.  "I'm not letting you do this!"

            "But…I can't…want…"  I stopped tugging and we were silent for a while, except for the occasional mutter of something along the lines of 'bloody hell' or 'it was only one piece of chocolate!'

            "Don't even mention chocolate!" Fe growled warningly at one point before the expression on her face flickered to a decidedly wicked grin.  "Even though…chocolate does have its advantages now that we're Elves."  Her eyes glazed over.  The only thing that stopped her from running off to Gil-galad was myself standing in her way.  I may be short, but it's been pointed out that I'm quite spunky.  Fiona could have easily bowled me over, but I would have gone down fighting and would have probably ended up being dragged along, hanging on with all available strength to her ankles.

            "We can't go on like this!" I wailed after Fiona had resumed her pacing.  "There has to be some way to control these…urges…"  I trailed off and gave Fiona a pleading look, as though she might have all the answers.  Actually, I think she was even worse off than I was.  All those impulses that she usually suppressed, all those thoughts that her modesty code had deemed 'inappropriate'…each and every single one of them was now coming to the surface of her mind.  She was quivering.  "Fiona!" her attention snapped back on me.  She'd been staring at the flaps again.   "We have to control this!"

            "Right.  I can do that."  She seemed determined, but I don't think it was to control anything except…well, I wasn't going to go there.  In fact…oh, bloody hell, now I've got images!

            Quick, Rhiannon, think of something anything other than what your sister and Gil-galad might…gah!  No!  Not that!  Anything but that!  Think, damn you!  Of…Glorfy…running through fields…no!  Not naked!  The point, is, you stupid cow, to calm down!

            I put my head in my hands and tried to just clear my thoughts. 

            "Okay, quick," I began.  "We have to try meditation!"

            "What?" she gave me a weird look.  "What for?"

            "Because it's the only thing we haven't tried and I'm fresh out of options," I replied.  "And if you've got a better idea…"

            Her eyes glazed again and she looked at the tent flaps as though trying to plan her escape. 

            "Besides that!" I snapped.  She blushed a deep red and sat down, head in her hands.  I sat down across from her. 

            "Okay.  Deep breaths now."

            It helped a little.  After an hour we could actually restrain ourselves without the help of one another.  About half an hour in I made an unfortunate attempt at a joke about tying us up…and then had to suffer the consequences when a barrage of images of Glorfy with ropes in his hands and wearing a grin on his face and nothing else decided to pop up in a most annoying fashion and there was nothing I could do about it except try to stop from blushing and running off to…

            We lost track of time.  Or, at least, I did.  I did notice that the torturously slow passage of time seemed to vanish and be replaced with…Elrond.

            What the hell is it about that friggin' Elf?  He has the most annoying habit of showing up at the most inopportune moments.  This moment wasn't quite as inopportune as it could have been, say, twenty minutes before hand, but…

            I don't know.  Maybe he thought he'd be safe from the two severely horny she-Elves because our affections lay elsewhere.  That could be it.  I'm just glad he didn't show up earlier, or he would have been shown exactly how he wasn't immune.

            Yes, I'd been that desperate.  Just you wait until you become an Elf yourself and then eat…the unmentionable food.  Then you'll understand how even Elrond would have seemed appealing.

            Now, that's not to say that Elrond isn't hot.  He is.  He's got those gray eyes and dark hair and the body, and the masculine confidence… It's just that he's also a bit of a jerk at times, and I was still annoyed with him for that interruption stunt he pulled yesterday.  Plus…I've got Glorfy, and Elrond will have Celebrían when this is all over…

            Anyway, I opened my eyes when I thought I heard the tent flap fluttering and found those gray eyes of his watching me curiously.  It took my remaining strength of will not to snap his head off.   Or jump him.  I was undecided on that point and could have cheerfully done either. 

A glance at Fiona showed me that she too was grinning in a very feral manner.  I wondered if this was because, like me, she was plotting his imminent death or because of another reason that I didn't really want to think about.

            "Hi," I said after a moment, doing my best to stay seated and ignore the twitchings of amusement at the corners of his mouth because…I'm not getting into that.  I'm just very, very, glad that Glorfy had elected to stay out of the tent.  "Can we help you?"

            "Perhaps you can enlighten me as to why the King and the Lord Glorfindel are in the state they are in," Elrond stated.  I don't think it was meant to be a question.  His eyebrow was raised.

            "Um, can't this wait?"  I knew if I started thinking about…the unmentionable food…then there'd be no turning back.  Even remembering the endorphin rush truffles give…and with a hot male in close proximity…

            "No, I believe not," Elrond continued, apparently oblivious to the state that Fiona and I were in.  "You see, the High King and the Lord Glorfindel have both thrown themselves in their tents and have told the guards not to let them out, or anyone in, for any reason short of an Orc attack.  Seeing the state that you two are in, I assumed – correctly, I surmise – that you would know of the reason for their sudden state."

            I wasn't really listening to what he was saying, but rather watching the muscles in his neck and where they disappeared into his armor and tunic, which was slightly unbuttoned to reveal…

Dear mother…I'm drooling over Elrond.  This is bad!

"Rhiannon!" Fiona snapped.  My eyes came rapidly back into focus and I looked up at her guiltily and then suddenly grinned as an idea presented itself, one that I was feeling evil enough to follow through with.  I just hoped Fiona would join in.  My eyes flickered to Elrond and back to her and I raised my eyebrows slightly, hoping she'd take the hint and join in on my sudden plan to get this specimen of Elfhood out of our tent before I – at least – did something highly regrettable. 

Elrond looked suddenly suspicious.  Especially when Fiona and I (she apparently caught my drift) rose from where we'd been sitting and attempting to meditate and advanced on him.  I let my grin widen as far as it would go and threw every ounce of feeling that I could into its wickedness.  If he didn't know what was going on now, then he must be very dense indeed.

"Elrond," I began, deliberately making my voice as low and seductive as it could go and still be heard.  He swallowed hastily and backed up slowly.  Unfortunately, it was to the wrong end of the tent.  "Aren't you over heating in that armor?"

"Yeah," Fiona chimed in, her own grin decidedly very evil.  Well, she'd say 'wicked', but…hee hee…either way, I was having a lot of fun with this.  "You're sweating, Elrond.  We'd better get you out of your clothes and into something a little more…" she paused and sent her eyes roving over his body, "comfortable."

"Something a little more flesh toned is what I had in mind," I added, sending one hand out for the armor buckles. 

So help me, he yelped!  This was working perfectly.  The only thing we had to really worry about was whether or not this little impromptu plan would backfire.

I will admit that a part of me wanted it to backfire, to a certain degree.  To deny that would be stupid, because everyone reading this will know full well what was going through my mind.  And, I will admit that if it'd been Glorfy who'd come to visit, bruise or no bruise on my back, that Elf wouldn't have had a chance of escaping my clutches.  But, I will also admit that I was quite glad when Elrond looked suddenly scared shitless and bolted for the other end of the tent, where the exit was conveniently located.  I noticed, as he ducked past, that Fiona had managed to get one of his braids undone while I'd been working on the buckles of his armor.  In fact, I'd actually managed to slip one hand under his breastplate before he bolted.

I will say this…Elrond has very nice pectoral muscles. 

Fiona and I chased him to the flaps of the tent and then collapsed laughing as we watched his retreating back tearing across the camp as though all the Orcs in Barad-dûr were after him.  Never would have thought that an Elf would actually run from the advances of two females, but…well, there's our proof.  Running across the camp at full speed.

When I managed to stand up again, I noticed that I'd laughed off the remaining affects of the…unmentionable food.  With a sigh, I pulled Fiona to her feet.

"Think we should go rescue our Elves from their tents?" Fiona asked.

"We probably should," I answered with a shrug and then winced.  My back was stiff as all hell now.  It was a wonder I could move at all.  "Although, given our reaction, I don't think going near Glorfy and Gilly would be a good idea."

"Maybe.  Although," she grinned wickedly and I matched it, happy to see my twin admitting she had 'urges' for once.  "Perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing."

I shook my head.  "Feel like some lunch?"

"Sure!  I had some, but it wasn't very nice, and I'm rather hungry now."

            With another giggle, we walked away in the general direction opposite to the one Elrond had gone tearing off into and hopefully in the direction of the dining tent.  I was hungry enough to eat just about anything.

            Alright.  Mind out of the gutter!

            "Well," I remarked as we stood in line to receive what looked like some sort of beef stew, probably some veggies and a bun.  I'm not entire sure what it was, but I was hungry and so didn't really care much.  "That was…an interesting experience."

            "Yeah," Fiona agreed.  A sour looking Man handed us our food and we went in search of a table where we could sit.  I found that I was having trouble using my muscles for anything and Fe took the bowl of stew from my hands. 

            "Thanks."

            "No problem.  You probably shouldn't be doing much with that bruise anyway."

            "Prolly," I agreed.  "But staying in that friggin' tent is boring as all hell.  Even though Elrond told me to keep up my end of the story for the histories."

            "Yeah; Erenion's got me writing out my end.  Although," she added, "that's pretty much what I did today right up until I came to visit you."

            "Glorfy wrote out my bit, at least until I woke up.  He wrote it out as I spoke."

            I caught the look in her eyes as she suddenly became highly interested in her stew.  "He did, did he?"

            Guilt fisted me in the stomach as I realized precisely what was bothering Fiona.  She explained it, as I expected her to, in no uncertain terms, as sisters should.   I'd betrayed her, you see, when I blathered through the night.  This was because of an apparent inability to keep a secret for more than ten minutes.  As a result, she didn't know whether or not she could trust me with anything important any more. 

Like her and Gilly?  If that were to be a secret, I'd keep it until the ends of time.  Or until something throws me off and I blurt it without thinking – that is what usually happens.  I waited until she finished chewing me out before speaking my bit.

            "You're right," I mumbled, staring down at my stew and stirring it slowly with the hunk of bread.  We hadn't been given spoons – not enough, I suppose.  "And there's really nothing that I can say or do to change what's happened.  I can't even say that I won't do it again because it's a habit that I can't seem to get out of."  It might have been the last few emotional hours, or the fact that I'd betrayed my sister's trust, but I felt tears pricking.  "The only thing I can say," I added, barely able to speak, "is that…"

            "Hey," she said, reaching across the table and putting her hand on mine.  I looked up and saw that she had tears in her eyes too.  They only made mine worse.  I was dangerously close to whimpering.  "It's alright."

            I sniffled, and swiped the one tear that did fall off my cheek.  We shared a slightly embarrassed silence.  The sudden image of Elrond tearing across the camp sprang to mind and I giggled.

            "What?" Fiona asked. I grinned.

            "Elrond."  It was the only explanation I needed.  She giggled herself. 

            We ate quickly after that, and with relish, although we kept interrupting ourselves with giggled words and wide gestures as we replayed Elrond's escape from our tent. 

            "I figure," I said after a while.  We had calmed down somewhat, "that we should be getting ready to go see if Gil-galad and Glorfindel had had any success with…soothing themselves."

The comment drew another round of sniggers from the both of us.

"You're probably right," Fiona said after a moment when she stopped giggling.  We were actually in the process of piling up our dishes when…

"Those Ladies are dangerous!"  The shout came from the other side of the pavilion and we turned to see who had uttered it.  As expected, it had been Elrond.  "Please, your Majesty, do not approach them without a guard."

            We saw the reason for the ruckus a moment later.  Gilly and Glorfy had entered the dining tent/pavilion/shelter and looked around, apparently looking for us.  While ordinarily this wouldn't be a bad thing, something about their body language bespoke of great annoyance.

            "Uh oh.  I think this is our cue," I whispered to Fiona.  She nodded and we stood slowly when Gilly's eyes were turned away and walked nonchalantly towards the other exit of the tent.  We were almost out when…

            "Minaimîr!  Anórmír! Stop!"

            The 'I-Am-King-So-Do-What-I-Say' voice was out in full swing.  Our feet stopped of their own accord, whereas I would have preferred to keep going.  Still though, I turned my sweetest smile on the two in the hopes that their wrath might be averted.

            Gil-galad approached us and I stepped forward, keeping Fiona behind me.  He regarded us coldly.  "Come with me."

            We had no choice but to follow.  If I'd put up a fuss, things would have gotten really, really bad, especially in front of everyone else in the dining area.  Mostly Men, they were staring outright.  Some were even grinning, and I wondered for a moment if Dúmassë or Lichmé had been spreading rumors.    

            I stuck close to Fiona as we were escorted to the main pavilion thingy.  She looked like she was about to pass out from fright.  I don't think she'd ever expected Gilly to behave towards her in this manner, and, truth be told, his behavior was even scaring me.

            Entering the Command Pavilion, I promised myself that I was going to go down fighting. 

            "Why did you molest my Herald?"  I shared a look with Fiona.  We'd been in the command tent for only a few moments when Gil-galad turned this surprise on us, and my twin looked frightened.  I turned back to Gilly and found his stare hard and cold, without a speck of the gentleness that I had seen directed at Fiona before.  This was definitely a quick-frost glare.  But I can do better.

How dare he do this to my sister?  One minute he was kind and laughing, although weighed down by the cares of the entire Alliance, and the next…a total, cold hearted bastard.  I stepped forward to answer and threw every speck of contempt that I felt for him at that moment into my answer.

            "Molest?  Don't be a dumbass.  We didn't molest anyone.  If Elrond didn't want to be groped he should have not entered a tent that contained two highly –" I chose my next word carefully – "horny she-Elves."

             "Do not speak to the King in that manner!" Elrond growled.  I glared at him, but kept my mouth shut.  Such situations are to be handled with extreme care and dignity.  I was very, very glad that our small judgment party was the only current occupant of the Command Pavilion. 

            "What do you mean by 'horny'?" Gil-galad asked for clarification. 

            He received my best flat look and a slightly raised eyebrow.  "Guess," was my terse reply.  "I think you've lived long enough to know.  Especially since you weren't much better, last we saw you."

            I watched realization dawn and then continued my lecture.  No one does this to my family.  I don't care if they happen to have a big hat.  "Listen, Gilly-boy, and listen well.  Stop acting like a jealous puppy whose mum's gone off with another dog.  Damn it, the number of times I had to restrain Fiona from coming to find you don't even bare counting!  And the number of times she had to restrain me from hunting down Glorfindel…!"  My eyes flickered to the blonde god of my existence.  His look of shock matched those on the faces of Elrond and Gil-galad.  Not that I blame him – how often does one witness a five-foot two Elf woman taking on the seven foot High King?  Not often, I'm betting.  Maybe it's because they all believe in his big hat. 

            "So," I noticed I was yelling, but didn't care, "shut up, get the pickle out of your ass, and stop scaring the hell out of my sister!  One minute you're Mr. Kind and Considerate King, and the next, you're scaring the living shit out of her with your stupid 'I-Don't-Have-Any-Feelings-And-They-Molested-My-Herald' crap!  So quit it!  Not only that, but I don't care if you try me for treason, or some other such stupid thing, because, I'll have you know, if you execute me for protecting my own sister's feelings, you can be sure to all things holy and sacred that I will haunt you for the rest of your natural existence, and no amount of warding or calling on guardians would be able to stop me from making your eternity a living, breathing, in-your-face hell that you could not escape from if Manwë and all the other Valar came to your rescue with Eru behind them!"

            I took a deep breath and noticed that I was quivering, every muscle tense to the point where if someone moved I'd react before realizing it and likely hurt people, myself among them. 

            "Now," I continued, my voice much lower than it had been.  I didn't want to know what the crowd around the pavilion was going to be like.  "The reason, if you must know as to why we behaved the way we did towards your Herald, is because, if we hadn't and he'd stayed, then we wouldn't have been pretending any more.  Given the circumstances, I'd say we showed remarkable restraint.  You only smelled the chocolate, Gilly.  We ate it." 

In the shocked silence the followed I turned to Fiona and grabbed her arm.  "Come on, Fe," I said.  I threw my best quick-frosting glare over the three Elves who were watching with their mouths hanging open.  "Let's get the hell out of here."

            We started to walk away.  Fiona didn't protest in the slightest.  I don't think she could have if she'd wanted to.  Gilly's behaviour combined with my sudden tirade had blown her brainpower. 

I'm not going to apologize for my rant.  I don't like it when people threaten my sister with pointless jealous-rage induced trials for something that we didn't do under our own power.   

            "Oh, by the way," I snarled when we reached the end of the pavilion.  "I'll be in my tent should you feel the need to come and cut my head off."

            If they had responded, I didn't hear it.  Fiona and I had already walked away.