Dear Bella,
So much has happened since you left to spend Christmas break in Arizona. For some insane reason, Mom and Dad let Emmett be in charge of this year's Christmas card. He had begged them saying he had an awesome idea, and they eventually agreed. The day of the photo shoot, he had the photographer take pictures of the entire family holding ornaments, tinsel, and lights. As you can see from the enclosed final product, he only used the guys' photos.
When Mom saw the card, she lost it. I've never seen her so angry before in my life. Emmett is grounded, and Mom even took away his car for the rest of his vacation! He doesn't get it back until he goes back to U-Dub in January.
Grandpa Cullen thought the card was a riot and asked for extras to pass around at the nursing home. He said the ladies "already know he's a stud and the card only validates it." (Now you know who Emmett takes after...)
Alice sobbed when she saw the card because her picture hadn't been included. She stormed around the house for days screaming "I have big, shiny balls too!" Mom couldn't console Alice so Dad ended up driving all the way to Port Angeles to have a special card made just for her. Of course, I made copies of it to use as payback when she gets older. (I've enclosed one of them for your enjoyment as well.)
While Dad was in Port Angeles, he picked up a generic box of cards for Mom who said "there was no way in Hell" she was using Emmett's. The next day, however, Dad picked up the wrong stack of Christmas cards and passed them out at the hospital by mistake. In a matter of hours, Emmett's card pretty much made its way all around Forks.
Mom was livid when she saw our card hanging at the library while we were returning a book so we went straight to Dad's office. When we opened his office door, we found Nurse Denali offering to 'Deck Dad's Halls'! Mom ended up punching Nurse Denali in the nose!
Nurse Denali tried to press charges so your dad came to the hospital. After he calmed her down, he asked me to step out into the hallway. It seems he had also seen the family card and wanted to let me know he would "elf me up" if I ever had my balls, shiny or not, near you!
Bella, you have to talk to your dad! He's going to shoot me! I'm only 14 and too young to die! Tell him it was Emmett's idea, and that I had nothing to do with it. Promise me!
Anyway, I miss you. It's so boring without you. Emmett's grounded, Alice is annoying, and Jasper's been moping in his room because he and Maria broke up... again.
Come home soon and don't forget to talk to the chief!
Love,
Edward