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Guest#2: She definitely does at times. Let's hope so ;) And I'm glad that you're enjoying their bantering. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I mega appreciate it :)

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A/N: I was going to get this up on Saturday...and then I was going to get it up on Sunday...and then it was supposed to be up yesterday...and that clearly didn't happen. Basically, I've been lazy about updating, and I'm so, so sorry. I'd like to say that it won't happen again, but chances are it will at some point. So, um, sorry in advance...forgive me? Anyway, not a lot I need to say about this chapter, so I'll leave it at that. Oh, and as always, shout out to Dana2184 who I'm hoping gets around to updating one of her stories soon.

Enjoy the chapter :)

Chapter Two

Katie's POV

I settled down on the couch and snatched the remote up, turning down the volume and flipping through channels until I managed to find a sitcom. I stretched out, doing my very best to ignore the clanging coming from my kitchen.

Dear God, was he playing the drums with my pots and pans?!

I cringed as one particularly loud CLANG echoed out.

"Don't worry!" James called to me. "Nothing's broken or on fire – yet."

I clenched my fists, about ready to start tearing into the couch. Or maybe just start tearing his hair out of his head.

There was a splash of water. Oh my God, he was flooding the kitchen!

"What was that?!" I cried.

"Noah's Ark arriving."

"I'm serious!"

"So am I! You really need to do something about the water pressure, it could pass for the Great Flood."

I groaned. "Just stop talking."

"I will when you will."

"It's my apartment!"

"And I'm your guest!"

"Actually, you're my trespasser."

"I'm your trespassing guest."

"Not a guest!"

"Not a trespasser either."

"How about a pain in the ass?!"

"A pain in your ass?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes."

"Okay!"

I groaned again and rubbed my temples. I was getting a James-induced headache.

More clanging, more splashing, more fire hazards.

And then a smell – an almost delicious one – began issuing from the kitchen. I sniffed the air cautiously. Knowing him, he'd try to poison me and then run out of my apartment, laughing hysterically.

It had happened once in a dream, and I never forget dreams.

Granted, the poison had just turned my face green, and James had returned a little while later to throw water on me and scream "She's melting, she's melting!" but still.

I wouldn't put any of it past him.

I pushed myself to my feet and headed into the kitchen to see what James was making. The pans were all covered, and he was rinsing off a spoon at the sink. "You really should do something about the water pressure," he told me. "The spoon was a lot straighter before I turned the tap on it."

I rolled my eyes. "What're you making?"

"Dinner."

"I know that. What kind of dinner?"

"The kind you eat."

I threw a glare at him and stomped over to the stove. I lifted one of the lids off of the pan and leapt back as a huge puff of steam went whistling out.

"Steamy," James grinned. "Let's see what you can do with the pasta now." He pointed to the other pan, before walking over to it and lifting the lid.

"Spaghetti?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"Yes, really. You need the extra carbs. You're not getting any less skeletal, you know. And besides, you love spaghetti. I even put olives and mushrooms into the sauce because they're your favorites."

I blinked at him, before checking on the sauce and grabbing the spoon from him that he claimed was now bent, and stirring the sauce. I spooned some up into my mouth, and my eyes widened. "Holy fuck! This is fucking amazing! Fuck, James!"

"Foodgasm?" he grinned as he pried the spoon out of my fingers. "I really wish I'd gotten an audio recording of that, then I could use it to blackmail you, since, you know, after listening to it people would think that we were having the best fucking sex ever."

"Gross."

"Hey, you wouldn't be able to blame them. You're a screamer, aren't you?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not."

"Really? Because you sure screamed when you tasted my sauce."

"It was one time. Your sauce tasted delicious."

"I know it did. It's why it's mine. Everything about me is delicious."

I snorted.

"Anyway, you still need to do something about the pressure, because it's coming out way too hard."

"Well, maybe if you didn't press down so hard on it, it might not come gushing out!" I shot a glare at the tap, which was still running, before stomping over to it and tried to turn it off. It was stuck. Just my fucking luck. "Okay, why is this so hard?"

"Because it's turned on and there's too much pressure on it. Here, let me try. Here's how you handle it." He pushed me aside and slammed the tap back. "There you go. And that's how you do it. That should keep anything from spilling out."

"It better," I growled. "Because I don't need any messes in here."

"It will. No leaking, I promise."

"Good. Because if there is leaking, you're in major trouble with a capital T!"

"Oooh, look who knows how to spell. Yep, those four years of college definitely were put to good use."

"Will you shut up and just work on your fucking sauce?!"

"Fine, as you wish, Princess. Let's see if I can make it good for you."

"You do that."

He grabbed another spoon, adding a couple more spices to the sauce, and began stirring it before tasting it. "Oh yeah, things are getting good now. This is fucking amazing."

"I'm glad you think so."

"I do. I'm fucking awesome at this. Seriously, I could get paid big money for this."

"Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say, Diamond, whatever you say."

"Just you wait. It's going to make you scream in ecstasy when you taste it."

"Quit overselling yourself, it's pathetic. I'll let it speak for itself."

"It will. Just wait. It'll be the best damn thing you've ever had."

"Sure. Fine, let me try it." I yanked the spoon out of his hand and dipped it into the spaghetti sauce, but before I could, there was a knock at the door.

I passed the spoon back to him and stalked to the door, throwing it open. Mrs. Fields, my landlady, stood there. She was an older woman who was about my height. And if James was going to shove food into anyone's mouth, it should be hers, because she looked like she had been part of the Donner party.

I gave her a smile. "Hi, Mrs. Fields, what can I do for you?"

"Hello, Katie," she squeaked out. "I just finished inspecting the apartment next door for any general issues before I put it up online to be rented out, and I remembered talking to that handsome man earlier, so I thought I'd come in and see how you two are doing."

"We're doing…as good as can be expected."

"Oh, that's wonderful to hear that! And it's so nice to know that you're moving on past Mr. Gates."

"I'm sorry?"

"Well, you have a new boyfriend! And such a handsome and charming one, too. Let me tell you, if I was forty years younger, I might try my luck with him. If he wasn't courting you, I mean."

I stared at her, open mouthed. Boyfriend? Courting? Forty years younger? Handsome and charming? What?

I was so confused.

James chose that moment to walk out of the kitchen, the top buttons of his shirt unbuttoned and his face a little flushed. "You need better ventilation in there," he informed me, before turning to smile brightly at Mrs. Fields. "Well, Mrs. Fields, how lovely to see you again."

Mrs. Fields beamed at him, before taking in what was visible of his chest. Even I had to do a double take. His pecs looked larger than my breasts. And while I preferred to be the one with the chest when I was with a guy, the size of his pecs kind of made me wonder what else was under his shirt.

Or under his jeans.

James was right, I seriously needed better ventilation in here.

"I'll go open a window," I mumbled, and rushed over to the living room one. The second I started thinking about James'…thing…was the second I knew things were getting too hot in there. The room, I mean! Not…gross. Ew. Blech.

Dry gagging, I threw the window open, momentarily considered removing the screen, decided against it, since pushing James out the window would be considered murder, and hurried back over to James and Mrs. Fields.

They were chatting like old friends, about – what else? – Mrs. Fields' eight cats.

"And I'm considering getting a ninth one," she informed him.

"Aww, what kind?"

"A tabby."

"Boy or girl?"

"Girl."

"Well, she'll be adorable. So, you live alone? Besides your cats, I mean."

"I do. My husband passed away five years ago, and I just haven't moved on. Maybe if I was to find the right man…" She looked up at him from under her lashes, and I fought the urge to gag again.

"Well, as you can see, James and I are doing fine here! Thank you so much for stopping by, I really appreciate it," I said to her quickly.

"Oh, nonsense."

"Well, I'd invite you to stay and chat some more, but you must be awfully busy – "

"As a matter of fact, I have nothing going on this evening." She sat herself down smartly on my couch and crossed her legs, peering up at James and me expectantly.

James and I exchanged looks. I was pretty sure he had found this entire thing hilarious until she had come onto him. Now he looked just how I felt – slightly sick and disturbed. Of course, I wasn't sure if feeling sick and disturbed was from thinking about what James was hiding under his jeans, or if it had emerged when Mrs. Fields had tried to flirt with him. Probably a little of both.

James snapped back into polite mode before I was able to move past the image of Mrs. Fields doing her very best to look at James coyly. "Would you like some tea?" he asked her sweetly.

"That sounds lovely! What kind do you have?"

James shot me a look, and I rattled off the teas I knew I had in the kitchen: "Earl Grey, blueberry, green, and orange spice."

"I'll take Earl Grey," Mrs. Fields replied, and I nodded, heading towards the kitchen.

"Wait! I'll help you!" James cried, dashing after me. We pushed back through the kitchen door and turned to face each other.

"She thinks we're dating!" I hissed at him.

"Didn't stop her from hitting on me!" he hissed right back. "Just make her the fucking tea and then send her on her way. She and her eight cats are creeping me out!"

"I thought you liked cats."

"I do, but three of them have already died – and they're fucking stuffed!"

"Yeeecchhh…" I recoiled slightly.

"I know! If we don't get her out of here, she might make us go down to her place and pay our respects to Minnie, Jasper, and Lila!"

I shuddered and got to work on boiling a kettle of water. "How's the sauce and pasta?"

"Done. Well done." He turned the stove burners off and tasted the sauce. "Ooooh yeah, that's fucking perfect."

I rolled my eyes. "You're so vain."

"You try the sauce," he prodded me, before handing me the spoon.

I shook my head, but dipped the spoon back into the sauce. "Your germs and my germs are going to be collecting in the sauce, just to let you know."

"Don't you dare say that about my sauce!"

"You're such a drama queen," I informed him, before taking a sip. "James! Fuck!" Fuck, he was right. That was fucking amazing.

"You like that, don't you?"

"I love it! Seriously, if I didn't hate you so much, I'd have you come over more. I'm just never good with these things."

"You have to have the hands for it," he informed me. "I mean, check out the balls." He indicated one of the meatballs that was bubbling up to the surface. "See? You have to roll them just so, otherwise they won't be right."

"Ah, okay, that makes sense. See, I didn't know that, no one ever told me that. But since I usually do this alone…"

James nodded. "You don't have to worry about them?"

"Pretty much. I never even have them when I'm by myself."

"Well, hopefully these will make you very, very happy."

"We'll see. They're certainly big enough." I prodded one of the meatballs in the pan with the spoon. "You know, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get my mouth around one of these."

"Well, I figure they're better when they're bigger – more meat," he replied. "And a lot more filling."

"Definitely," I agreed. I lifted one up and my eyes widened. "These are heavy!"

"Well, duh. They'd have to be to hold so much," James pointed out.

"True. Yeah, definitely not going to be able to get my mouth around these. Damn, this is all going to be so messy."

"Hey, it's meat. Who the fuck cares?"

"Very true," I said, before furrowing my brow. Huh. I could have sworn we'd just had a rational conversation. Well, that was a little weird, not to mention unheard of. Us talking civilly was rarer than seeing Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster hanging out in the same swamp.

"What?"

"Nothing – " the kettle emitted a high pitched whistling sound, a bit like a train whistle, and I turned the designated burner off and poured Mrs. Fields her tea. I placed the teabag in it and bounced it up and down a few times, before carrying it out to her. If she asked, I was out of sugar, I was out of any kind of artificial sweetener, and I was lactose intolerant, so I didn't drink milk. Not true, but I didn't need her hanging around here any longer, calling James my boyfriend, and then hitting on him.

A – It was an insult right there to imply that I would ever date him.

And B – If I was dating him, than that made her a royal bitch, slut, and cougar, for trying to steal him away from me!

People these days.

I stalked back out into the living room with James following close behind me. Mrs. Fields' eyes widened when she saw us. "If – if I was interrupting something – you could have just told me – "

"What're you talking about?" I demanded.

"I – I mean – obviously with a boyfriend like that, you wouldn't just be sitting around and talking – "

James and I both blinked at her in confusion.

Mrs. Fields got to her feet and hustled towards the door. "I mean, I have no problems with sex without marriage, these are very different days than the ones I grew up in, but to do it when there's a guest in the next room!"

James and I gaped at her blankly.

What was she going on about?

"I heard," she informed us, eyes bugging out slightly. "All that talk about balls. Really, such obscenity!"

My eyes widened and I almost gagged again. She thought I was – oh God, it was all coming up, and that something was not the truth – I was pretty sure it was my lunch.

"Oh my gosh, Mrs. Fields, no! We were talking about – "

Before I could finish my sentence, James cut in. "Yeah, she was blowing me. She just can't keep her hands – and her mouth – off of me." He threw me a pointed look, which I took as a suggestion – the kind of suggestion that came with getting Hot Pockets crammed down your throat – to follow his lead.

Oh God, it was all coming up again.

Fighting back the overwhelming urge to vomit, I said through gritted teeth, "Right. Yeah. That was exactly what was happening. Me blowing him. Yeah, totally. Because the idea of having his dick and his balls near my mouth doesn't make me want to vomit at all."

Mrs. Fields shook her head. "Honestly, young people…! Such indiscretion!" And with that, she bustled her way out the door, closing it with an echoing bang. Um, I mean, slam…

I looked down at the tea mug in my hands. "What am I supposed to do with this now?"

"Drink it?" James suggested. "Suck it up, and then swallow?" he smirked, obviously proud of himself.

"Oh, please. You know just as well as I do that I would never do that – " I shuddered " – to you. Especially near food."

"Well, thanks to you, she now things I have really huge balls, which signifies a really huge dick. Which means her vibrator is going to be coming out tonight – I think I'm going to be sick."

"Join the club." I marched into the kitchen and poured us each a glass of ginger ale. We downed our glasses like a shot, still shuddering when we were finished.

"So, dinner?" James asked, eyeing the pans.

I nodded and got out plates, forks, and napkins, before carrying them out to the little area off of my living room. I set the table and James brought the food out. We sat down and dished ourselves up, before digging it.

There were several moments where we just focused on our food, but James has never been good at keeping his mouth shut for very long.

Part of the reason why he was number two on my shit list.

"So, let's talk about Camille, Logan, and Steve."

I groaned as I twirled some spaghetti onto my fork. "How about, let's not and say we did?"

"I'm serious. Look, this is about both Camille and Logan. This is about their happiness, Katie. And since you consider yourself to be a goody-goody two shoes and all that shit, you should want to do this."

"James, they broke up for a reason. They weren't meant to be."

"No, that's the fuckery they keep sprouting. We both know they're destined for each other and all that romantic crap."

"Wow. Romantic crap. How…romantic."

"Whatever. My point is, is that we have to keep Camille from making the biggest mistake of her life. She can't marry Steve, because if she does, she'll be miserable. Look, I don't have anything against Steve, except that his hair looks perfect without any hair gel – or so he says," he added with a skeptical snort. "Which I really doubt is the truth, because no one's hair looks that good without any hair gel. Anyway. As I was saying, Steve isn't a bad guy. He's pretty cool, but he's just…boring."

"Aren't you the one who used to call Logan Doctor Horrible-y Boring?"

"Oh yeah, I came up with that name after watching Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog," James said conversationally.

"Clever."

"Hey, I thought so. Anyway, Logan was only boring when he was doing homework. When he was doing a science project or chasing after me with needles, then he was pretty interesting. And that's my point. Camille's interesting. She's full of life, she's adventurous, and she loves exciting. So what the fuck is she doing with Boring McBoring?"

"Well, here's a theory for you – maybe she loves him."

"I'm sure she does. I just don't think she's in love with him. Trust me, Katie, that marriage isn't going to last long. And when it does…" He made a sliding motion with his hand while making sound effects to go with it.

He could win an Oscar for his one man show.

"Maybe we should, you know, stay out of their business and let them make their own mistakes," I suggested. "I mean, I'm not exactly an expert on love, and you certainly aren't, so we'd probably be more help if we just kept our noses clean and away from their relationship – relationships," I corrected myself. "Plural."

"Yeah. Which is the problem, Katie. It's plural. It should be single. Steve shouldn't even be in the picture! I mean, how did he even get back with Camille?"

"I guess they met up after she and Logan broke up," I shrugged.

James shrugged. "How about I make you a deal?"

"Oh no…I don't want to make a deal with you. I'm pretty sure all the girls who have made deals with you have ended up naked and under you with their legs over your shoulders."

"More like naked and on their knees, but I'm not talking about that kind of deal."

I continued to eye him warily.

"Okay, look, I'm supposed to meet them for dinner tomorrow night. Come with me and see for yourself what they're like together."

"Who says I haven't seen them together?"

"Have you?"

"Well…no…But we've all been busy!"

"Well, you have the chance now. Come with me and if by the end of the night you still think they can make it work, than I won't bother you anymore. Well, I won't bother you about them anymore. I'm still going to annoy the hell out of you, because it's fucking fun." He grinned, his eyes glittering mischievously.

I took a bite of spaghetti. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you," I informed him, before letting out a small sigh. "Okay. Let's do it. But I'm not doing this because you said you wouldn't annoy me. I'm doing this because the truth is, you wouldn't drive me up a wall over this if you didn't feel passionately about it."

"Did you just say I'm a good person?"

"God, no!" I yelped. "Don't put words into my mouth! But I know you care about Logan and Camille, and you, somehow or other, have managed to find a way to have their best interests in your Tin Man heart."

"Aww, a Wizard of Oz reference! How adorable!"

"Yeah, you're still as irritating as ever. Nice to see that much hasn't changed."

He flashed me a grin from across the table. "You should know by now, I'm never going to give up on irritating you. You're just too much fun to drive bat shit crazy."

"Thank you so much. Eat your food."

James chuckled, but did so.

To my surprise, he actually cleaned the kitchen up and washed the dishes, which gave me the opportunity to give my brother a call. Kendall played center for the Minnesota Wild, just as he had always planned to, and was even busier than I was, so our means of communication were pretty limited to texting and playing phone tag when we were feeling particularly adventurous.

While James was fighting with the kitchen tap, I retreated into my room with my phone and dialed Kendall's number.

He answered on the third ring. "Hey, baby sister. Long time, no see – or talk. What's up?"

"Well, I got an interesting visitor at the newspaper today. And then that same person managed to get into my apartment and cooked me dinner and now my landlady wants to sleep with him, even though she's convinced she heard me giving him a blow job when we were in the kitchen, hiding from her."

"Um…What?"

"Look, James showed up at the newspaper today."

"And he broke into your apartment and you thought that would be a good reason to blow him?! Katherine Claire Knight! I thought I taught you better than that! Didn't I always tell you that guys are evil, evil creatures?"

I groaned. "I didn't blow him! My landlady just thinks I did…"

"Why…?"

"It's a long story…"

"Do I want to hear it?"

"Probably not."

"Yeah, don't think I'm going to bite. So, what does James want? You two don't like each other, so why would he come to your work, and then break into your apartment?"

"He wanted to talk to me about Logan and Camille."

"Oh…"

"Yeah. He wants me to have dinner with him, Camille and Steve tomorrow night."

Kendall choked. "Like a date?"

"No! Just as friendly enemies."

"Right…"

"But, um, what do you think of Camille and Steve? Of their relationship, I mean. James said some stuff, so I'm kind of wondering."

"Their relationship's pretty normal. Boring. Nothing special. You wouldn't look twice at them walking down the street, anyway. Which is surprising, since even though Logan's always been the nerd, you would definitely stare if you saw him and Camille coming towards you."

"Why?"

"Duh, the chemistry. They had beyond insane chemistry."

"But Camille doesn't have that with Steve?"

"Meh. They've got it, I guess. Just…it's not very intense…or noticeable…"

"Right…"

"So, is that all you wanted?"

"No, of course not. I also want to know when I'm going to get to see you again."

"I think Mom's going to have a family brunch on Sunday after church," Kendall replied. "All of us – James, Logan, Carlos, Jo, Camille, Logan, Stephanie, Lucy, you and me, we're all invited."

"Oh, I think Mom sent me an e-mail about that…"

"Yeah. So, you can see me then."

"I'll definitely take you up on that – wait, church? She's going to church again?"

"Sure is. Oh, um, she might want you to go with her…She's already roped James and me into going."

"Isn't that dangerous? I'm pretty sure if James sets foot in the church, it'll be struck by lightning."

"Ha, hah, very funny!" James called from the kitchen.

I shrugged and called back, "Stop eavesdropping!" before turning back to my conversation with Kendall. "But sure, I'll go. Nothing wrong with going to church. It's supposed to be good for you."

"Unless it's Pastor Wilbur. I mean, seriously, who even names their kid Wilbur anymore?"

"Ummm…"

"Well, I've gotta get up early for hockey practice, so I'll let you go. Night."

"Night." We hung up, and I stared at my phone, not sure which I was dreading more – dinner with James, Camille, and Steve, church with my mother, brother, and James, or brunch with everyone who I had grown up with…

So, that was the second chapter. What'd you guys think? Did you love it? Hate it? Like it? Please review and let me know :)