Disclaimer: If I owned Big Time Rush, I'd probably be hanging out with them instead of trying to finish a crappy English assignment while trying to catch up on writing. Therefore, I do not own Big Time Rush. Dang.

btrfanfiction1516: Yep, there's always that :) And I always have to make sure one of them has a difficult time. Thank you for taking the time to read and review, I always appreciate it!

As always, a huge thank you to everyone who read, followed, favorited, and reviewed :) It's always much appreciated!

A/N: So, what do I do after not updating anything for the past two weeks? I give you a guys a short filler chapter for this story. Hopefully something else will be updated tomorrow, but if not, well, enjoy this chapter! In any case, this was a fun one to write, and I hope you guys don't take a lot of this seriously. In any case, I hope it at least makes you smile :)

Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter Five

Katie's POV

I like sleeping in on Sunday mornings. I always have. As a kid, I didn't get to do it very often, though. I mean, I slept in later than I would have if I had to get ready for school, but it still wasn't as late as I would have liked. My mom was a big church goer for awhile, and roped my dad into going with her, so of course Kendall and I had to attend as well. It wasn't really a big deal, though. We had a children's bible study group at the church during the services, and most of our friends would go. And then afterwards, Kendall and I would go back home where Mom would make a huge brunch and…oh crap. Grandma would come over.

You know how everyone in this whole freaking world has a sweet and lovely grandmother? The kind who bakes you cookies and insists you're not eating enough and listens to you jabber on and on about school and friends? Kendall and I do have one of those – on our dad's side. Our mom's mother is…how do I put this nicely? She's a bitch. She's a snob. She thinks the world revolves around her, and she's just gotten worse in her old age.

That being said, I love her because I have to. But I can't stand her, and neither can Kendall. Come to think of it, she can't stand us either. She's always talking about our cousins, our aunt's kids, and how perfect they are and how beautiful they are and just how damn grown up they are. Also, I haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving and it's early September now. And Thanksgiving dinner was not fun in the least. She's one of those Christians who thinks if you don't go to church, then you're going to go to hell. I know a lot of people think that, but she takes it to the next level. She makes snippy remarks and insults you and threatens to take you out of her will. And Kendall's never been able to just sit there and take it – he always has to retort. Needless to say, the two really got into it, and Grandma stormed out of the house in a fit of rage.

Good riddance.

So needless to say, I was really hoping she wasn't going to be at Sunday brunch. But since I hadn't been to one since I was eighteen, I had no idea if she was still making regular appearances at them or not. However, I had a pretty good feeling I would be seeing her at church. With my luck my mom would make me sit with her and remind her to put a couple of dollars in the offering plates.

Maple Leaf Creek is a very traditional town in northern Minnesota. Its super Scandinavian – in fact, my grandmother insists that it was named after Leaf Erikson, the Viking who originally found America. According to the Maple Leaf Creek town museum, it was actually named after the maple trees that are scattered through the town – and the state – but Grandma has always insisted that it was named after a Viking, damn it!

As a lot of traditionally Scandinavian towns seem to be, Maple Leaf Creek is very pointedly Lutheran. There are a couple of other church denominations scattered through the town, but it's mainly Lutheran, with a huge church that a good eighty percent of the population does or has attended. And since my entire family just happens to be Lutheran, I was pretty sure I could rely on seeing Grandma at church – and probably demanding to know why on earth I didn't go and repent my sins on a more regular basis.

She's a lovely old woman, she really is.

I groaned as I dragged myself out of bed. The service began at nine, and it was seven-thirty now. I managed to get myself into the shower before stumbling back to my bedroom. I threw on a black knee-length skirt, a blouse, and boots, before glossing on a little bit of makeup and snatching up my purse. I slipped my black blazer on and hurried out to my car. I ended up making a pit stop at Starbucks for a coffee and a muffin, before continuing onto the church.

Every Sunday morning more than half of the town gathers at St. Paul's Lutheran Church, so it was a madhouse by the time I got there. It was like Taco Night at the tavern on Friday evenings. I've been to Taco Night. There is nothing redeemable about it. It also happens to be the town's favorite type of night.

Did I mention we're a real classy place? We even have a public library.

In any case, trying to find a parking spot at a quarter to nine on Sunday morning was like trying to get a stool at the bar at Johnston's Tavern on Fridays with a whole bunch of burly guys munching on poorly made tacos, downing tankards of beer, with their eyes glued to the TV – usually either a football or a hockey game is being played at the bar.

We're also a culturally advanced society.

It didn't help that people were crowded around the church's parking lot as if it was their fucking front yard. If it had been them behind the wheel, they would have been pounding on the horn, but since they weren't the poor soul who was driving, they just kept on talking to their neighbor like there wasn't a freaking vehicle heading straight for them. I rolled down my window and leaned my head out. "Can you guys move? I'm trying to get through."

The women turned and I mentally groaned. It was my grandma and a few of the ladies from her knitting club. You had to be kidding me.

Grandma placed her hands on her bony hips, just barely prominent through her flowered dress, and she stomped over to me. "Well, young lady," she said in a voice that could have woken the dead, "I see you finally decided to show some decency and show up to church!"

"Uh, no. Mom bribed me with brunch."

"Food. Is that all you young people ever think about?"

James pulled up in his car on her other side, just feet away from her. I mentally cussed. Just a few feet closer and she would have shut up for awhile.

"Actually," James informed her as he rolled his window down, "we also think about sex. Food and sex. Oh, and beer! The facts of life."

Grandma stared at him. "I never did like you."

"Don't worry, Janine. The feeling's mutual," he assured her, reaching out to pat her shoulder. She brushed his hand off.

"Ugh. Go away. Katherine, I'll see you inside." And with that she stormed off, grabbing her knitting club and marching inside like they owned the place.

I rolled my eyes. "All hail the wicked witch of the west."

"Maybe we'll get lucky and someone will throw water on her," James suggested.

"We can only hope. See you inside."

"Will do."

We pulled away from each other, headed in opposite directions. I managed to find an empty spot and parked, before making my way across the parking lot, up the church steps, and into the building.

The lobby was packed and it was with the grace of a clumsy bear that I managed to wind around everyone and grab a program. I hurried into the sanctuary and found my mom and brother. I could see Grandma sitting across the church with her knitting group, throwing dirty looks Kendall's way.

He was going to have a fucking ball with pissing her off.

Mom and Kendall both got to their feet, Mom reaching over to hug me first before gently shoving me into Kendall. I grinned as I wrapped my arms around him. "Hey, big brother. Long time no see."

He chuckled and scooped me up, somehow managing to swing me around the narrow pew aisles without knocking the elderly couple over in the row in front of us. "Hey, baby sister," he responded as he set me back down, grinning back. "Did you grow?"

"Hah, yeah, I wish. I'm in three inch heels."

"Grandma's going to have something to say about that," Kendall informed me.

I groaned. "Is she coming for brunch after church?"

Mom nodded. "She found the group e-mail I sent out to you guys on my phone when we were having lunch one day."

I stared at her in horror. "Why did you let her have your phone?"

"I didn't! I left my bag on the table when I went to use the restroom and she decided to snoop. You know how your grandmother gets."

"No, not at all, do tell me more."

Mom opened her mouth, but before she could get the words out there was a rumbling overhead.

"Was that thunder?" Kendall tilted his head skywards.

"James has just entered the building," I smirked.

Sure enough, a moment later he walked into the sanctuary, hands buried deep in his jeans pocket, hair windblown. He grinned, tossing a smartass wave at Grandma before making his way over to us.

The second he reached us I put my hands on my hips. "Leave. Now. We heard the thunder. I for one don't want to be in a building that gets struck by lightning."

"Tough," he responded. "If I'm going down, you're going down with me. Hey, Kendall." They did the whole best-bros fist bump thing that guys seem to think is the coolest freaking thing in the whole freaking world before he moved on to hug my mom. "Where's Mr. Knight?"

"Out of town on a business meeting," Mom told him. "He's in Kauai right now."

James pouted. "I wanna go to Kauai."

"We all want to go to Kauai," I said. "Let me know when you secure plane tickets and hotel reservations for us."

He sneered at me before glancing over at Grandma. "She looks pissed."

I smacked his chest. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to cuss in church?"

"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit people in church?"

Mom turned to Kendall. "It's nice to see they haven't changed any."

"Isn't it? Feels just like the good ol' days," Kendall replied conversationally.

"They're going to be fun to have at brunch."

"Don't think about it, you'll end up giving yourself an ulcer," he advised.

"We're not that bad!" James and I cried together.

"Yes, you are," Mom replied.

"You two are the ones who almost had a fistfight during Camille and Logan's wedding rehearsal," Kendall added in.

I let out a huffy breath and placed my hands on my hips. "We did not almost have a fistfight. He was being an ass so I put him in his place and then I pushed him and he yanked me down with him."

"You left out the part about you being an uptight brat. And I thought we weren't supposed to cuss in church," James added in.

"I didn't cuss."

"You said ass."

"Ass means donkey. It's perfectly appropriate."

"In that case, I can say piss, because that means – "

"Oh, look, here comes Pastor Wilbur!" Mom hollered, yanking me down beside her. James sank down into the seat beside me, and Kendall plopped down beside him, shaking his head.

Thunder sounded again, louder this time, like a lion's roar, and the entire room looked up towards the ceiling.

I turned my head to stare at James. "You made that happen by being in here. I know you did."

He opened his mouth, probably to cuss me out, but before he could get even a syllable out, Preston and some skinny girl with really fake red hair and a dress that shouldn't have been allowed on the streets came walking into the sanctuary.

I patted James' shoulder. "Sorry. My bad."

"Just remember, I'm no longer the only person on your S.H.I.T list. And don't look at me like that, I'm pretty sure you can spell cusswords in church."

"Whatever." I shook my head and crossed my arms, focusing my attention on Pastor Wilbur as he opened his mouth to begin the introduction.

It turned out that the topic of the sermon today was forgiveness. Such as, forgiving the dumbass sitting next to you for being an annoying prick.

James flashed me a smirk as if he knew what I was thinking. I must have been paying a lot of attention to the lecture because I managed to resist punching the cocky look off his face. Even though he totally deserved it.

By the time the service ended, rain was pounding against the roof like bombs hitting the ground, little explosions every time water made contact with metal.

I shivered slightly as I stood up, wrapping my arms around my body. Even though the church was heated, a damp chill had crept in through the walls, making the room feel a good five degrees colder than what it actually was.

James glanced sideways at me before shrugging out of his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders.

I gave him a questioning look. "I'm fine."

"So you're not shivering like you just took a plane to the Arctic?"

I scowled but pulled the leather more tightly around me. The lining was warm and smooth, and I caught the scent of something sweet but spicy, a bit like cinnamon.

Before any of us could move, the back of my neck tingled and I spun around on my heel, half expecting to find both Voldemort and Darth Vader standing at the end of the aisle.

Instead all I saw was Preston and Little Miss Bad Dye Job.

"Katie," Preston began smoothly, running his fingers over the front of his plaid coat. "How are you?"

"About the same since you saw me on Friday," I retorted. "You're blocking our way out."

"Well, forgive me for stopping by to see how you're doing."

"Preston? We work together. Now move."

James placed his hand on my shoulder and moved to stand beside me so that we were…well, head to shoulder. One of the perks of being tiny even in three inch heels. "She told you to move," James said warningly to Preston. "And I already think you're a shithead."

"We're in church!" the redhead squealed, nails digging into Preston's arm. Good. I hope he got cat scratch fever from the scratches. "You can't cuss!"

James cocked an eyebrow. "Really? Because I just did. And just for the record, I'm pretty sure that dress is even more taboo in church than cussing is. Now Preston, get your pretty little fake-redhead girlfriend out of Katie's and my way before I actually push you out of the way."

Preston and Miss Fake Dye Job quickly scurried back and James held his arm out to me. I looped mine through it and we sauntered out of the row and down the aisle into the lobby.

"You're welcome," James grumbled as I slipped my arm away from his.

"Thanks," I muttered. "That was actually kind of cool."

"No problem."

Mom and Kendall followed us, snatching up doughnuts and coffee on the way. I snatched a sprinkled-covered chocolate doughnut and took a bite. James grabbed a jelly one and bit into it, humming appreciatively.

"They always had great food after the sermons," James said through his bite of pastry.

I nodded in agreement as I munched on my own food. I had finished my muffin and coffee on my way to the church and I was starving. I couldn't wait to get back to my parents' place and have brunch, even if it did mean having to put up with my snooty grandmother. I just needed real food, something that wasn't made out of dough and frosting. Because that wasn't actually food – that was a bribe with calories.

Grandma walked out of the sanctuary at that moment and made her way over to us. She put her hands on her hips as she approached Mom. "I'm ready to leave."

"Eat a doughnut," Mom suggested.

"I don't want a doughnut. I want to leave."

"You should stay and enjoy the holiness that is this wonderful church," I told her.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you to keep that smart mouth of yours under lock and key?" Grandma demanded.

"You. Multiple times."

"Hmmph." She eyed James with disgust. "Who shows up to church looking like they just stepped off the street?"

"Apparently I do," he responded. "Luckily, it's my soul, so you don't need to worry about it."

Grandma turned back to me. "And you. Why do you have his jacket over your shoulders?"

"Didn't you hear? We're going steady. He's even giving me his class ring after brunch," I answered.

Grandma's face turned a very bright red as her eyes bugged out. She grabbed Mom's arm, informed me that I was an "insolent little brat" – because that was something new – and stormed out of there, Mom yelling over her shoulder,

"Be over at the house within an hour!"

I smiled happily. Pissing Grandma off was always so much fun. She was so easy to irritate.

Kendall slung his arm around my shoulders. "You did well, young grasshopper."

I grinned up at him. "I had a good teacher."

"I think the student has surpassed the master."

"Oh great. If that's the case, then we'll both be written out of her will."

James came up behind us, wrapping his arms around us and steering us out the lobby door. "For God's sake, Katie," he groaned desperately, "don't let that happen! Don't let your rightful inheritance slip through your grasp! Don't…Don't!"

I shot him a look. "Freak."

"Brat."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Prick."

"Pain in the – "

"So, hockey season is about to start!" Kendall said very, very loudly. As in so loudly I was pretty sure he blew out my eardrum. "Everyone excited?"

James and I stared at him, before looking back at each other.

"And we need to figure out what our plan of attack is," James added to me.

I nodded. "I know. I mean, we can't just push Camille into Logan's lap and say, here, kiss and make up. That won't work."

"Clearly. Maybe we could get them to do something together. Alone."

"Alone is good. Alone works. Let's try to get them alone."

Kendall twisted his head back and forth between James and me. "What the hell do you two have planned? And why do you two have anything planned? Why the hell are you two scheming?!"

"We're working together to get Logan and Camille back together," James explained.

"You two are working together. You two are working together?!"

"Yes," I replied. "Stop freaking out, you're acting like we're going to bring about the apocalypse or something."

"You two working together will bring about the apocalypse."

"Whatever. Just as long as the apocalypse doesn't ruin my chocolate stash. Well, I'm off. I'll meet you guys back at the house." I wiggled out from under Kendall's and James' arms and pulled my keys out of my purse.

"Later," James called after me.

"Yeah, drive safely," Kendall added.

"Will do." I flashed them both a smile, flipped James the middle finger, and slid into my car.

Time to put Mission: Get Logan and Camille Back Together into action.

Oh, and also deal with my grandmother. The usual world saving stuff.

So yeah, that was chapter five. Hopefully you guys liked it and it made you smile and maybe laugh a little bit. If it did, please review! If not...oops...