WHAT SHALL WE DIE FOR?

Chapter 1

by Julie

After the ceremony and their final good-byes to Neville, everyone followed Neville's grandma for one last gathering at her house. Harry reluctantly followed his friends until the old lady's house, but he was never able to step inside. He looked at the wooden door that Ron had let open for him to come in, but he was never able to step fully inside. As he tried, he felt like he couldn't breath and instead, he reached for the knob and closed it.

He walked down the two steps and walked to the bench placed just under the front window and sat down.

His hands held on to the marble bench as he tried to regain his breath. He felt the sweat over his forehead and quickly whipped it away. He made an attempt to untie his tie, but simply loosened it up a little.

Through the ceremony, he had watched the people in front of him. So many people were crying and he felt responsible for their sorrow. He buried his face in his hands as the memories of the ceremony came across his mind over and over again.

The man in robe saying his last words for Neville as the coffin started to go down the hole. He was standing behind everyone. Most of his friends had went in front with the rest of his family, but he had not been able to go near them since the night in the hospital. When Neville gave up and let himself die, it had been so hard on him. His grandma's cries had broken his heart and he was never able to go to her like everyone had done.

"Harry?" A small voice was heard.

Harry looked up to see Ginny walking slowly towards him. She seemed nervous to be around him and why shouldn't she be? Wasn't it because of him that Neville died?

"Not now Ginny." He just sighed looking away.

"Mom would like for you to come in." She went on as she took a seat next to him. "So does Neville's grandma."

"I'm not going in." He sternly exclaimed. "There's nothing for me to do in there."

He had not realized that he had raised his voice and a few people had gathered to the small front window wondering what was happening outside.

"Just be there. He was your friend, Harry." She argued. "He would have liked that you came in and talk to his grandma."

"To tell her what? Sorry it's my fault if your grandson died? Sorry that I'm the cause of all this pain and sorrow that so many people are going through?" He yelled. "Tell me, does that sound in any way comforting."

"It's not… " She started.

"IT IS!" He yelled once more before realizing that the entire house was now watching them. "It is and nothing will change that."

"Harry, he fought because like you he believed in the power of good." She argued following him as he walked away. "You can't be responsible for our decision to fight along with you. We all knew what we were getting ourselves into."

"No you have no idea, Ginny." He exclaimed. "You think you know, but you don't. You all believe that you have it all with me on your side. You all think because I succeeded to push back his plans a few times that we'll win."

She opened her mouth to reply, but he went on.

"But there's no such certitude. We may not win. We may all die. I'm not invicible and neither are all of you. Dumbledore was more powerful than any of us and he got killed." He said nearly crying. "I can't do it anymore. I can't watch people I care about die around me only because they decided to side with me. I just can't."

At that point, Hermione and Ron had joined the two others. Harry felt he was being cornered and he didn't like this feeling. All four of them were looking at one another, waiting to see who was going to start talking first. Harry just felt like leaving, but he felt that his friends were not about to let him.

"Harry, we don't think of you as invicible. But you are a strong wizard, stronger than a lot of people. With everything you went through, you succeeded to get out of there." Hermione decided to talk.

"And why couldn't Neville then? Why am I the one getting lucky? I fight against evil every day and I always come out alive, but why couldn't Neville? He didn't deserve to die." Harry started arguing again.

"No one deserves to die, Harry." Ron joined in. "He didn't deserve it, but it happened. It's not up to us to decide who dies and who lives."

"I could have made sure he wouldn't have died. I could have stopped him from following me. I could have told him to go back to safety. But no, I was selfish and kept him by my side. Just like I did with you guys." Harry exclaimed.

"We all agree to follow you." Ginny went back to her first argument. "We all made a decision by ourselves when we decided to follow you. It was not your decision to make."

"She's right, Harry." Hermione said in a more calm voice. "It was our decision."

Ron nodded agreeing silently and Harry felt lost for words. No matter how much they believed it was their decision, it was still his fault if they believed in the cause. It was him who started to fight back against Voldermort.

"Harry… " Ron started. "We'll fight no matter on your side. You can't stop us from doing that."

"I can." The brown haired boy exclaimed as his three confused friends looked at him. "I gave up. No more fighting."

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