Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but of course wish I did.
Note: I wanted to thank everybody who has started reading this story. It's been a difficult one for me to work on due to my work, hobbies and of course the fact that this story will tend to the darker side. I really have to set aside some hours and be in the mood. Luckily today I was able to really get good inspiration to finish chapter 2. I hope you enjoy it. As always, love your thoughts, questions, ideas and so on.
I am still looking for a beta if somebody would be so good as to help out!
Chapter 2: A Chambermaid, A Secretary, A Friend
Surreal could not even begin to describe how Hermione felt about the events that had taken place over the last several hours. Her torment at the hands of the young punks at the border of London could have been a dream, her brain preparing her for the harsh possibilities that may befall her. It could have been her subconscious, making sure she was playing out all options in her mind so that she could react better under duress. It could have been a nightmare, her more cautious self teaching her a lesson, warning her not try her luck and keep her miserable life in the shadows of a sick society. The last two years of her life could have been any of the above, Hermione had prayed everyday for that to be the case, but those prayers had never been answered.
Instead her rebirth into humanity had been anything other than what she had prayed for. Her hope had been to feel the moist green grass of Scotland between her toes. She had wanted to feel the light breeze of the sea on her face and see the great castle that Professor McGonagall called home stand before her and cry. Hermione had wanted to just fall to the grass, hug the earth and cry for all the things that had happened to her, to 'them'. Letting it all go, her body heaving, her hands trembling and her heart filling with the love and hope it so desperately needed. The joy she truly would have felt to let her feelings out, to feel the arms of her friends around her. She desperately wanted to leave behind the scared, weak and primitive animal she had become and go back to being...human.
Severus Snape however had seen to it personally to crush her dream, as he had her friends in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Hermione's rebirth into this world would be one of confusion and pain, it would be one she would not easily forget. This was foremost in her mind as Maddie lead her through the large estate house on the edge of forest. This walk through the bustling house began what was a full scale attack on Hermione that started with the senses.
Hermione wandered through the house at Maddie's side, almost folded into the robes of the older, rotund woman and couldn't believe what she saw. Her feelings had nothing to do with the opulence of the house, the dark wood that lined the walls, the thick carpets she felt between her bare dirty toes or the paintings of the known criminals and genocidal maniacs who called themselves Death Eaters that lined the walls. What grabbed her most of all and burned itself into her memory was the mass of maids, servants and house workers smiling and carrying on. They were living their lives in the service of a maniac and yet, they smiled, they were fat and they were healthy. Hermione couldn't remember the last time she had seen people like this, untouched by the war and existing as if it didn't impact them. It was like taking a trip into a sick time machine that made her both curious and uncomfortable. It sickened her but at the same time filled a longing that she had had for since the demise of law and order in the wizarding world, a longing for a sense of normalcy.
They made their way through the busy house, through the corridors and down the back stairs through the servant's halls. Hermione jumped at every movement, every chuckle and every footstep. It had never dawned on her how frightened she was of life. Being weary of sounds had kept her alive all these years, had helped her avoid deadly or otherwise harmful situations. The clicking of heels on the floor made her head turn, the closing of doors made her tremble, the loud laughter of normal people made her grip Maddie's robes tighter, almost tripping the matron. Her mind could not fully comprehend how wild she had truly become, how much she didn't fit into this place, or any place for that matter. She wanted to go back, she needed to be alone, hiding and safe somewhere cold and miserable where no one could find her.
Instead Maddie took them through the kitchen and toward the back of the house. The smells of cooking meat, of spices made Hermione salivate uncontrollably. She had not eaten in a very long time, she had given up what she could have eaten for her border papers and with that had effectively put her on the road to starvation. She had always been able to eek out a meager existence, but the last weeks had been particularly harsh. Gently a hand pushed her along, clearly she had been staring too long at the chef preparing a large bird for the evening dinner. Hermione's stomach ached, she knew she couldn't eat much even if she tried. Her body convulsed slightly, showing her she was still alive. Maddie sat her down on a small stool in a room that was clearly used to spray off dogs and clothes after hunting trips. It was a small, cold room with tile from floor to ceiling, damp with the smell of wet earth - clean and pure. There was a hose in the corner and mud on the floor. The only light that entered the room was from the open door facing the back of the house. The cold air whirled in, making Hermione clutch Snape's cloak closer around her body.
Pulling a small tub from an adjoining room Maddie placed it in the middle of the room. With a gentle whisper and a few rounds of her wand it filled with warm steaming water. Satisfied that the temperature was correct, Maddie came to Hermione and gently removed Snape's travel cloak from her shoulders, throwing it in the fire as if it had been infected by the plague. After making sure the cloak would burn sufficiently, she then turned her attention back to Hermione. Small, naked and shaking the girl was almost as tiny as a house elf and just about as ugly. Her body was covered in small scars and sores, signs of fighting and malnutrition. Her skin was a pale grey, sickly and barely clinging to her boney structure. Her head was shaven and cut, scabs had formed but seemed fresher than other wounds on her body. 'Flees or lice?' the old matron pondered to herself. Whatever had possessed her Master to pick up this girl from the streets and bring her here, Maddie could not understand or come close to comprehending. The Master was not given to such erratic emotions particularly when it come to human life. 'So why this girl?'
Fearing the poor thing might freeze right then and there, the the older witch didn't have much time to ponder her own question. Though immediately upon touching the girl she began to scream. It had been as if this street rat had never been touched before, or was so deprived of human touch that it sent her into a fit. Shaking her head and grasping her firmly by both arms, Maddie lifted the girl into the warm tub and tried to sooth her with song.
It didn't exactly go to plan. If anything the girl began to scream more and thrash at the feeling of the water. There was no difficulty in holding her down with one hand and scrubbing her with the other. She must have weighed all of 35 kg wet she was so scrawny. The accumulation of curious onlookers from the staff bothered Maddie more than the thrashing scarcely human girl in front of her however. She didn't want more attention than necessary to be drawn to the girl. A little soap, some water and more than a generous helping of patience and slowly the girl began to settle. She'd broken off any of the nails she had and exhausted all of the energy reserves her little body had. Giving the overly curious staff the evil eye, Maddie took advantage of the lull in the storm to scrub the girl properly from head to toe. She was utterly filthy, the water was already black and she hadn't even gotten half way down her body yet. It was a clear reminder to the head of the house that she had chosen the right side in a war that benefitted only the most evil and nasty witches and wizards. Her Master was a difficult man, but she had earned his respect and enjoyed a certain status amongst the house workers. He was, however, by no means the most evil of those in power. For this she was grateful and determined to keep all those in her charge safe from harm...even this poor little creature from the streets. She would find out soon enough what her Master had planned for this girl.
Lifting the almost catatonic heap of bones out of the black water of the tub, she sat her back on the stool and wrapped her in a towel. The street rat's baldness made her features stick out starkly, having nowhere to hide in a thick mass of hair. She looked awkward and androgynous. There was something in her eyes that struck Maddie then. If it was determination, grit or just a memory of what had once been she could not be sure, just that a spark existed in this mass of skin and bones that should have long been extinguished.
Maddie took a closer look at the little thing's body, battle scars from what she could tell were what truly littered her body. She sighed deeply, that was neither here nor there, nor was it her place to judge which side of history this girl had fought on. Only that she was here, she was alive and of clear importance to the Master of the house, the 2nd in command, the most influential Death Eater in Lord Voldemort's new world order. Maddie clothed her in the smallest maid's uniform she could find, which still engulfed the girl, slipping over her shoulders and bagging out around her chest and bony hips. It was better than what she had come to her in, at least that. The grey uniform with white apron looked so out of place on her, Maddie wondered if it was even wise to present her to the master in this fashion. She had a schedule to keep and would do as she was told. "Come child." Maddie said, in a low tone so as not to upset the little thing. "Let's get you something to eat, you must be starving."
The rain had begun to pore down and batter the large windows in Severus' study furiously, but he merely crossed his arms, leaned against the wall and continued to stare out into the green leafy abyss. It had been exactly on an afternoon like this one, with the grey clouds swirling around, the rain battering the crowd of onlookers, the cold creeping in through the tiny gaps of one's robes where his life had changed forever. It had been on a day like today that the Dark Lord had executed his friends, the people he had sworn an oath to protect.
He shook his head and squeezed his arms more tightly around his body. His life as a double agent had never been an easy one, but he had always had his clear leanings for the side of light. It was one of his biggest regrets not to have found them before his Death Eater brothers. He would have done the same thing he had with Minerva. Hide them, protect them and see them safely to the outside. 'I just simply wasn't fast enough.' he lamented, not noticing how dark the room had grown with the fast setting of a November sun. The only light in the whole matter, the only good he allowed to play through his mind as he watched his mentor, Potter and Weasley swing at the gallows was that Hermione Granger was not among them. That meant that she was still out there somewhere...
Years had passed since this day, since these thoughts had flooded his mind and he had all but given up hope to find her alive...until today. The nature of his function for the Death Eaters had hardened him to human interaction. He ran the Labor and Resocialization Camps meant to indoctrinate those deemed pure blood enough into the 'new world order' as Voldemort called it. In reality maybe 10% walked out of those horror houses, the rest were used as slaves, laborers, or, if they were lucky, they were executed. Severus was in charge of running these, a sick punishment stemming from the Dark Lord's knowledge that Severus had once harbored a weakness for Muggles and half-bloods. So in the end, it was he, not the Dark Lord, who was responsible for the mass deaths of wizarding kind and it weighed on him heavily. The only thing that had kept him going, the only thing that gave his life was finding Her.
It had been her screaming that had drawn his attention to the commotion at the border crossing. It had been the way she had screamed, 'No', that thad turned his head and made him intervene. The girl he had found had not at all been what he had expected, not the beautiful frizzy haired woman he had known years before. She looked like an imp, a hairless, naked, boney aberration of what a human should be. But it had been her eyes, her voice….something had given him the hope that it was indeed Her.
Severus tore himself from the window and slammed his fists on the his desk. 'You're going crazy old man. Hearing things that aren't there, hoping for things that can no longer be.' As hard as he had tried Severus Snape could not resign himself to the very high likelihood that Hermione Granger was dead. That she was lying in dirty London ditch somewhere, dead before he could save her, before he could tell her how much he admired her...before he could tell her how much she meant to him.
A knock at the door made him flatten his hands on the desk and look through the strings of his long black hair toward the large doors that were the entryway to his study. "Enter!" he said through gritted teeth, angry not to have a moment to remember Hermione as he had wanted.
Breathing deeply Maddie pushed through the doorway to her Master's study, preparing herself for whatever of a mood he would be in when she came to him. She had been in his service for about two years and knew that she had disturbed him from his thoughts. The Master was an introverted man, who enjoyed silence and time to ponder.
Walking to the desk and bowing slightly she began to speak, knowing that it was best to start and be silenced than to wait in an awkward silence. "Master, the girl is cleaned up and now eating. What would you like that I do with her?"
Severus straightened up and studied his head of house in the growing darkness of his study. "You're wet." He stated dryly.
Maddie nodded slightly, "Yes Master. The girl….uh….the girl was difficult to manage while bathing her."
He smiled at this insight. He had seen the girl struggle against the group of young Death Eaters and almost best one of them in her horrendous state. The thought that she still had the spunk to make life more difficult for his head of house gave a glimmer of hope that it could be Hermione. Of all the people he had ever known, she had been the most determined. Determined to the point of doing whatever was necessary win, get good grades...survive.
"I see." He said plainly. "And how is she?" He made his way around the table, slowly setting alight a small candelabra so as to better study the facial expressions of the woman in front of him.
"Sir." She began, but couldn't find the right words. She thought a moment then started again, "Sir, the girl is calm now. Other than her extreme malnutrition and overwhelming trauma she has endured…" she stopped a moment, "Master she would not have made it more than a few more days."
Severus nodded. The candlelight flickered across his maid's face and he could see by her expression that she was troubled about something. "And?" He continued.
Maddie fought through her hesitancy. "Master, the girl is not mentally well. I fear for those working here, I fear for her. I am surprised that you would pick up a girl like this and bring her here." She studied the expression on her Master's face, which tittered between anger and amusement. It was then that it made sense, so she blurted it out, "You think it's Her don't you?"
His lack of expression or comeback spurred her further, "Sir, this is becoming a sickness. The woman you love is most surely dead. If she is indeed this girl, then she is no longer the woman you…"
"Silence!" Severus hissed, his tone threatening violence. He knew better than anybody else what this looked like and how it could be exploited if the wrong people caught wind of it. But this woman, girl, thing...whatever you wanted to call her, was the key to his plan. A plan that had been long dormant, awakened by screams that sounded as if they came from a woman who was almost surely dead, furthered by the desire he had to keep her memory and her compassion, realized in this vessel that held a young tormented woman he had saved. He would keep this girl, this stray from the streets, no matter what the cost.
"She will be my chambermaid." Severus started, filling the void his thinking had left between them. "I will expect her to come with me wherever I go, take notes, keep my tasks in order."
"Master, this girl is young enough to be your daughter. She has been traumatized enough not to be made to ...to come to the bed of a…"
At this Severus merely raised his hand, bringing the older woman to her knees. The binding spell was a painful one, one that would teach her to speak her mind only when asked. He waited until she started to sob from the pain before he went to her and bent down, speaking in her ear. "Your mothering qualities are part of the reason I keep you in this house and have appointed you as head of this household. But what I do with the girl is none of your concern, just put meat on her bones and show her the ropes of servant politics. Are we clear?"
"Yes Master." Was all the woman could eek out, such was the pain in her body.
A small shuffling noise drew Severus' attention to the door of his study, which had not been shut completely by Maddie. 'I wonder how much she heard,' Severus mused, a slight smirk on his face.
Releasing Maddie from her torment, Severus walked back around his desk, looking out the window once more, his back to her. "Clean yourself up, then show me to her."
He didn't have to look behind him to know that Maddie had simply nodded while wiping the tears from her eyes.
Hermione's synapses were firing at record speed as she quickly shuffled back into her chair and continue eating the pile of food Maddie had left for her. She had to thank the calories she had gained from this giving her brain the energy to work and her feet the energy they needed to carry her down the hallway.
After her rather traumatic bath experience Maddie had lead her up the stairs, to the top of the large mansion, where she could only assume the Master of the House lived. Then a rather large dinner had been brought up into a tiny side room where she had commenced to eat, and probably too fast for her own good. She had been watched for a short time before the matron excused herself for a moment and had made her way down the hall. It hadn't taken Hermione two seconds to decide to follow her down the hall and to put an ear to the door of Snape's study. She had been accustomed to sneaking, hiding and above all listening to the things around her. This was no different, if anything it held more meaning.
Aside from the slight creak of the door as she had pushed away she was pretty sure she hadn't made a sound. Who was this woman that old Snape was in love with? And why did he keep her here? She didn't have too much time to ponder these topics as the door to her small room opened and she could hear the solitary footsteps of her old Potion's Master. She purposefully continued to look at her food, bringing some bits of chicken to her mouth and trying to ignore the presence coming her way. He had always had an overbearing presence whether it had been in class or at Order meetings.
Severus allowed several moments to pass while the girl continued her meal, seemingly unaware of his presence. He studied her again, now that the dirt and grit had been removed from her person. You could have dressed any house elf in a maid's uniform and it would have passed for this girl, and yet…
"Look at me." He ordered, his tone was not harsh as it had been with Maddie, but it was firm and it willed her to obey.
She had almond shaped eyes, brown with gold flecks in them. It was the eyes that drew him now in the absence of her voice. "Do you make it a habit of listening in on other people's conversations?" He asked, his eyes locked with hers.
Hermione almost breathed a sigh of relief. She had avoided eye contact with him so as not to give him a pathway into her thoughts through Legillimency. She knew she didn't have the strength to fight off such an attack, instead he was questioning her. "Uh no I just…"
"Master." He said simply, cutting her off. "You will refer to me as Master from now on, is that clear?"
"Yes." She grit her teeth and swallowed slightly, "Master." She could not hide how angry it made her to be in the service of public enemy number one. He had betrayed them, all of them, and her closest friends paid the ultimate price for it. While this whole event may have stolen her dream of fleeing to the highlands, it had opened up other opportunities for her. Opportunities for revenge.
At this defiant act Severus chuckled, he liked her attitude. He bent over and grasped her chin in his hand, so that they were nose to nose. "Three hours in my home and you already defy me. Tread lightly Miss Simmons."
Hermione inhaled, keeping her emotions in check.
Severus released her face and stood to his full height in front of her. "Do you know what you will be doing for me? Oh wait of course you do, you were listening in." He drove the nail just a bit deeper to see if she would squirm. He needed her to be strong if she was going to fulfill her part of his master plan.
"Your chambermaid and you umm...secretary." She paused on purpose, "Master." She ended.
"Do you know what that means?" He inquired.
"No, Master." She said, testing out how far she could push him.
Severus snorted, "As my chambermaid you will be responsible for my quarters. Keeping everything clean and tidy, my laundry….my person. You shall be my personal servant and at my beckon call, no matter what I ask." He paused to observe her expression, then continued. "As my...as you term it Secretary I will need you to keep my accounts and my records. I have a lot to keep track of for the rehabilitation of those in my care, and you will be - with your educational background - central to maintaining that information." He could see her mind racing.
He needed to keep her on the edge of liking him and fearing him. He needed to make sure she was both competent enough to follow through with his plan but complacent enough to his wishes. He needed her to trust him, and he had to figure out a way to build that trust. He went on a whim, "In return for this, other than keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly. I will offer to tutor you in your choice of study. Once your chores are done and things are in order, we can do potions together or I can teach you philosophy, history...anything should your heart desire it."
It was with this statement that Hermione felt torn about Severus Snape for the first time in as long as she could remember. In her former life he had tended toward a softness with her, appealing to her thirst for knowledge. She had even felt a warmth toward him until...well until everything went pear shaped. Hermione looked into his deep black eyes, searching for the man and / or the monster. Then she nodded. She understood what he wanted and knew that this would be a way to slay the beast, with time and patience.
Severus couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her head and be intrigued by it. He needed her to go with this plan, needed to outwit her enough to make sure she would feel it her own idea. For that she would need to be everything to him. His chambermaid, his secretary...his friend. It would be for the greater good, it would be for her and for Hermione. Taking her acceptance he finished, "I take my breakfast at 6am, I expect you to start your duties then. Ask Maddie or the House Elves for assistance in the first days. Then I expect you to do it on your own."
It was with that he left Hermione in the room. She had lost her appetite, her mind awash with everything that had happened to her this day. As Maddie led her to her room, which was a small cupboard like room that adjoined Snape's with a small window looking out onto the forest, she felt overwhelmed. The room had a bed, a small closet for clothes and a small window, it was tiny but more than she had enjoyed in a long time. Closing the door to the hall Hermione lay down on the soft bed, pulled the fresh sheets around her and cried She cried for sadness, for anger, for happiness and for a life that she would never have. She cried because she could do no more, she cried because, for the first time in a long time, she felt warm and safe. And she cried because she despised the inability to reconcile her feelings for a man who had been her mentor, her teacher, her enemy and now her Master.