Everyone who reviewed thank you. LoveShipper, kareneb (yes it will be), Felinxx(fast enough?), aadams00 (there's more angst in store unfortunately), GalaxieGurl(glad the holiday busyness is over for you, aplomb, I've used that word before :) and thank you for your kind review, ZinaR, 554Laura (yeah trip down memory lane for Brennan and us!), FaithinBones (Angela was intuitive enough to know that she should allow Booth to handle recounting such a delicate memory), jsboneslover (yes she will!),Nelapl, yoshimi0701 (maybe not yet). I'm truly grateful for all your support.
Booth had always feared that his past would come back to haunt him. It had. But now, Kovac had perished in a ball of fire. The threat had been neutralized. Booth could now focus all his energy on helping Brennan get her memory back. He could concentrate on rebuilding what his past actions had destroyed.
He opened the front door of his house with trepidation that night. Christine had immediately squirmed past him and Hank struggled to free his little hand from his father's grasp, wanting to follow her. Hank succeeded in slipping his chubby hand from Booth's and the boy ran off, hot on the heels of his big sister.
"Christine, Hank!" Booth called after his children. "Remember what I told you in the car. Mommy's hurt and she isn't really herself now."
The children appeared not to heed their father's warning.
"Mommy!" Christine flung herself into Brennan's arms.
Brennan managed to catch the little girl. The feeling of the child in her arms sent warm, soothing sensations to her heart. She couldn't help but smile.
"I missed you Mommy!"
Brennan felt a rush of sadness and love course through her as the little girl held her tightly. She felt an affection for the child, similar to what she felt for Booth, and wished she remembered what it was like to be her mother.
"Mommy!" Hank cried, his arms reaching for her.
Brennan released Christine from her arms, welcoming Hank with a hug. If there was anything different about her, the children had not seemed to pick up on it in those first few moments of their reunion. It was a bittersweet moment. She had always remembered being alone. And now she had the family she always wanted, only she had no memory of how it all happened. Her children obviously adored her like Booth had reminded her. She studied their eager little faces. It was evident from their bone structure that they were indeed progeny of Booth and herself.
Booth walked up to her, a skinny man in a similar black FBI t-shirt behind him.
Brennan rose to her feet, Hank on her hips. Things looked as if nothing had changed. For a moment, Booth hoped her memory had returned.
"Agent Aubrey I presume?"
She still had amnesia.
"Yeah." Aubrey shrugged. "I'm feeling a little déjà vu here."
"Thank you for backing Booth up."
"He'll do the same for me."
There was a moment of awkward silence. Hank rested his head on Brennan's chest, the little boy unaware of his mother's amnesia. The feeling of his head on her felt strange and new to Brennan, but she realized didn't dislike it.
"Umm, you know what? Aubrey's hungry." Booth clapped his hands together.
Christine giggled. "Uncle Aubrey's always hungry."
"He is?" Brennan asked.
"Yes Mommy. Did you forget? You always make a lot more food when he comes over for dinner."
"I did forget that." Brennan admitted to the little girl.
"Why? Daddy says Mommy's like an elephant. You never forget."
Brennan stared at Christine, unsure how to reply to that.
"But that doesn't matter Christine. How about pizza for everyone huh?" Booth asked, quickly changing the subject back to food.
"I'm in." Aubrey replied.
"Me too." Christine jumped up and down excitedly.
"Great. I'll order." Booth pulled out his phone.
Brennan watched the scene before her. They had built a happy life together with close friends. The fact that she could not remember any of it was frustrating.
The evening passed by all too quickly in what she assumed was a regular occurrence in the Booth household. The situation was familiar yet new. The children clearly enjoyed being with their parents and Aubrey was all too happy to take a back seat, helping himself to slice after slice of pizza. And then the evening ended. Christine and Hank were to spend another night with Uncle Aubrey.
"Can't we stay home tonight please?" Christine pleaded with Brennan.
Her daughter's words suddenly triggered a memory. Christine by the couch, pleading for her father to be allowed to stay the night. She remembered she was pregnant then but Booth was not living with them. She wondered what had caused their separation. An image of Booth asking her to be allowed to fix his mistake flashed in her mind. She remembered she had been insistent. She had threw him out. What did he do to warrant that? She stared at Booth. He looked back at her, a look of curiosity on his face.
"You know what Christine? One more night okay? You guys can come home tomorrow. Mommy and Daddy have a lot of work to do."
"I'll let you guys watch cartoons before bed." Aubrey bribed them.
"Mommy…" Hank whined reaching for her.
"How about Daddy drives you guys over to Uncle Aubrey's huh? I'll even put you little monsters to bed there."
The children seemed pacified. He turned to Brennan. "I'll be right back."
"Drive safely." She nodded to Booth as he gathered their children, helping them into their jackets.
Her observations from the night allowed her to conclude that Booth was a good father. She had always known that. After all, she had observed him with Parker. She surmised that she had chosen wisely in whom she would procreate with. She hugged her children and Booth left with them, leaving her alone in the now silent house.
She made her way to the couch. Sitting down, she remembered the feeling of betrayal that accompanied the memory that just returned. A sensation of immense hurt and pain. Had he been unfaithful to her? Why else would she have kicked him out? An image of a blonde woman flashed in her mind. The blonde looking happily at Booth. She had watched as Booth shared a kiss with the woman. She couldn't believe the Booth she knew would do such a thing. Knowing that whatever her brain was choosing to recall was unreliable, she decided she would clarify it with him when he returned.
Trying hard to push the unpleasant memories aside, a black notebook partially hidden under a pile of newspapers caught her eye. She reached for it. The first page contained story ideas for her latest book. The next page contained notes, mostly about work. She started reading the third page and felt as if her heart had been ripped from her chest. It was the eulogy she had written for her father.
Max is dead?!
The tears began to fall. A sense of betrayal fell over her. Why hadn't Booth bothered to correct her misconception when she mentioned Max the night before? Anger at him, at herself and her current situation coursed through her, followed by a sense of profound helplessness.
…
Booth found her on the couch in their family room, her tear-stained face worrying him. He had caught a look on her face earlier on, but with the children around he had not dared to ask.
"You remembered something didn't you?" Booth asked as he walked towards her, wondering why it was the sad memories that came back.
Brennan folded her arms across her chest in a defensive posture as she rose to meet him.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Her anger and feelings of loss bursting out in a shout.
He was taken aback by the anger apparent in her voice.
"There's so much to tell you, what – " His gaze fell onto the black notebook she was still clutching. "Max."
"You let me think that he was still alive!"
"I didn't know how to tell you Bones! I was hoping you'd remember. I was… we've been through so much since we got together, I wasn't sure how much you could take, how much I should tell you."
"So you took the easy way out? Just wait for my memories to come back to save you the trouble?! At the very least, you could have had the decency to correct my misconception that my father was still alive!"
"Look Bones I'm sorry."
The image of the blonde woman and Christine pleading with her to let her father stay the night flashed through her mind again. Another new memory. She was sitting in the car with Booth as he drove through the pouring rain. She had been soaked to the skin by that same rain. She remembered the immense pain she had felt. She had been rejected by Booth. Had it been then that he had confessed to his infidelity to her? Was it then that she had caught him in the arms of another woman? The images and memories were coming back to her in a confusing jumble.
"You said we had been through a lot… did you betray me?"
Booth took a step back. She must have remembered his gambling. Back then, he had kept the fact that he had gambled from her. He had betrayed her trust. He didn't want to continue lying to her now.
"Yes." His voice desperate. He worried she would kick him out of the house again, just like that night when she had confronted him about his gambling.
The pain of betrayal gnawing at her heart intensified and she sobbed. He had admitted to his past infidelity with the blonde in her memory. She now knew why she had kicked him out of the house. Was he still cheating on her? Were they even living together before the explosion? She remembered she was pregnant with Hank, so it had to have happened some time ago. Did they even get back together? Her thoughts were still a confused mess ass she cried.
His heart broke at seeing her in such anguish. He cautiously took small steps towards her, wanting to comfort her. "Bones…"
"No. Don't come any closer. I'd like to be left alone."
"Bones… don't do this. Don't go through this alone."
"And yet you betrayed me. You lied to me."
Booth nodded, a sinking feeling in his gut. He figured she hated him. He was terrified his worst fears had come true. If she didn't remember that they were married then there would be no reason for her to remain with him.
"Okay, if that's what you want." Booth sighed defeatedly. "I'll go."
He turned to leave, grabbing his jacket and car keys.
"I may have messed up… a lot, but for what it's worth Bones, I love you. I always have. Don't forget that."
Brennan waited for Booth to leave, before collapsing onto the couch. She cried, until exhausted she fell asleep.
Her dreams were filled with regret, of Booth in the arms of another woman. She dreamt that she had lost her chance with Booth and woke up with a start. She realized she was still on the couch and very much alone. That was of her own doing. She had asked him to leave.
And then it all came back to her in a rush. Booth had started gambling again and he had hidden the fact from her. She wasn't sure exactly when that particular event occurred but she remembered everything related to it. Christine asking when her Dad would be back. The bookie Jimmy at her doorstep, informing her that Booth owed him a lot of money. She remembered Aubrey helping her pay off Jimmy, remembered confronting Booth, throwing him out of the house. She recalled how hard he had worked to show her he could overcome his addiction, remembered how determined he was to save their marriage. She remembered being pregnant with Hank then. The memory brought her comfort. At least, she was starting to remember her children.
Then she realised she had been wrong about Booth. She still couldn't recall who the blonde woman was, but she knew the woman was not part of the memory associated with Booth's gambling. Had he betrayed her in more ways than once?
The part of her that had known Booth for years told her that it was illogical for him to be unfaithful to her. Even as her partner he had been loyal. Wouldn't he be more so as a husband? Confused she rose form the couch and made her way slowly to the bedroom. The large empty bed made her start crying again. She was angry and she missed Booth. She hated the feelings of loss and helplessness that pervaded her being. Exhausted from the emotional upheaval she was experiencing, she collapsed onto the bed, quickly falling into a fitful sleep.
I apologize for the large serving of angst in this chapter. But I think those who've read enough of my fics know that I like to dish it out now and then.