Disclaimer: Disney owns all of POTC. I only claim my original characters and plot elements.

Bedlam filled the church with Millicent's screeching striking a distinctive note. Val turned to Katherine and gave a beseeching look mixed with a heavy dose of accusation.

Katherine shook her head in the negative. She was just as surprised by the announcement as Valentine. While she could not deny that the thought had occurred to her to stop the wedding, she had actually took the unusual path of restraint and decided to let things unfold without her interference.

Val's thoughts whirled. She knew that she had not put the man up to making his declaration and Katherine apparently was innocent; that left only one other person. Val tried in vain to search out Jack. It was impossible in the ebb and flow of people. It seemed as if in a few split seconds, the congregation had divided itself in two with those who chose to rush to Millicent's side and those who rushed to Val's side. An impartial observer would have noticed that the crowd around Val was twice the size of that around Millicent.

James recouped from the shock of the declaration quicker than most. He noted that right now things were still on a relatively even keel but experience had taught him that situations like this were bound to turn ugly very quickly. One look at Val's pale face was enough to convince him that she needed to be removed from the scene as soon as possible. He murmured in Kat's ear, "We need to get her out of here now." Easily falling into his role as a commander he leaned over the pew and told the couple seated in front of them. "Will, come with me. Elizabeth, go with Kat and take Val home. Will and I will join you there once things are calmer here."

Both Katherine and Elizabeth nodded and then with a bit more force than was ladylike helped Val to maneuver out of the church and into the Norrington's carriage. Katherine who had been worried by Val's unusual pliancy was relieved when Val drew the reins from her hand declaring, "Here let me. I've much more experience at driving than you." The horses set off a fast clip.

None of the women were the type to prattle needlessly so the journey was made in silence with each turning the recent events over in her mind. Thus, they had reached the house and comfortably ensconced themselves in the parlor before the topic was broached.

No longer able to contain her curiosity Elizabeth asked, "Is it true then? Are you and Jack married?"

Val nodded yes and then realizing that the other woman would naturally be curious proceeded to give an abbreviated version of the tale that omitted the fictitious nature of her second husband.

Elizabeth listened and digested the story with admirable aplomb. Although she had many questions she decided that now was not the appropriate time to ask them, so instead she queried, "Do you have any idea of who that man was?"

"No, absolutely none. The gentleman who married us was much taller and fatter so it's not him. The only other person in the room was his wife. I haven't a clue who this man is and more importantly how he found out about the marriage." Val drained her glass of brandy and poured herself some more. The color was beginning to return to her cheeks. "Until now, Katherine was the only person I ever told about Jack and me marrying so if it was not me and it was not Katherine then it had to be Jack who said something."

Katherine considered the statement. "You're right of course. It's the only conclusion that makes any sense but I did glimpse Jack's face and he also seemed shocked."

Val raised her eyebrows and refrained from comment.

Elizabeth observed, "Jack is an expert at dissembling.

Smiling Katherine acknowledged, "Yes, I know that. But while it reeks of his flair for the dramatic, why would he wait until the actual wedding? Even he would know that it would cause him a great deal of untold grief."

Recalling her past adventures with Jack, Elizabeth observed, "It is rather odd behavior for him. Jack tends to avoid instigating direct confrontations. A secret note to Millicent and her father would have been more his style."

Val groaned, "Dear Lord I forgot about Millicent in all of the fuss. While I do not particularly care for her, no woman deserves what happened to her. She must feel awful."

"While your concern does you credit Val, I'd not waste too much time on it. I do not wish to seem cynical but I'd guess that Millicent will find some way to turn this to her advantage. Most likely she will do whatever she can to make your life a living hell until things are resolved. If James' urgency to get you out of there is any indication, he sees the danger as well." With that pronouncement, the three women once again fell into a companionable silence. Val was worrying over what was to follow, Katherine was inwardly rejoicing over the turn of events, and Elizabeth was wearing a small secretive smile for a memory had just surfaced.

The sound of horses announced the arrival of Will and James. Val was dismayed to see Jack stroll into the parlor behind the two other men. Of even more concern was that all three wore grim expressions. Val's stomach lurched then years of breeding kicked in and she instinctively fell into the role of hostess, "Gentlemen, can I offer you something to drink? I know it is rather early but I believe that circumstances warrant it."

All three nodded their assent and Val poured them stiff measures of brandy. While she was at it, she poured some more for herself. Jack's eyes caught hers and he silently indicated that he thought her action unwise. Already feeling on edge, Val fumed at his disapproval. The man was half drunk most of the time and he dared to question her drinking habits. Besides, she had matured a great deal since that long ago night and could now handle her spirits with the best of them. With a falsely sweet smile, she poured even more into her glass.

Will who had chosen to perch on the armrest of his wife's chair was the first to broach the topic, "James was right to send you out of there. It was a madhouse. Millicent is none to happy about being jilted at the altar."

"Well now that rather depends on the definition of jilting doesn't it young Will? I was there ready to do my manly duty. Not my fault that Valentine decided that she can not live without me and threw a spanner in the works."

"I did no such thing!" Val hotly contradicted.

Jack merely smirked, "You know Valentine all you had to do was ask nicely and I would have considered your proposition. No need for you to be so dramatic in declaring your feelings for me."

"Jack Sparrow you are the most obnoxious arrogant man I have ever known and the last thing that I want is to be married to you. You and Millicent deserve one another. I told you that I would not interfere and I did not. It was not me who arranged that little scenario. Believe me; I could happily live without setting eyes on you again."

"Well now sweetheart that's not the impression I had during our little role in the hay the other day."

The other two couples had been mesmerized watching the exchange between Jack and Val but these words broke the spell. Elizabeth was outraged by Jack's deliberate crudeness. Katherine was surprised that Val had not told her of the incident. Will, who had seen Jack loose in Tortuga, took the statement in stride. James was mildly offended at the public airing of such personal matters but also amused.

James could recall more than one occasion during his and Kat's courtship when she had called him those very same names. Although he had to admit that she also usually called him pompous and that was not a word to describe Sparrow. However as entertaining as the thought of Sparrow being well and truly ensnared in the matrimonial net was, there were currently more important matters to tend to. Matters that were not at all entertaining. Clearing his throat to capture everyone's attention he proceeded to break the news. "Mrs. Smith, I am afraid that I have a rather unpleasant duty to perform."

About to verbally lash into Jack for his comment, the seriousness of James' tone and his use of the formal Mrs. Smith registered and forestalled Val's retort. A quick glance told her that Will and Jack were once again wearing grim expressions. Matching his formality she asked a question that she was certain she did not really wish to have answered, "What is it Commodore Norrington? What is the unpleasant duty that you speak of?"

"I am afraid…" he paused and then plunged on, "I am afraid that I am here to arrest you on charges of bigamy."

Katherine rushed over to him and grabbed his arm. "James you can not arrest Val. You can not do such a horrible thing."

James enfolded Kat into his arms and pressed her head against his chest. Petting her hair in a soothing fashion he admitted, "I am sorry Kat. I have no choice. Miss Witherspoon is demanding that the law be upheld and Jack has acknowledged that he and Val were married and the marriage never dissolved. She is out for revenge and Val is a convenient target."

Katherine turned in James' arms and sought out Val's gaze. The two women conducted a wordless conversation.

Jack noted the interchange. He also noted the closeness of the two other couples in the room. James and Katherine were entwined in a public display of caring that he had never thought to see the Commodore demonstrate and although Will and Elizabeth were routinely much more forthcoming in their displays of affection there was tenderness in the way that Will had draped his arm around Elizabeth's shoulders that struck a chord in Jack. In marked contrast, he and Valentine had retreated to opposite ends of the room. He watched as she drained the brandy and with a shaky hand set down the glass. A wave of helplessness nearly overwhelmed him. He wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything would be all right but that was not the truth. Damn it, why had she gone and remarried? If she hadn't there would be no grounds for arrest. The thought of her imprisoned caused his insides to roil. Desperately he sought refuge from these uncomfortable emotions. He told himself that it was all her own fault that she was being arrested. She had chosen to roll out of their martial bed and into the arms of another with such haste that she couldn't even be bothered with legalities. Jack felt better as anger replaced helplessness.

Katherine pulled away from James' embrace and joined Val by the drinks table. "Val, you have to tell them the truth. Pride is all very well and good but you'll end up in the gaol. You have to speak the truth."

Twisting her lips in a wry grimace Val agreed, "You are right of course. Pride goeth before a fall." Squaring her shoulders she took a deep breath and announced, "I am pleased to say that Millicent will have to forgo the pleasure of seeing me carted of to the gaol. You see it's really quite simple. I can not be arrested for bigamy because I've only ever had one husband."

For the second time that day, a room went completely still. Katherine hugged her friend relieved that the threat was gone. Jack, James, Will, and Elizabeth were busy assimilating this new piece of information.

"Excuse me for asking Val, but when you say that you only ever had one husband you do mean Jack?" Will queried.

Val nodded yes.

"But then what about Mr. Smith? How does he figure into the picture?"

Seeking to save Val further embarrassment, Katherine quickly explained, "There never was a Mr. Smith. Val just created him so that she could get on with her life after Jack behaved so despicably."

Jack took offense to the charge, "Now just a minute. I never…" He was interrupted by a low growl of anger from James.

James had been busy putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Obviously he, Jack, Will, and Elizabeth had been surprised by the news that there was no Mr. Smith. Just as obviously, Kat had not. Stalking across the room he took his wife's arm and gritted, "I believe Mrs. Norrington that you and I need to have a few words in private." With that, he led her through the door into the adjoining room. Unfortunately the door had a bad habit of not closing properly and the others were able to hear every word spoken. Unashamedly and grateful for the diversion, they moved closer to the door and listened to the ensuing argument.

"Would you mind telling me my dear wife exactly when you knew of Jack and Val's marriage?"

"James there is no need to adopt such a tone with me. I have done nothing but hold a friend's confidence. Surely you can not find fault with that?"

"I believe that I asked you a question Mrs. Norrington."

Kat gulped. It was not often that he called her Mrs. Norrington. He only did that when he was truly angry and he had just done so twice within the last few moments. Still, she had done nothing that she viewed as wrong. Raising her chin a bit defiantly she informed him, "Val told me the day after the engagement ball."

"I assume that you learned of the fictional Mr. Smith at the same time?"

"Yes."

Angrily he stared at his wife. Kat shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. "Kat, you and I are going to have a very long and very thorough discussion about this matter when we get home."

"James you are being patently unfair," she protested.

Quirking his eyebrow in that manner that she found particularly annoying he asked, "How so? My wife who is sworn to honor and obey me withholds a very important piece of information from me: a piece of information by the way that has bearing on my position in this town. As the Commodore here, I have a duty to uphold England's laws."

"But Val did not break any laws!"

"That is true but what if the marriage had taken place today? Jack would have been guilty of committing bigamy and I would have had a front row seat to the event."

"Actually, that is not technically correct. We were in the second row," she declared triumphantly.

The tension of the last hour combined with Kat's comment tipped the scales and with a muttered oath he drew her into his arms and began thoroughly kissing his aggravating, provoking, and delightful wife. Minutes later he raised his head and assured her, "We are still going to have that discussion when we get home." Without giving her a chance to reply, he propelled her back into the other room where they almost ran into the four interested eavesdroppers.

Five of the six occupants flushed at the awkwardness of the situation. Jack, as usual, was completely unrepentant. "As fascinating as your marital spats are, it's time to take me leave." Jack had been thinking hard about recent events and the news that there never had been a Mr. Smith. He had reached a decision. He clasped his hands in front of him and bowed with a flourish. "Ladies. Gents. It's time Mrs. Sparrow and I depart. We've a honeymoon to go on." The last was said with a leering look at Valentine.

Val sniffed disdainfully, "Very amusing Jack. I am not going anywhere with you. So why don't you just dawdle along and leave me in peace?"

With a predatory smile that sent frissons of alarm down Val's spine, Jack drawled, "I'm afraid that I can not possibly allow you to remain here all by your onesies. You're my wife and you'll set sail with me."

"I will do no such thing."

"Care to place a wager on that, luv?'

"Stop calling me luv! I'm not one of your trollops. Besides we made a deal that you would no longer call me that and you've now broken your word several times."

Jack actually laughed at her words. "I'm a pirate. What did you expect..." and here he waited a moment before once again deliberately adding, "luv?"

Val was so angry that she actually stamped her foot. "Jack Sparrow you can just remove yourself from my home. I have no intention of going anywhere with you and you can not make me." She knew her actions and words were childish but she could not help herself. The strain of the morning had worn her down and now Jack was being his usual impossible self.

Jack took his time finishing his drink before taunting, "Ah now there you'd be laboring under a terrible misapprehension my sweet Valentine. You've admitted that we are still legally married. Anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but I believe that under the law that makes you my property. Mine to do with as I see fit. Savvy?" He set the glass down and ordered, "I'll give you fifteen minutes to pack then we're headed for the Diamond." Then with a feral smile he strolled over to her and whispered so that only she could hear, "And you needn't bother with any nightwear luv for you'll have no use of it."