3 - awakening

"Absolutely not."

"Willowpelt, please," Brackenfur pleaded, trying again. "You're his only chance."

The silver queen shook her head, her blue eyes gleaming. "Why me? Why can't some other cat do it?"

"Because you're the only queen in ThunderClan!" Brackenfur exclaimed. "By the light of StarClan, if I could somehow produce milk, I would take the burden - but I can't." Actually… I take that back. I don't want to be a she-cat!

Willowpelt gave another hesitant gaze and then ultimately shook her head for a final time. "I'm sorry Brackenfur, but my answer remains the same." The golden warrior couldn't help but let his tail droop in disappointment. "You're a nice tom-cat, but I can't risk putting my own kits in danger like that."

"I understand." Brackenfur mewed, his voice crestfallen. Willowpelt gave another quiet apology before turning tail to pad back into the nursery.

Now what do I do? Brackenfur thought, dismayed.

It had been a few sunrises since he brought the emaciated pup into ThunderClan. Despite the vigilant efforts from Brackenfur and Cinderpelt, the young dog hadn't made any significant improvement. The gray medicine cat had concluded that the pup probably wouldn't get better unless it had the rich nutrition that could only come from milk due to it's illness. Cinderpelt didn't know if nursing a dog with cat milk would be healthy, but it was the only option they had. Willowpelt was the pup's only future and now with her refusal, Brackenfur felt foreboding rise up in his stomach like mouse-bile. What now?

Sighing once more, the golden warrior found himself wandering aimlessly around camp. It was a chilly leaf-fall morning and the sunlight that managed to peak through camp did little to warm the pelts of the cats in the clearing.

"If this is leaf-fall weather, then my fur will freeze off in leaf-bare!" Brackenfur heard Speckletail, a pale tabby elder, complain as he walked within earshot of the elder's den.

"Hey! Watch where you're poking that stick!"

"Sorry, Smallear." Tawnypaw muttered, searching the gray tom's pelt for ticks. When she found one, she maneuvered a mossy stick soaked with mouse bile to pry the pesky insect off. After taking the dawn patrol, Brackenfur had told his apprentice to tend to the needs of ThunderClan's elders and afterwards, have the rest of the day off. As he padded past, the golden warrior couldn't help but notice how tense his apprentice looked. The young she-cat's muzzle was slightly wrinkled, as if she was holding back a growl and her vibrant green eyes looked almost irritated.

What's got her so riled up?

"Young cats these days!" Smallear continued, grumbling. "Although this doesn't surprise me," He gave a disdainful sniff. "You've got his blood running through your pelt."

Brackenfur halted dead in his tracks.

Tawnypaw pressed her ears flat against her head, but ignored his sneer. Pointedly, she drew up her nose and gave a forced smile. "Where else do you feel ticks, Smallear?" She asked, changing the subject. Brackenfur couldn't help but notice how gritted her voice sounded and he realized that it was probably taking everything out of the young she-cat to not burst out in anger at the old tom.

Before Brackenfur could step forward to address the situation, he heard the yowl of his name come from behind him.

"There you are!" Dustpelt meowed, padding up to him. "If you're done playing medicine cat, Whitestorm would like you to join Ashpaw and I on the sun high patrol."

What, is it forest wide, pick-on-your-clanmates-day?

The golden warrior felt his pelt flush hot with embarrassment. Over the past two days, he had almost exclusively spent all of his free time in the medicine cat's den, caring for ThunderClan's new… guest. Whenever Brackenfur wasn't in the medicine den, it all he was able to think about and as a result, the young warrior was inattentive to when it came to his active warrior duties. On a recent hunting patrol, Brackenfur let the easiest of catches scramble out from between his paws much to Graystripe's, the patrol leader's, disappointment. At the training grounds, he tried to demonstrate a simple battle move to Tawnypaw, but slipped on a patch of leaves and terribly messed up his form. Out of all cats, Darkstripe, who was there with his apprentice, Fernpaw, had to demonstrate how to properly execute the move. The dark tom took great joy in never letting the golden warrior hear the end of it during the rest of the session.

"Everyone makes mistakes sometimes," Fernpaw had tried to put in, but it made Brackenfur feel even more unaccomplished. It was one of the most humiliating moments of his young life, to mess up so badly in front of your own apprentice.

Tawnypaw… Brackenfur thought, reprimanding himself. I've been neglectful not only my clan, but to you as well. He casted a worried glance back over to the elder's den. I must speak with her when I come back to see how she's doing.

"So, are you coming or are you going to age with leaf-fall?" Dustpelt's jibe snapped Brackenfur out of his thoughts.

"Yes, let's go." The golden warrior replied, shaking his head to clear it of any remaining negative thoughts. Before the brown tom could give another retort, Brackenfur pushed forward towards the gorse tunnel entrance. As he approached, Whitestorm gave him a curt nod before turning tail to take the lead out of camp and up the first slope.

"We're taking a simple patrol near the WindClan border," Whitestorm meowed to his clan mates, setting a brisk pace.

"Are we going to fight any trespassers when we get there?" Ashpaw squeaked, his blue eyes shining with excitement.

"Of course not, mouse-brain." Dustpelt grunted, clearing a fallen log with ease. "We're just going there for a simple border check-up. We'll show you how to place your own scent marker today."

The young gray tom's eyes lit up even further. "Really? I can't wait!" Ducking underneath a low hanging branch, the apprentice dashed off at full sprint. "Last one there is a rotten thrush!"

"Ashpaw!" Dustpelt yowled, "You get back here this instant!"

A deep purr rumbled from Whitestorm. "Let him have his excitement, Dustpelt." The white deputy let his golden eyes drift towards the broken canopy of the trees. The cool sun was plastering playful shadows onto the forest floor. "I haven't seen him like this since the death of Brindleface. He and his sister fought with much bravery and strength to avenge their mother, at such a young age no less. Let them have the curiosity and enjoyment of being an apprentice. Besides," He gave a sly smirk. "if it were Fernpaw, I'm sure you'd have no problem with her being this excited."

Dustpelt's yellow eyes widened at the remark and Brackenfur found himself fighting to hold in his laugh.

"I'm… gonna go make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble," Dustpelt mumbled before quickening his pace to catch up with his apprentice.

"Whitestorm, you've embarrassed the fur off of him!" Brackenfur added cheekily, watching as the dark tom sent leaves scattering into the air at his speedy departure.

The white tom gave a hearty laugh. "When you get to be my age, you have the right to poke fun at young romance."

Brackenfur snorted playfully at his comment, skimming around a puddle of thick mud. The two toms carried on with their brisk trot, comfortable silence falling between them. A gentle breeze brushed whiskers to and fro as the sun crept up higher in the sky. By now, they were about halfway to the WindClan border. Brackenfur relished in the comfort he felt from the forest air, even though it was still tang with the smell of ash. The younger warrior had also enjoyed the calming presence that the ThunderClan deputy gave off. It was soothing, and it was almost enough to let him forget about his current troubles and worries.

Almost.

The golden warrior sighed internally, his mind relaying the events that spanned earlier this morning. He almost didn't want to return back to camp. He wanted to be outside the boundaries of the clan, so that he wouldn't have to worry about his responsibilities. His concerns for Tawnypaw and… and…

Don't complain now, he chastised, you willingly got yourself dragged into this mess.

"Brackenfur? Brackenfur!" Whitestorm's yowl snapped the young warrior from his thoughts. "You alright?"

Brackenfur tipped his head to the side in confusion. "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

Whitestorm gave him an incredulous look. "I noticed you weren't beside me anymore and I turn around to see you glaring at a tree like it had said something disrespectful to you." What? It didn't even register to Brackenfur until that moment that his legs had stopped moving. He was standing a tail-length away from an oak tree, as if he didn't have the nerve to walk around it.

"Oh." Did I space out… again? "I just really wanted to get a good look at the bark on this tree. Yep, it's pretty… brown."

The older tom twitched his whiskers and after a moment, took a step forward. "Brackenfur, you haven't been yourself lately." He meowed matter-of-factly. "I heard about what happened at the training grounds the other day, and on that hunting patrol."

Brackenfur flattened his ears at the deputy's remark. His amber eyes skirted the various wild-things scattered along the forest floor, deliberately avoiding eye contact.

"I ask again," Whitestorm continued. "Are you alright?" Letting out a drawn out sigh, Brackenfur drew his head up and then brought it forward, his brow now resting against the trunk of the tree.

"No," The golden warrior answered, his shoulders sagging. "I don't even know what to think anymore." Before the young tom realized what he was doing, he blurted all of his worries to his deputy. He first spoke of his concerns for ThunderClan's "guest", how he wasn't getting much better. How Cinderpelt had offered that he might, with Willowpelt's aid, but the grey queen had refused. He then confessed his growing worry for Tawnypaw's well-being, especially after the encounter she seemed to have with Smallear in the elder's den.

"I've never been so troubled in my life," Brackenfur continued on. "With every mistake I make, the consequences get worse and worse. Am I even doing the right things anymore?" Whitestorm had his brow furrowed deep in thought, the two toms had eventually settled to sit side by side during Brackenfur's ramble.

"Only time will tell," Whitestorm answered at length. He then changed the topic to something more direct. "You said that you were hoping that Willowpelt would watch over and nurse it?"

"Yes, but she said that she didn't want to put her kits into danger."

Whitestorm narrowed his yellow eyes. "My kits." He added. Brackenfur felt the blood drain from his face, his mouth going dry.

Oh dear StarClan, how did I completely forget?

"I can't say I disagree with her," Whitestorm continued, whisking his big white tail. "Sootkit, Sorrelkit, and Rainkit are barely a moon old. My wonderful kits are already showing great promise, but they could easily get hurt in the presence of a dog."

Mind racing, Brackenfur began to ramble again. "I know, I know. I'm sorry I ever suggested such a stupid thing. I really wasn't thinking about-"

"Is this what you want?" Whitestorm asked, cutting him off with a raised paw.

"Huh?"

"Do you really and truly believe that this is the only way to make sure that the dog sees a healthy future?" The question was dropped so casually that Brackenfur didn't know how to react.

"Err… Yes...?" The golden warrior shifted on uneasy paws. He couldn't tell if Whitestorm's inquiry was genuine or not. "Yes." He repeated, this time more firmly after receiving a skeptical glance. Yellow met yellow as the two toms stared intently at each other. Brackenfur didn't dare blink, suddenly feeling the urge to prove to Whitestorm just how important this dog was to him.

How important it is for me to see him recover, so that he can leave once old enough, Brackenfur corrected.

…

How important it is from me to see it recover, he corrected further. The golden warrior was uneasily aware of how attached he was becoming. At first, it hadn't bothered him but now, especially how clan life had been over the past few days, Brackenfur realized that he needed to draw back. He still wanted to see the pup regain it's health in full, but he needed to distance himself a bit. He couldn't allow himself to get too invested – it was clear that his warrior duties were suffering because of it.

After several more heartbeats, Whitestorm was the first to break eye contact. Releasing a hefty sigh, the white tom licked a paw and drew it over the side of his face. "Alright, then."

Brackenfur flattened his ears, not understanding what the tom meant. ""Alright then", what?"

"I trust your judgment." Whitestorm clarified, standing up. "Young cats of today are the clans' future of tomorrow. So many of us older warriors are too quick to dismiss anything you all may have to say." The big tom then turned and tipped his head slightly to Brackenfur. "Once we return to camp, I will speak with my mate and see if I can get her to change her mind."

The golden warrior's initial expression of shock quickly melted into that of utter happiness and gratitude. As he opened his mouth to yowl his thanks, the deputy cut him off once more by whisking his tail across the younger tom's mouth.

"Don't thank me yet, nothing is set in stone. Willowpelt has the final decision." Although his voice was firm, humor shined through in the white tom's eyes. He jerked his head to the expanse of forest still ahead of them. "Come on, we don't want Dustpelt and Ashpaw to think we've gotten lost."

"Yes, Whitestorm." Brackenfur replied, his legs tingling with excitement as he also stood. Together, the two toms began the trek once more to the WindClan border, although this time at a much quicker pace.

"And about Tawnypaw," Whitestorm panted, his white paws barely touching the ground. "I think she will benefit greatly if you have a heart to heart with her. She's a strong-willed she-cat, I have a feeling she'll be able to overcome any obstacle put before her."

Whitestorm, Brackenfur thought with admiration,

Thank you.

next chapter - anguish

With every mistake he makes, the consequences get worse and worse.

A/N: Hey y'all, thank you for all the reviews and favorites! I really appreciate it. Be sure to follow this story so that you won't miss an update from it!