Hello everyone! Long time no see!
I'm sorry for the long delay in updating. This Semester is kicking my ass, and I have some big exams next week, but I managed to squeeze out this chapter for you, mostly because of SunflowerFran kicking my ass into gear. Thank you so much to my new friend!
I want to say a special thank you to all my new readers out there who have just climbed aboard for the ride. It seems that a Rec tree has been started lately (again, thank you SunflowerFran) so I've had a lot of new followers and reviews. Thank you so much for your support. It makes such a difference as a writer to have such awesome feedback :)
Anyway, without further ado, welcome back to Normality.
Chapter 13 - Thursday Morning
"Bella. Bella wake up, Sweetheart." My eyes crack open groggily. I didn't mean to fall asleep. Esme and Rosalie aren't here, they must have left me to rest. Edward's kneeling next to the couch, gently stroking my hair. I study his face intently. It's calm, creaseless. Although there is a slight troubled look in his eyes, his anger is gone.
"You're you again." I mumble with a small smile, my voice thick with tears and sleep.
"What do you mean?" Edward replies, an oddly adorable confused look on his face.
I blink, trying to clear my foggy mind. "I don't like the angry you."
Edward sighs. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to get angry. You know I wasn't angry at you, right? I could never be angry at you."
I nod. "I know. It still scares me though."
With that, Edward gathers into his arms and settles on the couch with me curled up in his lap. He gathers up my left hand and starts placing gentle kisses on my rings. My emerald, Edward eye engagement ring and my wedding band. He whispers apologies in between kisses. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm love you... Then he moves onto my face, raining kisses on my forehead, my nose, my cheeks. His breath whispers against my skin as he mumbles, before his voice is cut off as our mouths meet in a sweet kiss.
Part of me wants to stay with Rosalie and Esme, to feel the force of a mothers love for as long as I can. But I'm tired and Edward is tired. A bigger part of me just wants to have Edward's body curled around mine, and to sleep for a long time. The ride home is quick, and we do just that, tucked away in his - no our - big comfy bed, where I burrow into him and feel safe, as I never have before.
Next thing I know Edward is waking me. He's already dressed in his work suit, and a glance at the alarm clock tells me it's only 6:30am.
"I've got to go to work sweetheart." I let out a groggy whine in protest. I don't want him to go. I've been dreading this moment. The moment when Edward has to go to work, and we're apart for the first time since he rescued me from Mother's house. Edward chuckles and leans down to kiss me chastely on the lips.
"I know, I don't want to go either. I've got some things for you before I go, ok?" I sit up a bit, rubbing sleep from my eyes as Edward sits down next to me on the bed. "I ordered you a phone a couple of days ago and got it sent here." He hands me a shiny black device. I handle it gently, amazed and slightly stunned. I've never had a cell phone before. I don't want to break it. It's flat and big, the whole front is taken up by the screen. Turning it over I see an emblem of an apple on the back. Mother had one of these. I was never allowed to touch it. "It's already loaded with my number, and my family's numbers, so if you need anything you just give one of us a call." I nod, to scared to tell him that I'm not sure how to use it.
"And I've got you a card for my account." He hands me a bank card, again black and shiny. There's a little sticky note on it with the PIN. "Once you've got the number memorised make sure you throw away the sticky note ok." I nod again, still unable to tell him the truth. I've never used one of these either.
Edward continues on, oblivious. "I've got you some cash too..." he hands me some folded bills "...and a house key." Lastly he hands me a key. I take it and add it to my small pile of new, shiny things. It's all a bit overwhelming, but I try not to show it. I know if Edward realises I'm panicking too much he might decided to stay home from work, and I know that he needs to go back today. He's already used up all his leave over the past week to drive back with me. I don't want to get him in trouble.
So I swallow, let out a breath and smile at him in what I hope is a convincing way. He seems to buy it. It helps that I'm still half asleep. He grabs my hand and looks me in the eyes.
"Are you sure you're going to be ok today? Do you know what you want to do for the day?" I shake my head and shrug. I hadn't really thought past this moment right here, the moment where we part for the day. The past week has been so out of routine, but I could handle it because I was with Edward the whole time, and all the travelling meant thing were different anyway. Now that I'm here and I know this is my new home, and that in a few short moments I will be alone for the day I feel the overwhelming urge to go back to how it was before.
I take another deep breath. I have to figure this out for myself. "I'll be ok Edward." My voice is a bit rough from sleep. "You go to work. I promise I'll be fine." He hesitates for just a second. I can see a weird emotion in his eyes. Finally he nods and lets go of my hand. "Ok. I'll be home at 5 o'clock. I'll see you then." Before I can blink Edward cups my face and pulls me into a mind blowing kiss.
I'm drowning, lost in his touch, his taste, his smell. He takes my breath away and brings it back at the same time. I grab onto the lapels of his suit and pull him to me, knowing that if I had it my way I would never let him go. I feel his tongue trace over my lips and I let him in, loving the feeling of him all around me, consuming me, drinking me. It never gets old. It's just as exhilarating as the first time we kissed like this. All too soon I feel him slowing down, pulling back.
"I have to go" Edward whispers against my lips. I nod, slightly flustered, and smooth down his lapels, which had gotten twisted in my grip. With a final peck on the cheek he heads towards the door, pausing on his way out.
"Promise me you'll call me if you need me. No matter what. I'll be there if you need me, ok Sweetheart?" I nod in reply, hoping that I'll be able to keep that promise. "Go back to sleep Bella. I'll be home before you know it."
Then he's gone, and I'm left missing him already.
Although I feel tired, I can't get back to sleep. Soon enough the clock ticks round to 7:00am, my normal waking time, and I swing my legs out of bed on auto pilot. I pause for a moment, looking around Edwards - our - room. I want to go back to my routine so badly, but everything's different here. I know I have to make a new routine, figure out a new life for me here. It seems so daunting, and I feel my breathing start to stutter and quicken. I can feel my chest tighten, my hands start to tremble. I hate this. I hate feeling so weak. After a moment I force myself to close my eyes and slow my breathing. I've dealt with this before, and I have to know I can function without Edward. I can do this.
'Not everything is perfect...I cannot change it...I cannot control it...just let it be...'
My old mantra comes to me easily and as I repeat it I can feel my muscles relaxing, my mind slowing down. It takes a while, longer than if Edward were here, but eventually I feel like myself again.
And so I begin my day, taking things one step at a time to try and find my new life in my new home.
I start small, by figuring out the shower system and finding where the towels are. From there I follow on to investigate the kitchen and find myself some breakfast. After eating a bowl of cereal and washing my dishes I write myself a list on a notepad by the phone of food that I like to eat. Hopefully Edward can get them for me.
Next I look around the house. Everything is clean and tidy, so there's not much for me to do, but I see a couple of things I want to fix. Hoping Edward won't mind I start to rearrange a bit. It starts small, a swear it does. A vase in a different place, an armchair moved a touch to the right. I'm not sure how I ended up carting the couch to the other end of the lounge (carefully so I don't scratch the wood floors) or turning the TV around to face the other end of the room. Next thing I know, it's 10:30am and the dining room and lounge have been changed around. But now they're right, perfect.
I really hope Edward doesn't mind.
I don't really register what I'm doing as a grab a jersey from my bag of new clothes, stuff me feet in the trainers and gather up my new shiny belongings into my pockets. I'm almost numb as I lock the door firmly behind me and make my way down to the elevator.
It's overcast and grey outside, colder than I'm used to. I stand outside the apartment building for a moment, glancing left and right, trying to decide. People walk past me, some not bothering to avoid me and I get bumped a bit. Trying not to get too worked up about it I instinctively turn right and start my way down the street. It's hard to concentrate on counting. This street is a lot busier than the one I walked down in Phoenix. I have to avoid more people, cross more roads, stop for more cars.
I'm not sure what's going to happen when I reach step 529.
...378...379...380...
I push that thought out of my mind and keep going. A big man charges into me, cellphone to his ear, talking angrily. The contact throws me to the side, into someone else. I stutter out a quick apology but keep going. I can't stop.
What am I doing out here. I should have stayed home. Edward never told me I couldn't go out, he would never do that to me, but I feel like a fool for thinking I can handle the new environment on my own.
...529.
I freeze. I can't bring myself to make another step. People on the sidewalk stream around me with disgruntled mutterings and curses. Taking a deep breath I glance at the store the I've stopped in front of.
And...it's a coffee shop.
Huh.
It's smaller than the one in Phoenix. I can see through the front windows that it's busy, but not overly so. I can see armchairs and couches scattered throughout, centered around a fireplace. It looks warm, inviting. Making a split second decision I make my way towards the door, pushing it open and slipping inside.
It is warm in here. Toasty. There is quiet, gentle music in the background and a dull murmur of other peoples conversations. The fire burns with a slow rolling flame, crackling in the hearth.
I hesitantly approach the counter, pulling out the cash the Edward gave me from my pocket. There's no one in line so I stand at the counter, watching the lone worker unload a dishwasher and put away coffee cups. I don't have the courage to get his attention, so I stand there and wait.
Finally he looks up. I register in the split second our eyes meet that his are dark brown and gentle, before I look down at this hands, avoiding any more eye contact. His skin is darker, and his brown hair is tied in a ponytail. He is Native American. Handsome, with a wide smile.
"Hi there, how can I help you?" I swallow and psyche myself into answering.
"Ca...can I h...have...a hot chocolate...please?" I wring my hands together, trying to control my breathing. I glance up quickly at his face to see his furrowed brow and half-fallen smile. After a moment he writes down my order.
"Would you like whipped cream on top?"
"No!" The coffee worker jerks in surprise at my strong reply. "N...no thank you. Umm...can I...can I just have two marshmallows on the side please. And...and a chocolate swirl on top. A symmetrical swirl."
"A symmetrical swirl?" I can feel him looking at me, studying me.
"Ye...yes please." I nod in confirmation. He finishes writing down my order.
"Ok, that will be $4.50." I slide my cash towards him, collect my change and turn to glance around the room. I see a spare seat by the fire and the heat seems like a good idea, so I head over and sit in the armchair. The heat of the fire reminds me of Phoenix, perhaps the only thing I miss.
It's only after I finally steady myself and calm my thoughts that I look up and see her standing there, a short way away from me, studying me. Next to her, holding her hand, is a young girl. They share the same beautiful blonde hair, but the girl's hair falls in little ringlets and she has eyes of bright blue.
"Are you ok, Bella."
Rosalie sounds concerned. I immediately want to be near her, to feel the warmth and love that I had last night. I nod in reply as they make their way over.
"Can we sit with you?" Again I nod.
"How did you know I was here?" I ask, puzzled.
"I saw you out on the street. You looked very...focussed. I just wanted to to make sure you were alright." She lifts the girl into the seat across from me. "I'm going to go order, will you guys be ok here together?" I nod, and the little girl bounces her head enthusiastically.
And then it's just the two of us.
"Hi, my name's Alexa, but everyone calls me Lexie. What's yours?" He voice is so light and pure. Her face is alive with a bright smile, and her small legs are swinging innocently back in forth as she sits in her oversized chair.
"Hello. My name is Isabella, but I like Bella. Edward has told me a lot about you." Her eyes light up at the mention of her Uncle.
"You're Unca Eddie's wife! I'm so happy you're here!" Before I can protest she's down from her chair and climbing in my lap. I freeze, not knowing what to do. I've never been around children before. They scare me, with all their energy and the lack of general tidiness. Lexie pulls herself up and throws her arms around my neck in a hug.
It's overwhelming, but not necessarily bad. I'm not sure what to do with my hands, but some deep ingrained instinct drives me to gently enclose my arms around her. It's different from Rosalie and Esme's hugs. For once I'm the bigger one, the one giving the comfort. I've been craving love from others from so long, and it's a completely foreign concept to give love to another.
I like it.
"It's nice to meet you Lexie."
She pulls back, but doesn't get down. Instead she remains sitting on my lap and starts chatting at top speed, about anything and everything that comes to mind. She doesn't seem to expect a reply and instead seems content with my nods as I try to keep up.
There is so much life and happiness in her. It enthralls me. Her happiness spreads to me and I can't help but smile as I listen and digest everything she's telling me.
"Bella, your drink is here."
Rosalie is smiling, sitting in Lexie's abandoned seat. I hadn't even registered that she was back. The cafe worker places my hot chocolate down on the table.
"Two marshmallows on the side and a symmetrical swirl for the pretty lady," he says with timid smile before heading back to the counter.
The swirl on top is in the shape of a flower. Perfectly symmetrical, just as I asked. But the marshmallow, they're both sitting next to each other on the same side of the mug. I can fix it though. I lean forward, careful to make sure that Lexie doesn't fall, and push one of the soft, sticky sweets to the other side of the mug. Then I let out a sigh of relief. It's perfect.
"Lexie." Rosalie says. "Why don't you come sit over here and let Bella drink her Hot Chocolate."
"But Mom!" Lexie whines. "I wanna stay with Aunt Bella."
As Rosalie goes to reply I cut her off. "It's ok. I don't mind," I reassure her. Lexie sits with her back to my front, facing her mother. She looks up at me and smiles. I can't help but smile back.
Rosalie stays silent for a moment before speaking again. "Are you ok Bella? You seemed a bit preoccupied and upset outside."
I look up at her in shock, trying to hold eye contact and judge her expression, but I can't figure it out. I don't know if she's concerned, or embarrassed. Mother was always embarrassed if I showed any...peculiar behaviour in public.
Thinking of nothing else to say, I tell the truth.
"I was...overwhelmed. I'm used to a lot of structure and routine in my life. I had to leave that behind. I'm trying to find new ones here. It's...hard." I divert my eyes self consciously. Lexie is oblivious to our conversation, instead keeping herself busy studying the pattern on the fabric of the armchair. Her candid nonchalance helps keep me calm.
"Why didn't you ask Edward for help? He does help you with this stuff, right?"
I nod in reply. "Of course. He's the biggest help of all. I would have never been able to leave Mother if he hadn't..." It's still hard to talk about that. "He had to go to work today. He's already missed so much while we were on our way here. And he said I could call him but..." This is the part that I'm embarrassed about. I don't know what she'll think of me.
"But..." she prompts me, gently.
"I..." letting out a breath and reach into my pocket and fish out my shiny new phone, putting it on the arm of my chair. "He gave me this but...I don't know...how to...how to use it." Rosalie's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
"You've never used an iPhone before?"
I shake my head. "No...I've never used a phone before."
Now Rosalie splutters in gobsmacked disbelief. I'm saved from my ever-growing embarrassment by the cafe worker returning with Rosalie and Lexie's drinks. I let Lexie slide down from my lap to return to Rosalie so she can drink her steamer. Avoiding Rosalie's stare I collect up my own drink, but I have no appetite for it. Instead I wrap my hands around it to absorb it's warmth and tuck my knees up to my chest. It's as close as I can get to a fetal position in this public environment.
It is a while before Rosalie breaks the silence. "Never?" she lets out in a weak, pained whisper.
Again I shake my head.
"Why?"
Her question makes me think for a bit before I answer. Instead of getting lost in my mind thinking about it, I tell her as it comes to me, as I remember.
"When I was young I used to be afraid of the phone. The loud noise scared me. It was irrational. When I was older and no longer scared of it, it was just Mother and me. She never treated me like...a real person...a normal person. I never had friends, so no one ever called me. I never had anyone to call myself, so I just never learnt how."
I don't want to think about it anymore. It makes the dark feeling bubble inside me. I think it's anger, this dark emotion what comes whenever I think of Mother. I don't like it very much.
Instead, I ask Rosalie a question.
"Will you teach me?" Rosalie thinks for a moment as she sips her coffee.
"Do you want to come back to my house. I have the day off."
"Ok, but can you teach me how to use this as well?" I pull out the shiny black credit card and place it on top of the phone.
I glance up to see Rosalie breath out a deep sigh. Her eyes water slightly, and she dashes away a tear that escapes. She looks at me with a small, sad smile on her face.
"Sure honey. I can help you with whatever you need."
Thank you so much for reading. Drop me a review if you have anything you'd like to say. I can't say a date for the next update, but it will definitely happen eventually! I'm off to do more study and to find my new Kitten, who I think is curled up somewhere around the house.
Love and Rockets
Secret xoxo