Hey guys, long time no see. It's been a while, but finally here is the next chapter. My apologies. Enjoy!

Chapter 15 - Saturday Morning

Saturday brings nice weather to Seattle. For the first time since I got here it isn't raining, the sun is shining...but it's still cold. It brings to mind one of the new memories that have been swimming around in my head for the past few days. A memory of green forests and a back yard all covered in water. Sunlight peaking through the small gaps in the grey clouds above makes the water droplets sparkle. I remember the feel of the wet, cold grass on my bare feet as I catapult my small, young body across the yard towards a tree house on the edge of the forest. I'm aiming for the swing hanging from the side, and flat wood swing hanging from yellow ropes. The sound of a man's worried voice behind me makes me stop and turn.

Daddy.

Hurrying after me, his blue and white plaid shirt unbuttoned on top of a white shirt, and small frown on his face. I wait for him to reach me. He doesn't like me rushing ahead, but I always forget when I see the swing. As soon as he's within reach I dart off again, giggling at the sound of his surprised laugh as he breaks into a run after me.

I'm almost at the swing. Daddy's going to push me so high...

"Bella?" I jump slightly at the sound of Edward's voice in my ear. I glance around at the small waiting room of the town hall, hoping no one has noticed me zoning out. Luckily the only other occupant is too engrossed in the tabloid magazine she's reading. Edward puts a comforting arm around me.

"Another memory?" I nod. They've been coming like a landslide even since I somehow opened that mental door on Thursday night. I spent yesterday in bed, too overtaken but the raw emotions and grief I had unleashed to do anything. Edward called every hour, then sent Esme over at about lunchtime to make sure I ate. I then curled up next to her on the couch for the afternoon as she read a book, and I wallowed even more.

As the memories I had suppressed come back, it's like I'm finally processing the emotions and mourning, something I could never do when I was with Mother. Most of the memories surfaced yesterday, but every now and then a new on hits me, and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep all over again.

I'm happy it's Saturday so I can spend all day with Edward. We're at the town hall to request a copy of my birth certificate, to finalise the marriage certificate and change my name. We got here early, but we've still been waiting a while. The process of obtaining my birth certificate is tricky, considering I have no form of photo ID. When we arrived I had to provide a footprint to be matched to the one attached to my birth record. That was 2 hours ago, we're now waiting to hear if the print was a match. Without that, or a parent to verify, there's no way to prove that I am who I say I am. That thought makes me nervous. It's like I have no identity.

I'm a no one.

Before I can dwell on that for too long a lady comes out from the back and hands the receptionist a bunch of papers. She glances at them with disinterest, then raises her voice.

"Isabella Marie Swan."

As we approach the counter I twist my fingers around in circles, nervous as to what she has to say. The blood is rushing in the ears, making to hard to hear. The bored, flat tone drones through the fog in my brain as she delivers the verdict.

"The print supplied is a match to that on the birth certificate of one Isabella Marie Swan. The copy of the birth certificate and subsequent name change comes to $250." I let out a sigh of relief and stare at the thick envelope she has placed on the counter in from of me. I leave Edward to settle the charges as the collect the documents and return to our previous seats. With a deep breath I break the seal and slide the papers out.

On top is a copy of the paperwork we filled out earlier, both for the copy of the birth certificate and the legalised name change. I skip through those until I reach the one I haven't seen before, my birth certificate. The first thing I see is the footprint. MY footprint. Except it's so small, barely longer than my thumb. I brush my hand over it, wondering how I got from that little baby to where I am now. It seems such a long time, and so much seems impossibly different to how it was then. Then I see the words, the names. Mine, Isabella Marie Swan, is listed first. Directly below it is Mother's name. I sickens me to see her married name, my Fathers last name, attached to hers. Renee Swan. That name doesn't belong to her, not now not ever. Finally my gaze rests on the one person I wish I could see most in the entire world.

Charles Geoffrey Swan.

I run my fingers over the name again and again. My senses seem to remember more than my brain in this moment. I can smell aftershave and old tobacco, can feel the rough bristles of his mustache as he kisses me on the check. The tidal wave that I have recently identified as longing rushes through me. I manage to keep the tears in this time, but only barely. It helps that Edward is back and I can burrow into his side, feeling the warmth of his arm around me. I look up at him and he kisses me gently with a smile on his face.

"The name change will go through in the next week. We'll get a phone call when it's official." I smile a true happy smile, then look back at my birth certificate. Isabella Marie Swan will soon officially be Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, and I couldn't be happier.

"Forks…" Edward trails off, making me confused.

"Huh?"

"Oh nothing, it's just… you were born in Forks Hospital. That's a few hours away from here."

I look at him. "It's green there. And rainy. I remember it raining a lot."

Edward nodds. "I went there once on a class trip in high school to visit the Quileute reservation. I remember it being particularly overcast and raining even more than Seattle. Do you remember anything else?"

I shake my head. "No, only a few memories about my Dad and my house there." The house that was no longer my house. The house that someone else will be living in right now, the house that no longer held memories of my father.

"Come on," I'm shaken out of my dark thoughts once again by Edward. "Let's go find something fun to do today." I nod numbly as he leads me out into the weak sunshine.

Although the sun is shining today it's no where near as warm as Phoenix, but it feels good to have the meager warmth of the sun on my face. I'm bundled up in one of Edward's sweatshirts, mine in the wash at home. I know I need to get some more clothes, but one step at a time I guess.

We start off driving around with Edward pointing out the sights and sounds of the city I now call home. The center of the city is busy and bustling, bordered by water and eclipsed by the ever present shadow of the Seattle Space Needle. It intrigues me, with it's height and unusual shape. My eyes seems to gravitate to it as we dip and dive through the busy streets.

"You can go up it you know."

I turn and blink as Edward, his relaxed posture and easy smile making my cheeks blush as I admire his attractiveness. I glance back out the window at the tall tower.

"Really?"

"Sure, it's a tourist attraction."

I continue to study it's impressive outline and Edward leaves me to my silence for a few minutes. The traffic isn't as busy in the center city as I thought, and Edward maneuvers his volvo effortlessly through the narrow streets. However, I still prefer the quieter suburban areas, especially for when I'm take my walk to a coffee shop. I wonder about the shop I visited earlier in the week. Should I go back there, or find another place in the area around Edward's - our - home? I'm undecided. I've already missed a few days of my routine due to my memory induced depression.

"So, would you like to go up?" Edwards question jolts me out of my thoughts. While I was occupied he found a park near the base of the giant pointy building. I'm not sure how long we've been parked here and sitting in silence. I look up at the needle, then back at Edward nervously, trying to find the right words. My hands clench into fists and I close my eyes, trying to force a response.

Nope. Apparently words are not going to to happen today.

I grab fistfuls of my hair and tug firmly, a bit harder than is strictly comfortable. Before I can do any damage Edward is prising my fists open and pulling them towards him, causing my upper body to turn and face him.

"Hey now. Come on beautiful. Open your eyes and look at me."

I reluctantly do as he says and immediately feel myself begin to calm as I meet his gaze and hold it.

"So you don't want to go up the Space Needle then?"

No. That's not it. I shake my head to try and tell him, but his shoulders slump.

"Oh, ok. We can do something else for the afternoon." He turns to look out the windscreen and I panic. He doesn't understand. I tug on his hands to get his attention and he whips around to face me. I jerk my head to the side, trying to indicate towards the needle. I'm nodding to try and get my point across, to try and communicate. He's looking confused, so I just give up and slump in my seat. This is hopeless.

Before I can dwell on my failure too much, Edward pulls me into his arms, somewhat awkwardly because of the armrest between us.

"Hey, don't give up. Let's just take a minute to relax and we'll try again." I try to take his advice, breathing deep breaths and resting against him, feeling the warmth and tenderness that radiates from his very being. It takes a while, but eventually my racing thoughts have slowed and I feel calm enough to try again. I open my mouth and try to form the works, to push the sounds out.

Still nothing.

Edward gives me time, but he can see me struggling.

"It's OK if you need a no talking day, you know. So much has happened in the past few weeks, and I'm sure you never used to talk as much as you do now. It's OK to need a break."

A break. A break from talking. The idea sounds amazing. Although I've gotten more used to talking from being around and getting to know Edward I hadn't realised how draining it is, how un-used to it I am. I feel myself relaxing even more at the thought. No talking I can do.

I feel like I should give some sort of indication that I agree, so I squeeze his hand in confirmation. He seems to understand and give me a small but firm squeeze back.

"Ok well do you want to go up the Space Needle? Squeeze my hand if you do."

After a second of thought I squeeze his hand. I do want to go up. I want to see the city from that high vantage point. The tower just seems to call to me. Even now I can't keep my gaze from it, sitting tall and narrow against backdrop of other high rises. I sit up and turn to face Edward. He gives me a small smile.

"OK then. Let's go."

1...2...3...

As the elevator ascends up the side of the internal column of the space needle, I can't help but hold my breath and count as we go. Although elevators usually aren't an issue for me, this one is so much faster and higher than any of the ones I've been in for. Even so, I can't look away from the window as we rise above the city and our view stretches to across the horizon. I grip Edwards hand tighter, prompting him to slip his arm around my waist and pull me to rest against him, his chest pressed to my back. It helps, but I still can't bring myself to take a breath, not until we come to a stand still.

15...16...17…

It's becoming hard to hold my breath, my lungs beginning to strain a bit. We're only about half way up. I have a sense of dread that this might not end well. My only consolation is that we are alone in the elevator, just me and him.

Just then I feel the hand Edward has placed on my right hip begin to move. He strokes his thumb against my hipbone in firm, deliberate motions. My concentration snaps immediately to that point, all my focus directed towards that feeling of his hand through my shirt.

It feels… really really nice.

I want him to keep going, so I stay perfectly still.

I feel him move and at first I fight a wave of disappointment because I think he's going to stop. Instead his other arm snakes it's way around my waist, his hand coming to rest lightly on my stomach, so I can just feel the warmth of his hand through my shirt. It's another point of contact, adding more feeling, more emotion.

Suddenly my concentration is pulled in another direction as I feel a ghosting of his breath across the side of my neck. Suddenly I don't feel like my legs can support me anymore. Instead of supportive appendages, I'm balanced on piles of jelly, ready to capsize at any moment.

25...26...27…

Lips.

Edward's lips.

Wow.

The gentle light kisses he's placing on my neck feel like they are leaving a trail of fire, sinking into my skin. He pulls back and whispers into my ear.

"Bella, Sweetheart. You need to calm down and breath for me."

Like a plug being pulled at the bottom of a tub, his words cause my breath to whoosh out of me and I draw a sharp breath in as he resumes his delicate kissing up and down my neck. I relax back into him and my head drop to the side to give him more room.

There's a feeling building inside me, deep in my belly. I've felt it before. It's the feeling I get whenever I kiss Edward, but more intense and expansive. I can feel it morphing and changing into a burning, aching feeling. I want it, I want him. But I can't figure out what to do about it.

39...40...41…

Just when I'm about to turn and pounce on him I feel the elevator slow to a halt and a bell signal our arrival at the observation deck. I can't help but sigh and pout and Edward pulls away, unwrapping his arms to stand by my side just as the doors slide open. He leads me off, my hand firmly ensconced in his, and glances back to see my dazed look and pathetic pout as I drag my feet after him. All it induces is a wide smile to spread across his face.

"Tease…" I mutter quietly, so only he can hear. His grin gets impossibly wider.

"But you loved it." He says in reply. "And maybe later we can pick up where we left off." And quirk of an eyebrow sends flutters to my still-churning stomach, and I can't resist leaning up to place a quick kiss on his lips, before pulling away with a blush. Suddenly feeling shy about the display of affection in public I turn away to try and hide my red cheeks. I head towards the outside part of the observation deck.

The first thing that hits me is the wind, making me shiver and wish I had brought another jersey or three, but I charge on ahead towards the railing.

Breathtaking.

The sprawling city metropolis stretches out in front of me, framed by mountains in the distance. We're at the side facing inland, with a green wildness on the outer edges which encroaches and eventually becomes dispersed within the solid colours of the suburban outskirts of the city. The enormity of the view makes me feel even smaller and insignificant than I did previously.

My shivering prompts Edward's arms around me once more, and I snuggle into his ever comforting embrace. It occurs to me then that it's OK to be significant in the wider world, as long as I'm significant in one persons life, in Edward's life.

At that moment, Edward places a small kiss on my cheek and entwines our fingers together so that they overlap tightly.

"I love you, Bella Cullen."

It's in that moment, standing on the top of the Seattle Space Needle wrapped in the arms of my Husband who love me, that I finally feel like I've found my place. I feel secure, loved, and comfortable enough to determine what the rushing, confusing, all consuming feelings I have for Edward are. I feel the warm blushing skin of my cheeks stretch as I smile, and I nuzzle my face into his arm when I feel my eyes begin to water.

"I love you too, Edward."

Thanks for reading. I promise I'll try to update quicker next time :) A review would be awesome.

Thanks,

Secret