Hi everyone! Long time no see (or read or... Whatever)
Update on my life: I have finished my degree, and gotten a full time job working in the medical device industry. I've moved houses and I'm much happier living where I am now. Hopefully once things settle down I'll try and update more often.
WARNING: this chapter contains sexual content. If you want to skip it wait until you reach the shower scene, then skip through until the next break line.
Happy reading!
Chapter 19 - Monday Night
There are many times in my life where I've hated the fact that facial expression and social cues completely escape me, but none more so than right now. The silence between us stretches, seemingly endless, while Edward and I keep eye contact. I try as hard as I can to convey to him my confidence, even if it's overshadowed by the gnawing anxiety of the outcome of this moment.
I can see the moment he makes a decision. "Are you sure about this Bella?" My heart skips a beat, and I try to not get my hopes up. "Because you have to be sur…."
His sentence trails off as I quickly lean forward and steal his lips in a searing kiss. My arms snake around his neck and the force of my enthusiasm nudges him backwards until we are sprawled across the couch, bodies flush from chest to ankles.
The feelings and sensations that have been consuming me for a while now come rushing out of no where, pounding against me from all sides like a stormy tide on coastal rocks. I'm hyper aware of Edwards large, strong hands gripping my waist, his thigh resting between my legs, his hard chest pushed up against my soft breasts as my breathing stutters out of sync. Most of all I feel the hot heaviness of his tongue in my mouth and the blunt digging of his erection into my upper thigh.
I'm not sure how long we stay making out on the couch, the sensory overload of so much physical contact shatters my usually methodical thought process. Instead of freaking out about it I surrender to the feeling, giving up my control to everything that's swirling and building inside of me.
After a time Edward pulls away and moves us both into sitting position, like he usually does when things get a bit hot and heavy between us. Before I can comprehend the full weight of disappointment settling heavy in my stomach Edward is on his feet and lifting me easily into his arms. His stride is confident as he propels us down the hallway towards our bedroom, catching my lips in a kiss along the way. Some small part of my brain which is still functioning proficiently admires his ability to multi task, but even this part of me is rendered speechless when he lays me gently in the center of our bed before immediately covering my body with his, expression changing as he pauses to look me in the eye.
"I'm going to make you feel so good, sweetheart." My heart pounds and my stomach flutters. The look in his eyes, so open and honest. So much love that I see and feel everyday. It helps me identify the multitude of emotions running around in my own mind. My hand lifts without me realising to gently sweep back the lock of dark auburn hair that has fallen into his eyes.
"I love you so much, Edward." My words come out almost silent but Edward hears them, his eyes sparkling and grin widening.
"I love you more than anything, my Bella." I let myself relax in the safety and love of Edwards arms.
So that's what an orgasm feels like.
My fingers and toes are still tingling, even though some time has passed. Not painful tingling, no definitely not painful, but there's almost like a buzz of electric charge skirting across my skin. I wiggle my extremities experimentally, enjoying the fresh, energetic feeling as I do so.
"Mmmmm," Edward sighs sleepily as he nuzzles at the back of my neck, his arm wrapped around my naked waist from behind. Butterflies flutter erratically in my stomach as his fingers draw lazy circles of my stomach, every now and then drifting up to skim the underside of my breast. "How are you feeling?"
I stretch out a bit and feel a slightly uncomfortable twinge from my lower half, causing me to grimace. "A little bit sore, but otherwise pretty great." I twist to look at him with a smile.
"Pretty great?" He smiles in return.
"Yeah." I giggle as he leans down and brushes his nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss, sweet and loving with a childlike innocence that I've come to enjoy when Edward is in a playful mood. Such a contrast to the passionate man who just a while ago worked me into such a fever, pushing me over the edge into bliss, as well as carefully looking after me for my first time.
I can feel my eyelids drooping with tiredness but before I can drift off to sleep Edward nudges me awake.
"We should shower before we sleep, sweetheart." Although I would rather just succumb to the urge to sleep, I admit that I would be more comfortable washing off the sweat and slight stickiness before bed. Especially when I realise there is a small smear of blood on my thigh. Groggily I stand, pulling the sheet to wrap around myself as I do so. Edward stays in bed, hesitant, and I glance back at him as I head towards the bathroom.
"Just, ah, let me know if you need anything and I'll jump in once you're done."
I feel a bit self conscious now that reality has set in, but I can't help wanting to keep Edward close, to cherish the warm fuzzy feelings that have developed after what we just shared.
An idea pops into my head and I blush just thinking about it, but before I can psych myself out I shuffle forward, tuck the sheet securely under my arms and reach out a hand to Edward. For a second it hovers in the space between us, palm up and waiting for him to respond. I look at the ground, unable to meet his gaze. After only a second of hesitation I feel his hand slip into mine and squeeze gently. I lead Edward towards the bathroom, finally glancing up to see a smile full of boyish glee on his face. Already naked, Edward turns on the shower and as the water warms he gently pulls the end of my makeshift dress from my grip and unravels it, dropping the sheet to the floor.
Although we've just spent some time learning each other's bodies, Edward still seems in awe as he studies me. While his eyes travel south I do some studying of my own, enjoying the lean physique of his torso the V of muscle leading downwards.
His erection stands outwards, thick and long. It's only been about 20 minutes, but he's already ready for another round it seems. It surprises me slightly that something that big could fit inside me. This train of thought causes images of what we've just done to surface in my mind, making my cheeks blush and my belly tingle with arousal and want.
And that's not the only place that's tingling.
We step into the shower, the spray of hot water beating down on us. Edward turns me away from him, his touch soft and gentle as he lathers his hands with soap and washes away the sweat from my body and gently cleans between my legs. Once finished he wraps me in his arms and holds me, his love making my heart swell.
"You are so beautiful." Edward whispers, placing delicate kisses up my neck and along my jaw. My head falls to the side as I relax into his touch and I overlap my arms with his where they rest on my waist. I love the feel his solid chest against my back, however at this point I'm more focussed on his hard length pressed up against my ass.
With a groan Edward pulls away from me, leaving one last kiss on my neck.
"Why don't you head to bed sweetheart and I'll join you soon. I've just got a bit of a situation to deal with." He says, his tone somewhere between apologetic and embarrassed. I turn to face him and my eyes immediately drifting down to his penis, which twitches under my gaze. A burst of confidence emerges from somewhere within me and instead to backing away I take a step forward, closing the distance between us, and wrap my hand around him.
Edward lets out a harsh breath, his eyes slipping closed and his head falling back against the hard tile behind him. His skin is hot and velvety smooth under my touch as I hesitantly slide my grip down his length. I watch, fascinated, as precum gathers at the tip, and I spread it down his shaft.
Edwards hand stops mine and he looks at me in question. I can see the hesitation there, like he doesn't want to force me into anything. But above all I can see lust, desire and love all mixed together in a tumultuous storm of emotion.
"Let me help you with this. Please." I whisper, intent on giving him the release he needs. When he's sure that I'm comfortable he releases my hand and I begin to shift it slowly up and down. Edward rests his hands on my hips, pulling me closer but still giving me enough room to move.
"Hmmmm baby." He groans, leaning forward slightly to run the tip of his nose up my jawline, his breath hot against my neck. "Squeeze a little tighter." I do as he asks, enticing a deep groan from him as I increase the pace of my strokes.
"That's it baby. So good." I find it fascinating to watch my hand on him, to feel and hear his reactions to me. He dissolves into incessant mumbling, peppering my shoulder and neck with kisses. When his hips start to twitch I instinctively increase my pace, swiping my thumb over the head of his penis with each stroke. He murmurs out a warning and I continue until he comes, coating my hand and stomach in sticky, white seman.
Edward shudders, his body relaxing into me as me nuzzles my neck and mutters my name over and over again. While he regains his bearings I let the hot shower water wash over me, and Edward again helps me wash away the remainder of his cum. Clean once again we turn off the shower and return to bed, drifting off to sleep naked and sated in each other's arms
Several days later I take my usual route on this crisp Thursday morning to my coffee shop. My new coffee shop. I feel like the last few days have been a dream, like I'm floating on a cloud. After our first time Edward insisted on giving me time to adjust, but it didn't last very long. We held off Tuesday night, but by Wednesday morning I couldn't take it anymore. I practically attacked him before his morning alarm had gone off and we started the day with gentle, passionate, slow loving. We did the same this morning, and that is one addition to my morning schedule that I'm happy to make.
Another change that's happened in the past few days is not as big, but still important to me. After weeks of remaining plain and empty, the journal tucked under my arm is now partly full of word. Blocks and blocks of text cover the first section of pages, some in neat handwriting but most in messy, hurried scrawls. The roadblocks in my mind that have been there since Phoenix have finally given way and since Tuesday the release of my thoughts has been endless. With the purge of words comes such a relief of pressure that I didn't even know was there, until my once heavy brain now feels as light as air. My daily trips to the coffee shop are now fixated on the pen in my hand, and the words flowing from it. I finally feel like myself again, only better, stronger, happier.
It doesn't take much to rattle my new found stability, and by rattle I mean almost completely destroy.
I'm on my 496th step, so close to the door of the coffee shop, when I glance up and look across the street. I don't know why, usually I'm focussed on the ground in front of me and my steady pace, but today my eyes are drawn to the bus stop across the street.
She's sitting on a bench, reclined with one arm slung casually on the seat back behind her. I almost would've missed her, except that her elegantly curled and pinned hair and undoubtedly expensive coat make her stand out against the other everyday people waiting for the bus. Her eyes are hidden behind large sunglasses, her lips twisting into a cruel smile the moment I lay eyes on her.
Mother.
I'm frozen in the sidewalk, unable to move an inch. She takes off her sunglasses, but I can't bring myself to look her in the eye. Instead I remain fixated on her mouth. Waves of anxiety and terror wash over me, pounding my brain and putting pressure on my skull.
What is she doing here? How did she even know where I was? Why did she follow me?
These unanswered questions spring up and I can't for the life of me make any sense of the situation. We have a restraining order against her, she isn't allowed to get close to me, yet here she is not 50 feet away. Her nonchalance about the whole situation is perhaps the most unnerving thing. She doesn't seem at all bothered that she's breaking the law.
Suddenly the new life I've built for myself seems fragile and temporary. The thought of going back to how it was before, returning to my old life in Phoenix, is almost enough to push me over the edge into a full blown panic attack. I had believed that I was safe, that she didn't know where I was and I'd never have to see her again, and it's a staggering realisation to find out I was wrong.
I flinch as she stands, smoothing down her dress and adjusting her purse higher onto her shoulder. My heart begins to race as she glances both ways to check for traffic, then steps out onto the road, heading straight towards me...
"Bella!"
I hear my named called from behind me, the deep rumble of Jacob's voice cutting through the terror holding me in place. Mother's steps falter as she glances behind me, a look of panic and something else flitting across her features. After a moment of indecision she turns on her heel and storms away in the opposite direction, the clacking of her stilettos echoing off the pavement.
"Bella, are you alright?" I flinch as a hand comes to rest on my shoulder, whipping around to see Jacob standing next to me. Instead of look at me his gaze is fixed on Mother's retreating figure, his troubled expression causing creases on his forehead and frown lines around his mouth "Was that..."
As he trails off I see his mouth drop open and his eyes widen in shock. He turns to look at me, eyes darting around to study every inch of my face. His scrutiny is disconcerting and I pull away a bit, his hand dropping from my shoulder.
"Bella Swan?" Jacob says. It comes out as a question, the use of my old name, the name I myself haven't used since leaving Las Vegas. A name, I now realise, he shouldn't know.
"How... How do you know my name?" My query is met with a bright, excited smile.
"It is you! Wow, no wonder I recognised you the other day. We used to play together when we were kids, before you moved away. Our dads are best buds." His casual mention of my father is like a fist to the stomach, knocking the wind right out of me. Jacob doesn't seem to notice, his excitement causing him to bounce on the balls of his feet and rake his hands through his long hair.
"Charlie didn't even tell me you were in town."
...What?
My mind is spinning and for a moment I forget to breath. Jacobs words sink in slowly, but I can't bring myself to believe what I am hearing. It seems as if... But it can't be. It's impossible.
"I... I think you have me confused with someone else," I say, interrupting him. My voice seems to me like it's coming from a mile away, distorted and weak. "My father is dead." I try to keep my statement as emotionless as possible, but my voice breaks slightly at the end, ruining my attempt to stay distant from what I believe to be the truth. Jacob shakes his head in confusion.
"No, that's impossible. I know it's you. Your dad is Charlie Swan from Forks. I just saw him when I went to visit my dad last weekend."
DUN DUN DUUUUU...
That's right, Charlie is alive and don't you hate Renee just that little bit more now? :P
Thanks for reading. Love and rockets to you all!