Chapter 5

The Shadows of Forgiveness

Sakura kept running.

She didn't even know where she was going, only that she had to get away from wherever she was. As far away as possible.

Deidara…how could you?

Do you think I wanted this any more than you did?

I didn't mean to hurt you!

Her bare feet scraped against the sharp stones of the back walkway of the temple. She felt small, jagged pieces of the stone snap off and cut into her feet, but she once again paid them little attention.

Why can't you understand that?

I never meant for this to happen.

She headed through the small orchard in the back of the temple, her feet hitting the cool grass slick with dew. Her feet almost slid on them as she went, but she didn't stop.

She threw up her hands to push the tree limbs away as she blindly lumbered forward, still sobbing.

But I guess…I guess it's all my fault, isn't it?

I shouldn't have blamed you for anything.

It's my fault.

One tree limb scraped her, cutting a small line across her cheek that began to drip blood. She ignored it.

I'm so sorry.

She passed through the orchard quickly, stumbling as her feet hit solid wood. She crossed over the small little bridge that went over the koi pond. She steadied her hands on the wooden railing as she felt her legs give out.

Her foot slid on the ground, and she felt a splinter stick into her toe, but she didn't even seem to notice it. The pain was small and insignificant.

She merely leaned against the railing, sobbing, her head pressed against the rough wood as she looked out at the mountains behind her.

She wondered if the Konoha ANBU were waiting for her, watching. Surely Tsunade would have sent them by now. Sakura didn't really care. She welcomed the small change.

Short, quick, she wouldn't even put up a fight.

She had just lost everything.

Not only you Deidara…

…but Itachi as well.

I saw that look in his eyes.

Her knees scraped against the rough grains of the wood, and they hurt from the position she had been sitting in for too long. Her legs screamed in protest as they began to fall asleep.

I thought he didn't care.

…I guess…

I guess…he did…just a little…

…but why did he say no last night?

Why?
Sakura slid through the large gaps in the railing, sitting on the outside edge of the small bridge, legs hanging over the side. She placed her feet in the water, seeing the waves branch out and ripple at the contact.

She stared down at her reflection, and she hated everything she saw.

She was disgusting.

She was a horrible, mean person.

Worse than Tomokazu.

He, at least, told someone before he hurt them.

He didn't stab them in the back.

A sudden thought jarred Sakura's mind and she placed a hand on her stomach, her fingers trembling. She and Deidara had just… could she? She searched with her healing chakra, and felt her stomach plummet when she realized that it would never happen.

She wouldn't be able to ask for Deidara's forgiveness that way.

She wondered if she ever gained the courage to ask…

…would he forgive her?

The cool morning air did nothing to soothe her, merely chilled her skin and splashed the water around her ankles.

She watched the koi fish swim passed her feet, their beautifully colored scales reflected in the soft, murky water from the few waning rays of sunlight that drifted from between the clouds.

If she were Deidara…

…she didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive herself.

If she were Itachi…

…she'd be dead.

Naruto leaned against the tree trunk, breathing in deeply. He wiped the sweat from his brow and grinned at the three people next to him. All three were leaning on each other as they tried to catch their breath.

"How much ground do you think we covered?" Naruto asked excitedly. "We have to be halfway there by now!"

"Hardly. We're not even close." Temari answered back dryly. "But we're making good time."

"Temari's right." Shikamaru nodded. "And I know we're all excited about getting Sakura back, but we can't push ourselves." Temari stiffened, frowning. She knew he was talking about herself, still slightly weak from the encounter with Itachi Uchiha the first time they had tried to get Sakura back.

She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at him and instead snorted, turning to look at the only member who hadn't given her input. Temari supposed Tsunade had a reason for bringing Ino along, but she didn't know if she agreed.

She wasn't the strongest. And she sort of slowed them down.

Or maybe it's the fact that you thought for the longest time she liked Shikamaru and you were always jealous of her back then? An inner voice asked rather sweetly. She frowned, clicking her tongue against her the roof of her mouth as she slowly lowered herself to the ground. It was hard and cold on her thighs, but it was doing wonders on her feet, which felt as if they were on fire.

"Hey Ino, how are you holding up?" Temari asked as the group came to a stop.

Ino looked up at Temari's words and frowned. "I'm doing fine." Did she think she couldn't handle it? She was still a great kunoichi, even if she wasn't as good as Sakura or Temari. She was still strong, so there. She gave a small huff before she turned to Shikamaru, who was watching the two with a sigh of exasperation.

It's not my fault you like bossy, controlling, immature, blonde women.

Ino didn't realize she had just described herself as well as Temari.

Naruto, completely oblivious to this entire exchanged, looked at them expectantly. "Are we gonna start moving again? Maybe we can reach Cloud by nightfall."

"Naruto, we couldn't reach Cloud by nightfall if we had gone at full speed all the way from Konoha. In fact, we'd be right here, where we are now." Temari answered.

Naruto frowned. "We could have gone faster."

"Maybe you can." Shikamaru sighed as he slumped down next to Temari. "But I can't. It's too troublesome, anyway. We need to conserve our energy. We'll be out of friendly territory soon."

"But we have passports this time." Ino pointed out, thankful for the fact. "Which means we'll have free passage through a few more countries, as long as we're quiet and nice about it."

"Hai." Temari nodded. "We just have to be polite."

"That's not one of Naruto's strong suits." Ino teased. Naruto frowned. Temari laughed.

Shikamaru sighed. Che. Stuck with a loser and two bossy women. This can't get any worse.

Of course, once the words 'this can't get any worse' are uttered, even silently, they are often seen as a challenge to the higher powers, who, with their usual, cruel sense of humor, always prove the thinker incorrect.

For it was at that moment that ten Sound shinobi ambushed them.

Temari jumped backwards, fan already out and open as she got into a fighting stance on a tree branch. Ino landed beside her, a kunai in hand. Her fingers were itching to begin hand signs.

Naruto had disappeared, but he merely appeared a second later, standing upside down on the limb Temari and Ino were standing on. He looked completely relaxed, although he seemed a bit annoyed at the interruption.

Shikamaru merely stood where he was, too lazy to move, once he knew that Temari, Naruto, and Ino could probably take them all out before they reached him anyway. One thing was bothering him, however. And it was the one thing that was apparently bothering all four of them as Naruto spoke.

"Hey you!" He called from his upside down position as he frowned. It wasn't very intimidating, mostly because his hair was flopping into his eyes and the blood was rushing to his head, making his cheeks red. "What's your problem?"

"It doesn't matter what their problem was, I'm going to give them a new problem." Temari grinned as she lifted her fan to swing it.

One of the Sound Jônin frowned from behind his mask. "Just some Konoha shinobi. Come on, we have to get moving."

"You can't." Shikamaru drawled lazily, motioning to their shadows, which he held in his jutsu. "Now why don't you mind explaining yourselves?"

"Don't get in our way, Konoha brat." One of them snapped. "This has nothing to do with you. We're searching for that damned pink-haired kunoichi and the Akatsuki."

Ino's eyes narrowed. "Hey! This concerns us more than you think. Maybe you don't remember, but I was there when your main base was destroyed and Kabuto was killed."

Ino! Shikamaru inwardly sighed. What a drag…

The man snorted. "That's hardly any concern of ours. It was the fault of an incompetent leader."

"What? Orochimaru?" Naruto frowned. "Why is he suddenly incompetent? He certainly won't be happy to hear someone say that."

They all began laughing. "You want to know why he's incompetent? It's rather simple, really. He's dead."

Shikamaru, Temari, Ino, and Naruto all paled.

"But…what?" Ino choked out. "Orochimaru is dead?" For some reason that had always seemed impossible. No one could kill Orochimaru, one of the three legendary Sannin. No one.

"It was our new leader. An old Sound shinobi." One of the Jônin laughed. "He decided he didn't want to listen to Orochimaru any longer."

"He just…decided?" Naruto gulped. He remembered Orochimaru in the forest of death. He remembered him all too well. How could someone be so powerful that this man could speak like that about Orochimaru? As if it had all been done and over so quickly?

Like squashing a fly.

Shikamaru had almost lost control of the jutsu when he had heard. He blinked a few times, clearing his head. He quickly began assessing the situation. Orochimaru had been killed? That resolved a few problems, but it brought about a few more.

Orochimaru was dead. That meant one threat had been nullified. But what of his successor? What kind of shinobi had the power to kill Orochimaru and take over the Sound village?

"Oh, and by the way." One of the Jônin sneered. "We may not like it, but our new leader says he could care less about Konoha. He doesn't have time to mess with them at the moment. We're not your enemies now."

Until your new leader decides that he does have time to mess with us. Shikamaru pondered, though he didn't say it aloud.

"He's probably lying to save his own skin." Temari hissed, although her voice shook. She seemed to be shaken by these last few revelations.

Shikamaru shook his head, breaking the jutsu. "Very well." He nodded.

Naruto suddenly appeared in front of him. "I don't care who the hell you think you are or who the hell you serve." He growled out.

"But if you even think about hurting Sakura-chan, I will kill you!"

The Sound shinobi snorted derisively as all of them disappeared. Shikamaru, Ino, Temari, and Naruto merely stayed where they were. In complete silence.

I have to send a letter to Tsunade. She needs to know about this.

Man. What a drag.

I should have known.

Things can always get worse.

Deidara walked slowly down the pathway. It was dark now, around nine or ten. The air was chilled and the only light came from the moon, which hung overhead, silently rebuking him for his harsh words to Sakura.

He almost glared up at it, but then he would have felt foolish.

It wasn't as if she had left him with much of a choice.

What would anyone else have done in that situation?

But Sakura trusted you not to act like everyone else. She expected you to be the one person she could always depend on, yeah. Deidara continued his walk. And you blew it big time.

You both did.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked down the little stone path, his sandals crunching the gravel beneath his feet. It was almost completely pitch black outside, and even after his eyes had adjusted, he had to look down at his feet to keep from stumbling.

He wondered why he was even walking this way. He didn't really want to see Sakura again. He didn't think he could do it. He couldn't look at her and believe that it had never meant anything. He'd see her again and he'd remember the way she felt, the way she tasted…the way she had moaned his name right before—

Deidara blinked, his gaze darkening as he turned through the small orchard. The leaves rustled around him in a small gust of wind.

"What the hell happened?" Kisame roared once more, his hand going to Samehada.

If Sasori hadn't grabbed his arm with a slightly annoyed sigh, Deidara wondered what would have happened.

"Let him explain himself, Kisame."

"There's nothing to explain, yeah." Deidara had answered back numbly. "Nothing at all."

Kisame's hand clenched on his sword and Sasori once again had to hold his arm as he looked back at Deidara, his gaze calculating.

"Oh?"

Deidara hated Sasori's coolness. His calm. He was always so damn unemotional! After all that was happening he was just standing there watching everything with his unfeeling, dark eyes.

Like Itachi. Never showing anything.

It was then that Deidara noticed that Itachi was not there. He looked around, and for a moment he wondered if maybe he had left to go find Sakura.

"Where's Itachi, yeah?" A simple question to divert the attention from himself.

"On a mission." Sasori answered back casually, as if they were discussing the weather. "He was just sent. Perhaps you would like to explain Haruno-san's distraught appearance as she ran out of the house?"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING IN YOUR ROOM!?!?!?"

That was Kisame, of course. There was no casualness, no subtlety. Just pure, raw, anger. At what? Deidara…or Sakura?

Probably me. Didn't want me messing with his little kitten, yeah. Deidara thought rather wryly as he gave a rueful smile. "Well, I suppose you could say we were sleeping, yeah."

"Sleeping…" Kisame dragged the word out, pronouncing each syllable. "Sleeping. HOW NAÏVE DO YOU THINK I AM, BOY!?"

Sasori gave another sigh. "Kisame-san, calm yourself. Deidara-san…"He gave him a reproachful look, "Explain yourself."

Deidara snorted. "I don't think it's any of your business, Sasori-san, or Kisame-san's. Don't butt in."

"Like hell it ain't my business little punk!" Kisame ground out. "If you touched a hair on my kitten's head then—"

"What, are you her father now, Kisame?" Deidara snapped out. "I guess that explains Sakura's strange obsession with sake, and the way she hurts people when she gets around it, just like you do."

"Ah." Sasori nodded. "Now we are getting somewhere. What happened, Deidara? Was Haruno-san intoxicated?"

"Yeah." Deidara gave a dry laugh, trying not to show how much it hurt him. "I guess she was."

"You got her drunk!?" Kisame raged.

"Technically, Kisame." Deidara argued with a smirk. "You did. You were the one in there with her, although you were slightly indisposed of, thanks to what looked like twenty three cups of sake—"

"I didn't drink sake last night. All I had was some beer." Kisame defended himself. "Well, I had five cups of sake. But the rest must have been…"

There was a long moment of silence.

Kisame whistled.

"Damn, my kitten can hold her alcohol that well? She was actually awake enough to have sex?"

"Kisame-san, control yourself." Sasori raised one eyebrow. He looked to Deidara.

"Perhaps, Deidara, you would like to go and sort these things out with Haruno-san. I think you both need to have a long talk."

And I'm sure you're an expert on relationships, aren't you? He sighed, before he realized that inside of him, something really wanted to go see Sakura. Wanted to look at her and…and hear her voice again. To hug her. Maybe just to hold her hand. That would have been enough. To know that there was more between them than a wall of hurt and betrayal.

But he couldn't do that. He couldn't allow himself to think such thoughts.

So instead, he stormed out of the house to think, grateful that the festival in the little village was still going on.

He heard Kisame and Sasori talking while he was leaving.

"You'll be needed with Itachi, Kisame."

"Hell no! I'm not leaving that punk with my kitten alone! He'll try something again!"

He heard a loud sigh from Sasori, but merely shook his head and frowned as he headed down to the village.

Deidara stopped when he saw her. He was still a good twenty or so feet away, and he didn't believe she had seen him yet. She was sitting on the edge of the wooden bridge over the koi pond, her legs pulled closely to her chest, her arms wrapped around them tightly as she stared ahead. He could only imagine how beautiful her bright green eyes would look in the moonlight.

It wasn't hard to notice her. She was wearing her white sleeping gown, which literally glowed under the moonlight. Her pink tresses seemed to be sparkled with moonbeams. Her pale skin was absolutely flawless.

She looked like a fairy, or a nymph.

An angel.

She looked so detached and innocent. Like she didn't belong in this world filled with hatred and anger and hurt and pain. And Deidara supposed that was true. People like her, people like his Sakura-chan, should never have had to deal with betrayal and pain and suffering.

They deserved happiness, and for the world to be perfect.

That's what she deserved.

He took a few more steps towards her, and she finally seemed to sense him, because she turned her head. His eyes were instantly caught by her's. Those bright green orbs. But there was nothing in them anymore. No love or warmth. It was just empty.

Like she didn't expect anything in return from him anymore.

It was at that moment that there was a large gust of wind, and the pink and white sakura blossoms floated down from the tree behind her, swirling against the pitch black of the night and reflected against the water. Her hair blew in her eyes as she watched him approach.

She was breathtaking.

Deidara stopped a few feet from her, and she turned once again to look down at the water.

Deidara continued standing as he leaned his elbows against the wooden bridge's railing.

…

…

…

"Deidara-san?"

Her voice was soft and a little frightened. Tentative. And she had gone back to 'san'. Deidara missed the 'kun' already, although he didn't say anything. The barrier between them now was almost physical.

"Hai?" He couldn't get himself to say Sakura-chan. He wondered if he'd ever be able to do. He doubted it.

"…I'm sorry."

Deidara didn't look down on her, although he felt her searching gaze on him. He gave a small smile as he looked up at the moon and the stars.

"Sakura…"

"Hai?"

"…I think I'm sorry too."

"For what?" Sakura's brows furrowed. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I should have noticed it sooner. I should have asked you before I began assuming that you felt for me what I felt for you."

"I guess I led you on, though." Sakura gave a small sigh. "I didn't mean to. I swore I would never be like my friend Ino and play with men, but I guess I did, unintentionally."

"You didn't know."

"I should have."

"I forgive you."

"Can you?"

Deidara looked down at her, seeing her staring down at her feet. It was a question, something that Sakura was dreading the answer to. She needed to know if there was any possible way for reconciliation. And Deidara knew that. It was in the line of her shoulders, the straight and stiff way she held herself.

He realized that it was easier to read her now. After he had…seen everything, he supposed he could read her body better than most people. He knew how it must look, tensed beneath her flowing gown. And from that he could surmise everything.

It was then that he knew.

They could get through this.

They could still be friends.

He placed a hand on her shoulder, and she almost jumped at the contact. He forced her to look up at him, and he smiled what he hoped was his old smile. "Hai. I do believe I can, kitten."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Sakura gave a small, half laugh half sob, and it was only then that Deidara saw the tears that had been collecting in her eyes and on her cheeks. "Deidara? It will never be the same, will it?"

"No. I don't think so."

"But we can still be friends, right?"

"Great friends, yeah."

"That's good."

Deidara couldn't help but grin. "You know, friends sometimes have sex together, just to get rid of stress and other things, yeah—" He was too slow to get away as he went headfirst into the koi pond. He sat up and grinned at Sakura, who was raising one eyebrow and frowning.

There was a smile hiding under there somewhere.

"I hope you catch pneumonia." Sakura said archly, her mouth tipping.

"We could share body warmth, yeah."

Sakura let out a small laugh as she held out her hand to help him up. The smile was there, glowing, perfect and happy. "You're getting as bad as Kisame—ohh!!" Sakura shrieked the last part as Deidara pulled her into the water beside him with the free hand she'd offered.

She came up stuttering and shivering, glaring at him, though she smiled. "You baka. This water is freezing."

Deidara snickered, standing and shaking the water out of his hair. Sakura stood as well, and they just continued standing there, thigh deep in water.

Deidara's gaze became serious for a moment, as he looked to her. "Sakura…what if you're pregnant? I mean, because I wouldn't abandon you or the baby, even if we weren't together, and I would be sure to take care of you both and we'd be able to work something out and—"

Sakura gave a small smile. "I'm a medical shinobi, Deidara. I would have known. I'm not." I checked.

"Oh." Deidara answered back. It was strange, but he was slightly disappointed. As an afterthought he said, "I'm sorry."

Sakura looked up at him. "Yeah." She whispered. I guess…I guess I am too. It was the truth. She was sort of sorry. She wondered what it felt like, to hold life inside of herself. She'd always wanted to know the feeling. To be a mother. A great mother. She'd always sworn she'd be the best mom in the world.

Sakura grabbed his hand tentatively, as if wondering if maybe that was a bit too much. But he merely squeezed it gently and smiled down at her, although he then let it go. To Sakura, that was still more than what she had hoped for.

"Friends?"

"Friends, yeah."

He and Sakura slowly walked out of the water, heading back to the temple.

"You know, it only seems fitting for you to take a bath with me to make up for all of this. I mean, we're both completely frozen to the bone, and everything else, yeah…" Deidara trailed off.

"Deidara." Sakura gave a loud sigh. "I swear, I don't know what to make of you. And that's the truth. Yeah."

"Good. I like to keep you guessing, kitten." Deidara smirked.

Sakura smiled up at him as they headed down the little worn path. She'd won back Deidara's forgiveness.

She didn't think she'd ever get back Itachi's.

(A/N: Hopefully this chapter made up for some of the evilness in the last one. A nice little makeup scene between Deidara and Sakura, I thought. We all know it'll never be the same between them, sigh. Oh well, this leaves it all up to Itachi, though.

He better not be an idiot about forgiving her. Of course, it might be a while before he's back. He needs to cool down, I think. Hopefully if Kisame goes with him, he won't do anything stupid. Hehe. That'll be the day.

I hope all of you liked the chapter.

Oh, and by the way, people can review anonymously now. I didn't even realize I didn't accept anonymous reviews until a few people told me. Man, that just shows how computer inept I am. All I know how to do is put my stories on here. Heh.

The next chapter will be nice, I think. No Tomokazu. He'll just ruin it at the moment. The last thing we need is him right now. He's just a big meanie. I wonder how long it will take Neji and the others to catch up with Sasuke? Or for Sasuke to reach Cloud? Oo the suspense is killing me!—and I'm the author! I can only imagine what you guys are going through.

Till next time, buh-bye!
Lady Hanaka

One of Life's Greatest Questions (because I couldn't think of a quote at the moment): If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?)