Chapter 13:

Stupid Decisions

I've done something horrible, and Guy is not happy with me because of it.

Guy walks into the kitchen and shakes his head disappointedly at me the moment he sees me.

I scoff out of irritation. I've had enough. "Will you stop it already? It's bad enough that I already feel guilty enough as it is."

Guy continues shaking his head obnoxiously as he looks into the fridge to grab the gallon of milk and pour himself a cup. "Nope."

"Ugh, Guy!" I whine.

Guy leans against the counter opposite me and takes a long sip of his glass of milk. He makes his oh-so-familiar 'ah' sound when he's finished and regards me with his very rare but serious face. "Harleen. I'll only stop when you stop."

I roll my eyes at him. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" He asks sounding too much like a doctor which is pissing me off just a bit.

"Because I can't abandon him. I worked so hard to get him and I'm not going to get rid of him just because you asked me to. He's mine and I won't let anyone get in between us."

Guy sighs exasperatedly and strokes his chin pensively for a brief moment. "This isn't healthy Harleen and you know it. This'll be the death of you."

"No, it won't!" I shake my head too frantically. "I swear! I know what I'm doing Guy, trust me. Please." I clap my hands together as if in prayer and give him my best puppy dog eyes. A very affective expression that I possess; or so I've been told.

"No." Guy warns and wags his finger at me. "Don't look at me like that; it's not going to work. This isn't right Harleen and I'm not going to let you get away with this. I'm putting my foot down. You can't keep him becau-" Guy shakes his head swiftly as though he's trying to shake off a bad thought. "Ugh! IT. You can't keep it.

I gasp in horror. "Don't call him 'it.' He can hear you!"

Guy rolls his eyes at me. "It's a damn coffee machine for cripes sake!"

"Expresso machine," I correct and look at the impressive and mighty caffeine dispenser that I purchased just a day ago. I knew I shouldn't have gotten it. I knew that having it was bad but I just couldn't help it. When I saw it was on sale, I had to get it. When I brought it home, Guy was not happy about it at all. Of all people, he knows best just how much I love caffeine and how big of a problem I have with consuming it. I guess you could say that I have somewhat of an addiction to it, but I'm not sure that I'd even go so far as to put it like that. Guy certainly would though. He thinks I'm an addict and I'm in denial. Puh-lease. I have my daily caffeine consumption under control; it's not like I have six cups a day. Why I've even recently limited myself to having one cup a day. Could an addict display such amazing self-control like that, huh? I don't think so. Therefore, I am no addict.

As for naming the machine… I'm willing to admit that it does seem fucked up that I'm addressing it as a person. It makes me look bad and doesn't help my case at all; I get that. But, I spent so much money on it that it breaks my heart to think that I spent so much on one thing. So in a twisted way, I'd rather justify my purchase by associating it as a person rather than an object. It makes me feel just a wee bit better.

Guy moves around me to place his cup in the sink. All the while shaking his head at me in that disappointed manner. I shoot him a look as he passes me.

"You've got to get rid of it Harleen. It's for your own good."

"I can't. I can't get rid of him."

"Yes you can," Guy says exasperatedly. "I'll help you."

"No, because the only way that I'll get rid of it, is if I get my money back. And guess what, I can't return it. All sales are final."

Guy narrows his eyes at me suspiciously. "Well you just thought of everything didn't you?"

"I'm not lying, I swear!" I dash quickly to my room to retrieve the box that it came in. There's a huge orange sticker on it that clearly says, All Sales Final. I show it to Guy and practically shove it in his face. "See?"

Guy scowls at the sticker petulantly. "Hmm… I guess this checks out…"

I smile triumphantly and put the box down next to our recycling bin.

"Don't give me that smug look. This doesn't mean that you can't get rid of it."

"Well I'm not throwing it out," I retort. "I spent too much money on it… him." I correct myself.

"You could give it away as a gift to someone you love."

I smile cheekily. "Okay! Do you want it?"

Guy gives me a look. "Try again."

I cross an arm and crook my other hand under my chin in thought. "Hmm… I could give it to Sarah." Hee hee, if Sarah has it, then I could force her to bring a cup every time she comes over.

"No." Guy rejects immediately. "Sarah doesn't need that crap. Try again."

"Ugh, I don't have anyone else I can give it to. You and Sarah are all I got." Because I certainly can't give it to the Joker…

Guy smiled sympathetically and briefly at me before continuing. "Why don't you just sell it on Let-Go?"

"Because I don't want to let-go, I love it. You're only complaining because you haven't had a cup yet. Want one?" I ask enthusiastically. I can see Guy getting ready to reject my offer but I cut him off before he gets to. "Come on! Let me show you what this bad boy can do. One cup will silence you forever, I promise."

Guy rolls his eyes and pushes past me, ignoring my offer. "You think good about what you're going to do with it Harleen. I'm giving you till the end of the week." Guy goes to his room and immediately walks back out carrying his briefcase. "Come on you coffee freak. Let's get out of here or we'll be late for work."

I scoff at him. "Jeez, who died and made you king?"

I grab my purse and follow him solemnly out the door.

I miss Joan.

She and I had been talking a lot recently during our breaks; and now she's gone on maternity leave. It's not that I don't have anyone else to talk to, I mean Guy's here and all, but I just miss her company. Pregnancy has made her extremely pleasant to be around and I love having a female friend to talk to, it's so refreshing. It's true that I have Sarah, but we're never alone to have any kind of intimate conversation because Guy is always around when she is.

Plus, Joan used to keep my mind off of you-know-who. It's pretty unnerving knowing that he's under the same roof as me. I try not to think about it because it just infuriates me knowing that we're in the same building and I can't see him whenever I like. I get antsy just thinking about it…

I started aquaintancing myself with a bunch of different coworkers just to keep my mind off of him. There are some surprisingly cool people working here and unsurprisingly dull people too. There are at least four security guards, two orderlies, and three nurses that I would definitely hang out with outside of work if they asked me to. Of course I have no problem asking any of them to hang out, but after a long day of work, I just get so lazy, you know?

Sometimes I find myself thinking about what it would be like if the Joker asked me out. How would he ask? And what would we even do? I can't help but blush every time I start thinking about the possibilities that that last question entails.

That's why I need to get him out of here ASAP. The what ifs are killing me! I grow more impatient each day. I just want a taste of what it would be like to finally be with my soulmate the way that God intended. We're meant to be together, so it fucking sucks that we're not.

I've been trying to subtly convert his violent and twisted perspectives but with no luck. He just won't bite. The man is as stubborn as a mule when it comes to what he believes is right or wrong. Sometimes I think that he's that way on purpose because he doesn't want to get out of this place. It even feels like he likes it here. What's to like? I work here so I know it sucks. The food is terrible, the beds are uncomfortable, and dare I mention the obvious lack of freedom? Why on Earth is he so intent on staying in this crappy facility. If I were him, I would totally cooperate with my doctors so that I can be declared sane pronto and get the fuck out of here. But the Joker just can't be that simple can he? He has to make everything so difficult. Studying him has been -without a doubt- a real challenge.

However it's true that although he hasn't budged in terms of making any therapeutic progress, he has improved with his behavior. At least towards me. We've been getting along so well lately, that we might have even started flirting with each other; once or twice; just a bit. I never let it go far at all because I don't want to start something with the way we are now, i.e. doctor/patient. So I keep him at arm's length as best I can. But like I said earlier, I get more impatient each day, and sooner or later, I fear that I'm going to do something stupid. My self-control can stay strong for only so long. But I guess I'll just have to do my best to keep it up; as long as it takes.

Right now, I'm gearing up for another session with Mr. J. I've got his file, my notes, a pen, and I'm ready to go. I whistle my way down to maximum security. I've recently had a Star Wars movie marathon with Guy and Sarah so the theme song is stuck in my head. I've got my hair tied up in my signature ponytail today and it swishes from left to right with every step I take. I've also decided to wear my new red stilettoes that I got the day I got my expresso machine. They match my blouse; I love them. I've even gotten used to putting on a bit of make-up daily. Gosh, the extra efforts we women make for men…

When I reach the therapy room in maximum security's lower level, I'm disappointed to find that only Lyle is stationed outside of the room. I mean, I don't really have anything against Lyle, but Jerry is my favorite of the two.

"What's up Lyle? Where's Jerry today?" I ask.

Lyle smiles knowingly. "He called in sick today."

"Sick?" I huff and purse my lips. "More like hung over…"

Lyle laughs in spite of himself, "I can't confirm or deny that."

"Mmmhmm…" I smile knowingly at him. Leave it to Jerry to waste a sick day on a hangover. On those rare days where I do wake up hungover on a work day, I suck it and come into work anyway. I guess that makes me tougher than Jerry huh.

"Alright well, I trust you can get on without him, right?" I ask moving around him to open the door. …Jerry always opens the door for me…

"Yeah, yeah. Don't even worry about it," he assures me and waves me inside the therapy room.

As soon as my eyes meet the Joker's, I beam in a way that I could never do purposefully even if I tried. He smiles too but it isn't nearly as expressive or as love-struck as mine is.

"Good afternoon Mr. J. How are ya today?" I ask as I take my seat across from him.

He breathes noisily through his nose before speaking. "Just wonderful now that you're here my dear." He smiles cheekily.

I smile shyly by way of answering.

"And how are you, doctor?" He asks very politely. He's even sitting like a proper gentleman with his hands folded over the table and his back perked straight, not leaning against the back of the chair at all. He reminds me of a good student eager to start class. Let's hope he acts like one today.

"I'm doing fine Mr. J. Thank you for asking." He nods once in contentment and assumes his usual position of leaning back as far as he can with his arms stretched over the table.

"So, this weekend I went online and watched Mayor James' speech when he was inaugurated, and you were right. He does have a weird fascination with animal shelters. I wonder what that's about."

The Joker shrugged. "Hm, I used to think that he had something… important, storaged up in one. But after tearing down every one in the city, I know that wasn't it."

"That was you?" I remember hearing on the news that someone had ransacked all of the animal shelters in the city, I just didn't remember who it was that did it. Of course, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. NO criminal would bother messing with an animal shelter -let alone every animal shelter in the city- because there's no profit in it; no money, no valuables, nothing. The Joker isn't like other criminals. When he does something, it isn't necessarily to make a profit, or even for revenge. He just does things for the heck of it; to entertain himself. Or in this case, to sate a small curiosity.

To answer my question, the Joker bares his teeth in a huge toothy smile. His silver teeth glint under the florescent lighting. He's too adorable; it's totally disarming. I can't help the light blush that paints my cheeks or the sheepish smile that I return as a response. I mess with a strand of my hair from my ponytail as a distraction to gain composure again, but then I quickly realize that this makes me look even more bashful so I stop immediately.

"I, uh… I guess I should've figured that it was you to begin with huh. I mean, who else?" I say, getting back into the conversation. "So, how have you been feeling since you started taking your new medications?"

The Joker grimaces a bit. And makes a so-so indication with his hand. "Ehhh…"

"What? Is it tiring you out too much or something?"

"Welllll… I was hoping for somethinnngg… stronger," he confesses shamelessly. "If you want to dope me up, at least do it right."

I give him a look. "You know that's not what I'm trying to do."

The Joker strokes his chin pensively, pretending to think. "Do I? It's hard to say with all of these drugs in me. Maybe I'm imagining it all. Who knows? Life is a blur…"

I roll my eyes but smile in spite of myself. "Ever the dramatic, huh Mr. J?"

He places his hand on his chest, aghast. "Who meee? How dare you Harleen." He teases. I secretly savor the way my name rolls off his tongue.

"I'm just going to assume then that you're good with your meds." I pencil down some quick notes for the progress report I'm going to have to fill out later.

"So…" The Joker begins before I can ask the rest of my weekly report questions. "Any chance I'll be getting out of here any time soon, doc?"

I suppress a tiny pang of irritation at the word doc. I guess it's not necessarily the word itself that bothers me but the way he says it. It almost sounds like an insult to me.

"What's the rush?" I ask casually. "Getting sick of me already?"

"Of you?" He rolls his eyes. "Never, Dr. Quinzel. I don't think I could ever get tired of you, my dear." He grins in that charming, almost seductive way. This is one of my favorite smiles, for obvious reasons…

Too quickly however, his appearance changes into that of disgust when he looks around the room. "But, I am getting tired of being in this room. Wouldn't a change of… scenery be nice Harleen?" He slowly reaches to lightly grab the fingers of my right hand resting on the table. His thumb absent mindedly strokes my knuckles making my body shiver ever so slightly from the chilling tingles that his contact provokes in me. I know that anyone who has ever met the Joker would completely disagree with what I'm about to say, but being touched by him is one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced. And honestly, that dark, perverse, side of me can't help but wonder what it would feel like to do more than just hold hands. Holding hands is the most physical contact we ever offer; which is already more than we should be doing…

"Just think…" The Joker whispers enticingly. "You and me… a night in the town… just imagine all of the fun we would have. We could really paint the city red doc."

I smile shyly. That does sound amazing but my hands are tied here. I can't release him even if I wanted to. He needs to show a lot more progress first. "As tempting as that sounds, I'll have to pass. For now. You can't be released yet."

The Joker immediately removes his hands from mine. "Why not?" He snaps at me.

My smile is whiped clean from my face. "Because you're not ready yet. But, maybe… in a month or two…"

"Ugh… a month or two?" He whines and rolls his head around his shoulders.

"Yeah. You need to show more progress before I can even begin to start declaring you sane."

"Saaannnnnne." He stresses the word pensively. "Is that what you want Harleen? Sanity?" He looks at me seriously; his eyes burning into mine, waiting for an answer.

I return his expression with my own. "If that's what it takes to get you out of here, then that's what I want."

We stare at each other for a good minute until a slow and mischievous smile spreads across his face. "What if… that wasn't the only way to get me out of here?"

I arch a brow cautiously. "What do you mean?"

"What if…" His eyes stay on mine and he speaks carefully, paying close attention to my reaction to his words. "…you and me just… left?"

I stare at him in disbelief. "What?" Is all I can say.

He's amused by my dumbfounded expression. "Come on Harleen. You know you want to… It would be so easy too." He reaches over the table to grab my hand and he strokes it ever so gently. I visibly shudder at the contact and he takes it as a sign of approval for him to continue. He traces two fingers back and forth over my wrist and looks listless as he speaks. "There are so many things I want to… show you. Things that I can't show you in here." He looks up at me with a frustrated expression. "We can't do anything in here. Nothing fun happens here. You want to have fun… with me… don't you Harleen?" His hand glides up my arm and he strokes it cajolingly.

I'm a bit too distracted by his hand on me. I'm loving this physical contact. "I-I do want to have fun with you. I can only imagine what a night in the town would be like with you." He smiles exuberantly; my train of thought is going exactly where he wants it to go. "But…" His smile falters. "There's no way that we can both just… leave." His hand stops stroking me but he doesn't remove it.

The Joker rolls his eyes and groans in exasperation. "Well of course we could."

"Okay… and what would we do? Where would we go? If we leave now we'll be on the run our entire lives."

The Joker cackles and slaps the table, startling me. "On the run? Why would we run?"

"Because everyone will be after you to throw you back in here and they'll want to toss me in Blackgate for letting you out."

"Harleen." He grips my hand and forces me to make eye contact with him. "I wouldn't let anyone touch a single pretty little hair on your head. If anyone tried…" He trails off and laughs to himself. "Well that would be fun wouldn't it?"

I stare at him incredulity. I cannot believe what I'm hearing. He's basically saying that he'll protect me right? That he or anyone else won't hurt me… Is this for real? Could he just be using me to get out? This isn't the first time he suggests breaking out of the asylum; but it is the first time he suggests I go with him. Could he really mean it, or is this just a new manipulative tactic. A huge part of me wants to just give in and do whatever he wants but my other sensible side knows that that wouldn't be right. If he's going to get out of here, it's not going to be that way. We need to do this right.

"Mr. J, a-as fun as you make this all sound, you have to understand that I just-"

"Shh." He silences me and pulls my hand up to his lips. Without breaking eye contact with me, he gives my hand a soft chaste kiss. And just like that, all reason, logic, and sense of morality leave me and are replaced by the greatest determination to keep those lips on me. They're so soft and surprisingly gentle. I want to know what they'd feel like on my lips. I have to know what they'd feel like on my lips. "Don't worry Harleen. You work too hard, you know that? Just let me take the wheel and I promise you won't regret it." His teeth glisten as he smiles at me. I find him so breathtakingly adorable right now, I can't refuse him anything. I nod weakly, consenting him to do whatever it is he wants to do.

His smile stretches further at my response. "Atta girl. I knew you'd choose the right answer."

"Mr. J… I-"

"HARLEEN!" Guy storms into the room looking frantic. I retract my hand from the Joker's immediately, hoping Guy didn't notice but he seems too disoriented to pay it no mind. Whatever he has to say is not good because it obviously couldn't wait until my session was over. My mind races with the possibilities and I'm suddenly scared shitless for whatever he's about to say.

"Shit Guy, what's going on?"

"It's our apartment. It's on fire!"

I stare at him wide eyed. "What?!"

"Our apartment is on fire! Mrs. Hardler called; come on we gotta go!"

"Okay, okay!" Completely forgetting about the Joker in our state of panic, Guy grabs my hand and we both bolt out of the room. Everything we own is in that apartment. We worked our asses off to get everything that's in there and we're not about to lose it all to some fire. If we do, we're screwed; we still have so many loans to pay off. We'd never be able to replace everything. I know I'm leaving Mr. J hanging, but he'll be fine. Saving all of my crap is my first priority right now.

When we pull up to our place, we see a single firetruck sitting outside the apartment. Guy doesn't even completely park the car; He practically jumps out of the car once he reaches the curb and storms over to the nearest firefighter. I follow Guy as best I can but as I look up at the building I notice that there oddly isn't any dark smoke anywhere to be seen.

"Excuse me," Guy stops a firefighter stepping out of the apartment. "We live here. Can you tell us what's going on? We got a call saying the place caught fire."

"Yeah it did, but don't worry it was nothing major."

Guy and I both release a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God!" He exhales.

"But wait," I interject. "There is damage though? How bad is it?"

"It's not terrible," the firefighter answers, removing his gloves and moving us to the side to allow the other firefighters easy passage into the building. "It was a minor fire. We got here just in time before it could get any worse."

A second firefighter approaches us looking somewhat pleased with himself. "Hey boss, we've determined the cause of the fire."

"Oh good," says the first officer. "These people live here. They wanna know what's up. Was it what we thought it was?"

"Yup." The second fighter then addressed Guy and I. "That expresso machine you guys got short circuited and caused the fire to start in your kitchen."

Oh. Shit.

Guy crosses his arms and turns slowly to face me. The way he's looking at me reminds me of how people from The Office stare into the camera. I give him my guiltiest smile and shrug my shoulders. "Gee, I guess I wasn't meant to keep that expresso machine huh?" Guy says nothing, but his brows deepen into an irritated expression.

"Yeah, I've heard about those damned coffee machines," a third firefighter adds walking back to their truck. "They recently had a recall for 'em because they keep doing this shit." He points towards the apartment referring to the fire.

"You don't say…" Guy says without breaking eye contact with me. Shit… I feel really bad right now…

"Well we'll leave you folks to it then. We took care of everything but I imagine you guys are going to want to get that outlet checked out, that wall repainted, and scrub out all of that dark ash. You're also going to want to sweep up a bit."

"Thank you guys," I say. "We really appreciate this."

"No problem, that's our job." Says the original firefighter before walking back to their truck with the others in tow. I wave them off as they drive away and Guy sneaks into the place behind me to check out the damage. I turn around and drag my feet up the steps leading into the house because I'm kind of dreading going in there.

When I walk inside, I immediately see my charred expresso machine in the kitchen. The small area around it is blackened as well; The wall, the counter and a bit of the floor. All in all though, this is not as bad as I had imagined it would be. This isn't even close, so I'm sort of happy with what I see. Guy on other hand…

He's standing before my machine, examining it. He looks disappointed. I approach him slowly. "I am so sorry Guy. I had no idea this would happen. I should have listened to you when you told me to get rid of it. If I did none of this would have happened. But how was I to know that the circuit would fry? This was an honest accident, so, you'll forgive me eventually right?"

Guy sighs defeatedly. "Of course I forgive you Harleen. This was an accident. I'm just reeling back from the fact that this damage is way better than what I was picturing in my head."

I laugh nervously. "Honestly, I was thinking the same thing."

We're quiet for a moment; both staring at the damned expresso machine that I now regret like hell for ever getting. "Don't worry about the mess Guy. I'll take care of this."

"No, it's cool. I'll help you. You're right. This wasn't really your fault anyway."

"No it is. This is my divine punishment for getting something that I never should have gotten in the first place."

Guy smirks at me amused by my way of thinking. For some reason, I've noticed that whenever I talk about karma or destiny or anything along those lines, he always wears that same secret smile. I'll have to ask him about it someday.

"Man, I'm just glad that my room was untouched. I've got some of Sarah's stuff in there."

"Yeah, those firefighters work fast, huh." I remove my coat and hang it on the hanger by the front door. "Well, why put this off any longer? I'm going to start cleaning all of this up. You could head back to work if you'd like. Don't you have another patient that you have to see later?"

Guy checks his wrist watch. "Yeah I do, but-"

"But nothing. Go." I shoo him towards the door. "I got this."

"Harleen, are you sure? I can stay. Really. Let me help you out."

I grab the broom and dustpan from beside the fridge. "No it's fine. This mess isn't even all that bad. You can help me repaint this wall this weekend because there is no way those stains are coming out."

"Alright I guess…" Guy says reluctantly. "We'll go to Home Depot or something tomorrow and get some paint."

"Sounds like a plan." I smile assuredly at him.

Guy takes slow steps towards the door, clearly not comfortable with just leaving. "Alright then… I guess I'll go… I'll let everybody know that we're okay here."

"Thanks Guy. And also… thanks for not being mad at me."

He smiles kindly at me before opening the door. "Of course, I don't think I could stay mad at you even if I wanted to."

"Lucky me." I sing and Guy laughs before leaving and closing the door behind him. Guy is just amazing and that's all there is to it. I am so lucky to have him as my closest friend.

I sigh resignedly before turning back to the mess before me. I push the dustpan to the side and start sweeping what I can. I'm going to have to mop this area too.

Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.

Huh?

Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.

Mr. J? I haven't heard him in the longest time. Leave? Is he thinking about leaving Arkham?! Shit, I hope not. I know that's the last thing we were talking about; could that conversation still be on his mind? I haven't had time to think about it yet. And actually, now that I am thinking about it… I'm glad we were interrupted. I was so close to doing something really stupid. I can't let that happen again.

And… I'm remembering now that he kissed me… He actually kissed me… Not on the lips, unfortunately. But it was still a kiss. And it was awesome. I can't help but imagine what those lips would feel like against my own…

Ugh! I shake my head rapidly trying to get rid of those thoughts. I can't be thinking like that now. It's clearly a dangerous line of thought because the impulse to get a real kiss from him almost caused me to set him free. He's not ready for that yet. I still have to fix him.

But crap, what about what he said? Leave? Could he be thinking about escaping… without me? Ugh shit Harleen! You keep thinking in circles!

Or… what if he's thinking about how I just left him? I know he hates being ignored and I just left him high and dry…

Oh shit I wonder if he's mad at me… Oh damn I'm really nervous now. I wish I could hear him better so that I can know exactly what he's thinking about. I hate these cryptic one word hints that I get; they don't do anything for me but keep me guessing.

Even if I went back to Arkham, I wouldn't be able to see him. Our slot time has long been over. I don't have authorization to pull him out of his cell whenever I like. I'm not even allowed to visit his cell… Ah man, I guess I'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings. It's all I can do right now.

AN: So... did I trick anyone at the beginning there? Even for a little bit?

Again, sorry for the late update, I suck, I know. I took summer classes so they screwed me over with my free time... And I'm super anxious to keep writing because I love where this story is going to go. I fangirl myself just thinking about it.

Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. You guys are amazing! Thanks for being soooooo incredibly patient with me. I know waiting for updates sucks. I'm trying you guys, I'm trying.

I'll see you all in the next chapter!