It Won't Come Easily
Chapter Three
Lucy was at the front desk, writing on a chart, when Carter came up. "Lucy, would you care to explain to me why Paul Sobriki is still in exam 3? He should already be either admitted or released by now. How come you can't seem to manage your patient? You know I've treated four patients while you have been tied up with that one?"
"Psych hasn't come down for the consult yet." Lucy replied, not looking up while she answered. She was tired of his attitude with her. It wasn't just today either. There were times where he could be almost sweet and a good teacher. But most of the time he was a jerk to her and it was getting on her nerves.
Today it was especially annoying because she knew she was right about the patient. She knew in her heart that there was something psychologically wrong with Paul Sobriki. But Carter refused to believe her.
"Have you thought about calling them again?" He asked.
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Why no, Carter, I'm such an idiot and so inept at my job that I didn't even bother to think that maybe I should call them again. God, what would I do without you?" She started to walk away.
"Hey. Lucy! Don't walk away from me." He followed after her.
"Sorry Carter. I just don't feel like being your punching bag right now." Lucy said as she continued to walk away from him. She ended up going into the lounge.
"I don't use you as a punching bag." He argued, following her inside.
"Yes you do!" Lucy argued, putting down her chart. "You berate me about things that aren't my fault all the time. Why don't you just admit it? You don't like me and you don't respect me as a doctor."
She thought, after the make-out session in exam six last year that maybe he had some kind of feelings for her. But his actions the past few months quickly dispelled that belief. She knew it was wrong but she still had some inappropriate feelings for him.
He was supposed to be her teacher and maybe her friend if she was lucky. But instead he was the one she dreamed about at night. Of course to him, she was nothing but a bug he felt he needed to squash. Maybe she should have asked Dr. Greene to pair her with a different doctor.
"That's not true." Carter shook his head.
"You've been treating me like dirt underneath your shoe for weeks now." She pointed out. "It's got to stop."
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
She looked at his face and could see that he seemed genuinely sorry. "Just…never mind." Lucy went to leave but he grabbed her arm.
"Lucy…"
"What?" She sighed, looking over at him.
"I do like you and I am sorry." He said softly. "And I do respect you as a doctor."
"You sure have a funny way of showing it." She told him, breaking out of his grasp.
He followed her out of the lounge. "Can we talk?"
"No." She shook her head. "I'm going to check on Sobriki and then I'll call psych for the fifth time. Maybe this time they will actually show up."
"I'll come with you." He offered.
"I don't need a babysitter, Carter." She told him. The Valentine's Day party had started and music was blaring throughout the ER.
They approached exam room three and she thought for a moment that it was weird for the lights to be out. But she remembered that he said he had a migraine. So maybe he turned out the lights to get some rest. She was aware Carter had followed her inside.
"I didn't say you needed a babysitter."
"Why don't you just leave me alone?" She sighed. When she turned around, her eyes went wide. She saw Sobriki standing behind the door with a large butcher knife. She screamed as Sobriki stabbed Carter in the back.
"Help!" Lucy screamed, hoping that someone would hear her over the loud music. "Somebody help us!"
She knew she had to do something as she watched in horror at the scene in front of her. Seeing Carter get stabbed was terrifying. She moved quickly to try and tackle or kick Sobriki, anything to get him to stop stabbing Carter.
As she got closer to him, he turned his attention to her. They fought for control of the knife and he ended up slicing her arms in a couple of places. He used the split second she looked at Carter to get the jump on her and wrapped an arm around her waist. Then he held the knife up to her throat.
"Alright. I'm done being poked and stabbed by you two. You've been doing it all day but it stops now." He told her. "I'm getting out of here and you are my ticket out. So you're going to be nice and quiet and still while we walk out of here or else I'll slice that pretty head of yours completely off. Do you understand?"
"Yes." She whispered. At that moment, Carter managed to push himself up to look at her. Their eyes met and she started to cry silently. She mouthed the words 'I'm sorry', not sure if he could understand.
Sobriki was leading her away from Carter, making her leave him all alone and bleeding on the floor. She felt completely helpless.
As they got to the hallway, other people started to notice what was going on.
"Everyone get out of my way!" Sobriki yelled, practically dragging Lucy along with him. "If anyone tries to stop me from leaving, I'll kill this doctor! I mean it!"
She understood why no one was trying to help her. Most of them looked frozen in place from fear and the others must have believed in his threats. She certainly believed he could and would kill her. But she had to do something. She had to make sure someone helped Carter.
Before long they ended up in the ambulance bay. Police sirens were faintly heard at first, but then started to become stronger. She realized that since he was now outside of the hospital, he wouldn't think twice about killing her. After all, he didn't need her anymore to get away from the hospital. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and elbowed him in the face.
"Ow! You bitch!" He flailed around and before she had a chance to get away, she felt the knife cut into her leg.
She screamed and hobbled away as quickly as she could with a knife stuck in her leg. The pain was intense but didn't care. She didn't care about the pain or even about what happened to Sobriki at this point. She just knew she had to get back into the hospital to tell them about Carter.
As soon as she got back through the ER doors she collapsed.
"Get a gurney!" Kerry yelled as she kneeled down next to her. "Lucy, you're going to be alright."
"Dr. Weaver, get Carter…now." She told her. The pain from her leg was intense but she still had to speak. "Sobriki stabbed him…in exam three…hurry…please."
Kerry's eyes went wide. "Don't worry. We'll take care of both of you." She got up. "Mark! You take Lucy. I'll take Carter. I need a gurney and some nurses!"
Lucy sat straight up in bed, drenched in sweat. It had been a while since she had a nightmare about the attack. But it didn't surprise her. She stared at the ceiling, trying to take deep breaths and clear her mind.
It wasn't helping though. Most of the time she was able to get past the nightmares quickly. She would take deep breaths and remind herself that it happened in the past but wouldn't happen again.
She suspected her nightmare was partially caused by Carter coming back into her life. Looking at the clock, she saw it was 5:30am. There was no doubt in her mind that she wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. So she decided to get up and clean her apartment.
Carter got up after the NA meeting and headed to the back for a cup of coffee. He reached for a cup at the same time as someone else. "Oh, sorry."
"It's ok." The man smiled. "You go ahead."
"Thanks." Carter grabbed a cup and poured coffee into it. He was beginning to realize that the coffee they served was disgusting. But at this point he didn't care. He moved out of the way so that the other man could get some coffee.
"This stuff is so gross." The man laughed. "But for some reason I keep drinking it. There may be something wrong with me."
Carter smiled. "Perhaps. But I'm drinking it too. So maybe there's something wrong with me too."
"My name is David." The man extended his hand and they shook hands.
"I'm John Carter."
"Nice to meet you." David said with a smile. "You're new around here, right?"
"Yeah." Carter nodded. "I just recently got back from rehab in Atlanta."
"You went all the way to Atlanta for rehab?" David laughed.
Carter squirmed. "There was a place that specializes in rehab for doctors there."
"Oh. So it's Dr. Carter then?" David asked.
"Yes."
They walked over to the chair and sat down. "What do you think of our little group so far?"
"It's alright." Carter shrugged.
"It's a good group. But you want to stay away from Sharice. She will talk your ear off for hours about anything and everything." David advised.
"Thanks for the warning." Carter said, drinking his coffee.
"So do you have a sponsor yet?"
"Uh, no." Carter shook his head. They told him in rehab that he would be better off if he could find a sponsor to help keep him in check. But he wasn't sure how to even pick a sponsor. He saw that David was staring at him and he wondered why.
"Ok." David finally said. "I've been living the sober life without pain pills for fifteen years now. If you want, I'll be your sponsor."
"Really?" Carter asked. Could it really be this easy to find a sponsor?
"Really." David replied. "I can tell a lot about a person after talking to them for five minutes. I can tell that you just need some guidance and someone who can listen. I can do both of those things for you."
"Yeah. Sure. Actually it would be nice to have a sponsor." Carter agreed.
"Wonderful." David replied. "Do you want to go get lunch so we can get to know each other better?"
"Sounds good." Carter replied.
Lucy sat in the diner near her apartment, holding her coffee cup in both hands while it sat on the table. She thought back to last night after Carter left.
Lucy pulled out her cell phone, finding the number on her recent call list and pushing it. "Betty? It's Lucy."
"Hello Lucy. Isn't a little late?" Betty greeted.
"I'm sorry. I know it is late. Did I wake you?"
"No. I was still awake."
"Good." Lucy was glad she didn't wake the woman up. "I was wondering if you could meet me tomorrow for coffee? I'm off all day so I'm flexible to work around your schedule."
"Is something wrong?" Betty asked.
"Yes and no. I just need someone to talk to. Carter came back today." Lucy explained.
"I see. Do you need to talk about it tonight? We could meet now."
"No we don't need to meet tonight." Lucy assured her. "It can wait until tomorrow."
"If you are sure, then how about we meet for lunch instead at noon?"
"Sounds perfect." Lucy chuckled. "Thanks!"
Betty was a wonderful lady Lucy had met at a Nar-Anon meeting. She started going to them shortly after Carter went to rehab in an attempt to find out what she could do to help him. Then she met Betty, who had been going to the meetings for close to twenty years because her husband, David, was a recovery drug addict. David was also addicted to pain medicine at one time.
The two of them hit it off immediately and Lucy had told Betty everything that happened. Anytime she needed a friendly ear or advice the past few months, she would call Betty. Then a couple of times she went over to her house and had dinner with the couple.
"Lucy, dear." Betty said, greeting her as she entered the booth. "I'm sorry I am a couple of minutes late."
"It's fine!" Lucy greeted with a smile. "I'm just glad you could meet me today."
"You sounded weird on the phone last night. In fact, after I hung up with you I told David about it and he said he was worried about you."
"You can tell him I'm fine." Lucy assured the woman. But then Betty looked at her with her eyebrow raised. "Ok. I'm not fine. But I'm also not a mess. So at least give me credit for that!"
"Alright." Betty smiled. "So you mentioned that Carter came back yesterday. What happened?"
"I saw him at the hospital and practically ignored him. Then he ended up waiting for me at my apartment last night and we talked."
"How was that?"
"Weird." Lucy chuckled. "Awkward. Scary. Wonderful. Confusing. I could go on. He apologized for everything."
"Did you forgive him?"
"Of course." Lucy nodded.
"Have you actually forgiven him though?" Betty asked.
"Yeah." Lucy replied quickly. Then she thought about it. "I don't know. There is a part of me that is still angry. I'm just not sure if I'm angry at him, myself or both."
"It's ok to be angry." Betty reminded her. "I'm still angry sometimes at some of the stuff David did when he was using. But I love him and we found a way to move forward. You love Carter, right?"
"Yeah. I do."
"So what is it you are struggling the most with right now?"
Lucy appreciated that Betty somehow knew exactly what was going on with her. "I told him I only wanted to be friends. It was a lie. I want to be with him again. But I know he shouldn't be in a relationship right now, and with everything that's happened I'm not sure I can be either."
Betty put her hand over Lucy's. "You've been through a lot, especially the last couple of months. Are you planning on telling him what happened while he was in rehab?"
"No." Lucy shook her head. "He just got out of rehab a couple of days ago. I'm afraid he is too vulnerable to know about it right now."
"He should know though."
"Maybe...probably…ok, definitely." Lucy admitted. "But I don't see how telling him about it would help him right now."
"It might help you." Betty pointed out. "But that is your main goal? Helping him?"
"Yeah." Lucy nodded. "Of course it is. I want to do whatever I can to help support his recovery process."
"So if you are so focused on helping him, who will help you?" Betty asked.
"I don't need any help." Lucy proclaimed.
"Sure you don't." Betty laughed. "You know you shouldn't lie to your friends."
"I'm helping myself." She pointed out. "That's why I started going to the NAR-anon meetings and reading the books."
"I just feel like from what you have told me about your past with him, you have a tendency to focus too much on Carter's needs and not your own. I don't want to see you flounder." Betty explained.
"Well with you in my life, that won't happen." Lucy smiled. "Now will it?"
"You're damn straight it won't!" Betty smiled. "Now, let's order and you can tell me more about last night. Or we can talk about something else if you would like. It's your choice."
"So what event preceded your addiction?" David asked as they got their food. "Because there is always something that triggers the domino effect."
"My med student and I were attacked on Valentine's Day by a patient." Carter explained, thinking back to that day.
Lucy was at the front desk, writing on a chart, when he came up. "Lucy, would you care to explain to me why Paul Sobriki is still in exam 3? He should already be either admitted or released by now. How come you can't seem to manage your patient? You know I've treated four patients while you have been tied up with that one?"
"Psych hasn't come down for the consult yet." Lucy replied, not looking up while she answered.
"Have you thought about calling them again?" He asked.
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Why no, Dr. Carter, I'm such an idiot and so inept at my job that I didn't even bother to think that maybe I should call them again. God, what would I do without you?" She started to walk away.
"Hey. Lucy! Don't talk that tone with me and don't walk away from me." He followed after her.
"Sorry Dr. Carter. I just don't feel like being your punching bag right now." Lucy said as she continued to walk away from him. She ended up going into the lounge.
"I don't use you as a punching bag." He argued, following her inside.
"Yes you do!" Lucy argued, putting down her chart. "You berate me about things that aren't my fault all the time. Why don't you just admit it? You don't like me and you don't respect me as a doctor."
"That's not true." Carter shook his head.
"You've been treating me like dirt underneath your shoe for weeks now." She pointed out. "It's got to stop."
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
"Just…never mind." Lucy went to leave but he grabbed her arm.
"Lucy…"
"What?" She sighed, looking over at him.
"I do like you and I am sorry." He said softly. "And I do respect you as a doctor."
"You sure have a funny way of showing it." She told him, breaking out of his grasp.
He followed her out of the lounge. "Can we talk?"
"No." She shook her head. "I'm going to check on Sobriki and then call psych for the fifth time. Maybe this time they will actually show up."
"I'll come with you." He offered.
"I don't need a babysitter, Dr. Carter." She told him. The Valentine's Day party had started and music was now blasting through the ER.
They approached exam room three and he thought for a moment that it was weird for the lights to be out. But he vaguely remembered Lucy presenting the patient as having a migraine. So maybe he turned out the lights to get some rest. He followed her inside. "I didn't say you needed a babysitter."
"Why don't you just leave me alone?" She sighed. When she turned around, her eyes went wide. She screamed, and as he heard the sound he felt the cold metal enter his back.
"Help!" Lucy screamed. "Somebody help us!"
He felt the metal enter his body again before he collapsed on the floor. He felt his back and saw the blood. He felt dizzy and weak but was finally able to look up at Lucy. Their eyes met. He saw Sobriki hold the same knife that was used to stab him up to her neck.
She seemed to be saying something, but he couldn't hear her. The urge to yell for help, to say anything, was great. But he couldn't form the words. Unable to stay awake any longer, his world turned black.
"That sounds terrible." David said. "I'm sorry that happened to you."
"I ended up getting hooked on pain medication to deal with everything." Carter explained. "How did you end up on pain killers?"
"I had a bad car accident." David explained. "I hurt my back pretty bad, but I couldn't afford to be out of work so I took more and more pain killers to be able to function."
"I'm sorry." Carter shook his head.
"It happens…more often than anyone cares to admit." David shrugged. "When did you become aware that you had a problem?"
"I think deep down, in the back of my mind I always knew." Carter admitted. "But I didn't want to admit it. It wasn't until I got caught stealing fentanyl after a trauma that I was confronted about it. Until then, I had been able to hide it from everyone."
"Is that when you went to rehab?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "Lucy did me a favor by reporting what she saw, even though I hurt her badly."
"Why don't you tell me more about that?" David asked.
"Sure…" Carter nodded, preparing to tell the man everything.