Chapter 14:

Just Listen

When I wake in the morning, I am super anxious to get to work. I shower then get dressed quickly and practically push Guy out the door. I know that getting there early isn't going to do me any good, considering that I still have to wait for our appointed therapy time. But sitting here at home feels worse. At least at Arkham, I can be comforted by the fact that we're both under the same roof.

When I reach my office, I have a seat at my desk and stare at the clock on the wall. I've got some time to kill but nothing to do. I tap my foot impatiently on the floor. I don't think I've ever felt this anxious to see him before. Something in me is screaming at me that I need to be with him right now. I'm not sure if it's because of what I heard him say yesterday or if somehow through our soulmate connection I can feel that he needs me. I'm not sure which one I'm hoping to be the truth because they both imply some sort of trouble. Either way, sitting here and thinking about it isn't making things any easier on my nerves. I need to pass the time somehow.

I reach into one of my desk drawers to pull out a small thin file that contains the progress report that I never finished completing. I didn't really get to ask all of the questions on here because I got distracted. I'll be sure to ask him the rest later today but honestly I already know what the answers are. I always fill out these progress reports with the same information because the Joker makes so very little progress. As a matter of fact, if I were really desperate to fill my time -which I am- I would go ahead and just fill this report out prematurely. I'm willing to bet that anything I write down now will be the same as what I would write if I waited until after the therapy session.

I guess I'll just fill this out then. I can think of this as a kind of guessing game.

Okay, so that killed an hour. I still have about an hour and a half left though.

What to do…

I would go bother Guy but he's in a session right now. If Joan was here, I would definitely stop by her office to have a chat. My only real option here is to leave my office and do something or talk to someone because there is nothing for me to do here but twiddle my thumbs.

With that, I push off against my desk and stand up lazily. I don't bother to close the door behind me when I leave; I left it ajar. Past experiences have taught me that even if I close the door and lock it, people tend to take it as an invitation to come in anyway and do what they like. So what's the point?

I maneuver my way through the many halls of the asylum and find myself in the break room. I figure there should be someone here that I can talk to. Unfortunately, there are only a couple of other people in the room and none of them are people who interest me.

I spot the coffee machine on the counter at the end of the room and my feet start moving toward it before my brain can catch up. I decide to just go with it anyway. I haven't had coffee this morning and it's not like I'll be able to have some later when I get home. One little cup right now wouldn't hurt. Plus, this pot is fresh and ready to go, how could I resist?

I add one shot of milk and three packets of sugar to my brew and take a small sip. Hmm… Once you've had the best, nothing else tastes the same… I prefer my little expressos to this. Damn I'm going to miss that machine…

I lean against the counter and sip my coffee steadily. I really need something more to do. Maybe I should head over to the medical ward and see if they need any help or something. I imagine they're always really busy over there; what with half of the patients here who are constantly trying to hurt themselves, or others. I could chip in and help handle some patients I guess.

I'm about half way through my cup when a familiar face walks into the break room. Jerry strolls in looking refreshed and chipper. He goes straight for the coffee machine and greets me pleasantly. "Why good morning Dr. Quinzel. It's such a pleasant surprise to run into you outside of maximum."

I stare at him incredulously. "Okaaayy… You aren't acting suspiciously cheerful at all. What's with you?"

Jerry actually sighs almost dreamily as he pours himself his cup of coffee. "Can't a guy just enjoy a beautiful morning and the company he keeps on said morning? And can said company not be snooty about it?"

I smile in astonishment at his unexpected good mood and raise both hands up in defense, even with coffee in hand. "Alright, sorry- Likewise, it is a pleasure to see you outside of maximum as well."

"Thank you," he says, pleased with himself as he rips open sugar packets and mixes them into his cup. I go back to drinking my coffee in silence. If he doesn't want to tell me what's up, I'm not going to push it. It's not unusual that Jerry is in a good mood. He's always in a sort of good/grumpy mood. It's just that now, he seems to be in a good/good mood, which is a little off. I guess it's a little hard to explain. You gotta know Jerry to know what I'm talking about.

Jerry finishes preparing his coffee and assumes a similar position near me; leaning his bum on the counter and drinking his coffee, while surveying the room. "So," he says casually after a sip. "You wanna know a secret?"

"Sure." I smile expectantly. "Oh! But if it's about you playing sick yesterday to not come into work, then I already know." I tease.

Jerry chortles. "Oh you do huh? Well then you know I wasn't playing sick."

"Oh you're right. Of course you weren't. The poor baby had a little hang over."

Jerry gasps half surprised half laughing. "It was not little! That bitch was a monster! I was dying Harleen, I was seriously dying!"

I throw my head back and laugh heartily. Jerry jabs me playfully on my side with his elbow. "Oh you laugh now but you weren't there. You didn't feel my pain," he says.

"Alright, alright I'll take your word for it. But now you know not to have one too many again right?"

"Are you kiddin'?" He scoffs. "I'm ready for a repeat already."

I sigh. "If hang overs won't teach you your lesson, then I guess nothing will."

Jerry laughs into his coffee and I join him by taking a drink of my own. Then Jerry leans a little towards me. "I do have a secret though you know."

"Oh? You must really want to share it then huh?"

He sniggers. "Well, I will tell you if ya really wanna know."

I purse my lips pretending to really think about it. "Fine, I'll bite. What's going on with you?"

"Okay," he says, looking like he's getting ready to tell a long story. "I met someone- but not just anyone. You follow?"

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion for a second but then realization hits me. "Oh, are you talking about your soulmate?"

"Yes!" He answers excitedly. "See, I told Bolton the same way I just told you and his dumbass didn't get it. Had to spell it out for him. You're a sharp one Quinzel.

I smirk at him. "Thanks, I try. So how'd you meet her?"

"At a fuckin' card game in my brother in law's basement. Can you believe that shit?"

"Damn. Why didn't you meet her sooner then if your brother in law knew her?" I ask.

"That's the same damn thing I said! I told Jacob -my sister's husband- I said, 'what the fuck man? You've been holding her out on me.'"

I laugh by way of response. I love that the more comfortable Jerry gets with someone, the more curse words come out of his mouth. I'm truly flattered that he's opening up to me more.

"Man…" He says in astonishment. "I can't believe this is happening to me… I'm fuckin' forty-three years old. I had given up a long time ago you know?"

That surprises me. "What? What do you mean you'd given up? How? I mean doesn't hearing her give you newfound hope that you'll meet? I mean, I've never met someone who's just given up."

Jerry shrugs. "Well, it's different when you hit forty and you still haven't met your other half. At twenty it's still exciting and shit; you know, the possibilities and stuff. But after waiting for forty something years, it gets tiring and it gets hard to just keep waiting you know?"

I think about that for a second. It's true that I didn't have to wait very long at all to meet my soulmate. And I was impatient as hell to meet him too. I can't imagine having to wait about fifteen more years to meet him. "I guess you're right…"

"Yeah, I'm just happy as hell that this is finally happening to me, you know?"

I smile proudly at Jerry and give his arm a gentle squeeze. "I bet. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks Harleen." We're quiet for a moment as we both go back to sipping our coffee. I finish off mine by tilting my head far back to let the last drop in the cup slide down to my lips.

"So," Jerry nudges me lightly with his elbow. "What about you huh? Have you met yours yet?"

I laugh awkwardly. "Uh… It's complicated."

"Complicated? Do tell."

I smash my cup in my hand and toss it in the trash next to me. "Well, I've never talked to anyone about this so if you keep your mouth shut, and I mean really keep it shut, I'll tell you."

Jerry raises his free hand up in defense then uses it to mime himself zippering his mouth shut, locking the corner and then throwing away the key.

I sigh resignedly. "Okay. I have met him… but I can't be with him."

Jerry furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "What? Why the hell not?"

I cross my arms. "Because he's locked up."

He looks surprised. "No shit? Where? And what for?"

I scoff. "Shit, what isn't he in there for? He's at the Cook County Correctional Center in Chicago." I lie. As if I'd tell him the actual truth. But Jerry is just outside of my life enough to not have a very biased view on my situation. And to be honest, I could really use some advise. A lot of the orderlies here have ties with workers at Blackgate so I couldn't say that my soulmate was being held there; then he'd want to know who he is and I'm not going to cough up a fake name and make this more complicated than it has to be.

"Damn… That sucks. How long will he be in there for?" He asks.

I shrug. "Honestly, I'm not sure but it'll be a hell of a long time before he can be released. I'm talking years. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he gets life, but I hope to hell that that isn't the case."

"Shit, no kidding?"

"Nope. And I want to wait for him, I really do. I mean, what are my other options right? He's my soulmate. No one else can ever top him. But… he's been scaring me lately…"

"Scaring you?" Jerry asks, concerned.

"Well, maybe 'scaring' is a pretty strong word, but I don't like the way he's been thinking lately. He wants to break out, and he wants me to help him."

"Help him? To break him out? How in the hell would you do that?"

I laugh nervously. "I have no fucking idea. He hasn't told me how yet because I haven't said yes. I mean, I can't do that. That goes against everything that I believe in. I like living my normal life and I like not breaking the law. I want a normal relationship like everyone else is lucky enough to have. I know I can get it if I just wait for him to be released properly but I feel like no matter what I say, he has no plans on waiting this out. He wants out of there now."

"No," Jerry says decisively. "Don't you dare lift a finger for his ass. He got himself into that mess, so it's not up to you to get him out of it. He's just being a baby. Tell his ass to suck it up and just serve his sentence like a man."

I cover my mouth with my hand in a sad attempt to suppress a giggle. I can just imagine me standing up to the Joker and calling him a baby and telling him to grow up. I wonder how he would take it.

I smile at the orderly. "You know what Jerry? That is some damn good advise. You're right. He is just being a baby. If he's as tough as he thinks he is, he can suck it up. I won't help him."

Jerry smiles relieved and gives me a pat on the back. "That's what I'm talking about. You put your man in his place Quinzel."

I laugh. "I will I promise. And you better treat yours right, okay?"

"I will but I kinda don't have a choice in it do I? I mean that's how this whole soulmate thing works isn't it?"

"Yeah I guess."

Jerry finishes up his cup of coffee and tosses it in the trash. "Well, I'm here, you're here, Lyle's here, and the nutcase sure as hell is here. Wanna start things up a little early today? I'd rather get this over with. Standing in front of that door is the most boring part of my day."

Ignoring the nutcase jab, I jump at the opportunity to start our session early today. "Yes please," I respond eagerly. "I was killing time just waiting here. Let's go. I just have to grab my stuff from my office."

"Alright I'll meet you down there then."

"Cool," I answer.

When I walk into the therapy room, I'm surprised to find that the Joker's eyes don't immediately meet mine. As a matter of fact, he's too busy picking at the edge of the table to notice me. He's wearing an irritated expression. Oh boy…

"Good morning Mr. J, how are you today?" I get no response. I don't even get a second of eye contact. I pull my chair hard against the floor so that it screeches loudly and hopefully gets his attention. Of course that doesn't work. I take my seat across from him anyway. I hope he isn't going to be this way for the rest of the session…

I tap the table right under his nose to get his attention. "Hey, Mr. J are you alright?"

His eyes rise slowly to meet mine. He looks menacing, not at all like the Joker I've been meeting with these past weeks. When his eyes lock on to mine, a shiver passes down my spine. I can't help but feel scared, he looks like he wants to strangle me. As uncomfortable as I am, I don't look away. I do my best to appear unafraid with a touch of concern.

"You're upset. What happened?" I ask, hoping this has absolutely nothing to do with yesterday.

The Joker slowly smiles snidely. "Oh, I'm upset?"

I shift my eyes, confused. "Well aren't you? You certainly don't look happy."

"You know what doc?" The Joker says around a breathy sigh. "You don't know a thing about me, so it would be wise of you not to make any… assumptions on people you don't know."

Woah. Okay hold up.

"I don't know you?" I ask, the irritation clearly heard in my voice. "Where is this coming from?"

The Joker rolls his eyes and whips his head from side to side, cracking his neck casually. "Oh it's the truth and you know it doll face. Don't act so surprised."

Damn. Where have the charm and flirtations gone? He's being so brusque with me…

"I only know what you tell me. Which is very little." I add in a small voice.

The Joker examines his mouth tattoo on his hand and smirks slightly. "I have my little secrets. But then again…" He looks at me. "So do you."

Where on Earth is he going with this? "What are you talking about?"

The Joker slams both hands down on the table roughly and growls at me. I visibly cringe away, afraid that he might slap me or something. He doesn't of course but he sure as hell looks like he wants to. "YOU! You really aren't the sharpest tool in the box are you, Harleen?"

I'm speechless. He's yelling at me. He's never yelled at me before… I shake my head, not understanding. "Mr. J, I-I-"

"Oh you still don't get it do you?" He smiles sarcastically. "Why don't you run off and ask your little boyfriend when you get home? When you're snuggled up next to him at night, then maybe it'll come to you."

My jaw feels like it's about to hit the floor. This is about yesterday. And he thinks Guy is my boyfriend! I have to clear this up right away.

"Mr. J the man that was here yesterday he's-"

The Joker growls roughly, cutting me off. "Hey! Guards! Get me out of here, I'm done." He yells to the orderlies on the other side of the door.

Jerry steps in looking confused. "Everything alright in here doctor?" He asks.

Too many words want to come out all at once. Everything is happening so fast, I wasn't anticipating any of this. I stammer over my words and nothing comprehensive comes out. "U-u-uhm-"

The Joker crosses his arms and smiles welcomingly at the orderly. "Jerry, boy am I glad to see you. Get me outta here will ya buddy? I want to go back to my cell."

Jerry looks at the clown for second then at me with an 'is he serious' face. I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. Trust me Jerry, I'm just as confused as you are.

The Joker gets impatient waiting for Jerry and I to catch up, so he stands up and forces Jerry to rush to his side to escort him. "Bolton, heads up." Says Jerry, firmly tugging my patient by his upper arm. Lyle opens the door for the two and then assumes his place on the other side of the Joker. The door shuts quietly behind the trio, leaving me sitting in the therapy room alone, dumbstruck.

My day finished in the blink of an eye. Well… to be honest, I didn't even notice the hours pass. I've been stuck in this weird mental limbo all day. I can't believe what happened in that session. He yelled at me. He thought I was dating and living with Guy! Well, the latter is true, but we're best friends and nothing more. We can never be anything more, we both belong to other people. I belong to the Joker! A little part of me thought that he was beginning to understand that, but I guess not…

I sigh heavily and run my hand through my hair. I'm at home in bed right now, curled up beneath my sheets, trying to process everything.

I can't believe he cut our session short, He didn't even let me explain! He couldn't wait to get out of that room and away from me. That thought hurts me. It hurts me so bad, I can feel my heart constricting. My own soulmate couldn't stand to be in the same room as me… I feel so disgusting and unwanted. I have to fix this. I have to fix this. I'll just explain everything to him tomorrow. It'll be the very first thing that I do. I won't even greet him. I'll just walk in and explain everything. I need him to know that I'm not in a relationship. I need to be on his good side. I want my funny, charming Mr. J back, not the guy I was with today. He was cold and cruel. I have to fix this. I need us to be okay. I need us to be okay. I can't be okay if we're not okay. I need to fix this. I will.

The next day could not have come soon enough. This time I didn't bother to kill the waiting time. I alternated between pacing around my office and sitting in my chair tapping my foot repeatedly. I do have some actual work to do today but I was thinking of doing it after my session. I can't focus on it right now.

When it's finally time for me to head down, I grab my notes, his file, and a pen and head out the door. I walk rather calmly through the halls, considering that there's a fucking tornado of emotions whirling inside me. I'm just too anxious to get everything sorted out between the Joker and I. If it comes to it, I might even bring up that we're soulmates, because he doesn't seem to know it. If he does, then he's just being an ass.

I decide to take the stairs because I've been playing the waiting game all morning, I'm not about to wait even one minute more for a slow elevator to take me down a couple of floors. I need to keep my feet moving; it calms me, which is another plus. I need to calm myself down before I go confront him. I don't want him to see me all desperate and agitated. I need to keep a level head, and the long trip down the stairs will help me do that.

When I finally reach maximum security, I take a turn down the oh-so-familiar hallway to get to our session room. When I come around the corner, I'm surprised to find that there are no orderlies stationed outside the door. Where the hell are Jerry and Lyle? I look down both sides of the hallway, checking to see if they're strolling around. They're nowhere in sight. I walk up to the therapy room door and take a peek inside the room. The Joker isn't here… What the hell? It is our therapy time isn't it?

I walk down the hall to look at the nearest clock on the wall around the corner. Yup, it's 10:05. I'm five minutes late as a matter of fact. He should be here.

I have to find the orderlies and ask them what's up. I know there's a couple of guards stationed outside of the maximum security cells. Maybe one of them knows where I could find them. I'm not too sure where it is that the orderlies hang out. I doubt they'd be in the staff room. Maybe Jerry and Lyle are at least lurking around the maximum ward. Either way, let me go and see what's going on.

Outside of the entrance to the ward. There are two guards supervising the entry gate. I approach the one on the outside of the gate.

"Excuse me," I say. "I'm looking for two orderlies who were supposed to supervise a therapy session. Their names are Jerry and Lyle. Have you seen them around?"

The security guard scratches his head. "Uh, I know 'em but I ain't seen them around. Hey Chris." He says to the other security guard on the other side of the gate. "Have you seen Jerry or Lyle?"

"Yeah I think they're around. They might be around the corner. Let me go see, I'll bring them to you doctor."

"Thank you." I call out to him as he walks away. I hope they're in there somewhere. I've got questions and they better give me answers. I know they're both goofy guys who hate doing their work but I never thought that they would both hold out on me like this. Not like they do much anyway; they just stand outside of the door and escort the patient to and from his cell. What's the big deal? Just do your fuckin' job so I can do mine. I'm getting pissed now.

After a short moment, the security guard -Chris, I think?- returns with two white scrubbed orderlies following close behind him. Jerry and Lyle… Finally!

I put my free hand on my hip while the other holds my files lazily. I give them both a stern look and Jerry speaks up first before I get the chance to nag them. "I know, I know." He says defensively. "'Where the hell were you guys?' Is what you're thinking right?"

I nod.

"Well it wasn't our fault."

"Yeah," Lyle chimes in. "It wasn't. It was the clown. He doesn't want to come out today."

"Doesn't want to come out today?" I ask confused. "What do you mean?"

"He says he doesn't want to have therapy today." Answers Jerry. "He doesn't want to leave his cell."

Are you kidding me?! He doesn't even want to see me today! No. No way. H cannot be that upset. I want to explain myself and he has to listen!

"Well…" I start. "Is there any way that I can go and see him?"

Jerry and Lyle exchange a look. "I don't think that would be a good idea Dr. Quinzel." Says Lyle.

"Why not? If he's refusing therapy, I need to know why."

"Well…" Jerry looks to Lyle. "I guess she can give it a shot."

Yes! Hopefully now I'll get to explain myself to him. Lyle informs the guard to let me pass and he does. I swipe my I.D. card at the gate and then they buzz me through.

"Follow us doctor. He's in one of the isolation cells in the back." Jerry waves me over and I follow. There aren't as many cells down here in maximum as there are in the other wards. These cells though, are definitely nothing to sneeze at. They're all bulky individual units with a single small rectangular window on the doors of the cells. It's pretty sad to see. It almost looks inhumane to keep humans in there. For the most part, this ward is pretty quiet; which is a bit eerie. I guess it's because most of the patients in maximum security are more medicated than the patients from other wards. I guess they don't take any chances around here…

After we pass through the general area, the orderlies guide me down a hallway that leads to a very large room with three single unit cells in it. Four Guards are talking amongst themselves in a corner of the room. I'm sure they're supposed to be stationed around the room, but they must have been bored out of their minds standing alone.

"He's in the middle cell." Lyle points out. I start walking towards it but Jerry halts me by putting a hand on my shoulder. I look at him quizzically.

"You can talk to him through the door, but we can't let you in." He says. "It'd be too dangerous. If he tried anything, odds are we wouldn't be able to get to you in time."

I sigh. "That's fine." I guess…

Jerry releases me and I walk up hesitantly to the cell door. Is he really in there? I feel nervous so he must be. I poke my face into the cell door's glassless window and voila. There lies the man of the hour. Lying on his back on a cot, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head. I guess he hasn't noticed me yet. It's pretty interesting watching him without him realizing. I know he's not doing anything but this is a side of him I never get to see. He looks so laid-back and comfortable with his hands unbound. It makes me wonder what he's like when isn't in the asylum and he's completely alone. I wonder what his sleeping face looks like. I bet it's adorable…

Sorry, gotta focus on the task at hand. I know.

I clear my throat to announce my presence. "Mr. J?"

His head turns in my direction and when he registers that it's me, he rolls his eyes and turns his body to rest on his side, his back to me.

You've got to be kidding me…

"Mr. J?" I say again and he doesn't respond. It irritates me. "J!" I call more sternly. "Are you seriously going to lie there and ignore me? We need to talk about what happened."

He doesn't answer. He doesn't even move. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he stopped breathing.

"Look I want to clear up what happened but how can I do that when you won't hear me out and let me explain?"

"…"

You know what I came here feeling nervous and scared and anxious… But now I'm starting to get really angry. I hate it when he ignores me and doesn't answer me!

"Joker are you seriously going to play this card right now?"

"…"

I sigh resignedly. Ugh, I want to talk to him and explain myself but I want him to be responsive when I do. For all I know he could have fallen asleep over there and then explaining myself now wouldn't fix anything would it? I calm myself through my sigh by a fraction and try coaxing him gently. "Mr. J? Won't you please talk to me?" I ask hopefully.

I get excited for a moment when I see the motion of his arm, but he only raises it to wave me away. "Go away Harley." He says.

Harley?

Is that some sort of nickname for me? Maybe on another occasion I would be thrilled to hear it, but right now I pay it no mind. I look at him sullenly. "Mr. J do you really not want to see me?" I'm ashamed to say that you can hear the hurt in my voice. He doesn't say anything, so I know what the answer is.

I slowly and reluctantly retract myself from the door's window. The guards and orderlies are too busy chatting amongst themselves to notice how terrible I look. I can't believe he rejected my company for the second time. I can't believe he doesn't want to see me. I'm his soulmate. Is what he's doing even possible? I feel so… I don't even know how to describe it. It's like there's a whole in my chest. Or more like a heavy pressure weighing down on me, making me feel incomplete and uncomfortable. But there's nothing I can do about it right now. Sure he's quiet, but I know he's not listening. If I tried to fix things now, it would just fall on deaf ears. I don't want to live with this feeling for another minute longer but I have no choice. I'll try again tomorrow. Maybe he just needs another night to get over it. Maybe tomorrow he'll listen to me. I pray to God that he does. I feel so disgusting and twisted up inside. The only way to make this go away is to fix us. I hope he listens to me tomorrow; I hope he does. I really do.

AN: YES! I was quick with this update!

Thank you all for reading thus far, I hope you guys are enjoying the story.

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I look forward to hearing more from you guys! I'll see you all in the next chapter. :D