Chapter Five
"Dr. Knight, you're going to be covering the ER today." Dr. Romano said to her as he approached the nurses' station.
"Today?" Lucy questioned. Today was Tuesday…the day Carter was coming back to work.
"Yes today." Romano repeated. "Did I stutter?"
"No Dr. Romano." Lucy sighed.
"Good." He said as he stormed off.
Normally she enjoyed covering the ER. It gave her a chance to see everyone again. But the fact that Carter would be there made her nervous. Coffee with him the other day went as well as it could have. But it was awkward and reminded her of the first time she went over to Carter's apartment after he was released from the hospital.
Lucy stood outside Carter's apartment. Her crutches were annoying her, but she was glad she had graduated from having to be in the wheelchair. He finally got out of the hospital yesterday. She would have come over yesterday but she didn't want to bother him. She figured that after being in the hospital for a week and having several visitors a day, it might be hard for him to be home and not have as much social interaction though.
Plus, she also wanted to check on him. Dr. Benton had helped him get home yesterday and told her that Carter seemed to be settling in well. But she wanted to see it for herself.
She knocked on the door. It took a few minutes, but Carter opened the door. "Hey." She greeted with a smile.
"Hi." He said.
He looked a little surprised to see her and she wondered if it was a bad idea to come over.
"I hope you don't mind that I came over unannounced like this." She said, feeling nervous.
"No." He shook his head. "It's fine. I just wasn't expecting any company."
"I can go…"
"No." He almost yelled. "Please don't." He rolled his wheelchair out of the doorway so she could get in with her crutches. Then he closed the door behind her.
"I'm sorry that I don't have much to offer you in the way of food or drink." He apologized. "Most of my food expired while I was in the hospital."
"It's ok." She assured him as she sat down on his couch.
"I think I might have to hire someone to help out around here for a little bit. I don't think I can make it to the grocery store and there are chores around here that I can't do yet." He sighed.
She was silent for a moment, thinking it over. Then she looked over at him. "I'll help you."
Carter laughed. "No Lucy, that's ok."
"Why is it funny?" She asked.
"It's just…no." He shook his head. "I'm not going to ask you to run my errands or clean my apartment. It feels wrong."
"You didn't ask." She pointed out. "I offered. There's a difference."
"Still…you are recovering too. You shouldn't have to take care of me as well."
"Isn't that what friends do for each other?" She asked softly.
He was quiet for a moment. "Are we friends?"
"Shouldn't we be friends now?"
"Do you want to be friends?"
"Don't you want to be friends?" She asked.
"Why are we talking in questions?"
She giggled. "Isn't it more fun?"
He laughed, cringing a little because it clearly still hurt to laugh.
"Sorry." She apologized.
"It's ok." He assured her, looking at his watch. "It's time for my pain pill." He rolled himself over to the table and got a pill out of the bottle. Then he took a drink of the water glass. Turning to face her, he smiled. "All better now."
"How is the pain?" She asked, getting serious now.
"Horrible." He admitted. "How is yours?"
"It's not pleasant." She answered. "Did they give you a timetable of when you could go back to work?"
"Yeah." He scoffed. "It's going to be about two months."
"Wow." She wasn't expecting that.
"They want to make sure I'm off the crutches and fully back to normal." He explained. "When are you going back?"
She was a little ashamed to admit it. "They think about three weeks, maybe four depending on the progress with physical therapy."
"Do you ever get tired of people telling you we were lucky?" He asked.
She chuckled. "God, yes."
"I'm glad." He sighed. "I thought maybe it was just me."
"No, it's not just you." She assured him. "I understand what they mean. But I don't always feel lucky right now."
"Neither do I." He admitted.
"You're the only one who understands. So we have to be friends now and we have to take care of each other." She smirked. "So what is on your grocery list?"
"No." He shook his head. "I'm not making you go to the grocery for me."
"Fine." She replied. "I'll just guess what kind of food you'd like then and you'll have to eat it so you don't hurt my feelings. Or you could just stop being such a big baby about it and give me the damn grocery list."
"You're unbelievable, you know that?" He chuckled.
"I know." She laughed. "It's part of my charm."
He did finally relent and let her do his grocery shopping and help him clean up the apartment. Between that and seeing him at physical therapy four times a week, she was over at him place every day. They quickly settled into a comfortable routine with each other.
It then occurred to her that maybe in order to be friends with Carter again she had to push herself to spend time with him and make things less awkward. She decided to give it a chance today. Besides, what she told him then was still true. They had to at least try to take care of each other.
Carter took a deep breath before entering the hospital. He convinced himself he was ready for this and he could handle it. He even talked about it with David after the NA meeting this morning. But now, walking into the doctor's lounge, he wondered if he was truly ready. He saw Mark standing at the counter getting a cup of coffee.
"Hey Carter." He greeted. "Welcome back."
"Hey." Carter greeted back, going over to his locker. He tried the combination but found that it didn't work. "What's up with this locker? I could have sworn this was the right combination."
"Oh, sorry about that." Mark said, walking over. "The State Medical Board made us clean out your locker. I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one soon but for now you can just use mine."
"So then where is my stuff?" He asked, trying not to get frustrated with the situation.
Mark reached above the lockers and pulled down a box. "Here you go."
"Thanks." Carter opened the box and pulled his coat out.
"Are you ready to rock and roll today?"
"I guess so." Carter replied, putting the white coat back on and smoothing out the wrinkles that had formed from being in a box for a few months.
"You know, if you need to talk about a case, a patient or anything…just come find me. Alright?"
"Sure. I'll do that." He could tell by the look on Mark's face that he was nervous about how today was going to go as well. "I promise I will if I need to." He hated seeing that look on his friends' face.
"Good. I'll see you out there." Mark said, leaving the lounge.
Carter took a look at the contents of the box. He pulled out the stethoscope and saw the photo that he had taped in the back of his locker was underneath. It was a picture Lucy took of the two of them one evening when they were cuddled on the couch watching tv. He forgot that had been in his locker until now.
He hung the stethoscope around his neck and then picked up the picture. Lucy was smiling at the lens with a huge, goofy grin while he was kissing her cheek with his eyes closed.
Carter was flipping through the channels. "There's nothing good on."
"Yeah." Lucy agreed, pulling out her phone.
Next thing he knew, he was hearing the click of her phone camera going off. He looked over and saw her taking pictures of him. "What are you doing?" He laughed.
"You know, we've been together a few weeks now and we really don't have any pictures together yet." She pointed out.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"I also don't have any pictures of just you." She smirked, taking a few more pictures.
"That's not fair." He chuckled, acting dramatic. "The camera angles are all wrong and you aren't getting my good side."
"What are you even talking about, you goofball?" She laughed. "Every side is your good side."
He stopped to stare at her for a moment. Then he put his hands on her face and slowly kissed her. "Luce?"
"Yeah?" She said in between kisses.
"If you want pictures, we can take pictures."
She pulled away and smiled, kissing him on the cheek. She got her phone ready and started to take a couple of pictures.
He surprised her by kissing her on the cheek during one of the pictures. Then he lightly grabbed her phone and threw it onto the nearby chair.
"John, what are you doing?" She giggled.
He started kissing her neck, using his right hand to reach under her shirt to start unhooking her bra. "I think you know what I'm trying to do."
He folded the photo in half and stuck it in his front pocket so it could be close to his heart today. He figured maybe it would bring him good luck. Taking another deep breath, he left the lounge to get started for the day.
"Carter!" Kerry called out, catching up to him. "Hey. Welcome back."
"Thanks." He gave her a small smile.
"So I'm sorry, but in order to facilitate your return, we need to implement a few rules."
"I thought that contract had all of the rules outlined." He said.
"Unfortunately it seems we have to add some more." Kerry told him.
"Ok." He closed his eyes so he could quell the urge to roll his eyes at her. "Such as?"
"You're only to do minor medical cases, no trauma. No suturing, no needles, no narcotics and absolutely no surgical procedures." She explained. -
"Uh, so what exactly does that leave me with?"
"The chance to practice medicine again." She answered. "Look, once you get back in the swing of things, you can resume a normal schedule and do procedures again. But until then, it's baby steps."
"Remember, you have to learn to crawl before you can walk." Dr. Romano interjected as he approached them.
Carter had to keep himself from laughing at Romano saying that to him since Lucy said it a few days ago.
"Dr. Carter, when did you get out?"
"A couple weeks ago." Carter replied. Romano just stared at him.
"Carter, why don't you take Mr. Griffin?" Kerry suggested, handing him a chart.
"Gluteal rash." Carter sighed, walking away. "Wonderful."
Lucy came out of the trauma room and literally ran into Carter. "Ooh! Sorry!" She chuckled.
"No worries." He smiled. "It was probably my fault anyway."
"So…you're back." She gave him a small smile. "Congratulations!"
"Yeah." He nodded. "It doesn't seem like anything that should be celebrated."
"How is it going so far?" She took a good look at him and could tell that he was frustrated.
"It's ok." He shrugged, then sighed. "Actually, it sucks. I'm not allowed to do anything. And I don't even have a locker anymore because they cleaned it out."
"I know it has to be rough." She told him. "Just try to give yourself a break and remember that it won't always be this way. Give it some time."
"I feel like that's all I'm doing lately…just giving things time." He sighed.
"It could be worse."
"Worse than an undefined period of unlimited scut work?" He laughed. "How is that?"
She leaned in a little closer. "They could have told you that you couldn't come back at all."
"That's true." He smiled. "Thanks Luce."
"Anytime." She said, going back upstairs since her consult was done.
"So Carter, how was your first day back?" Mark asked later that day.
"It was fine." Carter replied. "A little slow."
"Glad to hear it. And slow will be good for you at first." Mark nodded. "Finished up?"
"Yeah." Carter answered. "I am officially out of here."
"Just one last thing to do." Mark handed him a specimen cup.
"Sure." He sighed, walking to the restroom. He noticed that Mark was following him. "You coming with me?"
"I have to. That's the rules."
Carter went into the restroom with Mark right behind him.
"I'm sorry Carter, but I have to witness the entire process. Trust me, it's no treat for me either."
"It's fine." Carter shrugged. "Rules are rules."
It didn't take long for him to pee in the cup. He put the cup in the bag and handed it to Mark before washing his hands.
"Thank you Carter. I'll see you tomorrow." Mark said, leaving the restroom.
Carter looked at himself in the mirror. He knew that this whole mess was his own fault. He got addicted to pain pills and there was no one he could legitimately blame that on. And he knew that earning trust and getting back to the place he was at before wouldn't be easy. But he didn't realize it would be this hard.
After washing his hands, he went to the lounge and put his stuff away in Mark's locker. But he took out the picture from his coat. There were a couple of times today when he was feeling discouraged that he would take the picture out and look at it for a moment. The picture gave him hope…hope that things would be alright again someday. He shoved the picture in his pants pocket and slammed the locker.
The January air was chilly as he left the hospital. He had taken about ten steps away from the hospital when he heard his name.
"Carter!"
He turned to see Lucy sitting on the bench. She got up and hurried over to him.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked.
"I knew your shift was over soon so I waited for you." She told him.
"How long have you been out here? It's freezing."
"Only about ten minutes." She shrugged.
"Why did you wait for me?" He could see that she seemed nervous.
"Well…you survived your first day back and I know that earlier you were having a rough time." She explained. "I thought maybe…if you didn't have anything planned…you might want to go get ice cream to celebrate? Or pizza if you'd rather. Really any kind of food would be fine. It's my treat."
He couldn't help but smile. It was sweet that she would do that.
"Really?"
"Really." She nodded. "Unless you already had plans."
"No." He shook his head. "I already went to my NA meeting for the day. I was just going to go home and make a frozen dinner. Getting something with you would be much better than that."
"Well good. I'm glad I rank higher than frozen dinners." She smiled. "So what are you in the mood for?"
"Pizza?"
"Pizza it is." She nodded.
"We can take my jeep." He offered. "Then I can drive you home if you want."
"Sure." She said after pausing for a moment. "Let's go."
Later that night, Carter got ready for bed, putting on his pajama pants. Dinner was just what Carter needed after a rough first day back. He couldn't remember the last time he laughed so much. They ended up going to a small pizza place they went to quite often while dating. It was a small, hole in the wall restaurant. The pizza was average. The main attraction of the place was the owners.
They were a Canadian couple who fought almost constantly about everything. He and Lucy used to love coming to the place and watching them fight because inevitably, about halfway through the meal, the couple would end up making out near the cash register as if they were teenagers whose parents were going to be home at any moment to catch them.
It was fun to see and always amused them.
He thought back to when he dropped her off at her apartment after dinner.
"Thank you for dinner." He told her as he stopped in front of her apartment building. "I didn't realize it, but I needed to laugh."
"I'm glad." She looked over and smiled at him. "Look, Carter, I am not even going to pretend I know what you are going through right now. I know it must be rough though and I can see the frustration written all over your face. Just remember that you can get through this. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. Just look at what you've already accomplished."
"The only thing I really accomplished was blowing up my life over some stupid decisions." He sighed.
"No." She shook her head and put her hand on top of his. "Carter you've been through rehab, you have been going to meetings, you have a sponsor and you're going back to work. Those are good accomplishments."
"Why doesn't it feel like it's enough?" He asked.
"I don't know." She sighed. "I really don't."
He knew why though. While it was wonderful that he was back to work, even though he wasn't doing much, he still had one major part of his life that he had yet to reclaim. And that part was sitting less than two feet away from him right now.
"But I have faith in you." She smiled. "You're going to be alright if you can just be patient."
"I'll do my best." He promised.
"Goodnight Carter."
"Goodnight Lucy."