Disclaimer: Let's see, do I own Naruto yet? No, that's why this is still just a fanfic and not on the TV show.

Chapter 13

Maturity

I still remember the world

From the eyes of a child,

Slowly those feelings

Were clouded by what I know now.

I still remember the sun

Always warm on my back

Somehow it seems colder now…

Where has my heart gone?

Trapped in the eyes of a stranger…

Oh I…I want to go back

To believing in everything and knowing nothing at all…

When Sakura awoke the next morning, she frowned and yawned like always. Mornings were never her favorite time of the day. Her mother had often said she was like an owl—she'd stay up all night reading and would sleep all day if she could. Sakura supposed that was true.

But now she had something to look forward to. Something to get her up as soon as her eyes fluttered open. And that something was probably sitting in the kitchen as she lie there, calmly sipping some tea.

Sakura buried her face in her pillow as a grin spread across her face and she let out a small laugh.

Oi.

I'm in deep now, aren't I?

She breathed in deeply, smelling the last traces of incense from her hair. She hadn't taken a shower last night, since she'd hardly been able to get to sleep the night before, let alone do anything constructive.

Itachi Uchiha…

Sakura slipped out of bed. It seemed to be a normal occurrence for her. Wake up. Get out of bed. Train. Eat breakfast. Train more. Eat Lunch. Train. Eat Dinner. Take a shower. Train. Go to her room and read the scroll and—believe it or not, train. Then go to sleep. Then she'd wake up the next morning and it would begin all over again.

She didn't mind, really. Except she needed something to disrupt it every now and then.

And yesterday had been exactly what she'd been hoping for.

Simple…quiet…maybe foolish to some…

Perfect.

Sakura rubbed her arms as she walked across the room to her closet. She looked for a second at her desk, where her latest letter to Naruto sat. She gave a small sigh. She had not idea why she wrote them at all. She would never send them. They were just a way for her to get out her emotions and thoughts.

She grabbed her bathing robe, as well as her soap—since she didn't trust the soap in their bathroom, not after Kisame took a shower—and slowly walked out of the room and down the hall.

"Hey kitten!" Kisame greeted, heading down the hallway opposite her. He stopped for a moment, eyes trailing up and down her body. "What's the occasion? Is it my birthday and I forgot all about it?"

Sakura raised one eyebrow. "Kisame, get some new lines and I might actually play along." She grinned at his small, fake look of hurt as he mimed a kunai through the chest.

"That hurts, kitten."

"Hn."

Sakura and Kisame both looked up to see Itachi. He had just walked out of the bathroom a few feet away from where Kisame and Sakura were talking in the hallway. Sakura ignored the blush that rose to her cheeks, as she looked him over much like Kisame had done to her.

His hair was damp, but not soaking. He'd actually dried it before he'd walked out. It hung in front of his eyes, which peered back at her amusedly, as if he knew what she was thinking. He wasn't wearing a shirt, merely a towel slung around his neck. His black slacks were the same as always. Sakura supposed she couldn't really picture Itachi walking out of a room in boxers.

But his chest…

Whoa girl. Down. Wipe away the drool and close that mouth. It's not good to stare.

Sakura cleared her throat, pulling her bathing robe closer to her body and clutching her soap bar. She held it too hard and it popped out of her hands, flying through the air.

"Oops!" Sakura called out, reaching for it. She tripped, falling forward with a small yelp as she landed against a hard stone wall. No, not stone. Not unless stone was warm, skin colored, and absolutely gorgeous.

Sakura hurriedly pushed herself off of Itachi, mumbling an apology. She didn't even want to look into his eyes. He would be silently mocking her, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

Kisame let out a small guffaw from where he stood, holding Sakura's soap. He sniffed it, wrinkling his nose. "What the hell is this? It smells like strawberries."

"Well excuse me. Some of us don't want to smell like fish, thank you very much." Sakura snapped back. She might be tongue-tied with Itachi, but never with Kisame.

Kisame shrugged with a grin. "But kitten, you have your own wonderful, natural scent."

"Huh?"

Kisame got a solemn look on his face as he waved his hand dramatically. "You ooze the floral scent of rosemary and jade. Of cherry blossoms in spring. Of the cool breeze on a spring day—"

"Hn."

Sakura heard the warning tone in Itachi's small grunt. So did Kisame, apparently. He coughed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Uh. Gotta go, kitten. Don't forget about practice today. We'll be working extra hard since you skipped training yesterday." Then he sped down the hallway and out of sight.

Sakura watched him go, one eyebrow raised, before she turned to look back at Itachi. "How can you tell if someone smells like the cool breeze on a spring day?"

"Hn."

She supposed that was as much as she was going to get out of him. She bit her lip, and then remembered what it felt like with his lips on hers. Their goodnight kiss…well, more like a heated make out session that had finally ended abruptly when Kisame had stumbled out of the kitchen, drunk and singing a rather risqué song about a shinobi and a geisha.

Sakura licked suddenly dry lips. Her eyes darted to the open bathroom door. "Well, uh, I'd better get going to. I want to take a shower before I go and train. I didn't get to take one last night, after all." You're babbling Sakura. What happened to the cool, calm, ANBU captain?

"Hn."

Sakura merely walked passed him towards the door, "See you later." She felt a warm hand brush against her leg, before she looked back.

Itachi was gone.

"Damn that man." Sakura muttered to herself. "He's enjoying every minute of this, isn't he?"

No one answered her question, but then again, she'd be a little afraid if someone had. She merely slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

Itachi sat in the kitchen with Sasori, Deidara, and Kisame. He sipped his tea, before placing the cup on the table. He could feel the searching looks all of them sent him. They were all wondering where he and Sakura had gone to the day before.

Sasori's gaze was indifferent but amused, Kisame's was curious.

And Deidara's was jealous.

That merely made Itachi smirk as he watched them all.

"Did you and Sakura have fun on your rendezvous, Itachi?" Kisame asked playfully.

"Hn." Itachi didn't have to explain himself to anyone.

"Well, Sakura-chan must be tired, yeah." Deidara grunted. "She's been asleep for a long time. Someone should go wake her up."

"She's up." Kisame explained. "She's taking a shower right now."

"Ah." That was Sasori, who watched them all curiously. Mainly Itachi. He seemed to be slightly preoccupied. Sasori supposed that was understandable. He gave a small smile of his own as he turned to speak with Deidara.

He'd seen Itachi and Sakura's…kiss the night before. His door had been slightly open, and he'd been up all night studying a particularly interesting jutsu that Sakura had told him about.

Well, well, Itachi Uchiha…how interesting. It seems you are not as emotionless as you once thought. I knew I was right about you all along. Sasori continued to speak with Deidara about some type of jutsu that Deidara was teaching Sakura. He was only half paying attention, as he continued to watch Itachi.

Itachi was also only half-listening to the conversation. He continued to sip his tea at random intervals, his gaze hidden behind his bangs. His mind continually drifted to the pink-haired kunoichi who was, at the moment, completely naked and only a few doors down.

When had Itachi begun to care about those types of things?

He didn't like it.

He didn't like how he'd actually enjoyed going with Sakura to that stupid shrine. She hadn't talked a lot, or tried to drag him into a conversation, which he was grateful for. She seemed to understand that he didn't like pleasant conversation.

He hadn't even minded when he had to sit outside the shrine for at least an hour or so as Sakura said her prayers to whomever it was she was praying about. He'd wondered if she had been praying for him.

He didn't know if he liked that or not. He didn't need salvation. But he felt slightly flattered at the thought that she would think about him.

And then of course they had kissed. Itachi had been ready to take it to the next level, of course, and he believed that maybe Sakura had as well. She hadn't said anything, but the way she pressed against him with sharp, quick breaths, her hands clutching his shirt, made him think she would have been completely agreeable to whatever else had happened that night.

But then that bastard Kisame had walked in on them.

And Itachi had panicked for a single moment. He didn't know why. Why the hell should he be afraid to let Kisame or one of the others see himself and Sakura together? They'd merely think he was toying with her, like he had done with women before.

It was because he was afraid they'd see that he wasn't toying with her.

And that scared him.

They'd know he actually…maybe, cared about someone. And that would mean he had a weakness. He would never stoop so low. He would never become dependent upon someone else.

He wasn't an idiot or fool like Deidara.

He looked up as he realized that someone was talking to him. "Hn?"

Sasori smiled back rather amusedly, which irked Itachi to no end. "I asked whether or not you had any information on Tomokazu's whereabouts."

"No." Tomokazu was now the most important person on the Akatsuki's wanted list. They were even being called back from hunting the tailed-demon containers. That showed that Leader actually viewed him as a threat, which was slightly disconcerting.

Sasori nodded. "I see. The rest of us have had no better luck than yourself. It seems he has…"

Itachi stopped listening as he took another sip of his tea. He swore he caught a hint of incense, which made him smirk. It was a nice smell. He let his mind drift to a certain medical kunoichi as he pretended to pay attention to the conversation.

Temari wiped the sweat from her forehead as she took a deep breath. She looked to her side, where Naruto was leaning against a tree limb, looking as cool, calm, and tireless as ever.

It was really starting to get on her nerves.

They'd been heading towards the mountain for days, and were finally at the base. They were running on a two-hour-long rest each day. Ino was asleep on her feet. Shikamaru was lazier and grumpier than ever.

And, of course, Temari's already short temper was shorter than ever.

"How long until we get there, do you think?" Naruto asked as he took a small bite of his rations, chewing thoughtfully.

Ino watched him incredulously. "How can you even move?"

He shrugged, and Shikamaru sighed as he began explaining for Naruto's sake, "He's just got a lot more stamina than any of us."

"Che." Ino snorted as she took a long drink of her water. "That's a nice way of putting it. How on earth do you train to have that much stamina?"

"Lots of weights?" Temari supplied.

Naruto grinned. "Nah. It's just natural, I guess."

Temari and Ino frowned, before shaking their heads as they both closed their eyes to rest.

Temari felt warm arms envelope her and smiled as she leaned back against Shikamaru. "Awe. You're tired and you still have time to hug me. I'm flattered."

"I'm cold."

Temari frowned. "Then go share body warmth with someone else, baka. You can at least pretend to be romantic."

She heard a soft, tired laugh from Shikamaru, but she had yet to open her eyes. His breath blew against her neck as she tilted her head back. She gave another contented smile as she began falling asleep.

His fingers laced with hers as he looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. His wife. He'd have to get used to that. He gave a small smirk as he looked to where Naruto and Ino were watching them. "Go to sleep and don't be so troublesome."

Ino huffed, before pulling her ANBU cloak tighter around herself and turning her back on all of them as she tried to sleep.

Naruto merely grinned and nodded, but Shikamaru saw a small flicker of sadness. Shikamaru knew that Naruto would have wanted Hinata to be there with him. However, Shikamaru didn't think that was such a good idea. Hinata's father was still having dark thoughts about his daughter's relationship. He, like many of the adults of Konoha, still didn't like Naruto.

Well, Temari and I made it. So can they. Shikamaru thought sleepily as his own eyes began drifting shut. As they did so, an old memory came to mind.

Shikamaru was walking slowly down the street, deep in thought. It was growing dark, and there wasn't anyone else on the road. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he frowned.

"What's on your mind, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru looked up to see the promising, pink-haired medic-nin he'd recently lost a shogi game to. She was dressed in a tank top and sweat pants, although he knew she was wearing shorts underneath them. She was wiping the sweat from her brow, shouldering a large pack.

"Training?" Was all Shikamaru asked as Sakura sidled alongside him.

Sakura nodded. "For the ANBU test."

"Nani?" Shikamaru stopped short. "You're trying to become ANBU?"

Sakura nodded. "Anything wrong with that?"

"No." Shikamaru shrugged. "I guess not."

Sakura punched his arm softly, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Its just…do you think you can do it?" After all, he hadn't seen her around lately. She seemed to be off doing something all the time. Any time he'd been in Tsunade's office and expected to see her familiar pink head, she'd been gone. Tsunade had merely smiled and avoided the question when he'd asked where she was. Surely Sakura wasn't strong enough to become ANBU. She was training under Tsunade, but that wouldn't be enough…would it?

He saw something flicker in Sakura's eyes, but it disappeared as she frowned slightly. "Of course." It was a simple, cool answer. There was no confidence behind it, but neither was there doubt. Just the answer to a question. Like she knew it would happen.

"Well sorry for breathing." Shikamaru muttered.

He got a small half-smile for his efforts, "Don't worry about me Shikamaru. I've been training a lot. You'll be surprised tomorrow."

"Che."

"So, why are you out here anyway?" Sakura asked curiously. "You usually don't amble around like this at night. Isn't it hard to see the clouds?" The last part was a small joke, and it made Shikamaru give a dry laugh.

"Yeah." He gave another sigh as he looked back at Sakura, wondering if he could tell her. Surely he could trust her, of all people. "I'm…stuck."

"With what?"

"I…need some advice."

"About…?"

"Women."

Sakura stopped short, grabbing his arm to keep him from moving ahead. "Women?" She let go of his arm as she placed her hands on her hips. "And who is the lucky girl?"

Shikamaru mumbled something beneath his breath.

Sakura frowned. "I didn't exactly catch that."

He mumbled it again, a little louder.

"Still can't here you."

"I'M IN LOVE WITH TEMARI OF THE SAND!"

There was a long moment of silence. Then soft laughter, which soon erupted into full-blown hilarity. Sakura was clutching her sides, as Shikamaru blushed. She stopped, breathing in deeply at the embarrassed look on Shikamaru's face.

"Ok, ok…well, have you…asked her out on a date yet?"

"We've been dating for a while…" Shikamaru tried to stop the blushing.

"So, you didn't tell anyone else, because you're from different villages, ne?"

"Hai."

"You sneaky little devil." Sakura grinned. "You hid it well. I didn't suspect a thing."

"Her brothers do." Shikamaru muttered in despair.

Sakura hid another smile. "Well, what is it you wanted me to help you with?"

"I need to know…how to ask her."

"Ask her what—oh." Sakura gasped, before launching at Shikamaru. "Congratulations!"

"I haven't asked her yet!" Shikamaru sputtered as she let go of him.

"You're now officially off the market, Shikamaru. You're no-woman's land now." She grinned. "Poor Ino."

Shikamaru looked on in confusion. "What do you mean? Our relationship is strictly friendship."

"I see." Sakura nodded with a small, knowing smile. "So the greatest Nara tactician can't think of a way to pop the question?"

"This is serious."

"I know." Sakura amended softly. "I don't see you as doing it romantically, on bended knee or something. No…she'd probably kick your ass if you did it that way, because she'd think you were joking."

"Hai." Shikamaru nodded. That sounded like something Temari would do.

Suddenly a small smile spread across Sakura's face. "I'll look into it." Then she disappeared. Shikamaru stood there for a moment, wondering what he had just gotten himself into.

The next morning, Shikamaru found out he had been assigned a mission alone with Temari.

Sometimes he thought it wasn't such a good idea to have friends as smart as Sakura Haruno.

Sakura stretched languidly as she breathed in deeply. She then sat down lazily in the tall grass. She looked up at Kisame with a small frown, "What's on your mind?"

Kisame blinked, looking down at Sakura. "Nothing, kitten. Just wondering why you're in such a good mood, is all." He grinned as he finished.

Sakura's leg shot out, knocking him off his feet in one swipe. He fell on his butt with a grunt. "Kitten!"

Sakura smirked at him, leaning her chin on her hand as she watched him rub his butt with a grimace. "A good mood huh?"

Kisame frowned. "Not anymore. Geeze."

They were sitting in a large abandoned field a mile or so from the Temple. It was the only place big enough for their sword battles. The ground was already covered in large craters, some from Samehada, some from the makeshift sword that Sakura wielded. A few trees had also been lopped in half, judging from the newly made stumps surrounding the edge of the clearing.

Sakura looked up as she watched the sun set. She gave a small smile, forgetting that Kisame was sitting by her. She remembered the sunset that night as well, as she and Itachi had been walking home…

Sakura's eyes flickered uncertainly as she looked down at her hand, which was clutching a handful of soil. She sifted the dirt through her fingers, letting it slip from her grasp and back down to the ground in a small pile.

Was she wrong in her feelings?

"Oi Sakura, you deserve to be happy. Get it through your thick head. It doesn't matter about anyone else. What good is life if you don't live it how you want to?"

Sakura looked back on Ino's words to her during their first ANBU mission together. Was it true? Should she forget about everyone else's opinions and feelings so she could live how she wanted to?

"S-Sakura, you never smile anymore. I w-wish there was something someone could d-do to make you s-smile again."

There is Hinata…Sakura thought as she gave a small sigh. There is someone who can make me smile all the time…he makes me cry too, sometimes, but then again, we hurt the ones we love most of all, ne?

"Some people wait forever for their soul mates. Sometimes they find them…sometimes they do. And sometimes people find them but they don't accept them, or they choose to forget about them. I promised myself I'd never do that, because I've wanted to be loved so badly. That's why I'm…it's why I always tag along with Neji. I want him to see me like he does you, Sakura. I want him to see that I'm waiting for him and I will be waiting for him, no matter what!"

Oh Tenten, I wish Neji would see you're there. Even with his Byakugan, he can be so blind sometimes…Sakura scooped up another handful of dirt, watching it as she rubbed it between her fingers.

"When you find your man, Sakura, don't let him go. If you have to, get him drunk and tie him up so he can finally come to his senses when he wakes up!"

Sakura remembered Tsunade's words as if she were standing right in front of her.

"Tell me when you find your man, Sakura. Then I can write a new novel. I don't doubt it'll be a bestseller. Any love of yours is bound to have a good story behind it."

And Jiraiya's, unfortunately.

Sakura let out a small laugh, which was a dry chuckle. If only you knew, Jiraiya. I can see the title now: Dangerous Lover. Or Maybe, Murderous Love. Sakura let out another laugh as she shook her head.

The breeze played with her bangs, blowing them in her eyes. She blinked as she looked back up at the sky. It was slowly darkening, and the stars were coming into view.

Will they really accept it…if I told them? Would they hate me?

…will Naruto hate me?

"I just want you to be happy, Sakura-chan! Why can't you be happy? Please…I just want…you to be happy."

Sakura blinked to keep the tears at bay as she remembered Naruto's parting words to her before he left to bring back Sasuke.

Oh Naruto…what's wrong with me? I don't even know what's happening. One moment I hate him for all that he's done and has caused, and in the next I'm smiling like a drunken fool over something he's done. It's all so confusing. He's confusing…he raped me, he insulted me, he threatened to kill me…and then…he kisses me. And I forget about everything else he ever did.

Can you really accept that he makes me happy?

Or will you hate me?

Dear god I'm in love with Itachi Uchiha!

It struck Sakura deeply as she screamed the words silently. She was in love with a murderer. The man she had sworn to hate because he had ruined the life of her dear Sasuke-kun. She was a traitor. She was every horrible insult imaginable. She stood, brushing the dirt from her hands. Kisame looked up at her. He'd been watching her stare off into space for the past few minutes.

"What is it kitten?"

"I…I want to be alone." Sakura whispered as she began walking away, rubbing her arms as she went. "Tell Sasori I don't feel like training right now. I…I'll make it up to him tomorrow."

Kisame watched her retreating back, one eyebrow raised. He did not call after her, or try and follow. He saw the rigidity of her back and knew better than to try and ask what was wrong. He gave a small sigh as he stood.

"Don't be late for supper, kitten." He knew he was talking to open air and silence, but he didn't care.

"I need a drink."

Sakura walked down the small path in the woods, her pace quickening. She had to get away. Not from him, not from the Akatsuki…from herself. She broke into a run as she whipped through the trees. Maybe if she ran fast enough, she could leave her body behind.

She knew it was a foolish thought, but she wasn't thinking clearly at the moment. She just had to get away. Like the time Sasuke had told her he would always hate her. She had to leave so she wouldn't have to face the truth.

The fact that she loved Itachi Uchiha.

Sakura slumped to the ground, slamming her fists into the earth. The made a small indention as the dirt flew into the air.

"I can't love him, dammit! I can't love a murderer!"

She felt the hot tears sting the corners of her eyes, but she willed them back. "What the hell did I do to deserve this!?" She didn't know whom she was asking. She just wanted answers.

I fall in love with Sasuke and he betrays me…he leaves me for power…and now I'm in love with Itachi and…and it's impossible for me to love him. I can't. I'd be betraying my entire village. Why me

"I can't love him. He raped me. He's hurt me. Dear God if I was anyone else he would have killed me already!"
But you aren't someone else. You're you. Doesn't that tell you anything? He didn't kill you because—

"Because I'm a medic-nin and he needed someone to heal his eyes." Sakura finished bitterly, not wanting to think about any other possibility.

She couldn't rationalize anything else. And besides…if she started to believe that Itachi could perhaps care for her…then she'd give herself hope. She'd fuel this strange emotion rushing through her and it would burst into full flame…and then she wouldn't be able to control it anymore. She'd be completely engulfed and consumed.

Sakura punched the tree to her right, feeling the bark shatter with the blow. She pounded it again with her other fists. No chakra, just physical strength. "Dammit! Why is this happening to me? Why? Why?"

Bam.

"Why couldn't Itachi have just never killed his Clan?"

Bam.

"Then maybe…maybe we could have fallen in love when I was older."

Bam.

"Why did he have to do it!?!?! Dammit, why!?"

Bam.

Sakura felt blood trickle down her fingers. Her knuckles were bloody shreds. She didn't care as she felt one tear slid down her cheek. "Why Itachi…why couldn't you have just stayed in Konoha? Why do you have to make this so hard for me…?"
Bam.

Her fists felt like they were on fire, but she ignored it.

"Why…oh god why…?" Sakura gasped out as her hands slipped from the wood and she pressed her forehead against the bloodied, splintered bark. A few more tears escaped her eyes and slid down her cheeks, making clean tracks on her dirty face.

"Why do I love you?" She whispered as she closed her eyes, shoulders shaking, though she would not let herself cry. She merely clenched her eyes shut and willed the tears back.

It was then that she felt warm hands grab her own. She flinched at the touch, as the fingers hit the raw, torn skin.

"Hn."

Sakura's eyes opened wide as she let out a deep breath. She didn't look up, but she didn't need to. To her side knelt a man in an Akatsuki cloak. A man with red Sharingan.

"That was foolish." He pulled her hands into his own, looking over the damage.

Sakura continued to watch the ground in front of her. How much had he heard? What if he had heard everything? Dear god, what was he thinking? She knew he didn't love her. Would he see this as a threat? Would it merely make him think she was even weaker than before?

Would he laugh at her?

Would he give his famous smirk and watched her condescendingly with those crimson eyes?

Sakura merely nodded numbly as she finally looked up into Itachi's eyes. She blinked for a second, unsure if she were seeing clearly. There was no crimson Sharingan. Just a deep, charcoal gray swirled with navy blue.

"Itachi?"

Itachi watched her with a small smirk. He nodded curtly as he looked her over and saw that she was in no condition to move. She had worn herself out with her outburst, whatever it had been about. He picked her up with a small, agitated sigh.

He felt her stiffen in his hold, and he felt a small tremor go through her body. She didn't press against him. She seemed to be trying not to touch him, as she turned her head to lean against his shoulder and look out at the trees, rather than bury her face in his neck. She was stiff and rigid, as if she were afraid of him.

Sakura felt his warmth engulf her, but she ignored it as he slowly began heading back to the Temple with her in his arms. She wouldn't give in. She couldn't. She couldn't betray Konoha…she wouldn't let herself do that.

Not even for the man she loved.

(A/N: So? It's getting heated, huh? Awe, how nice of you Itachi! (big hug) Sakura's having doubts, but she's finally told herself she loves him! One step forward, two steps back…sigh… And there goes Kisame drinking again. The day we see a chapter where he doesn't drink is the day the world ends.

Next chapter? Oh, you're all going to like it.

Shikamaru and the others are getting closer. And Sasuke is going to meet up with Sakura.

I hope you're all excited. I am. Hehehe.

Sorry this chapter was so long in coming. I've been busy. And I had a good birthday, thanks for all the nice Birthday wishes! And thanks for all of your conern and support. I love you all!

Sincerely,

Your faithful author, Lady Hanaka

Saying: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

P.S. I know some people were wondering about not being able to see the scratch-outs in Sakura's letter in the last chapter. Well, I went through and saw that when I uploaded it, it didn't upload the scratch-out lines. Sorry about that. They really added to the humor and thoughtfulness of the letter. Oh well. It was fine without it.)