It Won't Come Easily

Chapter Twelve

One year later

It was raining as Carter rode in the backseat of the cab. He had been gone from Chicago for far too long. In all honesty he hadn't intended to be gone for a whole year. He thought maybe he would leave for a few months and then come back. But the work over there was so rewarding that he couldn't bring himself to leave.

It wasn't hard to gain perspective on his life and his choices over in Africa. There were people dying everyday due to disease and violence. It made many of his problems seem trivial in comparison.

He thought about Lucy a lot. She was the first thing he thought about when he woke up, the last thing he thought about before going to sleep, and she invaded his dreams nightly. But it was a good thing that he left when he did. He had depended on her for too much and knew now that he could live without her—he just didn't want to. Now he just had to find a way to reinsert himself into his Chicago life.

"Hey buddy, we're here." The cab driver yelled, getting his attention.

"Thanks." Carter handed him some money and then got out with his two bags over his shoulder. He slowly walked up the stairs of the building to the door. He had come to her apartment straight from the airport after being on planes for too many hours to count. He wondered if surprising her like this was his best or worst idea ever. But he would find out soon enough.

He was nervous. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. A couple of moments later, the door opened and he was face to face with Lucy. She was dressed in pajama bottoms and a tank top, with her hair in a messy bun. Although she had no make-up on, she still managed to look absolutely beautiful. He smiled.

A look of shock flashed across her face.

"You're definitely not the pizza guy." She said coldly.

"No." He shook his head. Her tone wasn't a good start. "Hey Luce."

"So when did you get back?"

"Just now." He replied. "I missed you."

She didn't look happy to see him, which shouldn't have surprised him. He didn't call or write to her once over the past year.

Ignoring his comment, she crossed her arms over her chest. "Is that all?"

It didn't take a genius to realize she was mad at him. And he deserved it. But he was hoping she would give him a chance. It didn't seem like she wanted to though.

"How are you?" He asked, realizing that was a stupid question to ask.

"Really?" She rolled her eyes. "Goodbye Carter." She said slamming the door in his face.

He stood there, looking at the closed door. Yeah, this was the worst idea…definitely not the best.

Lucy slammed down the chart on to the counter of the nurses' station, unaware Peter was behind her.

"What did the chart ever do to you?" He chuckled.

"It looked at me wrong, ok?" She joked in a monotone voice.

"Whoa. Why are you in such a bad mood today?"

She sighed. "Carter is back."

"Really? Since when?"

"Since last night, when he showed up at my doorstep expecting me to engage me in small talk." She explained.

"Oh." Peter chuckled. "And did you engage in the small talk?"

"Nope." She shook her head and looked over at him. "Slammed the door right in his face."

"That would have been funny to see." Peter smiled. "You're going to have to talk to him eventually though. You know that, right? You can't avoid him forever. Hell, you work in the same hospital and have a lot of the same friends."

"I know." She nodded. "But it will be on my terms. Not his. He doesn't get to determine when or how I talk to him. He can't just leave for a year without so much as a call or a letter during that time and then expect me to welcome him back like nothing ever happened."

She saw Peter looking at her closely.

"You're really mad at him, aren't you?"

"Yeah." She chuckled. "At first I was hurt. Then it changed to fake indifference. Now I'm on to anger."

"Remind me never to cross you!" He smirked.

"That's right." She laughed.

"I wondered when you would finally come back and show your face." David greeted after he opened the door.

"Hey David." Carter greeted. "Would it be ok if I came in?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"How are you and Betty?" He asked as he followed David to the living room.

"Betty actually passed away almost six months ago." David answered.

"I'm…I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He felt horrible for even bringing it up now.

"How could you know?" David asked. "You were off playing super doctor in a third-world country."

"If I knew what happened…I would have…"

"I know." David interrupted.

"How are you doing with it all?" He was now worried about his sponsor and friend. He knew that Betty meant the world to him. Losing her must be terrifying and impossibly difficult.

"It's been rough. Both Lucy and I were completely blindsided. We didn't know anything was wrong with her until towards the end. She kept the fact that she had stage 4 breast cancer from us until she was unable to keep it a secret anymore." David explained.

"I honestly don't know what I would have done if Lucy hadn't been here. Betty used to joke that Lucy was like the daughter we never had. Now I know what she was talking about. That girl is amazing. The way she has stepped up and helped me…I would probably be somewhere using again if it weren't for her."

"She is pretty extraordinary." Carter agreed.

"But you let her go…not once but twice." David pointed out. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I wonder that myself sometimes." He admitted. "Do you at least understand why I went to Africa?"

"I understand…" David sighed. "I think you went about it the wrong way though and I think you stayed away too long."

"Lucy's mad and hurt." Carter stated. "I expected that. I still hoped for something different though."

"What did you expect?" David scoffed. "You left her a note telling her to let you go and move on. Now you think she should do what? Run into your arms and say everything is forgiven the second you are back?"

"I don't know." Carter sighed. "No, probably not that. But I guess I hoped we could at least talk like adults."

"She's mad. She won't talk to you until she is ready. So you need to just realize that and wait."

"You're right."

"I usually am." David smirked.

"How is the meatloaf?" Lucy asked before she took a bite. She had worked hard tonight to get everything just right. She had made it a point to come over at least once a week to cook dinner. If she wasn't swamped at work, she would come over more than once a week.

David swallowed and smiled at her. "Every time you make it, it gets closer and closer to Betty's version."

"Good." Lucy smiled. "Maybe one of these days I'll actually be able to replicate it! I still can't believe she never wrote down any of her recipes."

"She always said she could remember them and didn't see the point in wasting paper on that." David laughed. "It tastes great though, Lucy. Really. It's much better than the first one you tried a few months ago."

"Yeah. That one was gross." She shook in disgust remembering it.

They ate in silence for a few minutes until David spoke again.

"So…I take it you've seen him?"

She understood who he meant with the pronoun. "Yeah. He came by last night. Did he come by here too?"

"Yeah." David nodded. "This morning. We talked for a least an hour."

"You tell him about Betty?"

"Yeah. You know he is sorry about everything, right?"

"I know." She nodded. She could see it on his face last night. But she wasn't in the mood to talk to him then. She was too shocked that he was actually back. After a while she had resigned herself to the fact that he may never be back.

"Are you going to talk to him?"

"Eventually." She chuckled. "But he's waited a year to come back. So what difference would a few more weeks make?"

He laughed. "You're going to make him wait a few weeks?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I just…I spent the first three months or so waiting for him to come back, thinking that if he just came back then things could be ok. Then I spent another three months pretending to everyone and myself that I didn't care if he ever came back. But then Betty died and now…now I'm mad. I'm just mad about everything these days."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm mad that Carter developed a drug addiction…I'm mad that I didn't see it…I'm mad that I had a miscarriage…I'm mad that Betty's gone…I'm mad that she didn't tell us she was sick…I'm mad about the letter he left behind…I'm mad he wasn't here to help you and I get through these last six months…I'm mad that he never called or wrote while he was gone…I'm mad at myself for still loving him…I'm just mad…all the time…and I don't know what to do with this anger anymore."

"I know what you mean. I have anger too." David replied. "But we have to try and let go of this anger before it consumes us."

She chuckled. "I think it might be too late for me."

"If there is one thing I've learned in my life, it is that it's never too late."

"So what do you recommend?" She asked. "Because I need to do something."

"I recommend that we finish dinner, have those wonderful brownies I can smell from the kitchen for dessert and then you go find Carter to talk." David answered.

"I'm not sure I can do that."

"I believe in you." David told her. "You're a hell of a lot stronger that you ever give yourself credit for. Besides, if you don't do it, I'll just harass you about it nonstop until you do."

She started to smirk. "Yeah, I know you will."

A couple of hours later, Lucy found herself standing on Carter's doorstep. She took a deep breath before knocking. She was surprised when he opened the door in shorts and a white t-shirt. He was sweating and she wondered what she had walked in on right now.

"Lucy!" He smiled. "What are you doing here? I mean, it's good to see you here. I just wasn't expecting you to come by right now."

"Is it a bad time?"

No! Not at all." He moved out of the way. "Come on in. I was just exercising."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Since when do you exercise?"

"I started a few months ago." He explained. "There wasn't much in the way of exercise equipment over there so it's basically just push-ups and sit-ups…that kind of thing. But I'm getting pretty good at it." He flexed for her with a goofy grin on his face.

She had to admit that he was building some muscle. "I see that."

"Do you want some water?" He asked, patting his face and neck with a nearby towel.

"No. Thanks, but I'm good."

"Ok." He nodded. "I'm going to get some though."

She watched him go into the kitchen and decided to follow. "So I should probably apologize for slamming the door in your face last night."

"No." He shook his head. "You don't have to. I obviously surprised you and it wasn't a good surprise. You had every right to slam it in my face."

"David didn't slam the door in your face." Lucy pointed out.

"I could tell he wanted to though." Carter chuckled. "I'm sorry about Betty."

"Thanks."

"I wish I had been there for you when it happened."

"Me too." She stated coolly.

"David seems to be doing alright, considering…"

"He's a pretty tough guy but it has really shaken him up to lose her."

"He told me today that if you weren't in his life, he probably would have gone back to using again." Carter told her. "But he thinks of you as the daughter that he and Betty never got around to having and doesn't want to do that to himself or you."

"He's a good guy." Lucy nodded. "And I think…no I know Betty would want me to make sure he is taken care of. So how was Africa?"

"It was horrible and amazing at the same time. You wouldn't believe the problems they have over there. It makes you realize some of your problems are trivial. And yeah, it was dangerous to be over there, but the majority of the people I met were so grateful to have medical attention. It was an eye opening experience." He stopped himself. "I'm sorry. I could go on about this for hours."

"It's fine." She assured him. "It's nice to see that old John Carter sparkle back in your eyes again."

"I didn't realize it had been gone."

"It has been gone for a while now." She explained. "So Africa was good for you?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I think so."

"Good." She smiled. "I'm really glad. I should probably go though."

"Do you have to?" He asked.

"I probably should."

"Just stay a little longer, please?" He practically begged. "I wasn't lying last night when I said I missed you."

She looked at him and realized maybe she could stay a little longer. It hopefully wouldn't be a mistake. "I'll stay a little longer I guess."

"Great." He smiled. "So what is new with you?"

"The only big difference is at work." She answered. "For some reason, Romano decided to bypass the residents that had more years than me and made me the Chief Resident for surgery. I'm still not sure why or if it is even a good thing. It feels like a punishment most of the time."

"Lucy that's awesome! Congratulations!"

Before she knew what was happening, he was giving her a hug.

"I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks." She let herself relax in his arms, placing her head on his shoulder and holding on to him for dear life. It wasn't until this moment that she realized just how much she had missed him. A year without him in her life at all was way too long. She tried to stop the tears from flowing, but a couple escaped from her eyes.

She pulled back from the hug after a few more moments and swiped at her eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

She saw the concern in his eyes and shook her head. "Nothing…everything…I don't know. I just…I missed you too."

"While I am glad you missed me, I'd rather it didn't make you cry." He smiled.

They stood in silence for a few moments. "So…are we going to continue to ignore the giant elephant in the room?"

"Which one?" Carter laughed.

"Pick one." She laughed.

"Well I'm still sober." He told her. "It's been over a year and four months now."

"That's wonderful." She smiled. "I'm really happy for you."

"Some days over there weren't easy." He admitted. "There were times some of the locals would come by and threaten us with guns. I can't even tell you how many times I've had a gun pointed at my head in the last year."

"What?!"

"Yeah." He nodded. "The first two or three times it was scary. Then it just became so common that it stopped fazing me anymore."

She couldn't believe he was acting so nonchalant about it. "Why did you stay there if you were in that much danger?"

"They needed me. I felt like they needed me more than…" He trailed off.

"More than I did?" She scoffed.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Well maybe if you had bothered to call or write you would have known that I did need you."

"No Lucy, you really didn't." He argued. "You've always been stronger than me."

"But maybe I'm tired of being the strong one." She rolled her eyes. "Maybe for once I want to be the one able to fall apart and have someone pick me up!"

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I know it seemed selfish for me to run off to Africa like that."

"Let's be truthful about this. It was more cowardly than selfish!" She pointed out.

"And I should have contacted you during this past year." He pointed out. "I know that. But the phone service was spotty at best and I wasn't sure you wanted another letter from me after the last one. I also wasn't sure if you had taken my advice and moved on or not. To be truthful, I wasn't sure I wanted to know."

His reasons for not calling or writing made sense, but she was still angry about it. "I didn't, by the way. I didn't move on. But it wasn't because I didn't get the chance. I just didn't want to."

"Neither did I." He said, stepping closer to her.

She looked at his face and recognized what he was planning to do. "I'm really mad at you."

"I bet you are and you have every right to be." He slowly moved his arm until it was wrapped around her waist.

"I mean it! I'm really, really mad at you."

"I believe you." He pulled her as close to his body as he could.

"This might be a mistake."

"Maybe…then again maybe not." He cupped her cheek with his free hand.

"It doesn't change the fact that I'm mad." She whispered.

"That's ok." He leaned in to kiss her. It was a soft kiss at first that grew to something more passionate.

The next morning, Carter looked over at Lucy. She was still sleeping and had a serene look on her face. He reluctantly slid out of bed carefully, hoping he didn't wake her up. He hated getting out of bed and moving away from her but he wanted to do something nice for her.

He went to the kitchen and started the coffee machine. Then he got out two mugs and two bowls. Hopefully the fact that all he had was cereal wouldn't bother her. Once the coffee was ready he poured it into the mugs and placed it on the nearby tray. He walked back into his bedroom to find Lucy gathering up her clothes, which had been strewn all across the room.

"What are you doing out of bed?"

"I…I thought I would get going." She replied nervously.

"Do you have to work today?" He asked.

"I do. I have to go in at noon. But I thought since I woke up and you were out of bed that…I don't know. I just wasn't expecting this." She gestured to the tray.

"Oh." He chuckled. "I was trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

"That's very sweet."

"So will you get back in bed now?"

He noticed that she looked at the tray, then the bed and then the tray again.

"Ok. I'll stay a little while longer."

"Excellent." He grinned, waiting until she got into bed before putting the tray down.

"You know that cereal for breakfast is cheating with breakfast in bed, right?" She chuckled.

"I know. I just don't have many groceries in the apartment right now."

"It's fine. At least it is my favorite. Wait…why do you have Frosted Flakes? You hate them. Did you buy them because you thought I would stay the night?"

"I bought them because I was being cautiously optimistic about my chances to win you over with my sweet moves." He explained.

"Oh God, not more about these supposed sweet moves." She groaned.

Next thing he knew, she hit him in the head with her pillow.

"What's that for?" He asked.

"I don't know exactly." She smirked. "It just felt like something I should do."

He leaned over and gave her a kiss.

"What's that for?" She asked.

"I don't know exactly." It was his turn to smirk. "It just felt like something I should do."

She leaned back in and kissed him, letting her hand dip down underneath the front of his boxers.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her down onto the bed and causing the tray to fall to the floor.

She giggled. "At some point we really need to talk."

"Yeah." He agreed, starting to kiss her neck. "At some point…not yet though."