It Won't Come Easily
Chapter Thirteen
A week later
Lucy sighed as she put the charts back at the nurses' station.
"Are you leaving for the day?" Shirley, the head surgical nurse asked.
"Yeah, finally." Lucy nodded.
"Did you remember to get the resident schedules done?"
"Of course. They are sitting on Dr. Romano's desk right now." Lucy sighed.
"What about the notes from the M&M meeting?"
"They are on his desk as well." Lucy told her.
"Ok stop right there. Who are you and what have you done with the real Lucy?" Shirley joked.
"What do you mean?" Lucy laughed.
"Usually I have to remind you at least twice to get that stuff done. You have been different this week though. You're more focused and organized. Don't get me wrong…it's nice. But it is also a little off-putting."
"I don't know about me being different." Lucy shrugged.
"I do." Shirley chuckled. "Whatever it is that you are doing differently this week, keep it up."
"Ok." She didn't want to admit what the difference between previous weeks and this week was because it scared her. The only difference was the appearance of a certain doctor in her life.
"See you tomorrow."
"Bye." Lucy went to the elevator and headed down to the ER. She pushed that conversation with Shirley out of her head as she got out of the elevator. "Hey Jerry, how are things going?" She asked when she got to the front desk.
"Things are slow, but I'm sure they'll pick up soon." Jerry answered. "You looking for Carter?"
"Am I that predictable?" She had to admit she probably was. Every day that she worked, she came down to the ER after she got off and met up with Carter. He was usually just about ready to end his shift so she would hang out at the front desk until he was ready to leave. Then they would usually end up at his place and she would spend the night.
Tonight they were going to David's house so for the weekly dinner she made.
"Afraid so. Last I saw him, he was in the lounge." Jerry answered before picking up the ringing phone.
She went into the lounge and found he had his back to her as he was getting into his locker. She snuck up behind him and pinched his butt.
"What the-oh it's you." His face softened when he saw it was Lucy.
"Who did you think it was?" She teased.
"I didn't know. I had a 90 year old patient who was very handsy earlier. But I'm very glad it was you instead." He leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips.
"Are you ready to go?" She asked.
"Yeah." He nodded. "But are you sure I should come with you? This weekly dinner thing is between you and David. I don't want to intrude…"
"You aren't." She insisted. "I swear. It will be fine. It might even be fun. But either way, I'm making peanut butter pie for dessert and I know you can't resist that."
"Ok." He agreed. "Let's go have some fun."
"So how are things at work going for you, Carter?" David asked as they sat down for dinner.
"There are too many new faces in the ER." Carter complained. "It's odd."
"That's what happens after a year away though." Lucy scoffed.
"Yeah." Carter sighed.
"And how is it going for my favorite Chief Resident?" David asked.
"I'm still confused as to why Romano gave it to me in the first place." Lucy sighed.
"He must see your brilliance." David pointed out.
"Or he wants me to crack." Lucy countered.
"I have to agree with David." Carter interjected.
"It's a lot of work though and I'm not afraid of hard work. I just feel like I don't deserve it." Lucy admitted.
"You do though." Carter said, reaching over and putting his hand on top of hers.
"So…are you two back together now?" David asked.
"No." Lucy replied.
"Yes." Carter said.
They looked at each other.
"No?" Carter questioned.
"Yes?" Lucy chuckled.
"What do you mean we aren't back together?" Carter questioned. "We've spent every night together for a week."
"That doesn't mean we are back together though." Lucy shrugged. "It means we're having fun. I didn't think we were serious."
"I don't want to just have fun with you Lucy. I thought we were building something together."
"All we've done is sleep together." She pointed out. "We haven't had any of the talks we have to have in order to build something real. So in my mind we aren't back together. We're in some weird limbo status where everything is fun and carefree."
"We haven't had any of the talks because every time I try to, we end up sleeping together. You keep using sex to avoid our problems." Carter yelled.
"Do we have to have this conversation right now?" Lucy asked, pointing to David.
"No." Carter sighed. "In fact, we don't actually have to have this conversation at all anymore." He turned to face David. "I'm sorry." He got up from the table.
"Where are you going?" Lucy asked.
"Home." He replied.
Lucy scoffed. "Oh yeah. That's right. I almost forgot. When things get rough, I can always count on Carter to run away!"
She watched him leave the room and then heard the front door slam. She threw her napkin on the table and shook her head. "God! Why am I such an idiot?"
"Love can make us into idiots." David chuckled. "Let me ask you this. Do you want to get back together with Carter?"
"I want to be happy again." She answered.
"This past week…spending so much time with him…have you been happy?"
She didn't need to think about it. The answer was yes. Even though they spent the majority of their time together in bed, this week was one of the best weeks of her life.
"Yeah." She nodded. "Even someone at work today told me I've been like a different person this week…a better person. But…"
"No." David interrupted. "No buts this time. I know why you are mad at him and I know why you are hesitant to put your heart and soul back in his hands again. But you love him. And you know he loves you. Right?"
"I guess." She shrugged.
"Lucy…" David nagged. "When he came back, you were the first person he came to see. He didn't even go home to shower first. That has to tell you something."
"Ok." She admitted. "So maybe Carter does actually love me."
"And do you love him?"
She was quiet for a moment. "If I love him, I'll get hurt again."
"Possibly." David chuckled. "Ok. Probably. But do you want to be happy together or miserable apart? Because you've tried both options. Which one was better?"
She smiled. "Do you ever get tired of being right?"
"Nope." He laughed. "It never gets old."
A short time later, Lucy stood on Carter's doorstep. She knocked on the door, giving him a small smile when he opened the door. He was glaring at her so she held up the plate. "I brought a peace offering since you missed dessert."
"The pie can come in." He said, taking the plate from her hands. "You can't."
She watched as he started to close the door and pushed her body in so that the door wouldn't close all the way.
"Lucy…move back." Carter told her.
"No." She shook her head. "We need to talk."
"No we don't." He shook his head.
"Fine." She stood back away from the doorway. "You can close the door if you want." She went and sat down next to the door. "I'll just wait right here until you're ready to talk."
"You'll be waiting a long time."
"That's fine." She told him. She watched him close the door and wondered if this gamble would pay off. She was aware that she may end up spending the whole night out here, depending on how mad he really was.
To be honest, she wasn't sure what they had been doing this week. But since they hadn't talked much since that first night, she assumed they were just enjoying each other and would figure out the other stuff later. Apparently, she was wrong because Carter was under the impression they were back together. It was a mess and David was right. They needed to talk about it. So she would stay out here until Carter stopped being stubborn and let her in.
Carter sat on the couch, finishing the peanut butter pie Lucy had brought over. She had made it for him because it was his favorite. That had to count for something. And she came over here to talk. That also had to count for something.
But it hurt when she told him that she thought they were just having fun this past week. While he couldn't deny that he was having fun, he thought this week meant they were back together and would be getting back on track with their relationship. He thought it meant she was willing to forgive things and let go of her anger.
Now he wasn't so certain. And he wasn't sure he wanted to let her in so that she could let him down gently again.
He looked at his watch and realized that it had been over an hour since he closed the door on her. He wondered if she was even still out there. There was only one way to find out. He sighed as he got up from the couch and walked to the door. He couldn't see from the peephole if she was still out there so he would have to open the door.
He decided to make himself a deal. If she was still out there, he would let her in to talk. If she wasn't, then he would have to deal with the fact that their relationship might actually be over for real. That thought scared him, but he was brave and opened the door.
Relief filled his soul when he saw Lucy sitting there with her knees up to her chest. She looked like she was picking at loose threads on her pants. She looked over at him.
"You're still here." He said softly.
"I told you I would be." She reminded him quietly. "Are you ready to talk?"
"I guess now is as good of a time as any." He didn't wait for her get up, instead he walked back into his apartment and sat on the couch. He saw that she came in and stayed standing. They stayed staring at each other in silence. "Well this is a productive talk." He joked.
"Ok. So here's the thing…" Lucy started. "I'm still mad at you. I'm mad about a lot of things. Some of them are legitimate and some I'll admit are ridiculous things to be mad about. But I'm mad and I don't know how long it will take for me to stop being mad."
"I get it." Carter told her. "You don't have to continue."
"No, I don't think you really do get it." She argued. "This week has been…incredible. And it wasn't fair of me to completely dismiss it as just being fun."
"No it wasn't." He agreed. "Lucy, I love you. If you don't want to take a chance and work on our relationship then you need to tell me that right now."
"I know." She nodded. "It just doesn't feel that simple to me."
"But it is that simple." He told her, standing up. "Do you love me? Yes or no?"
The fact that she was being quiet made him nervous.
"Yes." She finally whispered.
Relief filled him when he heard her say yes. But now he needed to ask one more question. "Do you want to be with me?"
"I don't want to be apart from you anymore." She explained. "But…"
Before she could give any excuses or explanations, he closed the gap between them and started to kiss her.
"You can't just kiss me every time you want me to be quiet." She giggled.
"But it's fun." He smirked. "And it works."
"Carter…
He kissed her again.
"Carter…"
He kissed her again.
"Please stop doing that." She laughed.
"Alright." He agreed. "But only for now." He stared at her face for a moment. "You're scared."
She nodded.
"I can understand why. Things haven't been easy for us, have they?"
"That's the understatement of the century." She chuckled.
"I can't promise you that everything between us will always be great and we won't have our share of problems. All I can do is promise you that I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life."
"You can't leave again." She told him.
"I won't." He promised. "You can't shut me out, even when you're mad at me."
"I won't." She said. "You have to keep going to meetings and talking to David or me when you have any issues."
"I will." He promised. "You have to try and stop doubting that I truly love you."
"I will." She nodded. "I'll try at least."
"Good." He smiled. "Because I want you to stop being so afraid. I want us to stop wasting so much time. I wanna marry you."
"John…" She laughed.
"What?" He chuckled.
"You're proposing again?"
"Hell yeah I am." He nodded. "And I'm going to keep on proposing until the day you say yes."
"You're crazy." She laughed, shaking her head.
"Only crazy in love with you." He countered.
"Still…marriage? Are we really ready for that?"
"I am." He assured her. "Look, I know you were worried I was using you as a security blanket to keep myself from relapsing. In many ways you were right. I depended on you to keep me from relapsing. But when I was in Africa I was facing life or death situations every day. My stress level was incredibly high but I didn't relapse and it wasn't because I had you in my life. You were halfway across the world and I didn't even know if you hated me. I didn't relapse because I found my inner strength."
"I know what I want from my life. I want to be the best doctor I can be, I want to stay sober, and I want to marry you-hopefully start a family too." He told her. "We've wasted so much time that we could and should have been together for…and I know a lot of that has been my fault. I don't want to waste any more time."
She chuckled and came over to wrap her arms around his neck. "We just got back together. Can't we wait a little bit before you map out the rest of our lives?"
He smiled. "I guess when you put it that way we can wait a little bit."
He leaned in and placed a slow kiss on her lips.
Lucy turned on her side so she could watch Carter sleep. They had talked some more last night and were officially back together, a milestone they celebrated enthusiastically. She wasn't having second thoughts, but she was nervous. She had been up for at least an hour thinking about things—specifically his marriage proposal.
The thought of marrying him made her both elated and petrified. But as she stared at him, she realized that he was right about something. They had wasted a lot of time letting things come between them. He seemed to be on steady ground with his addiction. She wasn't sure jumping into marriage so soon after getting back together was a smart idea, but the more she thought about it—the more it felt right.
She sighed, trying to decide what to do since Carter was still asleep. With a smirk, she decided on a way to wake him up. She started placing soft kisses all over his chest. When she heard him moan she moved to kiss his neck but let her hands still roam around his chest.
"Can you wake me up this way every day?" He asked, still keeping his eyes closed.
"Possibly." She told him. "Hey. Open your eyes."
He did what he was told and smiled at her. "Good morning."
"Ask me." She whispered, looking him in the eyes.
"What?"
"Ask me." She repeated.
"Ask you what?" He asked with a chuckle. "Lucy, I just woke up…"
"Ask me!" She exclaimed, hoping the third time she said it he would understand what she meant. She watched the wheels in his head turning until she saw the a-ha moment. A huge smile formed on his face.
"Really?"
"Just do it." She chuckled.
"Lucy, if this is a joke, it's too early…"
"Just ask me already before I change my mind." She sighed.
"Ok." He sat up and took her hands in his. "Lucy, I love you more than anything in this world. I believe that we can be happier together than we are apart. Will you please marry me?"
She smirked. "I don't know…"
"Lucy!" He groaned.
"I'm kidding!" She laughed. "Yes."
"Yes?" He asked.
"Yes." She repeated. "I'll marry you."
"Really?"
"Yes." She chuckled before kissing him.
"Wait!" He pulled away and got out of bed. She watched him walk to his sock drawer and pull out a small, blue box. Then he came back to bed and opened the box so she could see the contents. "It isn't official without a ring."
"That's quite a ring." She marveled.
"It was my great-grandmothers'. Now it is yours." He explained, taking it out of the box and placing it on her ring finger. "There. How is that?"
She took a moment and looked at the ring on her finger and then looked at his face. "It feels perfect."