The rating is up because Suicidal thoughts and actions are taken to attempt Suicide have occurred and they will talk about regularly from this point on, however it is done as a way for Izuku to try and recover. This is a trigger warning, it's not a usual way to try but he still does try. Please be mindful. I don't want to upset anyone but this chapter has been in the works since the last update, I put a lot of thought into the situation, I'm sorry.

There was no such thing as a quick fix it seemed that was something Izuku had been informed of during his first counseling session with Dr. Nagai who was kind and understanding but a realist no less. Izuku had been hoping for a short-term treatment, Nagai had shot that down the moment he implied it was what he hoped for, eyes narrowing just the slightest as she looked through his records and asked him questions about his mental health and childhood. Background data to collect, patterns to assess to see if this anxiety had always been there, Izuku knew deep down that perhaps he'd always been overly anxious but hearing someone else state it back to him made his stomach twist painfully. He had managed thus far, it shouldn't be a big deal but he knew better than to press it. She could see the suspension and cause for it, she knew why he was here and it didn't do him any good to lie or play it off. Though he really wished he could at this point, the first session left him exhausted, even though they hadn't even brushed on his attempted suicide or feeling inadequate compared to who Toshinori had been in his better days. Dr. Nagai had stated they were building to it, and that next session they would more than likely delve into the subject whether he was prepared or not. The last part almost sounding like a threat.

He wanted to tell her the threatening tone fell on deaf ears but opted to flee the office once he'd signed out; Todoroki was waiting in the lobby, thumbing through a pamphlet on mental wellness. The bright orange, sunny color hurt Izuku's eyes to focus on, he didn't like the smiling people on the front either. It felt too happy for what the pamphlet was trying to help with,

"I just finished up," he began making sure he caught the other man's attention "Do you want to go out for lunch?" he asked once he made eye contact with Todoroki who nodded. It was better than returning to the apartment and feeling trapped in his own living room, Todoroki didn't let him in the kitchen, and the knives were now locked in a drawer that Izuku wasn't allowed access too. He felt like his whole apartment has been child proofed and it was beginning to grind on his already frayed nerves. His high school friend and person of interest has only been staying there for three days and the welcome already felt over stayed. Izuku was exhausted, he didn't like the overreaction or the sudden lack of sharp objects in his home. He couldn't even locate a pair of scissors to cut a tag from a new sweatshirt his mother had brought over and had to ask Todoroki to cut the tag lose when in that time he could have just ripped the damn thing off.

Todoroki was treating him like a child in all honesty and that was not a mood booster, kissing one of your best friends and immediately being down-graded to being treated like a child who didn't understand things were dangerous was a mood killer, a mood devastator. Whatever positivity he had left in him was reserved for Inko and Toshinori when they called or Inko dropped in, which had only happened once so far but he knew better than to assume it would be the last. Todoroki also didn't let him do housework and it showed he barely knew how to do it either. Izuku was more than fed up, he appreciated every gesture deeply but having his washing machine spit out foam onto the floor was not his idea of an evening in. Izuku was confined to his couch and his body was beginning to build with nervous, unspent energy than manifested in tapping his feet or bouncing his leg as he tried to be invested in local hero news, Kacchan still sweeping through an unforeseen crime wave. He'd snagged Todoroki's spot in 4th on the hero board, he stomach felt tight as he watched the interview. Knowing full well the reason behind Todoroki's sudden break in hero work, Kacchan commenting smugly as he insinuated that Todoroki was crumbling under media pressure. Izuku had half a mind to meet up with Ochako and tell her husband to calm down before he knocked him into next year.

It wasn't right for Todoroki to lose rank because of Izuku, and it sure as Hell wasn't Kacchan place to speak for the former number 4 hero.

"I want to see Ochako." He blurted, halfway through lunch, thinking back to the special report he'd watched this morning as he had waited for counseling, Kacchan's smirk subdued but still ever present as he proverbially got his cake and ate it too. He had surpassed most of the graduating class already, all that remained was Izuku and he was suspended. Todoroki looked over the rim of his glass, slightly surprised but set it to the side and smiled passively.

"We've got time to stop by, she's not working as of right now so she should be home. If we finish up here quickly I can send her a text and we can have dinner with her and Bakugo." Todoroki explained softly, making the other's chest squeeze for a different reason that was much more pleasant compared to previous months.

"That reminds me, why isn't she working?" Izuku asked, pushing some of his lunch back and forth on his plate. Todoroki waved him off,

"Nothing serious, she just wanted to take some time off is all. She was overworking herself and it was recommended she take a break." Todoroki replied smoothly, not even missing a beat. Like it was rehearsed. Izuku frowned, curiosity bleeding in and peaking his interests

"But unless she was picking up more shifts than she was allowed, how could Ochako be overworked?"

"Why don't you ask her yourself, if you finish up we'll see her in about an hour." Todoroki gruffed, gesturing to Izuku's barely touched meal. At the time of ordering he had felt ravenous, but in the process of thinking back to this morning's interview and Kacchan's demeaning tone…what would they say if they knew? Kacchan had told him once in middle school to just jump…would he be some sort of disgusted mix of disappointment and resentment he had tried to do it now when he held such a high ranking…when his life was better than many others…when he had such a strong quirk.

"..-uku? Hey, are you listening?" Todoroki tapped his shoulder gently, causing the shorter to startle.

"Oh, Sorry…no," he admitted sheepishly "What were you saying Todoroki?"

"I was asking if you felt ok, you're not eating. Are you sure you're up for visiting Ochako?" he repeated gently, flashing him a soft smile. Izuku nodded earnestly

"Of course I am! I just kind of got lost thinking to myself…and I guess I realized I wasn't in the mood for eggs." He pushed the sliced portion of omelet around and avoided Todoroki's scrutinous gaze before the taller stood with a huff.

"We'll miss the train at this rate, we should go." He explained and Izuku followed willingly, stomach rolling and brain feeling fuzzy, oddly numb and distant from what he normally felt. The train station and ride became a seamless blur, dozing off somewhere between Tokyo and the outer prefectures, only waking up when Todoroki roused him and helped lead him off the train in his rather dazed and sleepy state. Everything was still a little foggy even as the approached Bakugo's residence, an oddly cute apartment complex that looked like it belonged to someone rather than a corporation of sorts like his mother's place. Todoroki could see the wheels turning rapidly now and he chuckled

"Yeah, surprising right? I've been here once and it's still mind-boggling that they chose to live in such a quaint location, away from Bakugo's agency too by a good hour commute." Todoroki explained as he pressed the buzzer, letting Ochako know they were here. All the while Todoroki looked rather smug like he was in on something Izuku wasn't and it irked him slightly until Ochako answered the main door to the complex in a huff, brown floof and wide smile.

"Deku! Back from America already huh? Miss us much!?" she demanded cheerfully and Izuku grinned excitedly, moving to hug her in greeting

"OchakoooOHMyGod!? You're pregnant!?" he looked at Todoroki and the woman in question as they both burst into a fit of laughter. Placing her hands on her rounded hips and proudly showing her baby bump through a Plus Ultra sweatshirt with a smirk.

"Duh, like I'd take a break from hero work just because I felt like it."

"How-? W-when did-?"

"Deku, come inside, jeez, your acting like you're surprised Katsuki and I are having a baby….oh wait, that is surprising isn't it?" she teased lightly and lead them upstairs, Izuku was speechless, plopping onto the couch as she slowly eased back into a love seat with a heavy sigh

"I can't believe you didn't tell him, Todoroki," she began with a snicker, "I thought he knew when you said you were coming to visit."

"I thought the reaction would be funny for the both of us." He replied with a wry smile, Izuku blinked finally and pinched the bridge of his nose

"You were pregnant during the wedding weren't you?" he asked softly and Ochako nodded.

"Wasn't really part of the life plan but, Katsuki is surprisingly excited and happy, I caught him looking over at baby clothes the other day, he was looking for a onesie of his costume but wouldn't admit it!" she giggled and clapped her hands jovially. Izuku grinned softly,

"I'm happy for you two, how far along are you then?"

"About 6 months coming up, Doctor speculated I was maybe 3ish months along and just wasn't showing symptoms and I always equated nausea to my quirk and thinking I'd just over done it. Turns out, it was a baby but y'know, can't go wrong with that I guess. A few years earlier than planned but Katsuki is very happy, just bad at showing it outwardly around others." She hummed thoughtfully, hand idly rubbing along her stomach and Izuku nodded slowly. He was happy for them, he could see it in her demeanor that she was excited, and the various bobbles scattered around showed that Kacchan was excited too as many of the items he didn't think Ochako would buy in a million years; but of course, even in this positive atmosphere his stomach clenched and throat grew tight. He couldn't confide in Ochako, she shouldn't have to deal with any burdens right now, not when she and her husband were expecting their first child. Ochako hummed softly, perking up with a curious look

"Ah, that reminds me, why did you come back so early, I thought you were staying until the end of November?"

"...Ah well…" Izuku frowned, a slow rising anxiety building in the pit of his stomach as he tried to think of some sort of excuse,

"Toshinori's health took a turn." Todoroki provided smoothly. Izuku's gaze shot to him and Ochako gasped

"I'm so sorry Izuku, I shouldn't have asked, Ahh!" she cupped her cheeks, "I should have been more considerate but I guess that would be the reason you would come home so quickly. Let's change topics, how was America? Your dad?" she asked quickly forcing a weak smile that relieve some of the budding pressure in his gut.

"America was great, I'm going to miss their work system, its' so much nicer there then it is here." He breathed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling with a soft grin.

"Hisashi was nice, very patient and accommodating, I got my messy mass of hair from him, it was almost as bad as mine," he chuckled lightly, returning to rest his elbows on his knees and twiddle his thumbs, "I think I'm going to miss him more than I initially thought, but I don't think he has plans to return to Japan ever," Izuku explained quietly. Ochako nodded, a polite smile and kind eyes,

"It sounds like you had a good time though, that's good…right?" she asked, searching his expression. He suddenly felt too open, that his walls were down and they shouldn't be.

"Yeah, I had a good time." He managed, the walls going up quickly and a broad smiling pulling at his face, Ochako's smile faltered and she turned to Todoroki with an almost questioning gaze. Izuku quickly turned the subject to the baby, and if she was planning on doing a shower or an announcement; she grinned.

"We're doing the gender reveal at the baby shower here in a few weeks, you should come! I know it's like a girlish thing to celebrate but I can't imagine you not being there, I even put it off until I knew you would be back!" she chimed happily, making his heart tug awkwardly in his chest. Ochako had been a rock for him in high school, his best friend, the person he lamented too when he'd realized he had a crush on Todoroki and was subsequently, as she put it, a very Bi-boy.

"That's exciting! How are you going to do it?" Izuku asked softly, easing into the new topic effortlessly,

"Cake! Oh, I want it to be a little boy so much! Can't you imagine a little Katsuki floating around? Goodness, I hope I can get him a little more mild-mannered if it's a boy." She sighed dreamily, causing both men to chuckle at her antics.

"What about Bakugo? A boy as well?" Todoroki asked, Ochako smirked and raised her eyebrows,

"No, we are a house divided, he wants a little girl, I think he wants a little heroine to spoil." She snickered and Izuku smiled warmly. He could see the little girl more than the little boy being something Ochako could handle effortlessly, a mini-Kacchan made him a little nervous actually. There was a comfortable conversation after that, catching up on hero talk and how everyone was doing, apparently, Mineta got in trouble for groping again though not surprising. Time suddenly began to fly with the conversation taking a more pleasant air until Kacchan straggled in with takeout,

"Babe! I got the Chinese you wanted, you still wanted that right?" he called from the entryway and Ochako squealed, hefting herself up to greet him.

"Ahhh! Honey! You're the best, Sweet and sour pork? Yes! I've been craving that all day!" her jovial voice carried into the living room as Izuku and Todoroki prepared to take leave of their home. It was getting late and they could make dinner back at Izuku's apartment anyway; Bakugo noted their presence as his wife excitedly, albeit hurriedly, began to lay their dinner our on a small table in the kitchen. He didn't feel like overstaying his welcome, Ochako perked up as they made their way to the door.

"You're not going to stay for dinner? I had Katsuki get extra!" she protested and Izuku smiled sheepishly,

"I don't want to impose, just keep it as leftovers, less cooking or dishes you need to worry about when you're so busy." He placated, avoiding Bakugo's gaze as they slipped on their shoes. Todoroki hovering by the door as Izuku pulled on his jacket.

"…how was America, Deku?" he asked after a strange pause, Izuku's smile turned tense,

"It was good, my dad was surprisingly an ok guy." He replied; Bakugo nodded and smiled, a small one that looked more like a grimace,

"Glad you made it back." He supplied and Izuku's spine prickled and stomach dropped. They took their leave and Izuku's head was swimming again, they were only a few feet away from the complex when he whirled on Todoroki, a fury building in his gut he didn't know what to do with.

"You told Kacchan!?" he demanded fists clenching tight, "You told him about what happened in America!? Why?" he continued, stalking towards the other man.

"…Midoriya, I didn't do it to hurt you." He began but Izuku cut him off.

"You come in and take over my home, you won't let me do things on me own, AND you tell Kacchan I tried to kil-" a sharp, sucking breath "T-tried to kill myself! What kind of help do you think you're giving me!?" Izuku choked out.

"Midoriya, I told Bakugo because I didn't know what to do. I was scared, he'd known you longer than I did and…I needed help." Todoroki frowned softly and Izuku pulled his hair angrily.

"That doesn't give you a right to tell Kacchan!" Izuku snarled, eyes flooding with tears as his diaphragm began to stutter and struggle to keep his lungs breathing.

"I didn't. He figured it out, Midoriya; he's a smart man. You know that the moment I began asking for advice about a friend who'd attempted suicide he guessed…Izuku, he cried." Todoroki murmured, sending a shockwave through the smaller, tears dribbling down as he stared wide-eyed. Kacchan…rarely cried, he had always been very headstrong and driven, it was rare to see him cry…to hear he'd brought an old friend to tears.

"I made…I made Kacchan cry…Katsuki?" Izuku sobbed, Todoroki nodded,

"He tried to hide it but by the end of the call he was struggling to hide his sobs…he said that once in middle school he'd told you to kill yourself. Hearing you attempted it, upset him because I think maybe he thought that it was his words that had stuck with you. I assured him something deeper was going on but I think you scared him. Even if he doesn't show it he cares about you, you're an old friend, right?" he cooed softly, drawing closer to Izuku who fell into the taller as Todoroki hugged him.

"…as for not letting you live in your own home really, I'm scared. I've heard of so many ways people try and I'm terrified that if I leave you alone for one moment I'll come back and…you'll be hurt or dying." Todoroki let out a shuddering breath. Izuku sniffled,

"I'm not going to try anything, not when I know so many will miss me," He mumbled, "it wouldn't be right."

"It should be more than the people around you! You should want to live, you should want to see each new day! It shouldn't be the sadness of others or the thought of hurting them that keeps you going, it should be a drive to see them again! To meet Ochako's child, to wake up next to someone and be happy! Izuku, that's what you should be striving for, not just a clean bill of health to get back to work…" Todoroki pleaded, tears welling up in dual colored eyes.

"It shouldn't be a fear of guilt that keeps you going, it should be something better than that, it should never be-" Izuku cut him off, taking his hands into his

"I know! I know, I do have more than that, I want all of those things but sometimes that's not enough! Sometimes I need to feel guilty…I need a wakeup call or something to startle me out of those thoughts…sometimes the idea of happiness…fuels the idea that I should die…I'm hurting people by suffering and that maybe they'll be better off if I'm…gone." Izuku managed, Todoroki balked eyes going wide.

"Every day I'm reminded Toshinori isn't getting better, I'm reminded of the pressure I put on you, on Kacchan now too. My mother's face as she broke down…all of it, I can't have a moment's peace because those thoughts creep up on me. You dropped rank because of me, something you worked so hard for!" Izuku cried softly,

"I've done nothing but burden those around me and I hate it! I hate not being able to do things around me home, I don't want to be a burden, I want to get better but I need to do things on my own still…I want you near, I want you to stay close just in case I fall back into that mindset but for the love of God Shouto let me do something! Let me cook, let me clean, let me live in my home…I need to stay busy." Izuku sobbed angrily as Todoroki carefully placed his hands on Izuku's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Izuku…I thought I was helping you, letting you step away from responsibilities. That obviously is not how I'm going to help you from now on, that's not how you will heal, it was wrong of me to assume otherwise…when we get back to your place I will put everything back and we can make dinner." He soothed and pulled Izuku close for a hug. The smaller squeezed him tightly and smiled,

"Thank you, Todoroki." He sighed into the embrace and the other frowned.

"What happened to Shouto? I think we can start dropping formalities all things considered."

"You keep switching between given and formal yourself!" Izuku protested, pulling away and heading towards the station.

"Ok, so let's pick, given or formal if you prefer formal we'll leave it at that," Todoroki explained, falling into step with Izuku who hummed softly.

"I do like how Shouto sounds…but then again people might assume we're together." He said hesitantly and Todoroki scoffed, a wry smirk playing on his lips.

"Izuku, we've kissed. I know you are processing a lot of emotions right now and that can't be easy but we have kissed Izuku and…I do like you. Let people make the assumptions they want too. When things begin to improve when you can smile without forcing it and trying to convince everyone that you're ok…I want to try. To be with you I mean." Todoroki managed sheepishly and Izuku smiled, still a little strained at the edges.

"Given names it is, I can't refuse an explanation like that and not sound like a jerk. Shouto, thank you." He breathed, the name sounded sweet on his tongue. The taller nodded and they returned to his apartment, the train ride back less numbing, in fact, it was partly exciting. Knowing full well the apartment would return to being livable and less child proofed since Shouto had agreed to allow access to things previously hidden. It was nice, being able to cook in his own kitchen with Todoroki helping him, he made a simple miso and rice, stomach still in knots from the confrontation about Kacchan while Shouto made soba. He made it warm compared to how he normally liked it but Izuku didn't think he could really handle cold noodles right then, thinking about the texture itself upset his already churning stomach.

"Maybe sometime this week I can make katsu for you, the way my mom makes it. She has a recipe for barbeque sauce I think you'll like." Izuku made small talk while he cut into a leek he feared would go bad soon, intending to add it to the miso.

"That sounds nice, we should probably go grocery shopping this week then." He offered and Izuku nodded, adding the chopped leek into the pot and stirring gently. Shouto hummed and stepped back from the noodles and opened the fridge, pulling a pitcher out and pouring two glasses.

"I made some tea, just a little sugar though." Shouto handed a glass to Izuku who took a sip gingerly.

"Ah, I didn't know you took your barley tea with sugar…?" he mumbled, slightly off-put by the hinted sweet after taste

"Just a little, it's how my mother takes it," Shouto replied with a slight smile as he took a sip of his own.

"We were out of green." He added after a moment's pause and Izuku sputtered into his tea with a short chuckle.

"I should have guessed, I typically don't have barley tea unless it's the summer time." He teased good-naturedly before taking a sample of the miso and humming

"It's done, so if the soba is ready we can eat," Izuku explained, grabbing bowls for the soup and rice and then a plate for the soba noodles. They moved to the table that served as the dining and ate slowly, they hadn't made any sort of protein besides the tofu in the miso but it was fine for just a small meal. Izuku's churning stomach calmed after a serving of miso and a few bites of rice, he'd attempted the soba but the texture even warm still made his stomach lurch for some odd reason. Shouto didn't seem to mind, he smiled and continued to eat, the small talk drying off in favor of the meal before cleaning up afterward.

"We should probably try to make more balanced meals in the future, that was a little heavy on the grains side." Shouto mused aloud as he dried the dishes Izuku handed him.

"Maybe we should go shopping tomorrow then? There's not a lot left in the fridge or pantry." Izuku mumbled, thinking to the groceries his mother had dropped off, worried they hadn't gone shopping yet. Shouto nodded as he put the last dish away and stretched

"Do you want to shower first or should I?" he offered and Izuku held up his hands in a friendly gesture

"You go ahead, I want to start the laundry, set your clothes outside the bathroom so I can toss them in." Izuku called as he heading to the small off shoot of his apartment where the washer and drier was contained as well as a small table for folding or ironing. It was odd but a great relief washed over him as he went about doing household tasks, it felt more like home that way, more than it had since his return anyway and his confinement to the couch. Izuku grabbed the discarded clothes and laundry hamper from his room and basked in the low hum of a shower, a soft drone to sooth his thoughts as he went about starting the washer and dragging out a broom, mop, and bucket. A thin layer of dust caked parts of his home and he would rather go without, setting to sweep and mop the place up to get it looking pristine.

Shouto returned from the bathroom toweling his hair and frowned, Izuku was mid-mopping the kitchen when he stopped, turning to look at Shouto who was glaring at the clock and then Izuku.

"It's a little late for chores Izuku, I understand starting the laundry but this can wait."

"I know, I just wanted the place to look better, we haven't had time to really get the dust off everything."

"Izuku, go take a shower, we can to this tomorrow." Shouto chided, removing the mop gently from his hands and pushing him gently out of the kitchen.

"I know I was just keeping busy till you finished and-" Izuku found himself cut off with a poke to his nose

"If keeping busy means mopping at nearly 9 pm then I'm afraid I'm going to have to revoke your privilege to the hall closet. It's time to wind down, don't stress over this, keeping busy doesn't mean odd hours cleaning. Go shower, we can clean the place up tomorrow and get groceries, ok?" he asked, waiting for a response. Izuku nodded begrudgingly and showered, scrubbing himself down and lathering his hair until he was satisfied. He dressed for bed and peaked into the living room, the other man was lounged on the couch, curled in a quilt; Izuku stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Would you maybe sleep in my room tonight?" he offered nervously, a cold chill running up his spine at the thought of the strange look Shouto might give him in return; however the other just nodded and pulled himself up. They were bundled moments later under quilts, limbs tangled together in a strange cuddle as they looked at each other closely. Shouto had faint dark circles under his eyes, a tiredness about him the Izuku wasn't used to seeing in him, a hand made its way to his cheek tentatively and cupped it, running over soft skin. Shouto smiled, hard lines melted away with the smile and in turn, Izuku's cheek was touched, a calloused thumb running over freckles tenderly. A comfortable silence filled the room as both drifted off, smelling of Izuku's almond butter shampoo while intertwining their bodies subconsciously in search of comfort and security.