Disclaimer: I do indeed own Tomokazu. So he isn't a real Naruto character, or really in Akatsuki (bummer). But I don't own anyone else. (only one, hot evil guy for me. Darn it.)

Chapter 18

Meltdown

Sakura smiled softly to herself as she heard the door slam. She winced as the sound echoed off the solid stone walls, making her head ache.

Would you kill me, Tomokazu?

You killed the woman you love, so I suppose it only makes sense. History often repeats itself.

She breathed in deeply, ignoring the stabbing pain that shot through her body when she moved. Just because she'd beaten the illusion part of the jutsu, she still had the actual physical part to deal with.

And she was completely drained.

But could it be…that you're trying to make up for what you did to her by not killing me? You could have done so already, if you had wanted to.

She leaned her head back, letting the chilling air of the room wash over her hot, fevered skin.

…are you trying to turn back time?

She gave a small laugh as she spit out a mouthful of blood.

You can't.

She wondered why she even bothered to worry about it. Sooner or later she'd die. She knew that already. No one could last long under this type of pain. And without her chakra, she had no way to heal herself or strengthen herself for the next time he used the jutsu on her.

Dammit, there's nothing I can do. Do I just sit here and wait to die now? She thought angrily to herself, gritting her teeth.

…I'm afraid to die.

I always thought I could deal with it. When I was using the suicide jutsu in Sound, I was ready to die for Konoha…

But now…I'm afraid to die…

…afraid to die alone.

Sakura's hands clenched slightly behind her back as she ignored the burning in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. Not now. She wouldn't be so god-dammed weak!

Maybe it was because I never had anything to live for…and I do now. I…I've found my place and I don't want to leave. I don't want to die here without anyone, without any of them knowing that for once, once in my life…

…I was happy.

Sakura blinked. She wondered when the last time was that she could truly say she had been happy, even if just a little bit.

Sakura trudged towards her door at the sound of incessant knocking. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and gave a small sigh as she made her way across the living room. Her apartment wasn't that big, but it felt like it took her miles just to get across the room.

Of course, she'd only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before. She had arrived back at Konoha from a long mission, and after meeting with Tsunade and giving her account of the mission, she had finally been allowed to head home. She'd fallen immediately into bed, only to be awoken four hours later by someone knocking on her door. Loudly.

She already felt like she knew who it was.

"Ino, what is it?" Sakura opened the door with a sigh. Her best friend walked inside with a grin.

"You're back! Good. I would have felt stupid knocking at your door if no one answered."

Sakura gave a loud sigh. "Why are you here?"

Ino flicked a finger underneath her nose. "Sakura, Sakura, don't be so impatient." She headed to the kitchen, where Sakura was making herself some tea. She grabbed a rice ball from the table and took a bite.

"Well," She munched thoughtfully as Sakura sat down opposite her. "I wanted to ask you if you'd decided to take a Genin team. Shikamaru told me Tsunade suggested you for a team next year."

Sakura rubbed her temples. "Do you have any idea how many people have asked me that question?" Every single Jônin I meet has asked me whether or not I'm going to jump straight to Jônin sensei from ANBU. I'm not even that good.

Ino snickered. "I heard from Shikamaru that you were second-guessing yourself. Why? You'd make a good sensei, forehead. You have that motherly instinct."

Sakura smiled at the nickname. Ino never used it anymore, unless she ran out of anything else to say. Sakura couldn't even remember the last time she'd called Ino, Ino-pig.

Ino had continued to stay friends with Shikamaru and Choji, even after Shikamaru had become engaged with Temari of the Sand. Ino was even friends with Temari. In fact, after Sakura, Sakura believed Temari came in a very close second. They were both headstrong. Like twins. As if one wasn't enough.

"Thanks, I think." Sakura answered back sarcastically. She stood and looked at the large pile of dishes sitting in her sink. She gave a sigh. "Who was staying at my house while I was away? They dirtied all the dishes."

"Well, you asked me to watch the house. So I stayed over a few days." Ino shrugged.

Sakura began running the steaming water, pouring in some soap. Ino came up beside her.

"I'll rinse."

Sakura nodded as she began scrubbing the dirty dishes.

"All I'm saying, Sakura, is that you're good with children. Or you used to be, before you became such a serious prick."

Sakura sighed. It was true; she hadn't spent much time with her old friends anymore since she was so busy training and on missions. But she wouldn't call herself a 'prick'.

There was a knock at the door once again. "H-hello?"

Ino was the one who yelled out, "Come on in Hinata! The door's unlocked!" In a few seconds Hinata was peering around the corner at them.

"Hello Ino, S-Sakura."

"Good morning Hinata." Sakura nodded, up to her arms in soapsuds. "How are you?"

"Good." Hinata whispered. She came up beside Ino. "Oh, you're d-doing dishes? Here, let m-me help. I'll dry."

Sakura handed a plate to Ino, who rinsed it off.

"I didn't know you made such early social calls, Hinata." Ino joked.

Hinata blushed. "Oh. Well. I wanted to t-talk with Sakura."

Sakura nodded with another ghost of her old smile. "Shoot."

Ino gave a plate to Hinata, who thoughtfully dried it with a towel. She placed it on the counter to be put away later. She bit her lip as if she were stalling.

"Well. I heard y-you weren't sure about becoming a sensei."

"Oi."

Hinata looked startled at Sakura's answer and opened her mouth to apologize but Ino merely gave her another clean dish to dry. "Don't worry. It's just because she's heard it a million times before."

There was another loud knock on the door. "Sakura! You there?" It was two people this time. "We're coming in! The door's unlocked!"

Temari and Tenten rounded the corner into the kitchen and stopped for a moment. Then they grinned and walked over.

"So, when did Sakura hire so many little maids?" Temari teased as she began taking the dried plates and putting them up in their respective places. Tenten followed suit.

"Don't tell me, you're here to tell me I should become a sensei as well?" Sakura raised one eyebrow.

"Wow. How did you know?" Tenten smirked.

"Because every single person I've met so far has tried to persuade me to do so."

"N-Neji wants you to b-become a sensei." Hinata whispered.

There was a loud moment of silence. Everyone turned to look at the young Hyuga heiress.

Hinata blushed a deep red as she continued drying a dish, fumbling with the cloth. "W-well…um…"

"He told you he wanted Sakura to become a sensei? Why?" Ino asked, puzzled.

"Well, they are really good friends. I swear, Sakura spends more time with Shikamaru and Neji than she does with us, her gal pals." Tenten teased.

Sakura sighed. "We are all three ANBU captains."

"Of course." Temari nodded solemnly, trying to force herself not to smile. She then looked down at the dish in her hand. "Where does this go?"

"Over there." Sakura pointed with her head before she sighed, brushing a wet hand through her short hair. She looked back at all of her friends.

"Very well. If it will keep you five from griping, I suppose I can look into becoming a sensei. How bad can it get?"

All five grinned triumphantly, and Sakura almost regretted her decision. That was when two other kunoichi entered the house.

"Hey Sakura!" Anko greeted with a grin. "Nice to see you. I heard you and Genma just got back from a mission a few hours ago. How was it?"

"He didn't try anything improper, did he?" Kurenai asked.

Sakura smiled at them all, as Anko turned to help Ino wash, and Kurenai grabbed another towel.

She began explaining to them the details she could about the mission. She reveled in the bond she still had with these women.

It had been so long since she had just spent time with her friends.

It was nice.

Sakura gave a small sigh as she opened her eyes again, only to be met with the dismal black of the room. She had told Tsunade the next day she'd think about becoming a sensei. Tsunade had merely grinned from ear to ear before slapping her on the back, which had sent Sakura onto the floor.

She and Neji had been told they'd be evaluated over the next year and then see if they'd make it to Jônin sensei. Sakura's ANBU team had been a little disgruntled at the idea of losing their captain.

She had been expecting to get her answer back when she arrived home from that last ANBU mission.

She wondered…would she have been a good sensei? Motherly instincts, eh? I can't even have children anymore. How great of a mother can I be? She thought angrily.

But Sakura had no more time to think about what could have been. She was tired, and sore. She was mentally and physically drained. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Sleep…and wait.

Kisame gave a small growl as he rubbed his back. It was sore, from the position he'd been sleeping in for the past few hours. He heard a happy yip from that stupid ninja mutt, and he opened his eyes angrily.

"Dammit! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

Temari gave a small smirk. "Are you rested yet, Kisame-san? Or should I tuck you in and sing you a lullaby so you can get back to your afternoon nap?" She mimicked his infamous words he'd yelled at the Konoha ANBU the day before.

Kisame gritted his teeth as the Konoha shinobi let out a few laughs at his expense, and Deidara snorted. Sasori busied himself with Sakura's puppet, hiding a small smile by looking down.

Kisame's own mouth twitched, but he forced it to remain a frown. "Ha, ha." I should have known they wouldn't be above throwing my own words back at me. Che. Just like that idiot Deidara and kitten.

"What's made you so cranky, Kisame, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Nothing." Kisame muttered, shouldering Samehada. "Nothing at all."

"Let's get going." Itachi spoke in his usual voice, which didn't disconcert the Akatsuki members at all. But it made some of the Konoha shinobi stiffen, as if they weren't used to such a harsh tone.

Babies. Kisame mocked silently. A bunch of immature children.

The Konoha shinobi were thinking much along the same guidelines as they stared at the blue-skinned shark-man.

"How much longer do you think until we find Tomokazu's hideout, yeah?" Deidara asked no one in particular.

"Judging by the way the Aburame's kikai seem to be returning to him sooner from their scouting missions, I believe we are nearing our destination." Sasori answered back as he watched them all.

Shino blinked, turning to the missing-nin from Sand. He was sharp. Shino and the others would have to remember that.

"What's so great about this Tomokazu guy, anyway?" Kiba drawled.

"I think what Kiba means is, does he have any significant jutsus we should know about?" Tenten finished as the Akatsuki gave Kiba a condescending look.

Kisame shrugged. "I don't know kid. That's the thing. We've never seen him use his damn special jutsu, so we don't even know if he even has one."

Sasori gave a small sigh. "Not necessarily, Kisame."

Everyone turned to look at the puppet master. Sasori met their gaze with his cool, calm one. "He used it on me once. I presume it was his kekkei genkai."

"What did it do, yeah? Why didn't you tell us, Sasori?" Deidara asked.

Sasori raised one eyebrow, giving a small sigh. "I do not know what it does, merely that it causes extreme pain upon touch."

"He used it on Sakura."

They all turned to the younger Uchiha. That was the first sentence Sasuke had spoken since they'd begun that didn't contain the words 'Itachi' 'murder' or 'revenge'. His eyes were dark, as if he were seeing something in the past.

"He did WHAT to my kitten?" Kisame roared. "I'll murder that bastard with my own hands!"

"Then I'll have someone bring him back to life with a forbidden jutsu and kill him all over again!" Naruto finished angrily as well.

There was a moment of silence, before Deidara answered back with a small smile, "You'll have to dig him up, because I will have already killed him, yeah."

Naruto stared at Kisame, who was watching him with a small frown of annoyance at being caught saying the same thing as the Kyuubi container. He merely huffed as he leaned against one of the trees.

"Uchiha, what exactly did he do to Haruno-san?" Sasori asked, turning to Sasuke. "Did you notice anything special about the jutsu he used? Any hand signs beforehand?"

Sasuke shook his head. "No."

Shikamaru gave a small sigh. "Alright, we won't get anywhere sitting here. Let's talk while we move."

"Here, here." Lee cheered. "Let us get going!"

"Akamaru still has a faint scent. Come on." Kiba answered back, jumping into the trees. The Konoha shinobi followed them, the Akatsuki a bit more sedately.

"It isn't wise to tell them anything we do not need to."

Deidara, Kisame, and Sasori turned to look at Itachi.

"It will merely complicate things."

Tomokazu stormed down the hallway. His entire body hummed with anger as it heated his blood. He gritted his teeth slightly as he walked into his room, closing the door with a slam. He sat down heavily in his chair, practically throwing himself into it.

He took a large drink of his sake before he threw the bottle against the wall, making it shatter. The liquid dripped down the stone, forming a puddle filled with glass and sake.

"Tomokazu-sama?"

Tomokazu's eyes narrowed as the door opened and one of his Sound Jônin appeared.

"What do you want?" Tomokazu snapped out.

"A-are you alright, Tomokazu-sama?"

"What the hell would make you think I wasn't alright?" Tomokazu growled, grabbing the second glass on the small side table, filling it with sake.

"I'm sorry, Tomokazu-sama. By the way, we've gotten word that Konoha has agreed to an alliance with Sound." The Jônin didn't sound to pleased with the idea.

Tomokazu leaned his cheek against his hand as he watched the Sound Jônin through narrowed, silver eyes. "Tell me, do you truly believe that I give a damn at the moment?" He had regained his calm, cruel façade, the infuriated one disappearing instantly.

The Jônin swallowed, not answering.

"Well?" Keep it cool, Tomokazu, so that the damn idiot will leave you alone.

"I…I don't know, Tomokazu-sama."

"Just get out." Tomokazu ordered.

"But sir, I have something else to tell you—"

"Get OUT!" Tomokazu threw the second sake glass, and it shattered against the wall, just to the right of the Sound Jônin's head. His earlier promise of reserve and calm seemed to have flown out the window.

The Jônin fled quickly, closing the door behind him softly. Tomokazu glared at the closed door, eyes glowing. He breathed in deeply, trying to regain his composure. That was easier said than done.

I can't believe it…I can't believe she still thought of him. How could she do that to me?

I thought she loved me.

In Tomokazu's twisted mind, he believed that Sakura and the young girl Masako who had loved him were one in the same. It was almost as if Sakura were merely a clone of her. A pink-haired clone. And he couldn't understand why she was acting this way.

She was supposed to love him back.

That's how it worked, right?

Those eyes…they were cold. They aren't supposed to be cold. They're supposed to be happy and shine with laughter like before, dammit! Why isn't Masako-chan the same anymore?

He remembered when he'd seen her laughing with Deidara and Kisame.

Why isn't Masako-chan laughing anymore? She was happy before, with them. Why can't she be happy with me?

Because you killed her!

No! No! I didn't kill Masako-chan! She's right here! She's in the next room! She's ALIVE!

Tomokazu gave a small groan as he clutched his head. Images began running through his head. Masako, smiling as she tugged on his arm and they headed down the street. She was happy.

Then the young, pink-haired kunoichi, laughing as she tugged on Deidara's arm and they headed down the street at the Cloud village during the festival. She was happy.

And then her harsh breaths and whimpers as his jutsu slowly faded. Not happy anymore.

Sad. Angry. Hurt.

"Masako-chan? Are you alright? Did I hurt you?"

"Masako-chan? Answer me! Are you alright? Why are you bleeding so much, Masako-chan! Wake up! Wake UP!"

But she didn't wake up.

Until he'd seen her bright emerald eyes as she sat in Itachi Uchiha's windowsill, combing her hair thoughtfully. But her eyes weren't happy. They were empty then. She'd looked so different, with her hair in that silly, bright pink. She'd always loved that shade of pink.

Why did you die your hair, Masako-chan? Is it because you knew I always hated that color? You wanted to tease me about it and see me frown, is that it?

Tomokazu slowly stood, heading out of the room and down the hall silently. He heard the far off echo of water dripping. It was a steady reminder of where he was, and where he was heading.

He merely continued walking, his eyes fevered in anger and excitement.

Kakashi stood in front of the memorial stone once more. Kurenai and Asuma had come, saying they'd merely stopped by to pay their respects to some friends.

Kakashi didn't know why they tried to pretend. He knew they had come to see if he was alright.

"Kakashi, I'd heard you were thinking of becoming ANBU permanently again, is that true?" Kurenai asked thoughtfully, seeing his gaze travel to the stone. Poor Sakura…you were such a nice girl. Hinata really looked up to you.

Kurenai then looked back at Kakashi. She'd seen that strange, glazed look in many eyes before, the way the eyes drained of all life as they breathed their last breath. Oh Kakashi…there's nothing you can do. You tried your best to keep your team together. It's not your fault.

"Hai." Kakashi finally spoke. "I've been thinking about it." There was another moment of silence as Asuma and Kurenai watched him worriedly as he seemed to become trapped in his own little world.

In truth, he was thinking back to a small, happy memory.

When Sakura had first become an ANBU captain.

Kakashi was walking slowly through Konoha, his mind wandering as his feet took him wherever he wished. He hadn't ever truly paid attention to where he went at night anymore.

He just went.

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing out here?"

Kakashi looked up to see Sakura. She was standing at the old bridge, leaning against it as the looked out at the water. The bridge were Team seven would always meet. Kakashi slowly walked up to her, giving one of his cheerful smiles that could only be read by the crinkling at the corner of his eye.

"I was just taking a walk down the road of life."

Sakura let out a small laugh. "Funny, Kakashi-sensei."

"I'm no longer your sensei, Sakura-chan." Kakashi leaned his elbows against the bridge railing. "You don't have to call me that."

"If I can't call you sensei, then you can't call me 'chan', Kakashi." Sakura answered back readily.

Kakashi smiled. "So, you're an ANBU captain now. You've moved up in the world, haven't you?" He asked in a teasing voice.

Sakura shot him a sideways smile. "I suppose I have."

"It's all because of my wonderful teaching abilities, of course." Kakashi joked.

"I thought it was because of my hard work." Sakura grinned, although Kakashi could tell it was forced. "But I suppose you might have played a small part in it."

"You should see Tsunade. She's bursting with pride. Every shinobi who walks into her office suddenly seems to find themselves stuck in a corner, listening to her tell in avid detail, about all your wonderful skills and that you're soon going to become stronger than she is."

"You sound as if you've been on the receiving end of this experience." Sakura mused.

"Twice, actually. She forgot she had told me it the first time, then made me sit and listen again just because she wanted to talk about it to someone." Kakashi gave a small chuckle. "You'd think you'd just become Hokage, Sakura, the way she goes on about you."

Sakura gave a small sigh. "I have a feeling several annoyed shinobi are going to be coming to speak with me soon. If you don't see me tomorrow, it's because they've killed me."

Kakashi gave another small laugh. "Sakura, I know I've never been that good of a teacher to you. And I want to make it up to you. I know how you and Naruto both thought that I played favorites, and that I spent more time with Sasuke than either of you."

Sakura turned to look at him.

"And that's true. I guess…I guess I thought he was so much like me that I had to help him, because I felt as if it was my duty."

"You aren't like him." Sakura whispered as she shook her head. "You didn't betray your friends."

"Those who betray their friends are worse then trash."

Kakashi remained silent for a moment, as he let her words sink in. "Sakura, I've decided that it's only fair I teach you a technique now. I need someone to inherit my Chidori after all, ne?" He asked with another smile.

Sakura turned to look at him, surprise on her face. "But Kakashi…I don't have the Sharingan! How can I use it effectively?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Sakura, I know you'll find some use for it, someday. Besides, the Sharingan is merely helpful in evading other people's attacks, since you can read their movements and not break your chakra concentration. But you have perfect chakra control, better than mine. And you've been training with weights. So I don't doubt you could find a way to maneuver around an attack and still keep the Chidori activated."

"I'm so glad one of us has faith in me." Sakura muttered.

Kakashi gave another small laugh as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving them a squeeze.

"I have enough for both of us, Sakura."

Sakura awoke to a hand lightly stroking her hair. Her brow furrowed as she blinked sleepily, opening her eyes slowly. Darkness assailed her vision, like always. She still felt the hand combing through her hair, gently stroking it. She frowned, because she couldn't see who was doing it. They must have been standing behind her.

"You're awake." It was a statement, not a question.

Sakura gritted her teeth as she realized who it was immediately. Tomokazu. She gave a small sigh as she shifted, turning her head away from him to try and get him to stop touching her. "Unfortunately."

She heard a soft sighed and a small chuckle. "Don't act like that. It isn't very becoming of you."

Sakura noticed the strange change in his tone. He sounded…younger. Kinder. Different.

"I liked your hair better brown."

Sakura's brow furrowed as she craned her neck to look at him, where he was standing beside the chair. "Nani?"

"What's in the scroll?"

Sakura gave a small sigh, not willing to deal with this today, nor with his strange, newly developed insanity. She almost liked the old insanity better. "You know I'm not going to tell you, Tomokazu."

She heard another soft sigh, as he began stroking her cheek, stepping to the front of the chair. "Don't make me hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, but you never leave me with a choice."

"Get away from me, Tomokazu."

"Don't you love me anymore, Masako-chan?" He leaned forward, his lips brushing her jaw.

"Masako-chan?" Sakura echoed, thoroughly confused. "Nani?"

He whispered hoarsely in her ear, his breath hot against her skin. "Just pretend for a moment, blossom. Pretend for me."

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked in a slightly frantic voice. So, he stilled remembered slightly that she was Sakura, not this Masako-chan he kept talking about.

His tongue darted across her skin and Sakura froze. "You taste sweet."

"Let go of me." Sakura whispered. "Let go of me now, Tomokazu. I'm not Masako-chan."

"Yes you are, blossom. You have no idea…" Tomokazu laughed darkly as he continued kissing her neck.

"Stop it!" Sakura struggled against the ropes, and they rubbed against her skin, making it burn. She tried to turn her head, but that merely exposed her neck more to his mouth. What the hell is he doing? Oh god, stop it!

Will he try to rape me?

Oh no. Oh no, oh no…I can't live through that again. I can't. I'll die.

Oh god…

ITACHI!
But he did not come. There was no Itachi.

"S…stop…p-please." Sakura hiccupped. She tried to hold in her tears. She desperately blinked her eyes to keep them from falling. She wanted this to end. It was worse, worse than the pain. Because all she could think about was the night Itachi had raped her. The images began flashing through her mind and she clenched her eyes shut, trying to hide from the painful pictures.

But they only became more vivid.

Tomokazu smirked as he stepped away, seeing her shaking uncontrollably. She let out a small sob from behind her lips, which she had pressed together in an effort not to scream. She wasn't looking at him, she was looking at something far, far, away.

I'll break you soon, blossom.

Then I will have the scroll back.

And I will have my Masako-chan back as well.

And with that, Tomokazu planted a kiss upon her trembling lips before whispering, "Goodnight, blossom." She let out a small whimper against his cheek.

He merely smiled darkly, his silver eyes lit with triumph as he walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him softly.

She will never want you again, Itachi. Not after tonight. She will see you for what you really are, how you were before she entered your life.

And she will break.

…

…

…

And I will win.

(A/N: Ok, so Tomokazu is definitely crazy. That can be established now. No amount of help will fix him, I think. He's just a little too far off the deep end now. Poor Sakura, now she's thinking about the night Itachi raped her. Way to go Tomokazu! (-stares down at him with a frown- "Bad boy!")

I am so excited, I am almost at 1000 reviews! I love you all! If I could, I would give you all a hug, a kiss, and a cookie! I may pass out some Itachi and Tomokazu plush dolls too. Hehehe. (well, the Tomokazu dolls would be more like voodoo dolls. I can see Kisame with one now…oh boy)

Uh, I wanted to know, do any of you think I've made Itachi OOC? I mean, I don't mind constructive criticism (it always helps make writing better) but I think I did well with keeping him in character. I mean, I know that in the beginning of the story he would never, EVER have cared about Sakura like he does now, but that's the whole point of the story. I mean, it's called A Ripple in the Pond for a reason: Sakura is the drop of water that branches out and makes a ripple, which effects everyone else and changes them, for better or worse. It's all about how she's changed the Akatsuki and shaped them into the people they are now. If someone began reading Crimson Reflections without reading A Ripple in the Pond, I suppose they'd think he was majorly OOC, but I think I've done fairly well. I mean, we all know he's never going to say 'I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you Sakura!' because I think we'd all faint and die.

Ok, big breath. Now that all of THAT is out…I don't mean to sound defensive. In fact, it doesn't really bother me too much, since I know I can't please everyone. There will always be someone who's angry with how I write. (Don't I know it). I just like to explain myself so that perhaps other people will understand why I've molded the characters the way that I have.

On a lighter note (or perhaps darker) more Sakura anguish in the next chapter. Come on Akatsuki and Konoha, get there fast! Another sweet Kakashi moment. I love that man; he is definitely one of my favorite characters if you hadn't noticed by now.

So, next chapter: Tomokazu is still a meany, Sakura cries, Itachi gets angry, the rescue team gets closer, and Lady Hanaka gets absolutely no sleep so that she can continue with the next chapter. Hehehe.

Tootles,

Lady Hanaka

Question: If your clone kills you, is that suicide?)