7

James's P.O.V

I went upstairs trying to hold back the tears. I fell onto Logan's bed tears finally rushing down my cheeks again. They were right both of them they were right! I did care of course I did! Who the hell wouldn't care? My tears turned into angry sobs and my body shook. A hand landed on my shoulder and I looked up to see Carlos. "Ssshhh it's going to be ok."

"No-no it's not! She never ever c-c-cared!" I yelled. "S-s-she wanted me t-t-to treat you like Logan, but I couldn't!"

"Why not?"

"B-b-because I l-l-like y-y-you!" Carlos's thumb traced my spine as he took in this new information. "She-she knocked me out t-t-twice because I wouldn't do it!" He sat down and pulled me closer to him.

"James are you telling me that she wants you to be better than everyone?" I nodded. "That's fucked up. Next question you like me? Like, like-like me?" I nodded again. His hand stopped and only his thumb traced again. "There were several reasons I hated you. One- you were hurting my friend. Two- you didn't care who you hurt. Three- your goal was to make everyone feel as small as possible." I tried to talk to say something. Finally I gasped out

"Those weren't and aren't my goals! There my mom's goals for me!"

"What are your goals?" My goals? My goals for me?

"To be normal."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean to be like everyone else. To have someone who cares if I live or-or die." Carlos's hand landed on my arm.

"Ok be honest. Have you tried"

"To kill myself? Yes! Yeah I have! It would have been better to be dead than be a puppet for my mom!" Carlos's eyes widened.

"James people would have missed you."

"Who? Name me three people who gives a damn if I'm alive or dead!" Carlos thought about it for a minute.

"Well your friends."

"Who Carlos? People are scared of me! They would be friends if I forced them to be, but that's not friendship that's just fear and I don't want that."

Carlos's P.O.V

I had to admit it right now that this wasn't the James I knew. This James was scared and it was obvious that the mask had finally disappeared. "Your right." I said. "That isn't friendship, but now you might have two friends. Me and Logie. Surely you would count us."

"I do." He said softly. "It's just I never really had friends who would have showed up to my funeral if I had cut deeper." I looked up as the door opened and Logan was standing there.

"You might have made my life hell, but I would have." Logan muttered quietly. "If only because of the memories." He said coming in James stared up at his expression.

"Would you have cared if I well committed suicide?" Logan paused then slowly came over and sat down.

"To be honest yeah a little. I hated you so much, but I don't want anyone dead except maybe one person." He said it so quietly that I was sure I was the only person who heard it.

"Logan who do you want dead?" I asked softly. He didn't answer so I asked it again. "Logan!" He looked up at me.

"Maybe me." My hand grabbed his wrists in one movement. The other hand lifted his chin until I was at eye level with him.

"Logan no. No you hear me! I don't want you dead and you know James doesn't want you dead. Why do you feel you should die?" He didn't answer my question and James sat up and grabbed his wrist.

"Logan don't. Ok just don't!"

"Why not? Who would miss me?"

"Oh hell no!" I hissed pulling both of them upright. "We are not going through this again! You damn well know that I would miss you and your mom and now Kendall! We aren't doing this right now!" I think somewhere along that speech I had lost it shaking him. Logan knew it too and he tried to fight me off.

"Carlos stop!" James's voice finally made me let him go.

"Sorry." I muttered leaving and running downstairs. "I'm going to go for a walk." I muttered to Mrs. Mitchel.

"Ok just—Carlos what's wrong?"

"There's just some stuff I need to think about and walking always helps so I'll be back." With that I left.