Chapter 6: Old Habits

Effie watched as Amabella's chest rose and fell, her breaths slow and steady. She blinked sometimes in her sleep, and sometimes she smiled — she did that ever since she was a baby. Effie had always hoped that just meant she had good dreams. Colorful, bright dreams. With chickens, cats, dolls and her favorite television show.

She had been excited about her new puzzle and Effie helped her with it. When she had returned to the dining room, Haymitch had already gone and Peeta and Katniss were cleaning up, insisting they did not need her help and she should join Amabella in the living room. Effie cringed when she thought back to the coffee table filled with jigsaw pieces. Amabella would have to have them organized in the morning, no doubt. It would not do to have her toys scattered around the house when she did not even live there.

Effie sighed, lying on her back. She had thought she and Haymitch were above this sort of argument. How could she even consider moving to Twelve when he clearly wasn't receptive towards her? And, if she thought carefully about it, he never actually was receptive, not even in the past. Unless she was wearing much less than it was proper, anyway. Then he was very receptive.

But that was not the case. Far from it.

The truth was that this was a mess. The wedding was in five days, she had so much to do, Haymitch was not being very easy, and she was currently wondering if she should just decline that work offer in Twelve and never tell Haymitch the truth concerning her pregnancy.

Because she had tried to tell him, in the past. And it never worked out. And yes, of course she had been worried and confused and just… so completely sure that he would freak out that she never really blurted the words to him. Why, she had even thought of asking him to be a donor before finding one, but she knew Haymitch would not have liked that and, in truth, she did not want to have a child with someone who was so… volatile. Because that was what Haymitch was. A good man, a brilliant man, who had a drinking problem, commitment issues, and a volatile personality.

But Effie knew he should know.

With a sigh, she sat up, slowly so she wouldn't wake the sleeping child next to her. She gave Amabella the ghost of a forehead kiss and stood up, leaving the room entirely. It was late and the house was completely silent. Effie was certain she wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon, so she decided to go downstairs, prepare a cup of tea, and hope that it would lull her to sleep.

She was so stranger to insomnia, of course. In fact, she was quite used to it. They had stopped almost completely when Amabella was born — and what a sweet baby she was, as she would barely wake up during the nights, but then Effie would be so completely exhausted because of all the work during the day that she had never even had time to think of insomnia. Over the years, however, these nights still happened. Sometimes they were triggered. Other times, not so much.

Being in Twelve was hard enough without arguments about the war over dinner.

She did feel safe in Twelve, despite everything. Maybe it was the presence of Katniss and Peeta. And, well, even Haymitch. They were the only part of before that she fondly remembered and that she could still reach nowadays. Everything else, everyone else was just… gone.

When her camomile tea was ready she took it to the porch that led to the backyard, refusing to even glance towards Haymitch's house. It was late enough for all lights to be out but if there was something she always liked about Twelve was that the sky was always so full of stars in a way that the night was never completely dark.

Effie closed her eyes, feeling a little calmer already. This would do just the trick, she knew. Sleeping in a different place always did this to her, too. She would never compare what she went through to what any of the victors did, but she could still feel its consequences now, so many years later. It never got better. But it got easier.

Experience would do that, she assumed.

Her tea was nearly over when Effie heard quiet steps in backyard. She immediately sat up, alarmed; no one who didn't live in the victor's village was allowed inside.

When she saw Haymitch she barely relaxed.

He was clearly in his sleeping clothes, which in her opinion was progress in itself as in the past he would simply fall asleep in whatever clothes he had been wearing. Loose pants and a gray shirt. Effie adjusted her robe a little tighter around her waist, to make sure he wouldn't be able to see much underneath.

"Saw you from the window," he said quietly as he approached the porch. Effie put her teacup on a small coffee table in front of her seat. "Can't sleep?"

She shook her head. "What about you?"

"I slept some," he told her. She understood what was not being said. Nightmare.

He climbed the steps into the porch slowly, apparently unsure of what to do. That wasn't very common for him, to not be certain about anything. In the past, Effie might have tried to make some small talk and get rid of the awkwardness, but she would do no such thing today. Their relationship always left too many things unsaid. She did not want any more of that.

She was contemplating standing up when he sat down next to her. Good. Common ground. Equal levels.

"Look, I'm sorry. About earlier," Haymitch said quietly. She saw a tremor in his hand. "I know and see things changing. Seeing us all there around that table, it made me think it was before. Not now."

"It's okay," Effie said automatically. "I know it's easy to forget."

"No, Effie, it's not easy. It's not easy to forget," he took a deep breath. "My mind has been a little confused lately. That's all. I'm sorry."

They were silent after that. The tea was finished and Effie sat back with a soft sigh. Haymitch still seemed tense. Both hands were wrapped around each other and she knew he was probably going through withdrawal again. Peeta had mentioned a situation. His hands were shaking and he hadn't drank a thing during dinner. His hair looked soft. He still needed a haircut, though.

This was the moment, she knew. She should just tell him now. Get over with it. He could decide whatever he wanted to do. But she should tell him. And possibly ruin their friendship — or whatever it was between them.

"I'll help you with the final preps," Haymitch cut the silence short. Effie was surprised. "For the wedding. It's in five days, so. It's not like there is a lot to do, right?"

"If there weren't I wouldn't be happy for your help," Effie retorted with a smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said. With no sarcasm. Yet another progress.

Effie took a deep breath. "Well, I was going through the final choices for the menu tomorrow. You're welcome to join me, if you want to. Felix can handle the final touches of decoration on his own, I'm sure. I must tell him no peach, though. I understand there is a bit of a trend with peach at the moment but I must say I do not like that at all."

"Okay. I can handle food," Haymitch agreed. "So, uh… Felix. You been together for long?"

"Oh, he's been with me since Plutarch offered me that position back in the Capitol," Effie told him. "He is truly an angel. And Amabella loves him, which is great for me when I cannot pick her up from preschool."

Haymitch hummed. "It's pretty serious then, isn't it?"

"Pretty serious—?" Effie was confused for a moment. "Oh! No, it's not like that. He has been my assistant for years. I brought him with me to Four. He's a good friend, but he is really not interested in me that way. Really, Haymitch," she tried hard not to roll her eyes, "I am far too old for him. You know I have no interest in younger men."

Haymitch shrugged. There was a glint in his eyes. "Don't know, Sweetheart. 'Been a long time since we've seen each other," he arched his eyebrows. "I'd say you're lookin' pretty good to get some attention. Still like you better without all that makeup."

"Well, I like you better sober," Effie retorted, without missing a beat. "Although I'm sure I look a true sight tonight. Between all the packing I had to do at home, I forgot to bring one of my lotions. I don't even want to think about how my skin will look by the end of the week."

"I'm sure you will survive," Haymitch said.

There it was. The sarcastic tone. She should have known.

"Really, Haymitch. A lady must have a few tricks," she narrowed her eyes.

He snickered. "Pretty sure I know a lot of your tricks, Sweetheart."

Their eyes met.

"Maybe I've learned some new ones over the years."

She didn't mean to flirt, she really didn't. It just happened. As things happened between them. He was already sitting quite close to her. She couldn't do this, not before he knew the truth. But her gaze inadvertently went to his lips and he was leaning in slightly—

"Oh, I thought I heard some voices!"

Haymitch looked back towards the door alarmingly. Effie closed her eyes for a moment.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Felix said a little too knowingly for his own good.

Effie, nevertheless, recomposed quickly. "Just chatting the insomnia away, Felix," she smiled. Felix was looking between them with interest. She noticed he was still wearing the clothes he had left the house with. "Did you have a good evening in town?"

"Yeah," Felix replied. "It was pretty good," he looked between them with vague interest. "Well, goodnight."

"I should be going too. I've been here for too long already," Effie said, picking the teacup from the table and standing up. Haymitch did the same. Felix had already disappeared inside. "Tomorrow, do not forget."

"The wedding menu, right," he said dismissively, already walking down the steps and turning towards his own backyard. "Night, Sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Haymitch."

She pursed her lips, watching as he walked away, and went back inside.

The following day turned out better than Effie had ever hoped for: Haymitch had (mostly) behaved and had not aggravated her as they discussed and chose the last details of the wedding menu, and Felix had handled what was left of the decoration. The wedding was in four days, and now Effie only needed to worry about the weather holding up and that everyone would be well dressed for the occasion.

She was surprised, however, when she looked into the living room and saw both Haymitch and Amabella frowning while looking at the jigsaw puzzle — it was only halfway done, and the pieces were scattered around the table. She felt herself losing her breath for a second; everyone would always say that the little girl looked so much like Effie, but seeing them like this made it so obvious — the gray eyes, the frustrated frown, the pout on their lips—

"She has his eyes," Felix's voice interrupted her musing, and Effie turned out in a bolt, startled and mortified.

"Do you want the whole district to know?" Effie hissed, but thankfully Felix had barely whispered. One look at the pair in the living room told her they hadn't even noticed they were being watched.

Effie pushed Felix in the direction of the empty dining room.

"I never noticed the similarity before," Felix said quietly, "but it's undeniable. I have to say, I suspected? Because he had been so done with this whole thing at your party, and seeing the two of you now and knowing you did not go through with the insemination—"

She didn't bother denying.

"He doesn't know," Effie whispered, interrupting him. Incredibly rude, but it had to be done. As far as she knew, there was no one else in the house, but one could not be too careful. "Is it so obvious?"

Felix pondered on the question for a moment. "Well, they look and act quite similarly, and she has his hair and his eyes, but she's really similar to you too. If I hadn't known you never went through the procedure I wouldn't have caught it."

"Okay. Okay, that's something I can work with," she suddenly felt on the verge of a breakdown. "I've been meaning to tell him, but it's hard—he doesn't like children, and I tried a few times and it always was so disheartening, and now she's almost five and she will start asking about her father soon—"

"Effie, breathe," Felix said, cupping her shoulders with his palms and she nodded, closing her eyes. "He seems to get on well with her so far."

She took a deep breath. "Yes, and she doesn't seem to hate him. Always a good point in his advantage."

Felix smiled. "Something she took from him?"

Effie crunched up her nose. "Probably from us both," she was honest, of course. They were both too stubborn anyway. "You can't tell anyone. I think Johanna suspects, but that's it. No one knows."

"I won't tell, I promise," Felix said. "You should tell them both, though. She has already asked you about her father."

"Yes, but so far she's satisfied with knowing that sometimes daddies don't live with mommies," Effie hissed. She started pacing around the room. "I'll tell him first. I don't expect him to be her father, you know. He doesn't—he was always adamant he never wanted kids. This was a complete accident. I did not know I was pregnant when I cancelled the appointment. I just wanted to think about the insemination some more," she huffed. "Next thing I know, I'm pregnant. Between he and I, we had next to zero chance of conceiving naturally."

Felix smirked. "The odds were in her favor, then."

"Oh, really. Don't be crude."

"So it was just once and it happened. You're not the first person who's been through this, darling."

"Yes, well, twice, I mean. Oh, no, there were three," she ran her fingers through her hair. She ignored Felix's snickering. "I eventually decided not to tell him, but if we take that offer and move to Twelve…"

"Yeah. He'll have to know," Felix said.

"I've decided I'll tell him after the wedding," Effie let out a breath. "It won't steal the children's spotlight, and it'll give Haymitch time to deal with this."

"It makes sense," Felix nodded. "Do try not to end up in his bed before that."

That made Effie stop pacing. "We are not sleeping together."

"Darling, I've felt the sexual tension," Felix said nonchalantly. "It will happen. You're gonna be in his bed before this trip is over unless you tell him. Might have happened last night if I hadn't cockblocked you."

Effie crossed her arms. "I will not, I assure you."

"Right."

"I mean it!" Effie exclaimed. She heard a commotion from the living room — Peeta was back. She motioning for the door, opening it slightly. "We rarely reached the bed, anyway."

Felix laughed out loud. "Now who's being crude?"

"Damn you, woman."

"Language."

Haymitch merely shrugged at her. With the wedding being in three days, Johanna and Annie arriving that evening, and the press mostly controlled, Effie had handled the fittings for everyone. Her dress was already all fine for the event, Amabella had thrown a fit because she did not want to take her own dress off after Morello, a lovely girl who used to live in the Capitol but decided to move to Twelve to open her own clothing store, took her final measures, and Katniss' dress had only needed a few adjustments. Peeta would stop by her store later that day for the final fitting of his tux, as scheduled.

Which only left Haymitch.

"I am so sorry about his manners, Morello," Effie said to the young woman as she adjusted the hem of Haymitch's pants. "He has none at all. Time hasn't helped, either."

"I have a good tux here somewhere," Haymitch mumbled, motioning upstairs. They were in his house, and either his housekeeper was late or he had been busy reading old newspapers, because the living room was a complete disaster filled with papers scattered everywhere. "This one feels tight."

"If you mean the tux you wore for the Victory Ball, I do not even have to tell you that it is outdated," Effie retorted. He did look uncomfortable as he kept tugging at the pants near the crotch area. Effie tried not to laugh. "Really, Haymitch. This is the latest fashion. You don't want to wear pants that are a size too big."

"These ones feel a size too small, Sweetheart," he groaned.

Effie shared a look with Morello.

"I have these a size bigger," the young woman offered, looking at Effie. "They will feel less tight but they'll look a little loose, I'm afraid."

Effie sighed. Haymitch had his eyebrows arched, waiting for her decision. He had always let her worry about his wardrobe, despite always commenting on how awful he thought her dresses were. He knew better than to argue.

"Okay, fine," she relented after a moment. "Honestly, you give me more trouble than the four-year-old across the street."

Morello laughed.

"Did you get her to take the dress off?" the stylist asked as she started gathering her things.

"I had to plead," Effie answered, "and then I had to promise I'd let her wear the dress for an entire day when we get home," she let out a laugh. "Haymitch, you can strip. This tux will go back to the store."

"You not even gonna buy me dinner first?" Haymitch arched his eyebrows.

"We'll wait in the hall," Effie retorted.

By the time Haymitch reappeared from the living room, he was wearing the same battered pants as before and only his undershirt. Effie scowled at his state of undress but made no comment until Morello left, promising to come back tomorrow with the right size to take the measures. Effie could only hope Peeta wouldn't be as fussy as Haymitch was.

"You really couldn't bother to put on a shirt, could you?" she said once the stylist closed the door.

Haymitch scratched his beard. "This is a shirt."

Effie had to fight the urge to roll her eyes as she turned around to get her planner in the living room.

"It's an undershirt. It's not presentable," she continued, finding her planner on the coffee table and taking a quick look on what was scheduled for the morning.

"Listen, there's nothing any of you hadn't seen," Haymitch retorted.

That made her look up. "Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you and Morello—"

"Cut that crap, Sweetheart. She's taken my measurements before," he rolled his eyes. "Not as thoroughly as you have, though."

She hated how flustered he made her.

"Well," she cleared her throat, deciding to focus on the planner instead, "I was wondering if, perhaps, you could look after Amabella tomorrow afternoon. It's just for a little while," she felt suddenly nervous — for the request, for the fact that he was flirting, for the fact that she wanted to flirt back. "Felix will be busy, I have a meeting with the press representatives from several districts, and I think Katniss is a little sick of her, even if she's too sweet to say anything."

"Sure," Haymitch said, picking up a few papers across the floor.

"She'll be busy with her puzzle, you won't even notice she's there."

"Okay."

"I only ask you not to take her to see your birds."

"Fine," Haymitch said impatiently. "Don't worry. I'll do it. Consider it payback for all those times you had to babysit me."

He winked at her. Effie laughed.

"You mean all my eleven years as an escort, then?" she teased.

"Ah, you only complained half the time," he shrugged.

"And you complained for the other half," she completed. "Do you ever miss it? I don't mean the situation, just the… dynamics. Escort and mentor," she explained dismissively.

He balanced his head side to side. "You were a pain in my ass. Still are, apparently. Still wants to dress me."

"You always dress so much better when I am the one dressing you," she defended herself. "You are right, though. I do not miss the fights."

"I miss making up," Haymitch offered.

Effie could feel his eyes on her as she closed the planner. "You still want to undress me, it seems."

"I gotta say, I like your new wardrobe better," he took a step closer. "But I don't think I'll ever not want to do that. You look great naked."

She let him take the planner from her hands, ignoring the blush that crept up her cheeks.

"We really shouldn't," she whispered.

They really shouldn't. In fact, she could think of at least six good reasons why they shouldn't, right now.

"We never should have," Haymitch whispered back. "Never stopped us before."

His hands rested on her waist. She pressed her palms on his chest — whether it was to hold him back or to pull him closer, she couldn't say.

She should have said something, she supposed. That it was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. That dinner would be served soon and they should go. That the windows were open and anyone passing by could hear them. That his front door was unlocked and maybe one of the kids could catch them. That they weren't escort and mentor anymore and this never helped them. That this was too complicated and she didn't want complicated in her life anymore. That the last time they did this they conceived a child.

Instead, she was silent. His palms left her waist to caress her back and slowly go downwards. Her own hands went to his shoulders. His touch felt foreign and familiar at the same time. She could lie all she wanted, but the truth was — she missed this.

And so she pulled him closer.

Effie wasn't sure if she kissed him first or the other way around, but suddenly it didn't matter that anyone could enter the house and see them, or that the windows were open and anyone could listen. It was complicated. She had so many unfinished business with him. He was so complicated.

But it really felt so simple when he kissed her like that.

She didn't resist when he grabbed her behind, only moaned when his hands got a little too rough; she didn't resist when he walked them towards the nearest wall and she was trapped between concrete and his body, only managed to get his shirt off in the meantime; she didn't resist when he lifted her, only wrapped her legs around his waist.

She was a very willing participant.

Her skirt had moved up to her waist when he lifted her, so it was very easy for him to rub against her, fingers moving against her center through the soft, thin material of her underwear. It was fast and rough, and it felt like before; he was groaning when he pushed her panties aside and pushed inside her.

And God, he felt amazing.

His thrusts were hard and fast and it did not take her long to get there; she came hard with a loud moan and he followed soon afterwards. His face was hidden between her shoulder and her neck, and she closed her eyes, panting, resting her head against the wall. He was still inside her for a moment as they both caught their breaths. For a full minute, it felt like it was seven, eight years ago, and they were in some corner of the penthouse in the Capitol.

The moment was over soon, though. He moved slightly, pulling out of her, and she felt the warm moisture around her thighs in an unpleasant way as she unwrapped her legs from him and stood — her legs felt a bit like jelly and she had to hold her arms against the wall for a few seconds.

Haymitch kept his palms on her waist, though, and she was forced to look up at him.

He had a weird look on his face.

She decided to kiss it away.

This kiss was slow, nothing like the few ones they shared in the past five minutes. It was almost lazy. She sighed against his lips and wrapped her arms around his torso. It felt good. They remained that way even after their lips pulled apart.

"Kinda like it when we make up without fighting too," he teased.

Effie let out a giggle. "It's not too bad," he gave her a peck. Then another. This was unprecedented behavior, almost. They didn't usually linger after wall sex, anyway. And that had happened way too often. Their gaze held for a moment, then Effie broke the spell. "I must use the restroom."

He nodded, pulling away from her and fixing his pants back in place while she adjusted her skirt. When she left, he was putting on his undershirt again.

Once inside the restroom, Effie cleaned herself up and fixed her makeup as best as she could — her lipstick was completely smeared around her face so it would simply be easier to take it all off. Thankfully her skirt contained no stains on the outside. It had been way too fast for any other consequence. She took a deep breath and didn't even meet her own eyes in the mirror. Less than five minutes later, she was already regretting this. She felt a little like the silly twenty-something who started this in the first place, so many years ago.

She sighed. What was done was done.

When she exited the restroom, Haymitch was already waiting for her in the hall, holding her planner, now dressed properly for dinner. She walked towards him quickly, not quite ready to face him, so she chose to eye him critically. He had some lipstick on him, as well.

"Thought I told you to go easy on the heels after nearly breaking your ankle," he mentioned as she raised her hand to wipe the lipstick off. She didn't explain the gesture; he simply understood. Too many years covering up, she supposed. Old habits did die hard.

On the outside, she glared at him. On the inside, she was happy for the comment. She could do with some arguing.

"I thought we had a deal. You don't complain about my heels and I don't complain about your geese."

He smirked. She shook her head, trying not to smile back.

They headed to Katniss and Peeta's side by side, but not quite touching.

A/N: Sorry this chapter came in a bit late! I was super busy on Thursday, it totally slipped my mind. Promise this won't happen next week! And maybe if there are enough reviews I'll even post earlier...

Next chapter: Johanna and Annie arrive! Meanwhile, Haymitch spends some time with Amabella, and realizes something.