AN: It seems that I can't get my act together and finish up this story! Sorry this is kind of short. One more chapter coming.

EOEOEOEO

"You're quiet tonight."

Olivia looked up from her dinner. "Am I?" She set her fork down, having barely touched her dinner.

Ben laughed. "I've done all the talking." He leaned over and placed his hand over hers. "Is something wrong? Did you have a bad week?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not any worse than usual." One thing she had liked about Ben since the beginning was that he always asked about her day and about how it impacted her, but never pushed for information. He respected what she did, understood it was hard as hell, and cared about her emotional well-being without wanting or needing to hear the details.

She looked up at him. "I'm sorry." He had arranged for dinner at this beautiful restaurant and she'd had her mind elsewhere. He assumed it was work that was distracting her, when in fact, the only thing she could think about was the look on Elliot's face right before she left.

"You don't need to apologize. We all have those days." Ben smiled at her and pulled his hand back from hers. "How about if we just get out of here? Go back to my place and relax a little. Get comfortable. Have some more wine…"

Olivia tried to give Ben a small smile, understanding the meaning in his statement. This was their fifth date, and she'd gone to bed with him after their 3rd. After their 4th, she'd spent the night. He had been gone this past week and had been sending sweet texts…telling her how much he'd missed her and talking about spending as much time as possible together this weekend. This was how dating worked…how relationships progressed.

But still…she didn't see herself in a relationship with Ben.

She never saw herself in a relationship with anyone.

She dated…she had sex…but she never seemed to be able to take it much farther than that. She always assumed it had something to do with the circumstances of her birth, her messed up childhood, and the lack of a father. And that was probably true…but she also knew, at some level she didn't want to admit, that Elliot was rolled in there somewhere.

"Olivia?"

She looked up and saw Ben looking at her with a worried look on his face. He was a sweet man. Smart and handsome, well-spoken and successful, and she knew that any woman would be lucky to have him look at them the way he was looking at her.

She should be happy.

She should let herself fall in love.

She just had to get out of her own way.

"That sounds wonderful." Olivia reached for his hand and squeezed lightly. "Let's go."

Ben paid the bill and helped Olivia with her short, leather jacket. He wrapped his arm around her waist as they exited the restaurant, and then he tipped the doorman to hail a cab. When they were tucked safely inside, and the cab pulled away from the curb, Ben leaned in and captured her lips with his.

Olivia pulled back slightly; she had never been one for public displays of affection. She saw the look on Ben's face, and she felt a pang of guilt. She glanced up at the cab driver, but he wasn't paying any attention. She reached up and pressed the palm of her hand against Ben's cheek, and she leaned in and kissed him. A light kiss at first, and then she pressed her lips more firmly against his.

Ben slid his hand around her side and pressed firmly into the dip of her waist, and then he was in control of the kiss. He turned his head and deepened the kiss, and when he released her lips, he kept his mouth close to hers. "I missed you." He said.

Olivia could hear the earnestness in his voice. The hope and promise, and her heart sank. She was leading him on…letting him think there was a future for them when she knew she could never give him her whole heart.

Olivia pressed her hand against his shoulder gently, and Ben retreated and gave her a grin.

"Sorry. I know you don't like PDA. I just couldn't help myself." He slipped his hand in hers and leaned back against the seat. "It's your fault really. You look so ravishing." He laughed. "I have to tell you…you probably don't realize the way men look at you. Or maybe you do…"

Olivia heard him rambling, and she wondered if he had noticed a shift in her demeanor.

"I suppose beautiful women get used to it…"

"Ben…" Suddenly, she felt as if she couldn't breathe. "Stop." She rasped.

"I know. I'm rambling. I'm sorry."

Olivia shook her head. "No. I mean stop."

Ben looked at her with a confused look on his face.

Olivia ignored him, feeling almost panicked…claustrophobic. She looked at the cab driver. "Stop the car." She saw the cabbie look in his rearview mirror, and she repeated herself. He pulled over quickly to a cacophony of horns, obviously hearing the panic in her voice.

"What's going on?" Ben asked in alarm.

"I'm sorry." Olivia said as she opened the door.

"Wait." Ben said, circling her arm with his hand. "Where are you going?"

Olivia turned. "I'm sorry." She said again. "I have to go." She pulled her arm from his grip and started to climb out of the cab.

"Olivia. I don't understand."

Olivia turned. "I can't do this."

Ben climbed out of the cab behind her and reached for her again. "Will you just wait?" He dropped his hand as she stopped. "Will you tell me what's wrong? Did I say something or do something?"

Olivia could hear the cabbie yelling at Ben to pay his fare, but Ben's attention was on her. "It's not you…you didn't do anything. I just need to go."

"Just get back in the cab." He said, looking around. "I'll take you home."

The cab driver had gotten out of the cab and come around the front, yelling at Ben again. Olivia watched as Ben fished out his wallet and she saw a cab pull in front of them and two young women disembark. She rushed over before the cab could take off, and she saw Ben shove some bills into the cabbie's hands. When Ben looked back, their eyes connected. She felt a stab of guilt and the pure confusion on his face. But she couldn't explain it to him right now…her need to get away was too great.

"I'm sorry." She mouthed, and then she slid into the waiting cab and closed the door.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot started walking back towards his apartment, pissed off that the only on-street parking spot he'd been able to find was over six blocks away. He mulled over his dinner with Dick and Liz, feeling horrible because he knew he'd been bad company. He hadn't been able to keep Olivia off his mind, his emotions ranging from sadness to jealousy to anger.

Of course, the kids had picked up on his mood right away and they had tried to pull him out of it; and he tried to engage with them as best he could.

He tried not to dwell on what Olivia was doing at the moments when he checked his watch. Were they still at dinner? Had she mentioned a show? Coffee and dessert after? Dancing? Did Olivia even like dancing?

Anything to keep him from thinking about them going back to Ben's apartment.

On his drive home, all he felt was a dull ache.

He knew he only had himself to blame.

He was only about a block from his apartment when he saw a familiar silhouette emerge from a cab in front of his building. He hesitated a second, unable to see in the weak light from the streetlight, knowing it couldn't possibly be Olivia. He was only seeing what he wanted to see.

He saw the figure ahead hesitate as they faced the building, and then turn and poke their head back into the cab. The light caught their face then, and he saw without a doubt that it was Olivia. He broke into a light jog, wanting to call her name, but he was too far away. A million questions were running through his head...and then he saw her slide back into the cab and close the door.

Elliot increased his speed; he needed to stop that cab. He was so close…he was thankful the cab wasn't moving…and then he was there.

He knocked on the passenger window, and he saw Olivia's startled look as she lifted her head. The shock morphed into something else undefinable as she recognized him, and he reached for the handle and opened the door.

"Liv." He said, more loudly than he intended. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

Olivia looked up at Elliot, seeing concern etched in his face. She shouldn't have come back here. She didn't know what to say to him…how to explain her absolute need to come back here.

It was why she'd gotten back in the cab. She didn't have words.

No, that wasn't true. Truthfully, she was afraid she had too many. She was worried that it would all come out…that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from telling Elliot everything she had wanted to tell him for so long.

And that would be the end of them.

Her heart couldn't bear it. As long as he didn't know, she could pretend he felt the same way about her. That there could be something else for them.

"Olivia. You're scaring me." Elliot didn't like the fact that she wasn't answering him, and he could see her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. His mind went to a horrible place. "Did something happen? Are you hurt?" He crouched next to her and tentatively reached out, not wanting to startle her.

Olivia could only shake her head. "No." She finally managed to choke out.

"Just tell me what happened." Elliot pleaded.

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. She didn't cry…she hated crying…and she didn't want to break down now. "I shouldn't have come back here." She said in a loud whisper, still shaking her head slightly. "I'm sorry."

As the words tumbled from her mouth, she saw the confusion on Elliot's face, and it reminded her of the look on Ben's face as she uttered the very same words. It seemed that all she could do was cause misery. She glanced back at Elliot. "I have to go." She said.

"Liv." Elliot reached for her, but she pushed his hand away.

"Let me go." She pleaded.

Elliot couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Olivia like this, and it confused and scared him.

"Please." Olivia begged.

Elliot stared at her for a moment longer. "No." He said quietly. He held out his hand. "I'm not letting you go."

Olivia stared at his outstretched hand, and then back at Elliot's face. She saw the earnestness there…and something else.

An understanding...

Olivia watched Elliot hand the cabdriver some money, and then he was gently pulling her out of the cab. She didn't offer any resistance as Elliot pulled her away from the cab and farther on to the sidewalk.

Elliot turned to face her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent down slightly to look her in the eyes. He noticed the way her lipstick was smudged, and her eyes were still glassy. "Liv…are you sure you're not hurt?"

"I'm not hurt. I just…" Olivia bit down on her bottom lip, stopping herself from saying something she'd regret. "I just…I couldn't…"

"Shhh." Elliot said. He pulled Olivia into his body and wrapped his arms around her. She was stiff as he held her. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in deeply. "Whatever it is, we'll talk about it later." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he felt her relax against him. They swayed lightly as he held her, and he had so much that he wanted to say to her right now. But he knew she wasn't ready to hear it right now. He lowered his mouth close to her ear. "I'm just glad that you're here."