Oh Fifth, pt 1

"Seriously? I'm so tired. This is chaos. - Me."

Hermione had every book she could find with even a mention of occlumency and legilimency stashed under her bed at Grimmauld Place. Ginny wasn't in the habit of snooping, and trusted Hermione to keep secrets for her, so would keep any secrets she happened to find of Hermione's. It was a good arrangement.

She'd asked Harry to help her learn, and was quite good at the emptying out your mind before bed part. Harry was awful at it, he had too much emotion brimming on the surface all the time. When she encouraged him to practice, he'd been taken aback. He was just out of his trial! He was not going to jail! Why was she giving him homework?

Honestly, it was like he forgot You-know-who was back.

Eventually she worked up a pleasant conversation in which she reminded Harry that he and You-know-who had a weird mind connection, and didn't he want to keep the snake out of his head? Fortunately, Harry took it a little more seriously after that. He was actually alright at the legilimency aspect of their studies.

She couldn't get Ron to help them at all. He tried, he did, he just got bored so easily. He didn't see how it could apply to him. She decided to not push him about it.

If she told Ron that Draco Malfoy was probably learning legilimency as they spoke, would he take that seriously and try to learn a defense against the Slytherin? That was the thing, she wasn't sure. Ron wasn't always convinced by reason and logic.

So she stood in the library with Harry two nights before they went back to Hogwarts, practicing the skills again. Fortunately, no one had discovered them practicing magic outside Hogwarts.

"Legilimens!" She tried not to say it aloud, wanted to get it silently, but it was hard to concentrate. Saying it out loud helped her. Harry fought against her, and fought well for a moment. He broke when one of the twins popped into the library.

"Are you two dueling?"

The other twin popped into the room. "Uh-oh. Underage magic! For shame!"

Hermione huffed in annoyance and lowered her wand. "Fred, we aren't dueling. Practicing. Now go away. Don't you two have some contraband to work on?"

"Uh-oh, Georgie, she's onto us." The twins grinned at each other. Hermione watched them play off each other and tease Harry, without listening to what they were saying, until they held out one of their extendable ears to her.

"Want some contraband, little girl?" Fred leered at her.

She couldn't help but laugh, and swiped the fleshy bit of string from his hand, "Don't mind if I do!"

Fred grinned at her and popped out of the room. George shouted, "Oi!" and presumably followed his brother.

Harry sat down on the musty couch, letting his defeat show once the twins were gone. "I just don't think I'm built to block people out of my head."

He was too emotional, they both knew that. "You were doing really well at first. You just need to keep clearing your head and I think you'll get even better."

Harry peered at her. "Why did you start this, Hermione?"

Hermione wanted to give him the speech she'd prepared about You-know-who having a creepy connection, but Harry continued before she could start.

"I know the thing about Voldemort, but how did you come up with occlumency and legilimency? Was it from a book?"

Hermione tried not to look guilty, she did. But she didn't want to lie to Harry about this.

"I overheard something," she finally admitted.

He gave that some thought. "What did you overhear? Who?"

"Some Slytherins were talking about practicing occlumency and legilimency with Malfoy over the summer. I looked it up and thought it could be a good idea."

Harry sighed. Hermione had been pointedly pretending Malfoy didn't even exist for the last two years. Maybe he was surprised she said his name out loud?

"Keeping up with the neighbors, Hermione? That doesn't seem like you."

"Keeping up with the enemy?" Hermione suggested. She was gratified when he laughed a bit.

Keeping up with Voldemort? She wasn't sure at this point. She'd gone over the conversation again and again and couldn't decide why they were studying it. Hermione didn't put any stock at all in Divination, but she could handle intuition. She had a feeling that it was something she needed to consider. Along with the difficult conversation she needed to have with Harry. Shame washed over her, she still needed to have that conversation with him.

Her friend hero-worshiped Dumbledore and wouldn't hear a word against him, even from her. But something just wasn't right, not at all.

/

The platform was crowded with students. Hermione knew she shouldn't do this. It was a breach of privacy, but she stood behind the stone pillar anyway, having convinced the boys that she dropped something on the ground before they boarded.

"I'll be right there," she'd assured them, and then slipped through the crowd until she found the empty corner behind a pillar to hide in. She waited there until she spotted a familiar blond strutting through the crowd. His mother walked smartly beside him, but she didn't block Hermione's view.

Heart in her throat, Hermione raised her wand and breathed, "legilimens." She stared intently at Draco as she hit a mental wall. Her heart rate increased as he stopped in his tracks and glanced around, eyes serious. It was made of a shining dark stone, and filled her vision. There was nothing except the stone. No doors, no windows, She hadn't expected such a defense. Nevertheless, she kept pushing, sliding along the wall to see if -

He threw her out. Hermione turned and slammed her back onto the pillar, trusting the shadows to keep her hidden. A searing pain shot through her head.

He'd done it. He'd thrown her out of his mind. No matter. She pulled her hair back into a large bun and concentrated on breathing for a moment, before slipping out from behind the pillar and onto the neared train compartment. Despite the dull throb that descended in her temples, she kept a light smile on her face as she weaved between classmates until she found Harry in a compartment with Neville, Ginny, and Luna, Ginny's friend. She gave them a small wave and smile, and continued to the head of the train.

Ron grinned at her as she sat down next to him and turned her attention toward the Head Girl.

As the Head Girl was explaining their duties, Hermione felt someone probe into her still aching head. She stiffened, but kept a slight smile on her face. She quite clearly pictured in her mind a room filled with filing cabinets. Perhaps it wasn't as effective as a stone wall, but it felt natural to her. It reminded her of her parents' dental office. She continued to picture only the closed and locked drawers as she glanced around the compartment.

Her eyes swept passed Malfoy and landed back on the Head Girl.

"We got the rotations all worked out, they'll be handed out tomorrow morning. If you have a problem, cry to the Head Boy, I won't be changing them!"

The pressure against her mind slipped away, nearly as stealthily as it appeared. Out of the corner of her eye Hermione watched Malfoy fiddle with his sleeve, where she was certain his wand was stashed.

She stood with Ron and made her way back to the compartment her friends were in. No matter. She would figure it out eventually.

"I can't do it!" Harry dropped onto the couch in the nearly empty common room.

Hermione didn't glance up from her book. "Can't do what?"

"Snape is -"

"Trying to help you protect your mind, Harry. I know you don't like him and he doesn't like you, but he's trying to teach you something important."

Harry got a mulish look on his face. He wasn't hearing her.

She wanted to scream. This was more important than petty rivalries or quidditch! She'd thought after what happened over the winter break… He never listened to her unless it suited him. Tears pricked her eyes. Hermione looked up at the ceiling, frustrated with Harry and her emotions rising so easily to the surface.

The boys both noticed her emotions rising up easier than usual. She was so tired. But she couldn't tell them she was constantly wrestling someone out of her mind. No, they wouldn't take it well, even if she had started it.

When she felt in control again, she sighed and softly continued. "Please try, Harry. Just try emptying your mind before bed. I think it will help it not bother you so much with Snape. I can do it with you?"

The stubborn set of his features softened. "It's important to you?"

Dimwit. It was important for the entire wizarding world. Hermione waited a few moments, realizing that replying emotionally would not help her emotionally-fraught friend.

"Yes, very much."

"Okay," he brushed his hands over his face with a defeated sigh. "Okay."

She smiled at him brilliantly and returned to her book. In a way, she was almost grateful for Malfoy's random attacks. Her defenses were much stronger than they had been at the beginning of the year.

No. It wouldn't do to tell the boys. Let them keep thinking she was fraught with emotion due to girl issues.

/

"Expecto Patronum, Expecto Patronum." Hermione muttered it under her breath, practicing the wand movement without her wand.

Harry knew she struggled with it, and he wanted her to be ready for the D.A. lesson in a few weeks. She was sure she was saying it correctly, and the wand movement was not a difficult one. Why couldn't she get this?

She pulled the thick book toward her. Studying the theory was comforting and familiar, but the spell itself eluded her again and again.

Her alcove was quiet, the library more muted than usual.

She could do it. Just a happy thought. The happiest one she had. She did have happy memories, she did. She just had to focus on them.

Hermione glanced at her watch, she would practice tonight in the Room of Requirement after the others left. She could do this. It was an advanced spell, but she could tackle advanced spells. She could do this.

She stood and exited her alcove, placing the book on the nearest return cart on her way out of the library. She could do this. She would practice until she got it.

/

Hermione pulled down another book on advanced charms, smiling softly as she walked through the library. She succeeded in producing a patronus only the night before. An otter. It was a beautiful thing. The way it glided around her as she laughed made her want to pull out her wand and produce it again.

Maybe the library wasn't the best place for that.

Soft light filtered through the windows, the sun was already setting. Still so early in the day. Her alcove table was scattered with books. There had to be something that could help Harry in one of them. Harry tried to draw the line at meditation, but that was really the only option they had left. She couldn't find anything else. Harry's inability to consistently practice clearing his mind was more than just bothersome. It was dangerous. And what was clearing your mind but mediation? "Isn't there a spell?" He'd asked. As if simply practicing something was beneath him. She pinched her nose in thought, maybe visualization of his own patronus? And just that? She would run the idea by him.

Helplessly, she looked around her alcove at all the books. There had to be something here. If she couldn't get Harry to practice meditation, she had to find something. Anything.

She sat on the squishy armchair facing the table. There was a chilly breeze seeping in through the window in front of her, and she conjured several jars to fill with bluebell flames. Madam Pince would skin her if she saw, but the lighting in the alcove was truly terrible, and there was that draft.

The blue of the flames reminded her of her patronus, and she happily lost herself in the reminder that she successfully produced a corporeal patronus. An otter. The little animal matched her temperament in so many ways. Clever… and solitary.

She frowned. Was it part of who she was, to be alone on her journey?

She didn't want to be alone. No, she wasn't alone. She wasn't. She had Harry. And Ron. And all the Weasley's. She wasn't alone. She ignored the insidious whisper, always alone. Always.

The book in her lap trembled. She stared at it in blank confusion until she realized it was her trembling. Patronus. She could produce a corporeal patronus because she was a skilled witch with friends and happy memories. She pictured her otter in her mind; beautiful and swimming around her alcove with her.

She was concentrating so hard, when something foreign slipped into her thoughts, she didn't even realize.

The otter swam around in her mind's eye turning pages of books and lighting up her thoughts. It swam around and made her curls sway around her face, just as it had done last night in the Room of Requirement with the D.A.

She smiled.

Draco slide down the bookshelf, his breath stolen from his lungs. That wasn't what he expected to find. He was so certain he could sift quietly through her thoughts. Certain it had been her trying to break through his defenses on the platform before school started. Certain he could slip in quietly enough to bypass her office room with all the strange cabinets this time. She was distracted, maybe enough for him to finally break in.

Instead, he'd slipped into her mind to be surrounded by that. A patronus. Her patronus. Oh, he had caught where she was, surrounded by others, learning defense. Breaking the rules, of course. They always were.

But he had to know. He had to know if he could make one. Make a protector from the darkness.

She would teach him.

"Granger."

Hermione gasped and fell off her chair in her effort to twist around toward the voice. Malfoy. Her hands went cold, fingers tingling against the cool stone floor beneath her. She stood up. No need to sit there and let Malfoy stand imperiously above her.

"What?" She didn't try to keep the irritation out of her voice. This was her alcove, her space. He was the interloper.

She was looking into his eyes defiantly when she felt the attack. She tried to throw up her walls, her safe filing room, but he blew through the walls as if they were paper. The more she tried to hide and retreat in her mind, the harder he pushed.

Almost as soon as it started, it was over. They were both breathing heavily. Hermione stared wide eyes at the blond. He just attacked her! To her face! No subtlety at all! She dove for her wand, laying innocently on the table behind her. Malfoy pounced on her, and they scrambled for the wand. She had it in her hand when he grabbed her wrist and squeezed. She felt her hand curl in of its own accord. She struggled, keeping the wand in her palm until he shook her wrist once to dislodge it. She dropped her wand.

"No," she whispered, watching it clatter to the floor.

"Calm down," he snapped in a harsh whisper. "I know what you are doing. With the others."

Hermione's eyes widened and she struggled against the Slytherin. He remained unmoved. Damnit! Why was she so small? He pinned her wrists to the table and snapped at her again. "Knock it off! I just want to talk!"

She glared at him.

"Teach me the patronus and I won't mention your rule breaking to anyone."

"What?" She was floored. When Malfoy trapped her in the alcove against the table that was probably the third from the last thing she'd expected.

"I know it was you trying to break into my mind on the platform before school started. Lousy attempt, by the way." He smirked. "Tossing you out of my mind didn't require any effort at all on my part. Not to mention all the times since..." he trailed off.

Hermione felt a blush creeping up her neck. He had no way to prove - !

"And I know you and your little friends have an illegal defense group." He leaned toward her, and Hermione arched further back to distance herself from his angry face.

"Teach me how to do the patronus charm and I won't let it slip to that toad what you and your merry band of misfits are up to," he hissed. "Meet me here tomorrow after dinner, unless you want all your little friends expelled. Or worse, under Umbridge's thumb the rest of the year. Blood quills are just the beginning with the old hag."

And with that he released her wrists and stepped away. He turned abruptly and slipped out of the alcove. Hermione dove for her wand and clutched it to her chest. Were it not for her homework lying on the floor next to her, she would wonder later if Malfoy really had been in her alcove just then or not.

What the hell did he want to do a patronus for, anyway?

A/N:
I'm fightin'! With the story, I mean. Honestly. Writing is a struggle. One I love, of course, but still, a struggle. I noticed I have a tendency to forego description of anything and instead just go to dialogue. Which is lame. I hope I'm not doing that too much. But at least I noticed so I can combat that! That's what practicing is for! Anyway, I did a quick edit on this, but not as thorough as I usually like to do, so sorry if there are lots of errors.
Thanks for reading, feel free to drop some feedback, it is always appreciated. Trying to keep the story within the parameters I originally set (style and story-wise) is more difficult that I imagined it would be. Ah, well. Writing this, even if I'm not exactly pleased with it, is a nice outlet from everything else.
This chapter was a bit longer and I struggled with where to stop it. I kept trying various places in this chapter and the next one and just nothing felt right. So I hope this ending works well and leads well into the next chapter!
Well, thanks for reading along guys! The next chapter should be posted either next week (middle of) or the week after (also in the middle... ish).
Ta-ta for now!
LL