Wanted
Everyone was sitting at the table that morning eating breakfast and they all noticed that Shinji wasn't eating at all which freaked them all out because they never happened, Shinji ate several times a day. Shinji rested his head on his hand and moved his food around with his fork sighing every once in a while, it began to worry them.
"Shinji," Ichigo asked. "what's wrong?"
Shinji lifted his head. "What?"
"Are you okay?" Ichigo asked.
Shinji sighed leaning back in his chair. "I have my therapy session with my dad today and I'm really anxious about it. I don't know what he's gonna say or what I'm gonna learn and I'm just really scared to hear it all."
"Have you even seen your dad since that time he came over?" Shiro asked.
"No. We've spoken though but its more general stuff nothing serious."
"You want one of us to sit in with you?" Ichigo asked.
"No, there are some things I gotta do by myself."
Shinji anxiously walked into his room, his father and therapist in tow they all sat down in the chairs Shinji set up for them. The room was silent for a while, Joshiro wrote down everything he observed so far.
"So where would you like to start, Shinji?" Joshiro asked.
"I wanna know about you." Shinji said to William unsure of what to call him. "Maybe if I learn more about you it'll be easier for me to forgive you."
William nodded and sighed, he was just as anxious about this as Shinji was but he knew he needed to make up with his son. "My mother died when I was very young, 2 or 3, and my father was an abusive alcoholic when I was 16 we had a really bad fist fight and I decided to drop of out of school and get as far away from Chicago as I could. I stole money and did whatever I could to eat and I slept on buses and would ride them as far as they would take me. By the time I was 17 I was in California and the only thing I could do was manual labor and I made money doing that, I wasn't living here long before I got a job working for this old guy and his wife fixing things around the house. The old man was never home but his wife was..."
"You fucked his wife!?" Shinji said.
William looked down in shame, at the time he didn't think there was nothing wrong with it but now that he is older sleeping with another man's wife is a boundary you never cross. "Yeah, it went on for a couple years I had fallen in love with her and then she became pregnant. The child couldn't have been her husband's because he had gotten that taken care of after his first wife died he had already had a child anyway."
"I'm a side piece baby?" Shinji said his thoughts out loud.
"Yeah."
"So what happen next."
"After you were born her husband made her give you up and she gave you to me even though she knew I didn't know what to do." William stopped and sighed the next part of this story was about to get really bad and he didn't like saying it but he had to. "They forced me out of California and told me I couldn't come back or you. I was heart broken and angry and instead of blaming myself I blamed you and I'm sorry."
"So when we lived in Phoenix that was because that's where they put us." Shinji was hurt and he wanted to cry, he had always hoped something happened to his mother and that's why she wasn't in his life but to find out she just didn't want him made him feel like shit.
William nodded. "They bought us a house and paid the bills and what not so I wouldn't have a reason to bother them."
"So when you weren't home where were you?"
"Drinking, not learning from my father's mistakes."
Shinji could feel himself starting to cry he tried to stop them but he knew he couldn't. "I need..I need a break." he said standing up and leaving the room. When Shinji closed the door behind him he leaned on it and took a deep shaky breath. Shinji stood straight and turned toward the door he had to go in, he needed to talk about this its the only he'll feel better about his life. He went back into his room. "I'm okay now."
"Are you sure?" Joshiro asked.
"Yes." Shinji said sitting down.
"Shinji do you have any questions for your father?"
Shinji thought for a moment. "Why did we move back to California?"
"Your mother and her husband got divorced and she could no long afford to pay me so we moved back here because I knew some people who could get me a job."
Shinji sighed sadly, whenever he thought about their move to California it made him sad because that was when he realized that his father really didn't care about him. Joshiro noticed this and asked him about it. "Shinji why do you look so upset, more upset?"
"When I was 11 we moved here and I didn't know anything about it, like I came home from school and there was a U-Haul in the driveway and all my things were in boxes. I didn't have any close friends really but it still would have been nice to say goodbye to the friends I did have. And the whole time I felt like a piece of furniture, I walked in the door and he was like 'get in the truck we're leaving' and that was it by the end of that day I was in a whole new place and I had never felt more alone. Even when we lived in Phoenix I thought that even though I didn't have many friends and I wasn't close to any one I still had my dad, even though he didn't talk to me and didn't want me to talk to him I still felt like I had him in my corner and after the move I felt all alone." Shinji sat and thought for a moment. "I think the worst part about my childhood was that I thought how he treated me was normal. I thought you weren't supposed to talk to your parents, I'm an only child so I figured you're supposed to feel lonely and you're supposed to feel by yourself all the time and you're not." Shinji wiped his tears. "You're not supposed to feel like a burden in your own home, you're supposed to feel comfortable and be yourself at home and I never felt that."
"Shinji, I want you to tell your father what you want and not just from him. I want you to tell him what you want out of life. What'll make you happy. What'll help you sleep better at night."
Shinji sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I want to be wanted. I want to be needed and loved and appreciated. And I wanna be told that I'm good enough. I wanted to be told that I am enough."
"And you deserve all of that." William said. "You're a good son, Shinji, and you deserve the best life can give you."
Shinji wiped his eyes again. "I wish I believed you."
Starrk walked in the kitchen for a nighttime snack, he wasn't surprised to see Shinji there too but he was surprised that he wasn't eating he was cleaning. Starrk could tell Shinji had his headphones in so he didn't know Starrk was there so the brown haired man watched the blond clean for a little while before making his presence known, he tapped Shinji on the shoulder frightening the man.
Shinji screamed quickly turning around to see who touched him. "Oh its just you." he said sighing in relief.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." Starrk said. "What you doing down here?"
"Cleaning up, I clean when I'm upset."
"Why are you upset?"
"You don't wanna hear it."
"I do, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't." Shinji was quiet for a moment so Starrk grabbed his hips picking him up and sitting him on the corner. "Tell me what's wrong."
"I just found out somethings about my mom that don't really help the issues I already have."
"She didn't want you?" Starrk asked softly.
Shinji looked down and shook his head 'no'. "I don't know what I thought or what I wanted. I think I just wanted there to be a reason for why she wasn't in my life like..." Shinji sighed. "I don't know. I just wanted her to want me but I guess being wanted isn't for me."
"You shouldn't say that. You are wanted. Just because the people who are supposed to love you don't doesn't mean that no one loves you."
Shinji looked at Starrk through his bangs and then in one quick motion he grabbed Starrk's face and kissed him. Starrk moved in closer to Shinji so he could wrap his arms around his waist and pull him closer. Shinji wrapped his legs around Starrk yelping when the man picked him up again.
"We're going to my room now." Starrk said grinning, leaving the kitchen.
Everyone sat at the breakfast table the next morning, except Shinji and Starrk, and all they wanted to talk about was what they heard the night before.
"So," Ichigo started. "Shinji got Fucked last night."
"He got fucked good." Renji added. "He ain't made them sounds in a long time."
"I kinda thought he was getting murdered in there." Grimmjow added.
"Who getting murdered?" Shinji said walking into the kitchen with one of Starrk's shirts on.
"Your ass." Byakuya answered.
"We heard you getting fucked last night." Tosh said.
"No," Shiro said. "he was getting Fucked with a capital F."
Shinji looked at his friends with pure irritation in his eyes.
"Watch your words they'll get turned against you." Ichigo said.
"How many times was he turned last night." Nnoitra said high fiving the group and then looking at Shinji.
"Did you cry?" Shiro asked. "It sounded like you were crying?"
"He only does that when he cums really hard." Ichigo answered.
"You would know." Toshiro said.
"Did he eat the booty like groceries?" Grimmjow asked.
"Did he toss your salad like his name was romaine?" Renji asked.
"Are y'all done?" Shinji asked.
"Are we?" Shiro asked the peanut gallery.
"For right now."
"Good morning." Starrk said walking into the kitchen and past Shinji with a huge smile on his face. "Good morning indeed." he said eating an apple leaning on the counter. "How are you guys? I'm fantastic."
"We're all having fun picking on Shinji." Byakuya said with a smile.
"I had plenty of fun doing that last night, of course I was picking in."
Shinji growled. "Fuck every one in here." he said marching out of the kitchen.
"Two down eight to go." Tosh said.
"Awful." Starrk said leaving the kitchen.
"Where you going?" Grimmjow asked.
"To fuck him again, duh."
(Jealous - Nick Jonas)
'Cause you're too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That's why (that's why)
I still get jealous
'Cause you're too sexy, beautiful
And everybody wants a taste
That's why (that's why)
I still get jealous
Grimmjow sang and danced around Ichigo's room getting on the redhead's nerves, he didn't know what annoyed him more the fact that he was singing or that he fits right in with his singing ass family. Ichigo growled and threw a pillow at Grimmjow when he danced past the TV for the fourth time.
"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled.
"I have a song in my heart."
"God, you are just like Shiro...annoying."
"One day I'm going to challenge him to a singing contest." Grimmjow said sitting on the edge of the bed.
"You're going to lose."
"You're supposed to be on my side."
"The only person who can out sing Shiro is my mom and she never stops singing. She used to sing what we were having dinner to us, Shiro loved it my dad and I hated every second of it."
"Can she sing at least?"
"Oh yeah she sings better than Shiro."
"Wow."
"Yeah, I lived in glee before I knew what glee was."
"That kinda sounds like my kinda family. I sing all the time I love it now I'm even more excited for Thanksgiving." Grimmjow grinned.
Ichigo rolled his eyes and flopped on the bed.
"Now I know we're meant to be." Grimmjow poked Ichigo's leg. "We should sing duets together."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"Why not? I promise not to sing over you."
"Oh thank you." Ichigo said sarcastically. "Aren't we already music soulmates or whatever."
"Yes, but I wanna sing duets with you like 'you and I' or 'hurt you'."
"'Hurt you' is my jam." Ichigo said in thought. "Still no."
"You cutting me to the core, Ichigo."
"I don't care."
"Why can't you just love me back?"
"I do." Ichigo wasn't ready to say that he loved Grimmjow out loud and Grimmjow knew that he baited him daily though.
"You do what."
"You know what."
"Do I?"
"Stop."
"Make me."
Ichigo kicked Grimmjow off the edge of the bed and then cackled. "I said shut up."
Renji and Byakuya rode quietly to the hospital, they were both excited for Byakuya to be cleared to be himself again and get off of bed rest but they just couldn't find the words to say to each other. They arrived at the hospital and went straight to Dr. Kurosaki's office they knew he was expecting them. Isshin took Byakuya a hospital room and gave him a full check up, everyone was happy to know that Byakuya was in perfect health.
"So can I do activities now?" Byakuya said happily.
"Yes, but not back to back take breaks in between." Isshin said shaking his head.
"How long should the breaks be?"
"Just long enough for your heart rate to slow back down. Multiple orgasms could kill you."
"I'm okay with dying from an orgasm."
"I'm not." Isshin and Renji said.
"Fine, I'll take breaks in between. Can I go now?"
"One more thing, I'll probably be late to thanksgiving. Now you can go."
"Come on, Renji, we have to make up for long time." Byakuya said taking Renji's hand dragging him out of the hospital and to the car. As soon as they got in the car Byakuya was already reaching for the zipper of Renji's pants.
"Wait til we get home!" Renji said moving the man's hand.
"Babe, I'm horny I haven't had an orgasm in over a month in a half you got to at least jack off I couldn't even do that."
"We will be home soon." Renji said starting the car.
"I just wanna suck your dick. I wanna drink a beer, move back into my room that I specifically designed for me, eat something fattening, and suck your dick. I can do one of those things right now and you won't let me."
"People are going to see us."
"I have a blanket."
"Byakuya!"
"Fine. I'll wait, you're are so selfish." It was silent and Byakuya looked out the window and then he looked at Renji again. "Why don't you want me to suck your dick."
"Because I'm driving and I don't want to crash. And if you suck my dick now I'll fuck you in the car and then we'll never get home."
"So you do want me to suck your dick?"
"Stop saying that its getting me there."
"I just wanna thank you for being so sweet in my time of need."
"Well don't say anything about sex until we get home." Renji could see Byakuya pouting which turned him on because he thought Byakuya was really cute when he looked sad. "Don't pout either. Just sit there and don't make any faces or look at me."
"Am I that sexy to you."
"Don't talk either. Now that I know I can fuck you without killing you that's all I want."
"Okay."
"What the fuck? Stop talking." Renji could see Byakuya smiling out of the corner of his eye which he thought was cute. "Stop that."
"So I can't do.."
"Do you want me to fuck you or not."
Byakuya laughed. "Yes."
"We are 10 minutes from the house."
"But if we pull over and have sex now my heart rate will be back down by the time we get home."
Renji was quiet for a minute. "Do you see an empty parking lot somewhere?"
Shinji ran into Ichigo's room with just a pair of shorts on and hid in the bathroom. "Help me, Starrk won't stay out of me." he said closing the door behind himself. Grimmjow had left the room hours ago to go do something with Nnoitra and Ichigo had been by himself most of the day.
"Stay out of..." Ichigo said thinking out loud. "Ohhh its 4 in the afternoon, y'all be fucking this whole time." They made fun of Shinji of breakfast at 10 am Ichigo was surprised to say the least.
Shinji stuck his head out of the door. "Yes. Every time I think he's done he just pulls me in his lap again."
"Why can't you just say no."
"Well my mind's telling me no. But my body, my body's telling fuck yeah. I haven't been fucked that good in like ever."
Ichigo looked at Shinji with betrayal in his heart. "Well excuse me. I try my best."
Shinji rolled his eyes. "Shut up." he sighed. "I don't know what to do I'm all fucked out."
"Its like when you think you want someone who loves sex and then you meet someone who loves sex."
"Oh my fucking god yes."
"I'm sure you said that a lot today."
Shinji was about to curse Ichigo out but then he heard Starrk's voice. "Blondieeee!" the sex crazed man called out. "Blondiee!" he called again, he knocked on Ichigo's door. "Have you seen blondie?" he asked peeking his head in the door.
"No, your dick isn't in him?" Ichigo responded.
Starrk laughed. "That's why I'm looking for him."
Ichigo laughed. "Well if I see him I'll tell you."
"Thanks."
"Is he gone?" Shinji said peeking his head out of the bathroom.
"Yeah, I think so." Ichigo said.
Shinji sighed and sat on Ichigo's bed. "I am so fucking tired. I wanna go in my room and sleep but I'm scared Starrk'll wake me up just to fuck me like he did the last time."
"Why can't you just to say no?"
"I told you I want to but he just starts kissing me and my body forgets its tired and it just reacts."
"So basically you have no self control."
"I mean, yeah, kinda."
While little Nel slept Shiro and Nnoitra decided to go to the music room and play with the instruments. "Nnoi," Shiro started. "who taught you how to play the drums?"
"One of my mom's boyfriends, he was a musician. A broke musician but I good one." Nnoitra answered sitting at one of the drum sets.
"I wanted to play the drums but my dad didn't want drums in the house he said we were annoying enough with all the singing and piano playing."
"Why did your mom teach you and Ichigo the piano?"
"She wanted to get us into the arts like her, she can play like every instrument. I tried to learn to play the drums but I was never near any long enough. Tosh doesn't let anyone touch his drums."
"Did you ever ask him or Byakuya to teach you while you were on the road?"
"Tosh tried to teach me but he would just call out drum names like 'bass snare bass bass cymbals' it was terrible. And I tried to ask Byakuya he was too busy and would get distracted too easily. I did, however, recently learn how to play one song on the drums."
"And what song is that?"
"Burning up by the Jonas Bothers."
Nnoitra barked in laughter. "Ima need to hear this." he stood up so Shiro could take his seat.
"I'm not gonna sing it though." Shiro said sitting down.
"That's a surprise."
Shiro rolled his eyes and started playing. Nnoitra thought Shiro sounded good clearly he wasn't a seasoned drummed like him but he was good. "How 'bout this." Nnoitra said when Shiro finished. "I'll teach you to play the drums for real if you teach me how to play the guitar."
"You could ask Renji he's a lot better than I am." Shiro said.
Nnoitra rolled his eyes he would have to help Shiro work on his confidence. "I'm trying to spend more time with you."
"Oh."
Nnoitra laughed. "We're gonna hafta work on your confidence."
"Ulqui," Tosh started. "I think I'm going to ask Byakuya if I can produce the rest of this album." he and Ulquiorra were in the studio making music just for the hell of it like they usually did.
"Really? You ready for that?" Uqluiorra asked.
"Yeah, its the next step. I've already produced some songs on our albums and I don't wanna be a drummer forever."
"I think when you ask Byakuya you have to treat it like a business meeting because money is involved. I'm pretty sure he knows you can do it but it's still business."
Toshiro nodded. "You don't think the guys will think I'm trying to leave them or anything, right?"
"They love you, they'll want you to succeed and achieve your dreams. They might whine a little bit but they'll be happy for you."
Tosh was quiet for a while. "Now I'm kinda scared. I've never really done anything without them before, now that I think about it."
"You guys have been together for nine years its natural to want to branch out and do your own thing. You've changed music genres over the years its only right that each of you have your own desires as individuals."
"That's true, we all like different things. Renji wants his own restaurant, Ichi loves to dance and wants his own studio, Shinji wants to act, Shiro'll sing forever."
"One day you guys are gonna venture out and do your own thing and it'll be okay because that's what you're supposed to do."
"I don't wanna do that."
"Well you have time, you're only 24."
"That's true."
"Its cute that you love your friends." Ulquiorra smirked.
"Don't tell them that."
Sorry this took so fucking long I have been a little too stressed to write but I'm back now.
Please Review.