Over the next couple of days Shepard was obviously not herself. She only came out of her cabin to check on the war room and training in the gym. As for food thankfully Liara decided to take on that task. Liara constantly would go ahead and take food from the galley to Shepard's cabin, mostly because Liara wanted to help and because she was one of the few that had the access code to Shepard's cabin. I knew it wasn't due to Shepard giving the code, most of the time the only way people could go up was with Shepard's permission. The only one who had access before, was Thane. I'm pretty sure Shepard hadn't given out the access code to Liara.

So the Asari must have gotten it through her Shadow Broker means. Every meal Liara would take a tray of food up and an empty tray back down. Sure this all was rather annoying but at least Shepard was eating and for a biotic not eating could really screw you over. Normally when Shepard's in the gym we had set up she'll spar with everyone.

Currently Shepard spars with one of three people, myself, Vega and the Prothean. With me and Vega it's business as usual, regular solider sparring. But with Javik it's terrifying. It's like they are trying to kill each other. Shepard doesn't hold back any punches and neither does Javik. I've had to pop Shepard's shoulder back in more times then I care to admit.

It's odd on the SR1 Normandy Shepard and Kaiden spared a lot but now every time he requests some time with her she declines with a mostly made up excuse. All in all I'm keeping a close eye on Shepard and I have to say this isn't the same Shepard I've known for years. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

All through this she's been focusing on every scrap of knowledge she could get on this Kai Lang character. Shepard is quiet for the most part, which is very odd for Shepard, but at least she hasn't gone off the walls. When we got the news about the Cerberus scientists I thought it would be a good mission for Shepard maybe push her back to her old self. At least that's what I hoped for.

...

We landed and the three of us, Shepard, Vega and myself were tearing through Cerberus agents left and right. It was rather good to see Jacob again, sure he wasn't my best friend but he was part of the crew and I thought that might give Shepard enough pause to actually talk to him. Finally Shepard came over to talk to him briefly, no reminiscing, no asking if he'd join her crew. Sure the two of them weren't close but they were crew mates and that normally means something to Shepard. Now she was just distant almost as if he was a fly and she no longer cared if he lived or died. When Shepard talked to him it was just simple things like how many people needed transport and could he fight.

When she got those answers the Commander left. It was then that Jacob had pulled me aside. He noticed the change and when he asked what happened all I had to do was say "Thane's dead." and Jacob understood. It was no secret that Thane and Shepard were at least extremely close friends, many believed they were involved romantically but a few knew that it was true. I tried to talk to Jacob more but in a flash Shepard called me and Vega to get those AA guns back online, not caring if Jacob was alright or not. That was the first warning sign that this had gotten bad.

...

We were moving to the AA Guns and Shepard was kicking ass which is rather normal for her. But not like this. Normally she relied on her biotics and weapons equally but now Shepard was a raging biotic with a shotgun. I have to wonder if she'd give Jack a run for her money. There Shepard was jumping from place to place sending out a Nova blast everywhere she went, with the boom of her Schmitar accompanying her jumps.

I know that biotics tend to get exhausted if they overuse their biotics and Shepard like most used them sparingly to avoid the mind numbing headaches. But now watching that same Shepard punching a Cerberus troop with that ever present glow, so powerfully it killed him. I see a Shepard that no longer cares about the headaches, she was angry pure unfiltered rage and taking it out on enemies; today she wanted to destroy and damn the consequences.

I am all for fierceness in the battlefield, after all I am a Turian. I've always admired Shepard's fierce form of fighting but the last time I checked Shepard was not a Krogan, so when she charged a damn mech I was worried. The mech's arm swung throwing Shepard across the field, Vega covered me while I went out to drag her human ass back. I'd seen Shepard go down before and it never gets any easier.

As I had Shepard behind my cover with me I noticed the Commander was trying to sit up. But since I needed to keep her alive I held her down with my knee, sure she had a few choice words for me but when she tried to use her biotics I knocked her out. I'm sure she'll be pissed off later but at least she'll be alive.

...

When we got back to the Normandy the crew was rather curious, especially Kaiden. They'd get nothing out me as I carried Shepard into the med bay, locking the doors behind me. If anyone had an appointment they could fuck themselves Chakwas was busy. No words were spoken as the good doctor worked. I sat and simply waited for the all clear. I spent the time not worrying if Shepard was alright, instead I worried over what I would say.

When Chakwas sat down in her chair again she looked at me with a face that simply demanded that an answer be given. "Care to explain what happened to our Commanding officer?"

"I knocked her out." That shocked Chakwas and it showed for a moment

"Why would you do that?"

"She jeopardized the mission." When the good doctor looked at me skeptically I continued "By charging a damn mech."

And that shut her up, I'm sure if Chakwas wasn't sitting she'd have fallen back. I stood and watched Shepard sleep as I explained to the doctor what was happening. "Shepard isn't dealing with Thane's death very well. In fact she's not dealing with it at all. She's not focused on the mission anymore she's focused on vengeance. So much that she's not even focused on keeping her ass alive long enough to exact her vengeance." And once more, like Liara, I watched a crew member realize that our Shepard, our rock, was breaking right in front of us.

It broke Liara's heart and now it was breaking Chakwas's heart as well. Taking a breath I continued talking to the good doctor. "Regardless, Shepard is not going to be happy when she wakes up and I'd rather have her punch me than you." Thankfully the older woman decided to heed my warning and left the med bay.

...

Once I secured the room I settled in and waited for the savior of the citadel to wake up. I had no idea what to say but some had to say something, and hopefully the Spirits would grant a miracle and the stubborn woman would listen. Soon enough Shepard groaned, signaling that she was waking up. I stood and waited as Shepard slowly rose and situated herself.

When she finally noticed that I was on the other side of the room she leveled me with a glare that would make any Batarian proud. "Garrus." She growled out, this was not off to a good start. Care to explain your actions?" she asked in a growl.

"Which actions" I asked.

"How about knocking your superior officer out during a fight for one." I was expecting yelling not this cruel growl that was coming out of her mouth.

" I was protecting my superior officer."

"How does that protect a person?"

"When the person is a threat to themselves and the mission." I responded and leveled my blue eyes on her green ones. Showing the anger and the worry that I had felt throughout this ordeal.

"How am I threat to either?" She asked, I knew she understood my implications but she wanted to play the denial game.

So with a clever counter I hoped to turn the discussion tot he matter at hand "Care to explain your actions?"

"What are you talking about?" she questioned. Neither of us had moved since we began speaking but now it seemed as if Shepard wanted to sprint out of the room.

"How about you rushing into a fight without a tactic. Or how about how you've been using your biotics like you're in a race against Jack! I'm sure your lips have been stained red with the amount of nose bleeds you've been having. Then again we could talk about how you charged a FUCKING MECH!"

Admittedly my voice rose quite a bit, so I took a moment to breathe as I waited for Shepard to react. Thank fully I didn't have to wait long. "You have a problem with my fighting style?"

"No I have a problem with your thinking that your a damn Krogan." I said with a bite

"Look Vakarian sure maybe I have been more aggressive but I'm not a danger to the mission or myself." Shepard said trying to reason with me.

"Wrong! If you're going to lose your head during a mission then I can't focus on the mission at hand. Instead I have to worry about covering your ass. If you want to grieve fine, but grieve off the battlefield, lock yourself in your room if you want-"

"What? You think I'm grieving? No, I'm angry so instead of beating my crew I'm beating my enemies. Everyone is angry about those damn machines."

"This isn't about the Reapers."

That made her pause a second before asking "Then what is it about?"

I looked at her a moment took a deep breath before saying the one word I knew would get her to understand. She wasn't going to like it. "Thane."

After I said that it was like a bomb went off. Shepard looked shocked and for a moment I thought those tears in her eyes would fall. Then in a flash her face turned into pure rage "Were done here." She stated before getting out the bed and moving for the door.

I knew we weren't done so I grabbed her arm. "No we aren't you've barely slept or eaten. You won't talk to others and now you're borderline suicidal." I took a breath before continuing in a softer voice.

"You still have people who care about you. Thane-" And that was the end of my talking as a blue fist came up to meet my jaw. Knocking me back a few steps. "Shut up!" She shouted "Don't you dare say HIS name again." Shepard seethed at me, however her head bent, and for a moment I thought I had gotten through. A single tear fell, right before a blue glowing fist came to meet my face.

Sure I had been thrown back but I quickly got right back up and followed the Commander toward the elevator. "Shepard if I have to knock you out to protect your sorry ass then I will. But know that your crew is worried about you." I said to her as I caught up with her. I watched as her shoulders went back and her back went ramrod straight.

Right before she said the most blatant lie she'd said today. "I'm fine, I don't need your pity or worry." At that I couldn't contain myself and I growled letting a few clicks go as my mandibles flared.

Those few clicks and flares were the only warning sign to my picking up Shepard and pushing her against a wall. "Fine! Fuck your crew, don't care. But you listen to me. Everything we've worked for over the years has been for this mission and as much as I hate to say it this all relies on you keeping it together. If you go off the rails then the Reapers win!" When she looked at me I knew that was the wrong thing to say

With a simple "I know." She slapped away my arms and easily fell back to her own feet. When her feet touched the ground she threw out another biotic charged punch which knocked me on the floor as she went into the elevator and disappeared.

As Liara and Vega came toward me I remained on the floor angry. At Liara's gentle pulling I sat up leaning against the wall. I hadn't noticed the crowd that Shepard and I had drawn, thankfully Vega was already dispersing them. I sat as Liara fussed over me, this wasn't what Turians did. They didn't out their commanding officer in front of the crew or at all. But she wasn't my commanding officer not anymore. She was my friend. So I tried to help her, to snap her out of it. I hung my head and shut my eyes full well knowing I had fucked up that intervention horribly.