Normally when meeting higher officials I'd change into my dress blues. But this war just keeps on taking any semblances of normal. So I, Commander Shepard, met the admirals of the Quarian fleet in my hoodie. I don't know if they understand that I shouldn't but if they know they don't seem to care. I came into this room wanting to be 'The Shepard' that everyone has come to expect. But instead I'm just a shell of that woman. That determination I once had, just seems to be focused on rage now, and I can't seem to shake it.
If I could get through these headaches, maybe I wouldn't be so pissed off. When I see them enter, I follow my training and push back every feeling of pain or thought and focus on what I need. Support. So I start off strong no hello, no pleasantries this war has destroyed all of that.
"I'd hope for your support with the Reapers. What's going on?" I ask harshly, not letting my anger go unnoticed.
I listen to the Quarians bicker about this new war they've started. And I'm silent; I can understand them wanting their home back. Hell I want mine; I'm here begging them to help me to save my planet. And every other planet but still I can understand them. I'm willing to leave them be to sort out the war they started. There are other races that need convincing to come to our aid and not hole up on their home worlds. My thoughts start racing trying to find out which race needs to be convinced to help Earth next. But my thoughts are interrupted when one of the annoying voices spouts off that their first fight with the Geth wasn't murder. I can't abide that lie. When that war first started it was murder, plain and simple. Sure I've killed many but I have never pretended that it wasn't murder. If it's in the scope of duty, it's just sanctioned murder. I'm a murderer, and I can smell my own. And frankly, I can't stand when other murderers try and stay on some moral high ground. Taking a life, that's murder. Plain and simple.
So I speak up "No, it was murder." Once again bluntly, but how can I not? Legion proved that his, people er… terminals, deserve a chance at life because they are alive. I didn't destroy the heretics because it would have been murder plain and simple. Sure I rewrote them, effectively brainwashed them, but at least I didn't end a life that I didn't have too. Admiral Raan counters me, and why not? I just challenged the thoughts and beliefs of her people. Geth are bad machines, that's all some of her people consider the Geth. "Commander, the Quarians never intended to create a true AI. It was an accident."
"Which you chose to 'correct' by trying to kill them" Is my rebuttal, once again blunt. I'm not very good at speaking diplomatically today am I?
I don't like Admiral Koris, his voice keeps aggravating my headache. But I have to push through and I agree with what he's saying. Going after the Geth is not what is needed of these people right now, regardless if they get their home world or not the Reapers are still here ready to destroy them anyway. Maybe if I start peace negotiations between the Quarians and the Geth then we can at least table this for now until the Reapers are destroyed. Hell I got the Krogans and Salarians to work together, how hard can this be? That's when I hear Admiral Gerrel talking about a signal. And the Geth have a history of getting connected with Reaper signals.
"The Reapers" I say mostly to myself, and I listen as I note that the hunch I have about the Geth begging under Reaper control, again, is proven true once more. I can feel my heart rate start to increase, so I control my breathing. I have to be calm. In truth I'm not listening to them, so I ask for the information that I need. "Where is the signal coming from?"
A dreadnought, as I'm looking at the specs I nod my head slightly. Me and my team have taken on worse, and if it's a Reaper problem it's my problem. "The Normandy stealth drive can get us in, we can take it out." I offer, but really I'm going to do it anyway even if they decline my offer. They'll be scrambled, cut off and confused." Admiral comments.
I narrow my eyes in response, and in a brisk fashion I snap "And in the confusion you'll get your ships to a Mass Relay and retreat." I know that feeling, I don't need to see their eyes I can hear it in their voices. They are hungry for their home world, and now that it's within their grasp they want to try. Well too bad, I need their full fleet not half of it dead. I'm glad Admiral Koris gives weight to my statement; at least he wants to save his people.
Just as I'm about to be done with this talk, and then I can't help but let a small smile go. Tali is fine, with everything being so uncertain and so many of us dying it's good to know some of our crew is still here. "Glad you can make it Tali" I say and I'm not lying, I really am glad. So after I told the admirals that I would ready a team I pull her aside to speak privately for a moment. After all I can't be all chumy with her now since she's an Admiral after all.
Once we are alone I ask "Admiral?"
"It's just a formality. I'm an expert on the Geth." Always so humble, glad to see that hasn't changed.
"I'm glad you're here." Tali says and stares out at the stars, you'd think we'd get bored at looking at space. But it hasn't happened yet I am a little confused, the little naive Quarian I met has always asked for help before. And a war against the Geth is no easy thing. "Why didn't you ask? I would have helped." Sure I wouldn't want to do so now, but I would have helped Tali. If it was just the Quarians I don't think I would, but because it's Tali asking I would have been there. Benefit of being a Specter? Nepotisim isn't chastised, sure it's not looked at favorably but it's not like it's not allowed. I wait a moment for her to respond, giving her the space to give a truthful answer. And if she says anything like 'I wanted to handle it on my own' I'm going to put her ass in the ground right now.
"I know you've had your problems…." My breath catches, 'Don't say it! Don't say it!' I scream in my head I don't think I can take another person talking about him about that loss. "I'm sorry, about Earth." And the breath I was holding is released. I can't believe I hadn't thought about that loss, I've lost my planet but this one man being lost hurts me more. Then again I can still get Earth back…Thane is gone nothing will change that. Even thinking of his name still hurts. 'I have to hold it in. Tali doesn't know, keep it that way Shepard!' I yell at myself in my head again
Tali continues, thankfully she couldn't see my expressions fair since I can't see hers. "We'll hit the Reapers with everything we got. Or what's left of it after this stupid war." When she offers to have her fleet help take back Earth and beat the Reapers I stay more focused on the issue at hand. "I thought you'd support the war." I say rather confused
"After I met Legion, I hoped there could be a chance for peace." She says, and I am reminded of how much she hated the machine when we found him. Everyone can change I guess.
"People look to me for guidance, arguing amongst the Admirals would divide the fleet." I nod, knowing full well that tends to be a great issue for those in command. I think on what she says for a moment and a thought strikes me. 'Peace, there's that idea again funny how it keeps popping up. Gain two factions instead of just one. I'll have to do it carefully but if I can do it, I can have the Geth and Quarians in the attack.' I have to stay focused, and I need an army. But I can't let everyone know my angle otherwise its shot before it's out the gate. If either side knows my goal of peace between they will shut me out before I even get a word in. "I'll get your people out of there." I say with a smile, forced but a smile none the less. As I walk away I hear her warning to keep things professional and how she's ready to hit the dreadnought
As I walk away I think about the plan I have in place. 'Peace with the Geth and Quarians would be easier if I didn't have this damn headache!' I complain to myself and pinch the bridge of my nose as I leave in search of some relief.