AN: Thank you for all those who continue to follow the story. I hope this chapter finds you well, enjoy.
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Black inky shadows floated about, looking like phantoms of another life. Jane Shepard looked at her surroundings before letting out a loud "FUCK!" as she realized that she was once again in the same dream she'd had since leaving Earth. In recent nights, they have been decreasing in intensity, she'd hoped that they would have gone altogether, and yet here she was once more in the black forest. Soon enough the soft whispers came, the "Shepard's" and the strong Savior of the Citadel held her hands over her ears in a vain attempt to block them out. Seeing the boy, she sighed as Jane knew how to end the nightmare, she had to get to the boy. Dejectedly Jane moved forward, not wanting to be a part of this nightmare any longer than she absolutely had to be. The whispers continued, as they shifted from calling her name to cries of help. 'I know, I know. I'm sorry.' Jane thought to herself pushing forward with each step feeling heavier than the last. The Commander moved through the nightmare feeling the weight of her guilt.
This she could handle but it was one word, one solitary word that changed this nightmare from all the rest, and caused her to fall to the ground under its weight. "Siha" Once that whisper was uttered in her mind the red-haired woman collapsed, her armor melted away leaving her as vulnerable as she felt. "No, Please no..." Jane whispered to herself and closed her eyes hoping to hide the tears even in her dreams. But inevitably some leaked out. When her green eyes opened again she noticed she wasn't in the forest of shadows she was accustomed too. Instead, she was in the Normandy slumped on the ground before Thane's old quarter doors. A red light blinked, signifying the door was locked to her and at that she couldn't help the sob that erupted.
As Jane began to let herself grieve she looked at the door and banged against it with her fists. "Please open up..." She croaked out in between her tears "Please just be there, please...please don't be gone." Jane pleaded staring at the door, hoping beyond hope that maybe this was all a dream and Thane would be there with a cup of tea when she woke up. That the Reapers never came and that the universe wasn't looking to her to save it. But a loud growl proved all that wrong, when the second growl came Jane spun her head around to look behind her. Only to find herself back in the forest and the young boy watching her before running off. Another crack, another break...a shrill scream of pain ripped from her lungs before the human Specter crumpled to the ground and sobbed. It was only when the shadows grew darker, and the voices grew louder that she could finally move.
With a sigh, Commander Shepard stood, armor and all, as she began chasing the boy again effectively running away from the locked door. Her tears stopped flowing but stayed as silent reminders to her pain on her stone cold face. Once she finally caught the boy her face finally changed. As usual, the flames appeared about him, but this time he wasn't alone. That door was right behind him burning right along with the boy. That door burning elicited a sense of dread that the inky shadows, the growls she heard, or the boy that haunted her dreams could ever produce.
With a scream, Jane awoke to throw herself off her bed and onto the floor as if something was coming after her. Crouched on the floor with her pistol held firmly in her grip ready to take on the threat her mind told her was present - once you've been trained you've been trained - she looked ready to attack anything that came into her field of vision. Green eyes frantically searched her cabin trying to find an enemy. Upon finding none Jane slumped against the wall behind her allowing herself to finally take a breath, to try and regulate herself. Jane placed her weapon on the ground before holding her head, giving herself a moment to think 'Nothings here, calm down. You got no damn reason to be this rattled Shepard get your ass out there.' A similar mantra after that thresher maw destroyed her crew, and after she had died. That mantra was getting used rather frequently as of late.
With a sigh, Jane rose from her seated position and proceeded to make her bed and place her weapon beneath her pillow, where it always sat otherwise she couldn't sleep. Slowly she pushed herself toward the shower, not caring to turn the water on an acceptable temperature. Instead, she allowed the ice cold water to blast her skin, taking no enjoyment in her daily shower. 'Why should I? I'm just here to save the universe, fuck what I want.' She thought to herself in a bitter manner before shutting off the shower and quickly dressing. Taking a towel she began half-haphazardly drying her red hair as she sat at her desk and began reading the letters sent to her. Absent-minded as she was she lazily clicked through the messages. Before hitting one message she was not ready to read. "Siha, I write this with a heavy hand.." That was all she read before shutting down the message. Jane could feel the tears starting the form but instead, she growled and stood abruptly throwing her towel at the desk before storming out.
Easily enough Jane made her way down the elevator, quickly moving to try and find that damn Prothean, she needed a fight and needed it now. But after searching for the cockroach for an hour she stood in the elevator and let out a loud growl to express her utmost discomfort of the situation.
However, she soon found she wasn't alone as the elevator doors opened and Vega appeared before her catching the last part of her growl. Awkwardly Vega waved at his Commander, "Hi, what crawled up your ass?" He asked with a curious look on his face, wondering what had angered the redhead so early after the recent success of saving the Geth unit she seemed to care for. Jane glared at him for a moment 'Damn you, lumpy mattress.' she cursed at him in her own thoughts as he moved into the elevator and pushed the button for the cargo bay. The two rode in silence, yet while Jane glared at the doors Vega watched her intently. Feeling his eyes, and her anger rise, Jane snapped turning to him quickly "What?!" She yelled at him as blue wisps dancing around her eyes. With a smug smirk, Vega shrugged "I don't know something crawled up your ass not mine." Jane glared at him and took a step toward him "Do you know where the fucking cockroach is?" As the elevator chimed it's arrival to the cargo bay Vega shook his head, and with a smirk proceeded to push her out of the elevator in a playful fashion. "Nope, ain't seen him. But it looks like you're itching for a fight Lola." He said as he watched her glare and growl at him. Granted he knew Shepard could kick his ass, but still, this was more fun. Once they were out of the elevator Jane swiftly moved away from the lumpy mattress, so he couldn't push her anymore. "Do you have a death wish Vega?" She growled out at him, never ceasing in her glare.
When Vega chuckled that only proved to irk her more. "No, nothing like that Lola." He said in a relaxed fashion before walking past her. "Just noticed you could use a sparring partner, and just so happens I could use one too." As he moved to a more spacious area he shrugged "Unless you're chicken." He knew that was a childish notion but hey, don't change something if it works.
Jane stayed on the opposite end, near the elevators fully prepared to leave and find the Prothean to beat around. But a voice paused her in her movements.
"Please fight him, if you don't I won't have any peace down here for the next week. All I will hear is how great he is." Esteban stepped forward wiping his hands of grease he smiled at Shepard. "Please beat his ass Commander, it would help me out a lot. And helping me gets things fixed around here." The man said with a smirk before tucking the rag into his back pocket. Shepard continued to stare at Vega, being quite ostentatious in his warm-up routine.
"Are you saying if I don't beat his ass things don't get done?" She asked in a deadpan voice.
"I'm saying if he doesn't get his ass beat things move a lot slower down here," Esteban responded as he watched his commanding officer.
"Done." She turned swiftly to shake his hand. Esteban easily obliged the request and shook hands before he made one request. "Just don't break anything important, on him or the ship. I'll be getting breakfast." Was the last things he said before moving to the elevators and leaving the two alone.
"Fine Vega, just remember you asked for this. I don't wanna hear any bellyaching later. Understood?" Jane barked as she moved swiftly to the other end. Vega smiled and rolled his neck as he got prepared for the match "Yes Ma'am!" He barked out. Once she took her stance the two were off, with Shepard letting anger and fear roll off her through her hits.
After sometime Esteban returned with a cup of coffee down to the cargo bay. Hoping to find the two soldiers relaxing after their match. He wasn't expecting to see his commanding officer and Vega sprawled out on the floor laughing. His eyes widened watching the two, as he moved closer he noted the multiple bruises and cuts forming on the both of them. And here they were laughing like maniacs.
That part scared him, but the part that enraged him was the fact that he noticed the context of his toolbox was sprawled around the cargo bay as well. "What the hell happened here?" He yelled at the two, who remained laying down on the cool metal floors. Esteban stomped over to the two of them expecting an explanation. But all he got was Vega saying "She started it." and Shepard throwing another punch straight to his gut with a "Fuck you." As the laughter died down the pair finally noticed how pissed Esteban actually was. Pinching the bridge of his nose he sighed "Clean this shit up, both of you." he glared before moving away. With that demand, Shepard shot up into a seated position "I give the orders around here." She snapped, but admittedly in a playful manner. Vega laughed at her response whereas Esteban only leveled her with a look and said "Not when you throw my personal effects around you don't. Hop to it, Commander." Shepard sighed but rose to her feet. She gave a swift kick to Vega's side which promptly halted his laughter. "You're helping" She demanded as he groaned but rose all the same. Slowly but surely the two had started cleaning up the mess they had made.
Vega carried the toolbox making sure when a tool was collected it was put back into its rightful place. "Remember the first time we spared?" Vega asked with a smile
"Yup, and I can still kick your ass." Shepard threw back as she picked up another tool.
"I can take you any day Lola." He said rather self assuredly. Before continuing "But I wanted to say thanks."
Shepard had thrown a wrench into the box before standing to look at her fellow soldier with an incredulous expression. "You want to thank me?"
A loud chuckle came from the soldier as he finished placing a few tools back into the box. "Yeah." Vega stood and stretched momentarily, "You actually let me be a part of something. In this whole tragedy,Being able to do something about what's eating me that's what helps." Solemnly she nodded her agreement, she felt the same it was why she had chased after Saren all those years ago. This level of honesty and openess was not something she expected from the wisecracking marine – at least not this early in the morning or after the beating they gave each other. But yet again her crew of rag tag people always surprised her. They had finally finished clearing the tools from the floor but still Shepard stood. She could remember when that was enough for her as well. Back when she was sure of her place, of who she was. And now, she couldn't tell anymore. The dreams, the fear, the loss, the anger, the pain – it all changed her so much. A soft voice came from Shepard as she thought about the burning door once again. "It was important for me too." Softly she let out a sigh not really wanting to let her good mood go so soon. For now she'd be selfish and stupid and push the pain down. When her head lifted she showed a smirk and gave a brief nod "Glad I could help you be a part of a suicide mission" At that Vega let out a laugh, you don't deal with death on such a consistent basis and not develop a dark sense of humor.
The large man easily picked up the tool case and the two returned to the mechanic's desk. There stood Esteban with crossed arms and a frown. Vega chuckled "Don't worry we won't do it again hombre." Shepard shrugged and offered a snarky "Well not any time soon." To which both soldiers smirked and the mechanic shook his head ruefully. After a moment he released his arms and let a shrug go, "It would have been nice to see Vega try to dodge something for once." Thankfully Vega had the good sense to look offended, the slight woman shook her head "Nah, he's a pretty big target. Sucks at dodging." A brown fist collided with her shoulder at the remark and just as swiftly a blue tinged fist connected with his hip. Seeing another sparring match in the future and seeing his tools far too close to the maniacs caused Esteban to swiftly collect his tool box in his hands. "Nope. Out. Go eat breakfast before you both go all crazy again." Dutifully, like two scolded children, Vega and Shepard made their way out of the cargo bay and towards the elevator. All along the way playful shoves and punches were traded.
"Children with guns and bank accounts." The mechanic shook his head and easily moved to return to his work. He knew pain, and he could smell it all over Shepard, and because of that he knew things were not over not anytime soon. But maybe this was a small little moment of hope. Crazy idiotic and dangerous hope – but what was sane or safe in this war anyway