A/N: I own nothing. This fic sort of follows cannon, kinda I tailored it to my needs. This is the result of pixie sticks and negative sleep. Read and Review. Tell me what you think? Love it? Hate it? Think I should have never touch a keyboard again? Tell me, please :)
Cali pulled out her phone sending Elijah a text, telling him to aid Kat in closing down for the night, with all the extra customers some Original muscle would be appreciated.
Tucking in the puppy in a makeshift bed on her desk, Kat strolled out of the office, running smack into Elijah.
"Cali texted. . . she said you may need some extra crowd control because of my impulsive brother." he said offering Kat a hand to steady herself.
"That would be, appreciated. There's more than twice the amount that we predicted here and we close in an hour. And Cal and Kiran left to take care of the kittens Klaus rescued so I'm on my own for closeout, plus restocking and the books." Kat replied, brushing hair out of her eyes as they strode out into the melee.
"Then where will I best be suited?"
"Bar. For now, I'll manage the stage." Kat said striking a path through the crowd towards the stage. "Where the fuck are you Marcel, I needed you hours ago!" she called once there.
"Working in the back with the liquor orders! As per Accalia's request." he said in the middle of the frenzy.
"Oh, well keep doing that. Eli let him know what we're running low on at the bar. Now I need a DJ while I check on the girls and boys." Kat's voice trailed off to a murmur.
"I'll step in as DJ, Pixie. If that's alright with you?" Damon said as he walked up behind her.
"Thank you. You're a lifesaver. All you need to do is keep the music rolling til 2, and then give out the Last Call announcement. Everyone needs to be out of here by 2:45 so I can start on the books."
"Sounds simple enough, now go, before you have a brain aneurysm or a stroke." Damon chuckled, shooing Kat into the back.
Thanks to the hardworking boys, the night finished without a hitch. Settling back into her office chair with the puppy on her lap, Kat finished off marking the nights profits. Running a hand over his fur she watched as the magic flow over him, cleaning his matted coat until a little Husky was revealed.
"Oh you poor little baby, who could be so monstrous as to toss you aside? So innocent and new to this world." Kat cooed as she looked down into his eyes, with one blue and one red and a white coat he was a sight to behold. "I'm going to call you Felan, my little wolf pup."
"He's so white Ghost may be a better name." Damon said as he lounged against the back wall.
"This little guy isn't a direwolf from Game of Thrones Damon, but hey that's not such a bad idea. Ghost it is." Kat replied ruffling the puppy's coat as he snuggled deeper into her arms.
"You watch the show?"
"Well yes, but I was referring to the books firstly."
"Oh, well I was too. I've read them." Damon said his shoulders shrugging slightly.
"Really? I find that hard to believe." Kat chuckled as she picked Ghost up and headed out the door with Damon.
Cali and Kiran were walking up and down the aisles of the local pet store, filling their cart with everything the little kittens could need. The two girls were trying decide between collar colors when a pale hand reached between them grabbing a dark red collar.
"Well this is the perfect for your cat if you want him to be a murder," Cali turned to see that the mysterious arm belonged to Klaus. "Oh well then its perfect for you. A murders pet deserves a blood red collar."
"You know Accalia you really shouldn't be so rude to someone who sent you so much business this evening. Also the person who will be financing your little kittens life. Also I have dibs on the little girl. You two can have the boys." Klaus said tossing the collar into the cart.
"Um what makes you think the little girl wants you? If you are keeping her, you get to help take care of them. None of this hiring people or compelling people to do your work for you. Do you get it? If you do any of that other stuff I will be kitten napping that little girl, without any remorse." Cali was trying her best to intimidate Klaus into changing his mind.
"That's fine, just understand that when I have to pick up the slack of you not taking care of your kitten I'll do the same." Klaus said as he moved behind the cart to push it so the girls could finish their shopping. Once the shopping had finished Klaus had wooshed into the night and left the girls to transport the supplies.
The car was packed full all sorts of bobbles for the four small creatures that had recently been welcomed into the Mikaelson family. Sunshine pulled out her phone to call Kat and ask her about needing help at Immortel.
"Hi darlin. How's it hanging? Do you need us to come in to help close up?" Kiran was spinning a small green collar around her other hand. "Well since you don't need us do you just want to met us at the compound with our little bundles of fuzz?" Kiran wrapped up the conversation and ended the call.
"So to the compound?" Cali said looking over at Kiran.
"Yeah Kat said she's going to meet us there with the babies, Elijah, and that guy from last night."
"Kiran you know you don't have to spend all your time with us you can go out and meet people. I don't know what you did for fun before moving here, but working at a brothel and trying to help balance a political struggle between supernatural forces were most likely not what your nights consist of." Cali spoke as she mindlessly wove through the dark streets.
"After knowing what is out there I feel much safer being with you guys rather than out there on my own. Plus I needed a change of pace. The joys that is living in the same town for your entire life and never being able to going anywhere without running into someone you know." Kiran said looking out the car window.
Pulling up to the gates of the compound, Cali rolled down her window and reached out to punch in the code, 0666, into the pin pad. The gate swung open and the girls pulled into the long looping driveway. Pulling up next to Kat's car, Cali parked and turned off her car.
Walking up to the door there was a bright sapphire sticky note to greet the two. Scribbled in Kat's handwriting it said, "In the bathroom of Klaus' room. Be quiet." With a knowing look shared the girls lifted their bags and walked through the wooden door.
"Why do we have to go to Klaus' room? I feel like its gonna be like the 'honeymoon' suite at some pervy motel, just bigger. I want to grab a hazmat suit and some lysol wipes." Kiran was following behind Cali.
"It shouldn't be that bad, just remember don't touch anything that could be covered in questionable liquids. Also I wouldn't recommend looking into any of the drawers, who knows what he'll have in there." Cali said as she pushed to door open and walked into the large master suite.
"Finally it took you guys forever to get here. I had to pin them up in the bathroom." Kat said as she stuck her head out the bathroom door. The lower half of the door frame had been blocked off with a large folding table.
"Here I'll lift you over," sickeningly close Klaus placed his hands on Cali's waist.
"I'm good thanks." Cali brushed off his hand and hitched her leg over the table separating herself from the original vampire.
Sunshine followed Cali's lead, "You know Klaus if you wanna help you can pass us the stuff in the bags." Kiran turned to face the dejected Klaus.
Klaus began to pass Sunshine the contents of the bag while commenting on how spoiled the animals were going to be once the vet had given them all their shots. Once everything had been unpacked the girls decided it was about time to wash the remaining grime off of the kittens. Kat started to run a bath, constantly checking the temperature and once the water was half way up her calf she shut the water off.
Turning the to others, "Okay, Klaus are you expecting one of us to wash your kitten for you?"
Klaus joined the three girls in the bathroom and tried to get his kitten from her hiding place underneath the sink. Grabbing her by her scruff Klaus picked up the little girl bring her in close to him snuggling his face into her tiny belly.
"You look like you are trying to eat her." Damon's piercing blue eyes looked into the bathroom where the girls had changed into shorts so they could partially be in the water with the animals.
"You get to help too, get you ass in here" Cali said as she began lowering her little boy into the water slowly. "Its okay Grimmur, this will be over really soon. I promise." Cali cooed over the helpless meows escaping the now wet ball of fuzz.
"Grimmur? Really Cali?" Kat said as she had Ghost by his collar as he sat in the water.
"It means fierce in Icelandic, and my little boy is gonna be fierce and take crap from nobody." Cali said massaging the shampoo into Grimmur.
"I like it," Sunshine said as she reached for the shampoo. "I don't know what to call this little guy."
"Well just wait and see." Kat said picking up Ghost and setting him in the tub. Ghost started to lap at the water. "No silly boy you don't drink this water." Kat picked up the pup laughing at the derp face.
A shrill scream pulled Kat's attention away from Ghost. The scream had come from Sunshine who was trying to manage a squirming kitten. Finally releasing the kitten on the floor, the little guy began to frantically try to get the shampoo Sunshine had squeezed out on to his back off.
"And the name for this little fella is Tweak. Decision made." Sunshine said in a fit of laughter.
"What did you even do to him?" Damon said from his perch on the chair at the vanity in the bathroom.
"I just put some shampoo on him and apparently he doesn't care for that." Sunshine said from the corner of the room where Tweak had taken refuge in a pile of towels.
"Ew, Tweak those are dirty towels. Now you have Klaus's ball germs on you. Now you really need a bath." Cali laughed as Sunshine jerked away from the towels.
"Well since you aren't taking up the space in the bath I think its time Night Stalker, gets her first bath." Klaus said getting up from where he was sitting with his little girl.
"The hell are you calling that little girl?" Kat said rinsing the shampoo out of Ghost's fur with the detachable showerhead.
"Her name is Night Stalker. She is vicious and stalks her prey like a good little hunter like her daddy." Klaus held her up to his face and in a moment of "aww" Night put her front paws on Klaus's nose.
"I swear to god Klaus that kitten hurts Grim I will shank you with a white oak stake." Cali said pouring some water on Grim's back.
"Night is harmless." No sooner had to words left Klaus' mouth than Night's claws dug into his calf.
"I don't think she likes the water." Sunshine said still trying to coax Tweak out of the towels.
"Well she needs to get over it." Klaus said gripping her scruff in an attempt to calm her down.
"That's not helping Klaus. If only she was like Grim he loves the water. Don't you my sweet boy." Cali had finished washing Grim and was rubbing him dry in a towel.
"Well, she needs to figure this out because this will not work." Klaus was wrestling with Night trying to get her completely dunked in the water so he could shampoo her fur.
"Ah the original vampire has met his match in the form of a 4 oz kitten. It's so pathetic it's almost tragic really, an Original Hybrid can't even control a kitten." Damon smirked, up until Ghost lept from Kat's arms in the bathtub and onto his lap, soapy water puddling all over his Italian leather shoes.
"Ah poor Damon who gets defeated by a sopping wet puppy, who's pathetic now?" Klaus jeered as he finally submerged Night.
"Both of you, shush. Ghost, here." Kat snapped, as Ghost scooted off Damon's lap and back towards her.
Now that all the critters had been washed and were fast asleep in the bathroom. The bathroom being their makeshift room until they were cleared by the vet, who was coming in the morning. The new owners climbed over the partition and wandered downstairs to the kitchen.
"Kat you should make us food," Cali said as she opened the fridge and pulled out a juice box for herself.
"Accalia, you are an adult why are you drinking a juice box? Why are those even in the fridge, I know Hayley is pregnant but the baby won't be born for awhile. Even then I doubt she will be drinking that sugary nonsense until she is much older." Klaus said as he poured himself a glass of scotch.
"Niklaus Mikaelson, I'm twenty one years old I can do whatever and whoever I damn well please. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my juice box are going upstairs and going to bed." Cali strommed out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room.
"What crawled up her ass?" Damon asked after watching the exchange.
"I think she's hungry and tired. If her blood sugar gets too low she snaps like that." Kat said as she was sliding on to the stool next to Sunshine.
"Makes sense. Now Klaus pour me a drink." Sunshine said changing the topic.
The four eventually all had drinks and were sitting around talking about nothing in particular until the sun had begun to raise into the sky.
"Time for this human to get some sleep." Kat pushed herself away from the table where the four had been sitting.
"Yeah same here," Sunshine got up too.
The two vampires sat there staring at each other for a moment. Finally Klaus broke the silence by clearing his throat and shifting in his seat.
"You know if you keep thinking that hard I think your brain may implode." Damon remarked as he finished his glass of scotch.
"I know that it isn't not really my place to say anything considering Katerina can take care of herself and-"
"Will kill you if she knew you were saying this to me, or would find some way to murder you or at least make you suffer." Damon said interrupting Klaus.
"That being said, I will kill you if you hurt her. Not even right away, I would wait for a bit to make you suffer your impending death. I will stick stakes through your little eyeballs then tear your heart out. Okay?" Klaus smiled at Damon like he had just been given wonderful news.
"That's fine, but I hope you know that you won't get the chance. She will kill me before you even find out that you need to kill me." Damon said as he stood up and threw the rest of the scotch into the sink and started to head upstairs.
"Oh she wouldn't kill you, she would just wait for you to piss someone else off and they'd do it for her." Kat hissed as she leaned over the railing, her glare burning through the two men like a wildfire.
"Oh shit she heard us. Run!" Klaus chuckled.
"Go to bed you two idiots." She muttered as she headed back to her room.
The next day came and went, the new additions to the world's most fucked up family passing their health inspection with flying colors. And so their training began, starting with Klaus trying to teach Night how to attack people and failing miserably. While Kat simultaneously taught Ghost attack commands in Latin so as not to be confused with Klaus.
Grim and Tweak became best friends in crime using stealth tactics to terrorize the villagers. Tweak having become adopted by Elijah as Kiran couldn't handle his spastic ways. The lighthearted mood followed the little ones around and coated the compound in hilarity not seen in a long time. Until one day when Klaus's antics with Night got away from him.
Scampering around the open corridor Night followed by Klaus was clawing his way through most of the vampires, until he finally stopped. Pausing for a second the kitten tilted it's head and looked up at a newcomer. Then she lunged upward, digging her claws into the man's flesh, rivulets of blood trickling out of the holes in his pants pooled along her head as she kept climbing.
"Get the fuck off of me, you stupid cat!" He yelled, reaching down to yank Night off only to meet Klaus's face.
"Stefan. Touch my kitten, and you die. Welcome to New Orleans!" Klaus said as he pulled Night away smiling broadly at none other than Stefan Salvatore, Damon's younger brother.
"Brother!" Damon called out from his perch next to Kat, quickly flitting over to Stefan's side. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I broke it off with Elena, I just couldn't deal with the fact she may still have feelings for you." Stefan replied, leaning in to hug Damon.
"Yeah I'm going to call bullshit on that blatantly pathetic lie." Kat said as she sauntered towards the brothers.
"What the hell do you know about it little girl?" Stefan snapped.
"Well let's see... Quite a bit considering that I've met both Elena and Damon, and don't call me a little girl. Dick." Kat said tossing her hair over her shoulder as Damon snickered at his brother.
"I wouldn't make her angry brother she's a very powerful witch. Why did you come here though?" Damon chuckled.
"I'd rather not talk about it out here, among strangers."
"Oh come on Stefan we're all friends here." Damon smirked as Klaus added"Saying that means it's good gossip, Cali get me popcorn!"
"Get your own Klaus, I want to hear this!" Cali shot back as everyone herded inside the building towards the kitchen.
Scotch and bourbon was passed around as Stefan began his pathetic tale of woe and misconstrued actions.
"The next thing I knew it was morning and Bonnie and I woke up in my bed naked." Stefan had finished his account of why he really left Mystic Falls to those who were in the compound.
"Time out let me get this straight you slept with the anchor? You slept with someone who was more dead than a vamp?" Sunshine laughed as she sat on the arm of the chair that Rebekah was sitting in.
"Oh sweetie, the anchor is the least exciting of his conquests. Hell who knows who he slept with when he went all ripper those few times. By few I mean every couple decades." Bex got up to refill her glass. "What are you on Steffy, 5 or 6 times falling off the wagon."
Stefans canines elongated and the veins under his eyes darkened, "You know Bex that you really shouldn't piss off someone who still owns a white oak stake."
" Please brother, you are harmless. The only people in danger are the human pets." Damon said laughing at his brothers antics.
"Yeah I know. There is too many heartbeats in this room. I need to do hunting soon otherwise we may lose a human." Stefan said as he anxiously ran his hands over the tops of his thighs.
"Um I'm gonna leave. I have something to do at Immortel," Kiran got up and took the path out that kept her as far away from Stefan as possible.
"The hell is she talking about? I thought we were closed tonight?" Cali turned to look at Kat who was sharing the love seat with Damon.
"We are. She is just afraid that Stefan will eat her," Klaus said as he mindlessly petting Night.
"Why on earth would you sleep with Bonnie? Sure if she was still a powerful witch you could rationalize it, but she was just there. Oh my god! Oh my god!" Kat got up and went sprinting up the stairs to her room.
"Where is she going?" Stefan asked looking at Cali who was on her phone ignoring the vast majority of what was happening.
"I don't know. Probably to get one of her little spell books," as the last word had left her mouth Cali's phone was sent flying across the room only to hit Ghost where he was sleeping.
"Little Witch! Word of advice, be careful to make sure your spell is powerful enough so you are not assaulting your dog." Klaus shouted, looking upwards where the floor of Kat's room would be.
"Thanks mutt." Kat shouted back being sure to dropped something loudly on the floor.
Cali got on to all fours and half crawled and dragged herself over to where her phone was using Ghost as a pillow.
"What I was doing was grabbing this book I was looking at last night. There's a spell in here to make people remember things they can't. I figured I would try it on Stefan to see if there was a reason he slept with Bonnie or if he's a whore." Kat said walking into the living room, taking a seat on the floor next to Cali's sprawled out legs.
"I'm good, I'd rather not remember," Stefan held up his hands as the shield himself from Kat.
"Too bad, now shut up I need to focus to get this right." Kat began reading the incantation. An aura of power opened out of Kat's hands and swam across the room and up into Stefan's body.
Before Kat had finished the spell Grim came running into the living room, dead mouse in his mouth. Cali screamed, breaking Kat's focus.
"Goddamnit! Cali! All I needed was another few seconds and it would have worked, but now nothing. Who knows how much of this worked on him." Kat said walking over to where Stefan was to assess the damage.
Stefan backed away from Kat's small hands that moved with purpose pulling at the vampires face to ensure he was okay.
"Well, am I dying?" Stefan asked gingerly moving his joints out of fear of pain.
"Yeah you'll be fine you big baby," Kat said rejoining Damon on the loveseat.
"You think this is him being a baby, you should have known him back in the 1850's. All he would do is cry because I took something from him or I was being mean. Henrietta had her hands full with you." Damon said handing his glass to Kat.
Cali giggled drawing attention away from the conversation at hand. Shaking her head Cali quickly typed out a message for whomever she was talking to. After pressing send she looked up to five sets of eyes staring at her.
"What?" Cali said scooting closer into Ghost away from the stares.
"Who the hell are you talking to you, that is making you giggle?" Rebekah said with a quizzical look.
"This guy I met one night at a bar, he wants me to come out tonight. I told him I was busy dealing with Mikaelson nonsense. He said to fuck you all and it made me laugh 'cause I have. Well except Klaus, but he really isn't a Mikaelson so its a technicality." Cali said then returned her attention to her phone.
"Tell him you will meet him at Rousseau's. I think we could all use a drink right now." Klaus said standing up.
"Um we are not crashing Cali's date. The last time I went out with her when she was meeting someone, her ass ended up in jail. I am not interested in getting to know the New Orleans police department any more than I already do." Kat said.
"Come on Kat, we can just compel them to let Cali go." Damon smirked as he held out his hand to help Kat up.
"You guys are not coming. Hell no. I don't need you 7 of you tagging along. I'm a big girl, I can go on a date alone. Unless this compound is turning into a cult in which case, I'll pass on the kool-aid."
"You think you are so clever Cali. No we aren't a cult, but I think we could all do with a night out. Plus we need to celebrate Stefan being here." Klaus said pulling her phone out of her hand, sending a quick text to the guy.
"Fine we'll just accidentally show up at the same bar you are at." Damon said with a look of defiance.
The argument was settled against Cali's wishes everyone was going to the bar. Half an hour later following four outfit changes by Klaus, two hair emergencies by Stefan, and Damon getting his neck snapped by Rebekah, the group piled into their respective cars and followed Cali to Rousseau's. Only to have to run back to the compound because Elijah forgot his tie, letting Cali arrive before them.
As Cali settled into her seat at the bar and ordered her usual midori sour she surveyed the prospects, looking for her date. They had met there a few days back and hit it off after he paid for her tab, and made a Harry Potter reference regarding Slytherin kindness. His name was Julian and worked as an engineer. Cami brought Cali her drink as she searched the bar for him, making a brief comment about Marcel, trying to draw her in but something at the doors had caught her attention.
Enter Klaus who had dressed up for this date stalking, wearing a dark blue suit with a white shirt underneath, his slightly messy hair hidden under the fedora he snatched off a patron's head as he walked by. His change of clothes had Cali gasping slightly, until the light brush of a hand on her arm drew her attention to her date Julian.
"Well she looked happy to see you." Kat snicked at Klaus as they all settled into a table at the back of the restaurant, giving them a good view of Cali and her new boytoy.
"Shut up Katerina." Klaus snapped as he twisted his fedora slightly, staring over at the bar. "So what's the story on this guy?"
"I don't know. Let's find out, I'll go get drinks." Rebekah said as she got up and headed towards the couple.
"Oh this should be good." Kat said as she scooted closer to Damon as he turned in his chair to put an arm around her shoulders. "Someone should have brought popcorn."
"I thought about it, but we took so long in getting here anyways, I thought Stefan was never going to get his hair right." Damon chuckled.
"Sorry that I care about what I look like when I am first going out in a new town." Stefan said taking the only seat with its back to Cali and Julian.
Julian was your stereotypical looking grad student, mildly attractive, maybe a little shorter than the average male which meant definitely shorter than Klaus which had him preening like a peacock.
"Well for all the hype about this man being so strong and authoritative I thought he would be taller." Klaus snickered, earning a fist bump from Stefan.
"Yeah he's a bit on the shorter side isn't he, and that coat is just too small for him. Poor kid, he hasn't learned to shop in the grown up section of the store yet." Damon added.
"Will you guys shut up, I'm trying to work a spell here." Kat hissed her grimoire out as she flipped through the pages.
"Oh yes, what delightful spell shall you cast now dear cousin? Perhaps a charm to make his obviously dyed blonde hair fall out?" Klaus said, his eyes gleaming as he leaned towards Kat.
"And ruin another one of Cali's dates? Hardly, I learned my lesson a long time ago about that, no I'm trying to find out more about him and see if he has any secrets we should know about."
"You mean like that spell you tried to cast on me that failed so miserably?" Stefan said.
"Ah no, and that spell wasn't a complete failure anyways, was it mister I used to write poetry about my hair?" Kat snickered.
"For the last time that was just a slip of the tongue nothing more!"
"Right… Keep telling yourself that brother, I've seen the evidence." Damon smirked.
"Okay, be quiet, or at least don't talk as much." Kat whispered as ran a hand over the grimoire, letting the magic race through her and dance along the words. "Revelet deus absconsa tua."
"Did it work?" Elijah muttered, turning away from his conversation with Rebekah.
"I think so, someone tell me what they're saying." Kat muttered.
"I'll play Cali." Klaus said, sweeping his arms out in a dramatic pose.
"And I will be the tool sitting across from her." Damon replied, giving Kat a slight wink.
"Oh this should be good." Rebekah said as she reclined back.
"Way better than cable." Kat agreed.
Unaware of the shenanigans going on behind her back, Cali was finally starting to get into her date. Tossing her hair over her shoulder for the third time in five minutes she finished of her second midori sour.
"I'm so sorry about the band of misfits tagging along. They don't really understand the whole idea of personal boundaries. You have no idea what it is like to live in the same as house as them. Just last week Klaus walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth while I was in the shower." Cali signaled to the bartender for her next drink.
"He's your brother, right?" Julian said taking a sip of his sex on the beach.
"Umm, no. We are business partners and friends. I don't actually know. Sometimes he acts like we are murder bffl's and other days he treats me like I'm one of the whores that work at Immortel. Who knows what goes on in that head of his. Once at a party I could have sworn by the way he was acting that he wanted me but who the hell knows. I doubt it though he has a baby mama at the house. I think that was a drunken hook up. Enough about them tell me about you." Cali said shaking the thoughts from her head and placing her hand on Julians thigh.
Across the room, Klaus and Damon began their performance.
"Oh I wish my dearest friends could join me up here, I do miss them oh so very much. Why just the other day Klaus thoughtfully joined me in the bathroom while I was in the shower." Klaus said.
"I hope he's your brother and that was platonic, otherwise wow you're kind of a whore, like Cersei." Damon replied, pantomiming a sip with his pinky out. "I do so love my fruity pink drink, it accentuates my masculinity."
"No, that would be incest. Ah ha ha ha." Klaus chirped in a high pitch laugh. "We're just business partners and future lovers. Oh and don't forget murder bffl's! He's so smart and gallant, once at a party he gave me great life advice about how I'm better than pathetic mortals like you. And he's even kind enough to house his brother's girlfriend, who's going through a difficult pregnancy right now with his child that he was so gracious in gifting her. Now, tell me about your sad lonely life."
"I thought I was her murder bffl." Rebekah pouted as they turned all turned back to the original conversation.
"Well I'm an engineer, but you know that. Secretly though I've always wanted to be a male cheerleader, I love the feel of spandex on my skin." Julian replied to her question.
"Oh that's nice, I used to be a cheerleader." Cali responded, motioning for another drink at Cami.
"Yeah, but my father thought it was too queer. I guess it was his desire to hide his latent homosexual tendencies, but I'm perfectly comfortable with my metrosexual lifestyle. Oh I love your toes, they're so suckable."
"That's gross, so what drew you to New Orleans, you told me you were originally from Ohio."
"Oh I love the culture, the food itself is to die for. Like I would literally kill someone for some gumbo, I mean it, someone would die."
"Well murder is always interesting."
"Oh yes, wait I mean no. I just find it fun to jack off to those reality crime shows like Snapped."
"I like that show… I guess I could see the appeal."
"Oh yeah, it's almost as good as Hoarders, man that show gets me going. Just like your toes, god they're mouthwatering."
"Okay, this is getting way too personal and weird, why the fuck are you telling me these things?"
"You told me to talk about myself, which I love doing by the way. God I'm so awesome."
"Egomaniac, oh that's not very attractive ."
"I am so attractive, my six pack is just perfectly sculpted, although I guess I could do a bit more manscaping, it gets a bit tangled down there."
"Seriously, stop. This is way too, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckitty fuck fuck!" Cali screamed.
Back at the table, Klaus and Damon began to really get into their roles.
"I'm an engineer. Wait seriously, that's just a lame job. But I really wish I could be a male cheerleader, I… just… love the feeling… of spandex… Ha ha ha… on my skin." Damon choked out, laughter racking his body.
"Oh, I was a cheerleader once, I still have my uniform." Klaus said, twirling his hair as he winked at Damon.
"My father is gay, and I most likely will be later on in life, or a drag queen. Oh I love your toes, oh my, they're oh so suckable… this man has many many issues." Damon paused trying to compose himself. "No, I can't Kat this spell is just so fantastic."
"Toe fetish, no thank you. But uh anyways, what brings you here, to me?" Klaus replied running a hand over Damon's arm.
"The food, it's killworthy. Murder, it's just the best way to get gumbo."
"Murder is wonderful, it's part of the reason I am just so attracted to Klaus, he makes it so incredibly sexy."
"Yeah murder is just great, it really gets my motor going, I mean that show Snapped, Oh yeah."
"I love Snapped, its so fascinating."
"But what really turns me on is watching Hoarders, the way people pack their junk into those tiny little houses, oh so tight. And your toes, I just want to eat them up."
"Something seriously f-ed up is going on but I'm too vapid to figure it out."
"Well I'm talking about me, like you said to. And I am perfect, absolutely and totally in all senses of the word."
"I love a man with a BIG ego."
"I'm so hot, my abs are just like Adonis, though apparently my junk is all sorts of nasty."
"OH fuck, I think I just came."
"Wow, I didn't know that I came, thanks for clearing that up for me. It's really good to know that these sorts of things happened to me." Cali hissed as she stood behind Klaus her hands on her hips. "Katerina my darling best friend, end the spell before I end you."
"Okay, but you have to admit, the spell saved a lot of time in deciding on whether or not you were gonna fuck him." Kat said, as she opened the grimoire. "Finis."
"I will admit nothing, now can you freaks please leave, I have a date to ditch." Cali said as she turned away haughtily and stalked back to the bar.
"Well that was entertaining, though not as much as watching videos of me have sex with Lexie." Stefan said.
"I knew it! I knew you two had sex!" Damon yelled as they all began to file out of Rousseau's leaving money scattered across the table.