Riding In Cars With Boys
Chapter 3 - Fate
Jacob's POV
"You sure you want to walk? I have no problem giving you a ride; it's a long way," I said warily to Nessie at the front door.
She smiled as she pulled her long hair up into a pony tail. "It's beautiful outside Jacob, and I've walked farther. I'll be fine."
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Alright, well, text me when you get there?"
"Absolutely," she leaned in to hug me and I returned it with a peck on the cheek.
She did the same and then turned and walked down the two stairs. "Get some rest Jacob, you look like hell."
"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically.
She smiled as she started walking backwards. She waved to me at the bottom of my driveway and then turned around and continued walking.
I closed the door and leaned against it for a second before pushing off of it and walking back to my bedroom. I paused outside my door and instead turned into my sisters'. I pushed the door open and saw everything in it's place despite it's inhabitant last night. I shook my head and closed the door, kicking mine open and sprawling out across my bed.
I let my eyes close and in seconds I was pulled into darkness.
!#$#!
The front door slammed, pulling me out of a deep, peaceful, dreamless sleep. I rolled my head to the side and saw that the clock said 12:45. I had been asleep for nearly three hours.
I sat up and yawned, pulling my fingers through my hair. I could faintly hear my father's wheelchair rolling across the kitchen floor's linoleum, and an extra pair of boots walking around. I guessed that it was probably Chief Swan. They moved across the kitchen and back into the front hallway.
"You sure you don't want to stay and eat, Charlie?" my dad asked in his gravelly voice.
Charlie chuckled. "No, I have to get home, you know? But thanks Billy, this was fun, we should do it again."
"Yeah, next weekend sounds good," my dad said jokingly, as they went fishing every weekend.
The front door was pulled open. "I'll check my calendar. Hey, tell Jake I said 'hey' will ya?"
"Sure thing Charlie. That is, if I ever see the kid," he muttered.
"Another late night?" he asked, no longer Charlie, but Chief Swan.
"Yeah, I don't know what's going on with him lately," he sighed and I grimaced.
"Don't worry Billy. If it was anything bad, I'd know and so would you," he said and I heard a pat.
The screen door opened and then Charlie walked down the few little steps to the cruiser, and then started it and pulled away.
I waited until my dad rolled back into the kitchen before I opened the door a crack and peeked down the hallway. When I didn't see him, I sprinted on my tiptoes to the bathroom.
When I finished, I did the same, opening the door a crack and peeking down the hallway. I tried to avoid the area of floor outside my room that creaked, and failed.
I froze and listened as my dad rolled back across the kitchen.
"Jake? Can I talk to you?" Not a question, a demand.
I cursed under my breath and trudged into the kitchen.
I paused at the entrance to the kitchen. My dad sat at the opposite end of our small kitchen table, a sandwich in his massive hands.
"Sit," was all he said, not looking up at me.
"I'll stand," I mumbled.
"Sit down. Now."
I muttered profanities as I pulled the chair out, scraping it against the floor and sat down hard.
He stared me down while I stared at the floor, unable to meet his eyes without saying something that would get me into deep shit.
"So," he began.
"So?" I wondered.
"Cut the shit Jacob. Where were you last night?"
"I had to give a friend a ride home," I muttered.
"At two in the morning?" he demanded.
"Yeah."
"Bullshit," he said calmly.
I met his eyes and he stared me down.
"A friend called me. They were messed up and they couldn't go home, so I picked them up and dropped them at a friend's house," I half-lied.
He raised an eyebrow. "Which friend?"
"Can't say."
"Then how do I know you aren't lying to me?" he roared.
I sat without saying a word. He watched me carefully but I gave nothing away.
He shook his head after a minute and I shoved away from the table. He didn't call after me as I turned for my bedroom, but a knock on the front door had me backtracking.
I opened the door to find Embry and Quil in basketball uniforms.
"What's up, Jake? You coming to the game or not?" Embry asked.
"We don't have a game today. What is today? What time is it?" I asked, glancing around and trying to find a clock.
"It's Saturday and it's about quarter after one. We have to be there in fifteen minutes," Embry said hurriedly.
"Shit," I muttered, running back to my room and grabbing my duffel bag. I grabbed my keys from the kitchen table without a word from my father and slammed the door shut behind me.
I jammed the key into the ignition and my car roared to life. I put it in drive and pulled out sharply, the tires squealing.
No one said anything until we got to the school, but Quil sat in the back, psyching himself for the game the entire time. Embry threw me glances but said nothing.
"What's up with you man?" he wondered as we made our way to the locker room.
"Nothing, guess I'm just a little out of it today," I said defensively.
"Well you better get your head in the game!" Quil said, bouncing from foot to foot.
"Yeah, go team," I enthused weakly as we walked in.
Renesmee's POV
It was a beautiful day other than the thick Miami air making my lungs work harder to inhale and exhale. The light breeze ruffled my tied back hair and I squinted my eyes against the bright sun overhead.
It really wasn't that far from Jacob's house to Tyler's, but I sort of wished that I had taken the ride from Jake. I liked being with him and I knew that he didn't like what I did, but he never showed it. But, anyway, the walk gave me time to think about what I was going to say to my parents. And my little sister. Guilt washed over me when I thought about her.
Tyler's house came into view much sooner than I had expected, and I saw him still laying in the grass, looking up at the sky. I vaguely remembered last night, but it was mostly time with Jacob that I remembered because my mind was a little clearer then.
Tyler watched me walk up the grass and sit Indian-style next to him. His eyes were bloodshot, stubble lining his jaw and making him look much older. He threw me a lazy smile and I returned it with a soft one.
I helped him stumble his way inside. The house was layered with a thick fog, leftovers from last night. Lighters laid on the coffee table, and cans of beer on the floor, and other various types of alcohol scattered around the room. I somewhat remembered other people stopping by and being with us, but my mind was too hazy to know clearly.
Tyler left my side with a grumbled, "I gotta take a piss."
I rolled my eyes and walked into his bedroom to grab some of my spare clothes to change into. I found a pair of capri's, and a striped purple and gray spaghetti strap tank top. I left my hair up and tied on my purple Converse. It was strange how I practically lived at Tyler's house - everything that I needed was here - but I refused to sleep here regardless of how fucked up I was.
He walked out of the bathroom, the stubble gone and his eyes a little less red. He sat down on the couch and looked around for a minute before leaning his head back against the back of the of the couch.
I walked gently over to him and sat down, resting my head on his chest, feeling the rise and fall as he breathed. He draped his arm across my back, holding me closer, and brought his other hand to my face, lifting it to give me a gentle kiss. I kissed him for a minute before pulling away, feeling his hands start to wander.
"Ty," I said evenly.
He grinned and leaned his head back again. "Oh, come on. It's been two years and the closest I've gotten is this," he said, tracing lines on my stomach under my shirt.
"It's the closest you're ever going to get. You know how I feel about that," I murmured.
He chuckled. "We'll see."
"Don't you have to work or something?" I asked, annoyed.
His face fell. "Shit, what time is it?"
"It's about eleven."
"Damn," he muttered and pushed off of the couch.
He muttered to himself as he walked into his bedroom. I stayed on the couch, playing with my fingers in my lap, thinking about my relationship with Tyler. It wasn't really something that another person would call a 'relationship'; it was really just me, using him.
It wasn't like Tyler never used me for anything, it was just never exactly what he wanted. He came out of his bedroom wearing his work uniform, pulling me out of my somewhat guilty thoughts.
He patted his pockets, his brow furrowed, then walked into the kitchen and back to me.
"Babe, can you give me a ride to work?" he asked, still looking around.
"Sure, but what's wrong with your car?" I wondered.
"I forgot to put more gas in it. Damn it, where the hell did I put my nametag?" he muttered.
I rolled my eyes and walked over to the shelf by the front door where he kept his keys, wallet, and nametag. I picked it up and held it in my open palm. He smiled and took it, placing a small kiss on my cheek.
"Thanks babe," he said, pinning it to his shirt.
"Mhm," I murmured as he opened the front door for me.
The thing about Tyler is that he can be very sweet - when he wants to be. Majority of the time, though, he's an asshole. When he's just coming off of a high he's the sweetest guy to be with, but when he's under the influence of anything, or if he's gone too long without it, things can get a little…rough sometimes.
I hit the unlock button for my blue Mazda 3 and we both slid into the front seats. As soon as I started the car, Tyler was fiddling with the radio, trying to find a station that he liked. He settled on some rap station where every other word was bleeped out.
"Do you need me to pick you up?" I asked him.
"Nah, I'm sure I can get a ride home with Evan or something," he said while pulling a cigarette and a lighter out of his back pocket.
I grabbed it from his mouth and threw it out the window.
"Hey!"
"No smoking in my car, you know that. It's a disgusting habit."
"Bitch," he said under his breath.
We didn't say anything more on the way there. He turned up the volume to tune me out.
!#$#!
I pulled into the parking lot to the dollar store where Tyler worked and he had the door open before I had even stopped. I sighed and parked, climbing out of the driver's seat.
He ignored me and started towards the door.
"Tyler, wait," I called.
He stopped, his hands balling into fists and turned slowly. "What?"
"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to upset you, but if my parents smelled the smoke in my car or on me, I'd be in a lot of trouble. And if that happened, I probably wouldn't be able to see you," I said, reaching out to take his hand.
He didn't pull away and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Instead, he pulled me closer to him, wrapping his massive arms around my neck and bringing my face into his chiseled chest. He kissed the top of my head and then pulled back to kiss my lips.
"I'm sorry, too, Ness. I don't really think when I'm around you. But I have to go now, or I'm going to be late. I love you," he said, kissed me again, and then turned and walked away without giving me a chance to say anything more.
I stood there for a minute, trying to clear my mind. It wasn't the first time that Tyler had said that, but it was the first time I wasn't high to actually hear it and grasp the weight that it carried.
"Oh, crap," I whimpered.
I dragged my feet as I walked back to my car. I climbed back in and put a mix CD on. I didn't pay much attention to the music or where I was going, really. My mind was too busy thinking about what I had to do now.
I drove around until my gas meter was low. I stopped and filled up, leaning against the side of my car, while the fumes grew stronger in the midday heat.
Now that I had a full tank of gas, there was only one place that I had to be, only one place that I would let myself go. The one place I wished I could forget altogether: home.
I drove much slower than was necessary, taking all of the side streets. I couldn't avoid it forever and I pulled slowly into my driveway. I remembered that I was supposed to text Jacob so I pulled out my phone.
Home, I told him.
I didn't have time to wait for his response, or to say anything more as my little sister, Anastasia, came running out the front door towards me. Her hair was long and as curly as ever, the same brown as my mother's, her eyes a striking green. She had the traits that I didn't. I stepped out of my car and opened my arms just as she jumped into them. She was so much bigger, five years old now, and I realized it had been nearly a month since I had seen her last.
"Nessie, I missed you!" she squealed and buried her face in my hair.
I struggled to say anything. I couldn't force the air up from my lungs, couldn't make my lips form the words.
"Missed you too," I finally managed, a strangled whisper.
"Mommy said that you wasn't going to come back, but I knew better. I know my sissy wouldn't never see me again," she murmured.
I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. I closed my car door and started up to the front door where my mother stood. She looked so much older. There was no emotion on her face and she gripped a small towel in her hands. She was trying not to cry. Fantastic. And the Daughter of the Year Award goes to….
!#$#!
It all seemed too formal. The way she said, "Would like to come in and sit down?" They way she smiled when I spoke, no matter what I said. The way she sat across from me at the kitchen table, unable to meet my eyes.
"Mom?" I whispered.
"What are you doing to us?" she demanded, whisper soft.
"I'm sorry," it's all I could say, all I'd been able to say since I saw her face.
She wiped away a tear that had fallen. "You need more money, don't you."
She got up and went to her purse. She didn't say it accusingly or anyway other than the way that she really meant it. I got up from the table and stopped her hands that were furiously counting out twenty dollar bills. She brought one hand to her lips, closing her eyes and breathing heavily.
"Oh Renesmee," she murmured, turning into me.
I gathered her in my arms, holding her as she sobbed silently. I let my own tears fall for a while.
She pulled away and laughed shortly. "Look at us."
I laughed with her as I wiped my tears. "Yeah."
She smiled, hiding any accusations she had. I had to clear up my reasons for coming home. I was tired of using them.
"Mom? I want to come home. And I want to stay," I told her.
"Honey, we never kicked you out," she said, pushing back a piece of my hair that had managed to free itself from my pony tail.
"I know that. I guess I sort of kicked myself out. But I really miss you and I want to come back," I told her honestly.
"Of course baby. You know that. You don't even have to ask," she murmured and gathered me back into her arms.
"Can I ask you a few questions, though?" she wondered.
I nodded cautiously.
"Where have you been?" she asked, exasperated.
I smiled. "Well, I've been staying at Tyler's. Sort-of. I stayed there during the day but then I would stay at another friend's house during the night. I just couldn't see being with Tyler for all that time."
"So you and him…?" she didn't finish.
I shook my head. "No. I mean, he says that he loves me, but I'm just not ready for anything like that. I just don't think that I love him that way, you know?"
She smiled at me proudly. "I do."
I smiled back at her and she pulled me over to the couch, sitting me down and taking both of my hands. We talked about everything that we had missed in each other's lives. I felt even worse when I remembered how close my mother and I had been; she was my best friend. And to make even that worse, she believed everything that I told her, her faith in me never faltering.
!#$#!
"Nessie, come play with me!" Ana called from her bedroom.
"Just a second," I called back.
I stood in the kitchen with my mom, helping her make dinner. We danced and talked and sang poorly to the music that flowed through the open space.
I walked back to her room and saw Barbie's strewn across her entire floor, a plastic war zone. She had a Ken and Barbie in her hands and they were in the middle of a very deep discussion.
"Nessie! Ken is not being very nice to Lizzy. Make him go away," she said as she threw the boy to the ground.
We used to play this game before. She would tell me to make the boy go away, when she really wanted him to beg the Barbie to let him come back. After fifteen minutes of pleading and Ken crying, Ana finally took him back.
I stood up and strolled back to the kitchen. The music was gone, and there was no sound, but whisper softness in the room.
"Mom?" I asked, rounding the corner.
My mom and dad stood in the middle of the kitchen, my mother's face cradled in my father's hands. He dropped her face and turned to me, a smile spreading across his face.
"There's my Nessie girl!" he sang.
He ran towards me and lifted me into his arms, my time away from him only seeming to make him stronger. I shrieked and held him tightly around the neck. He kissed me all over my face and just couldn't stop smiling. I smiled back at him and wondered why I had ever been so worried about coming home.
Ana came running in and wrapped her arms around his legs. "Daddy!" she squealed.
"Oh, oh no! I'm going to fall," he said playfully.
Ana shrieked and crawled away from him. He set me down with one final kiss on the cheek. He got down on his hands and knees and started to crawl after Ana.
"I'm gonna get you!" he called in a deep voice.
The only response was a small little giggle.
I turned back to my mother and threw her a questioning glance. She just smiled fondly and shrugged. She turned the music back on, and we continued to cook and sing and laugh. It seemed that we were both determined to overlook my absence, and it wasn't as hard of a task as we had thought.
!#$#!
I laid in my bed, looking around my room. Nothing had changed at all, not one thing out of place. I had a feeling that no one wanted to come in here if I wasn't there.
Everyone seemed content with the plan to forget that I was ever gone. And it was hard to justify to myself exactly why I had stayed away for so long.
Dinner was fun. I helped my mom cook like I used to and my dad did the grilling. Ana tried to be daddy's little helper, but of course my dad was paranoid with her around the grill.
He kept calling into the house, "Bella, are you sure there's nothing that Ana can help you with in there?"
Of course, my mother got upset that he had called her Ana instead of Anastasia. The same way she never called me Ness or Nessie and insisted that everyone else call me Renesmee.
"Edward, she'll be fine. Anastasia is a very good helper as long as you watch her."
"Isabella…," he started to whine and I saw her cringe.
She may insist that we be called my our given name, but she hated her own.
"Enough Eddie," she sang and I could imagine the face that he made.
I didn't expect, however, for him to march into the house and assault her with kisses.
"Edward, stop!" she giggled.
"What's my name?" he wondered.
"Edward," she smiled.
"That's right," he said and kissed her nose.
She rolled her eyes and smacked his chest playfully, her cheeks flushing.
I remembered the evening and couldn't help but smile. The one thing my family was good at was forgiveness. Jacob had never replied to my text message and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He probably thought I chickened out and crawled back to Tyler. I decided that maybe he needed a little phone call.
"Hello?" he asked groggily.
"Hey, did I wake you?" I wondered apologetically.
He paused. "Holy shit, you sound normal."
I rolled my eyes. "I don't just call you when I need something Jacob. Sometimes I just like to talk."
"Mm, that's interesting. Where are you anyway?"
"I told you before, I'm at home. You didn't think I left so soon did you? Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to leave this time," I murmured.
"That's what you said the last time," he muttered.
"It's different this time Jake, seeing Ana…. And everyone, they just want me to be happy and there's no reason why I can't be happy here," I said slowly.
There was silence on the other end. "What about Tyler? And everything that goes along with him for that matter. You're just going to give all of that up, just like that?"
"No, not give it up. Just cut back, a lot. It's not like I did it a lot before anyway. And as for Tyler, he's still there. The only reason I saw him before I 'moved in' was when I was using. It'll just go back to how it used to be."
He didn't say anything.
"And, as for you, I just want to say thank you. For not telling anyone and for putting up with me. I know I was pretty pathetic," my voice dropped to a whisper, "and there was something that I wanted to tell you."
"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly.
I took a deep breath. "I love you."
A/N: Chapter 3, long overdue. Hopefully chapter 4 won't take as long. Lot's of things to come my pretties…. Also, don't forget about Her Dreams Give Wings. Anyhoo, Tyler shall be back with a vengeance and of course Jacob is here to stay. The song for this chapter is Polygraph, Right Now! By The Spill Canvas. Good stuff :)
Well, I'm off - to bed, that is.
REVIEW!
Love ya, Kelly